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Continuing on Bi Question - 12/16/2004 11:14:49 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline 		Since this is in the general discussion, Bisexuality,
I wanted to ask of the Dommes/Mistresses here, and anyone else who wishes to participate:
If you are single, and are interested in a monogamous/heterosexual relationship(non-pro situation), would you date/play with a bisexual?
A lot of sub men's profiles say they are interested in forced-bi or cuckolding (not sure that'd be just watching, but I'd probably want all participants participating if I were to go that route); than when asked about weather they'd do another man, they say "only if that's what the mistress wants;" when I've continued chatting, it usually has lead to the saying they've done it (not necessarily in a forced situation)...
If you would date a bi, does anyone have insecurities about wheather he'd be happier with you(woman) or a man?
I admit I'm still a little uptight about dating a guy who is bisexual, and wanted to know others' experiences/feelings on the matter.
Thanks, Ms M
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Continuing on Bi Question - 12/17/2004 12:19:48 AM   
Myne4ever


Posts: 1
Joined: 12/16/2004
Status: offline 		For Me, taking on a known-bi could add a destabilising component to a relationship, especially if you wanted it to be long-term hetero/monogamous...
Myne

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Continuing on Bi Question - 12/17/2004 12:40:12 PM   
Solaise


Posts: 64
Joined: 11/29/2004
Status: offline
I don't have any problems or insecurities with it.I expect my sub/slave to be open and honest about his feelings - whether they relate to his bisexuality or anything else. People get too caught up in labels. Chances are, if he's advertising for a Mistress - particulary an LTR or 24/7 - he's made his preference known already. If you are worried or doubtful - ask him.


(in reply to Myne4ever)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Continuing on Bi Question - 12/17/2004 2:12:15 PM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline
If it makes you uncomfortable, do not do it.

My take on bisexual men is.. so what. If they wanted to be with a man they would. Just because they are sometimes turned on by a male doesn't mean they want to be with a male at all times. I've had very good experiences with any bi male I've dated. That being said.. be careful. There are some gay men who are with women only as a cover. The if they wanted to clause doesn't apply to them. Their main sexuality is men, but they do not have the balls to openly date males. They want the woman there to keep a hetro face on things. Try to ascertain what the primary sexuality is of the person. Who are they more attracted to; who stars in their fantasies. Three months ago, I met someone from alt (and I hate to say it, but I've been on alt three years and have only ever met two men from it who were worth seeing more than once.) He was a very nice guy and bisexual. In the course of our talking, I noticed that while he found me interesting, it didn't seem to be in an overly sexual way. I introduced the idea of other men into the conversation to see where he would take it. He not only took the subject, he ran with it. He ran with it while doing backflips and letting off fireworks. He raved. He rhapsodized. He did everything but cum in his pants on the bench. I asked why he had contacted me and instigated a meeting. He said.. well I like women too. His primary focus was male. Females were the exotic sometimes choice for him. Needless to say, I gracefully extricated myself from the situation. I am never second fiddle.

Not all males who want forced bi are bisexual. It is just the worst thing they can think of doing for a woman to prove that they'd do just about anything for her. Being willing to be forced bi is not the same as being bisexual. The sub I forced bi enjoyed doing it for me at the time it was done. Afterwards, he had a hard time discussing it and needed a period of time to process before being forced bi again.

Cuckolding is a form of extreme humiliation and doesn't necessarily involve bi behaviour. While it sometimes involves the cuck servicing the male as a fluffer (suck him good and hard to prepare him to have sex with the Domme) it doesn't always involve any contact between the two males. At times, the cuck prepares the woman for her date and then is told of it afterwards. I know one cuck who was forced to hide in a closet and watch while his wife brought unsuspecting lovers home. The men never knew they'd been observed.

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Continuing on Bi Question - 12/17/2004 2:54:24 PM   
alwayzron


Posts: 234
Joined: 9/23/2004
Status: offline
quote:

taking on a known-bi could add a destabilising component to a relationship, especially if you wanted it to be long-term

This makes it sound like you would fear your bi partner would not be faithful, whereas a strictly hetero partner would? This makes no sense.

(in reply to Myne4ever)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Continuing on Bi Question - 12/17/2004 3:33:50 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline 		Thanks Mine4,it does cause me some worry, and this is why i wanted to know other's experiences.
Thanks Solaise, I guess I need to be less shy about asking that specifically...

BeachMystress, you're funny and always have great/very well thought out advice: You did address all of my concerns: 1)if he wanted to be with a man, he would, I agree and should be perfectly comfortable with him being with me (hypothetical of course, wink), but 2)what about the guy who would prefer men, but wants a woman (who perhaps is open/wild enough to introduce a 3rd male) only for cover? I liked that you asked your sub about introducing other men and got an immediate response: I am still trying to find a comfortable way to have that type of conversation with men (because it's offensive to a straight/homophobic guy); 3)have you met boys who are older (30s-40s), still trying to gain strict/conservative mothers' approval, but doing exactly what mom would not want (dating a woman she would not approve of, doing things she would not approve of, and he likes male on male type play way more than male-female, I know as the Domme you direct the show, but I like my sub pleased as well), and than complaining about how backwards mom is, and how she wouldn't understand his relationships? Have you ever met that, wonder hmmm?
Everyone has issues I know; I'm just always trying to understand and better myself, as well as understand anyone I'm in direct contact with and deal appropriately.
Ms M

< Message edited by BlkTallFullfig -- 12/17/2004 3:38:38 PM >

(in reply to BeachMystress)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Continuing on Bi Question - 12/17/2004 4:10:22 PM   
Solaise


Posts: 64
Joined: 11/29/2004
Status: offline

quote:

I am still trying to find a comfortable way to have that type of conversation with men (because it's offensive to a straight/homophobic guy)


That's okay if he gets a little squirmy. 'Talking' is far removed from 'doing'.I think being direct and upfront is the best way to handle it. I'm not going to tap-dance because he may be homophobic or embarrassed. I want an open line of communication, and regardless of how uncomfortable the subject may be - the onous is on him to answer me. If he's clearly ambivalent, I will probe that. But I still want my answer.


(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Continuing on Bi Question - 12/17/2004 5:40:30 PM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline
*smiles* Thank you

oh my.. I've not been in a relationship with the third type of man, thank heavens. Any man who criticizes his mother more than has good things to say about her sends me running. There are misogynistic subs and men who have such a screwed up relationship with their mother that no m/f relationship will ever be healthy. I don't care what else they have to offer. I'm not a therapist. They can pay someone to work out their problems. I like my life as drama free as possible.

As to the determining if a man is bisexual (woman centered) or bisexual (male centered)/ gay, one way is to pay attention to what excites him. The penis doesn't lie. The man can claim he is straight till he is blue in the face. If a naked woman leaves him with a limp member but a naked male gets a rock hard erection.. he's gay. *grins*

Remember, these men are subs. They have to deal with discussing anything you wish.To paraphrase Solaise, if they are uncomfortable discussing forced bi it is their problem, not yours. You are new to your role and still figuring out how to go about things. The answer is.. just do it. A year from now you'll look back and go.. gee, that ever bothered me?

I also like my sub to enjoy our play more often than not. At times, I will do things they specifically do not enjoy so they can demonstrate devotion. Also, if there is something very special to me that they detest.. well, they're going to do it occasionally. While they may not enjoy doing the act, they should be getting satisfaction from making you happy.

You sound like you may end up being the type of Domme I am. I'm very maternal/ nurturing. It can be hard for men to accept that type of attention. I've been fortunate to find a sub who seems to truly enjoy that type of interaction. He's the first sub I've had who has. The rest of them just dealt with it because it was part and parcel of being mine. I'd not realized how truly important this facet of myself was before having someone who responded to it. He makes me happy in ways other subs never have. Don't ignore parts of who you are because you're not finding a sub who fits your needs. Keep looking for him.

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Continuing on Bi Question - 12/18/2004 9:57:34 PM   
Spankinatrix


Posts: 90
Joined: 7/5/2004
Status: offline 		As a bi, Dominant female, with a bi submissive male partner, I would like to make a note or two. Being bisexual is unrelated to being 'easy', or unable to handle committment and/or monogamy, or polyamory. Bi-sexual, as discribed in a favorite book of mine, simply means that we are not gender fetishists - we don't require a certain gender in order to be turned on. We do have all the strict requirements for sexual partners that anyone else does. So far as I know, I've had far more het partners cheat on me than bi partners - for some reason the bi partners were just better at communication that kept that from happening, and were generally more mature. This is not to say that bi folks are all more mature or anything like that, just offering a different experience than you usually hear about bisexual people. Now I suppose that just as a certain number of abusers hide behind the lable of 'BDSM', there are a certain number of sexually/emotionally immature people who hide behind the lable of 'bi-sexual'. Please do not let that cause you to view us a different species, or as untrustworthy people who lack morals and committment. We just have the good fortune to be able to love people for the content of their hearts and minds without concern for the content of their undies.
N

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Continuing on Bi Question - 12/18/2004 11:33:05 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline 		Dear N(Spankinatrix)
Thanks for the great note/comments; so point is to try to focus on maturity and ability to openly communicate, rather than his ability to love both. It's the 1st note from a Bi's perspective, and I apreciate your input.
Ms M

(in reply to Spankinatrix)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Continuing on Bi Question - 12/22/2004 11:58:05 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline 		I don't even give a second thought to asking if one is bisexual, bi-curious, or homo-phobic! LOL As a P/T Pro, it can actually be handy to have a bi male slave, as he can be introduced into Pro sessions quite easily (with all safety factors in place, of course!)
Now when I am told "I crave forced bi" then I simply smile and ask how it can be forced if they crave it? Now W/we are playing a game or doing a little role play. It really isn't forced. As BeachMystress stated, true forced bi is found in cuckold relationships, when a boy is instructed by Mistress to prepare the other male lover orally and/or engage in anal sex with the other male. In that instance, the male is performing the act strictly please his Mistress.
As for Me, if there is a definite need to engage in m/m sexual activity, I will usually elect to pass. Puts too much pressure on Me to ensure that the boy's needs are being met. I'd rather reserve it as a treat when it works out conveniently.

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Continuing on Bi Question - 12/23/2004 9:44:59 AM   
Solaise


Posts: 64
Joined: 11/29/2004
Status: offline 		Actually - I am also bi. I don't think bisexuality determines a person's ability to be faithful - or predetermines whether or not he/she will be unfaithful.

I wrote a story once and this question arises. My bisexual character was a man, and very sexual - erotic. He was also the most adept at dealing with people, and had NO problems establishing lifelong bonds. His first was a young man - but he died (before the story begins) in his arms. The second is a woman; he does end up with the protagonist of the story and when that happens, their bond is incredibly deep. But he describes his sense of each by picking up two objects. One is an apple. One an orange. Very slowly - he peels the orange and describes it. He takes a wedge and slides that in his mouth and bites down. He then picks up an apple and cuts it - and describes the apple and he does this. He takes the wedge and pops that into his mouth and bites down.

As far as comparisons go: Apples and oranges.

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Continuing on Bi Question - 12/24/2004 12:23:07 AM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline 		Thanks GodessDustyGold...
Since it is an uncomfortable thing for me, perhaps I too will pass if there's a definite need for m/m sexual activity, because I would feel I was unable to meet that need.
I can certainly understand it would be easy to allow in a pro situation.
Ms M

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Continuing on Bi Question - 12/24/2004 10:59:45 PM   
Spankinatrix


Posts: 90
Joined: 7/5/2004
Status: offline 		You are most welcome! My pleasure!

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Continuing on Bi Question - 12/25/2004 6:19:14 AM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline 		Hey Alwayz, how about telling me your thoughts on my question/concern (I'd like to know, really)?
I only see your reply to Mine4.
Thanks, M

(in reply to alwayzron)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Continuing on Bi Question - 12/25/2004 9:25:44 AM   
alwayzron


Posts: 234
Joined: 9/23/2004
Status: offline 		BTFf,

I'm not sure which question you're referring to .... so I'll shot gun the ones I see ...

quote:

If you are single, and are interested in a monogamous/heterosexual relationship(non-pro situation), would you date/play with a bisexual?

Being a male, my male ego would 1) think nothing is hotter than my s/o and another female naked, hot and hormy. However, my male ego would 2) also be offended that I wasn't 'man enough' to please my s/o. However ... dot com ... having sampled from both sides of the buffet line ( ) .. I do know that women are much softer, smoother and gentler than men. So I would understand. I think most men would be offended when their fantasy of jumping into the middle of the s/o and her lover didn't materialize. And for the record ... not every man has the 'man-woman-woman' fantasy ...

quote:

If you would date a bi, does anyone have insecurities about wheather he'd be happier with you(woman) or a man?

I wouldn't. Like the fine folks from the candy factory would say, "Sometimes you feel like a nut ... sometimes you don't"


(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Continuing on Bi Question - 12/27/2004 1:03:58 AM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline 		However, my male ego would 2) also be offended that I wasn't 'man enough' to please my s/o.

This is what I mean by "wondering" if partner is better off with you, or not?
Thanks for responding...
You're always interesting read and funny.
M

(in reply to alwayzron)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Continuing on Bi Question - 2/25/2005 3:59:38 PM   
LuvSponge


Posts: 109
Joined: 4/11/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BeachMystress


If it makes you uncomfortable, do not do it.

In the course of our talking, I noticed that while he found me interesting, it didn't seem to be in an overly sexual way. I introduced the idea of other men into the conversation to see where he would take it. He not only took the subject, he ran with it. He ran with it while doing backflips and letting off fireworks. He raved. He rhapsodized.


Now, I just have to say...that had to REALLY piss off the waitress.

(in reply to BeachMystress)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Continuing on Bi Question - 2/25/2005 4:23:05 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Spankinatrix

As a bi, Dominant female, with a bi submissive male partner, I would like to make a note or two. Being bisexual is unrelated to being 'easy', or unable to handle committment and/or monogamy, or polyamory.


Exactly. I have had long term monogamous relationships with both men and women.

quote:


Bi-sexual, as discribed in a favorite book of mine, simply means that we are not gender fetishists - we don't require a certain gender in order to be turned on.


Could you please give me the reference to this book. I love this concept.

To be honest, I'm not so fond of the term bisexual, though it does serve the purpose of explaining to people my desires. It seems so polarizing though. I often say that I am simply sexual and that I don't discriminate on gender. That said, I've come to realise that I am usually more attracted to men (for reasons on which I will not elaborate here and now).

quote:


We do have all the strict requirements for sexual partners that anyone else does. So far as I know, I've had far more het partners cheat on me than bi partners - for some reason the bi partners were just better at communication that kept that from happening, and were generally more mature. This is not to say that bi folks are all more mature or anything like that, just offering a different experience than you usually hear about bisexual people. Now I suppose that just as a certain number of abusers hide behind the lable of 'BDSM', there are a certain number of sexually/emotionally immature people who hide behind the lable of 'bi-sexual'. Please do not let that cause you to view us a different species, or as untrustworthy people who lack morals and committment. We just have the good fortune to be able to love people for the content of their hearts and minds without concern for the content of their undies.
N


Wonderfully said.

- LA


_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to Spankinatrix)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Continuing on Bi Question - 2/25/2005 8:59:07 PM   
JohnnyBoi


Posts: 5
Joined: 2/19/2005
Status: offline 		My two cents: I'm a man whose got forced bi and forced feminization in my profile. Its not something I'd be super excited about, but if a Dom asked me to do it, I'd be happy to submit. (which is the whole point, of course) Now, I'm wondering if I should take them out for fear of giving potential doms the wrong idea.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 20
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