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subsa -> questions??? (8/7/2006 3:31:20 PM)
i have so many questions....please bear with me while i'm learning...and thanks in advance for any replies 1- am i crazy or does being a sub make life easier? by that i mean i don't struggle with decisions much anymore. i know my Master's wishes pretty well so now i just do what i think he would like me to do. also, when i'm doing something unpleasant (that before i would have been trying to avoid or get out of) it's much easier because i can just say to myself that i'm doing it because it's what my Master wants or it fits with his goals for us. is this just a 'honeymoon' period? will this go away after living the lifestyle for a longer time? i hope not becasue i'm a much happier person. 2- from the reading i've done it seems that most people are lookng for a partner after they've figured out who/what they are (D/s, M/s etc..). i don't fall in that category. i'm in a wonderful, long term relationship, that has developed into M/s. but we're both just trying to figure out what works for us. can this work? can we 'learn' on each other or are we doomed to fail due to lack of experience? 3-i read a lot about Dom mentors....are there any sub mentors? i need someone to talk through some of this stuff with. Master and i discuss most of what runs through my head but He just doesn't have the mindset or experience to understand where i'm coming from many times. well, that's all for now...i don't want to you all to get tired of me yet...i'll try to space out my questions...thanks again for all of you out there. it's been great to find this place.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: questions??? (8/7/2006 4:15:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: subsa 1- am i crazy or does being a sub make life easier? You're not crazy, but it doesn't make life easier. It simply makes your life fulfilling because it is who you are. quote: is this just a 'honeymoon' period? will this go away after living the lifestyle for a longer time? i hope not becasue i'm a much happier person. If it's a good relationship, the fulfillment will stay with you. But so will life crap stuff. quote: can this work? can we 'learn' on each other or are we doomed to fail due to lack of experience? No. In fact the fact that you already have so many years ofknowing and working together means you've got an enormous advantage. quote: 3-i read a lot about Dom mentors....are there any sub mentors? i need someone to talk through some of this stuff with. Master and i discuss most of what runs through my head but He just doesn't have the mindset or experience to understand where i'm coming from many times. There are, but you've also got the entire boards here. Many people who chatter to other subs are actually just gossip hounds who don't have offline lives. So if you want a mentor, try and find one offline.

missturbation -> RE: questions??? (8/7/2006 4:16:16 PM)
1- am i crazy or does being a sub make life easier? In some respects yes i guess it does make life easier in as much as yes Master makes most of your deicisions for you. In another respect though it is hard to do as your Master wishes at all times, especially the small things he may insist on i find hard. Things such as being respectful to people at all times, folding my clothes (my ex insisted on this) and completing my journal every day. is this just a 'honeymoon' period? will this go away after living the lifestyle for a longer time? i hope not becasue i'm a much happier person. Only you can decide if the lifestyle is for you in the long run or whether the fascination will pass. If it makes you happy go with it. 2- from the reading i've done it seems that most people are lookng for a partner after they've figured out who/what they are (D/s, M/s etc..). This is how it was for me but i know a few people who have had nilla relationships which have evolved. can this work? can we 'learn' on each other or are we doomed to fail due to lack of experience? Of course it can if it is what you truly both want. Anyone can learn and there are plenty of resources to learn from such as the threads here and books on bdsm. 3-i read a lot about Dom mentors....are there any sub mentors? I know plenty of dom / domme mentors but not sub / slave ones. I would think there are some out there though.

babysburnin -> RE: questions??? (8/7/2006 5:17:01 PM)
I personally feel you are in the best situation possible. Are you crazy? Can you tie your shoes, hold a job, function in society? (Sorry to imply those who cannot tie shoes are crazy.) You have a loving, long-term relationship that wants to grow. I believe the D/s relationship does make life easier in many ways. It comes with its own "other side" to think about, but... I like HIM in charge and I get my say.

subsa -> RE: questions??? (8/8/2006 10:46:26 AM)
thank you Lucky A, missturbaton, and babysburnin. i truely appreciate your words.

Mercnbeth -> RE: questions??? (8/8/2006 11:26:44 AM)
quote: am i crazy or does being a sub make life easier? Ideally it doesn't make it easier or harder. It makes you - you. You can imply words like 'complete' or 'fulfilled' or 'content'; but when you talk about life, the best you can hope for is a life situation where you can be you. If the M/s dynamic provides rationalized excuses to behave outside your upbringing, religious or social, it's a bonus if you use it to abandon other's standard of a 'good relationship'. The definition of 'good relationship' is one that both parties enjoy and flourish. quote: we're both just trying to figure out what works for us. can this work? can we 'learn' on each other or are we doomed to fail due to lack of experience? Why not? The only thing both of you need to bring to the table is confidence. Some of the activities or dynamics that you try won't work. Some things you thought would be awful will be great. Keep an open mind. Depend on the foundation of your relationship. Laugh at the failures, comfort each other after the failed attempts. Remember these are just activities. The important part is that as a couple you made the attempt. Even the most intense relationship evolves. As long as the foundation is strong, the evolution is a positive experience. quote: read a lot about Dom mentors....are there any sub mentors? i need someone to talk through some of this stuff with. The world is your 'mentor'. The best mentor you can have is each other. Experience all you can, read all you can and afterwords come back and compare notes. GOOD LUCK! HAVE FUN!

alwayscuri -> RE: questions??? (8/8/2006 11:48:29 AM)
subsa... Im new to these message boards so please bear with me as I learn my way thru this. I dont think having a Master may necessarily make your life easier but i do think when u discover who and what you are and when your happy with yourself everything does seem easier. I dont think the feeling will go away as long as your happy with yourself. I think your more fortunate then most when it comes to making your relationship work. Already being in a long term relationship you seem to have the base of trust and communication already built within the lifestyle so you are already halfway there. Most of us have to build that first when we met our Doms/Masters and that takes time. I dont think your relationship is doomed to fail more then anyone elses experienced or otherwise. As long as your commited together to making it work. Both people have to want it and work at it for any relationship to work. As far as submissives friends to talk with, have you both thought about joining a local bdsm group in your area? I have made many real life friends from the one in my area great people who have enriched my life tremendously and helped me grow in so many ways. This could help both of you as there are many experienced Masters/Doms who enjoy helping new Master/Doms as there are submissive sisters for you to talk with. Well that is my 2 cents worth and I wish you both a long, loving journey together. always, curi

LokisBrat -> RE: questions??? (8/8/2006 12:00:43 PM)
Being submissive has made my life easier in many ways. I feel I can relate to your situation because Loki and I have been together for 9 years and only in the last year or so have we begun to explore this lifestyle. We both feel, and I feel I can speak for him on this part; as if we are deepening our bonds, exploring with someone who already knows us well. Neither of us put labels to this until we discovered the sites, like this one, that seemed to be exactly what were seeking. As for a sub mentor, I'm only experienced in a specific situation, but feel free to message me anytime you need to work out your feelings. In my opinion, you're perfectly normal, in a good place and standing before lots of new experiences. Enjoy! Brat[:)]

SexyRed -> RE: questions??? (8/8/2006 12:48:23 PM)
I don't see what bearing being Dominant or submissive has on the ease in which your life goes. Being submissive or Dominant is simply what someone IS. The ability to handle life's joys and sorrows and challenges is predicated upon the level of maturity that someone possesses, not their sexual orientation or proclivities. Being in any type of healthy relationship with someone, that is a life experience which should help through challenges simply because there is a dedicated person in your corner. As for people learning together, that is the best thing. Even if you grow at different rates, a strong relationship will withstand that. As for finding a mentor, that would be difficult. I know I never had one, I just learned on my own, within and without of relationships, read alot and experienced life. Perhaps write some subs privately whose writing and thoughts you admire.

Mercnbeth -> RE: questions??? (8/8/2006 3:14:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: subsa 1- am i crazy or does being a sub make life easier? you MIGHT be crazy, but don't think of it as an entirely bad thing[:)]. it would make this slave's life incredibly more difficult if she had to take on the role of dominant in a relationship, so yes, being true to this slave's natural inclination to serve the relationship makes it "easier", in that respect. quote: is this just a 'honeymoon' period? will this go away after living the lifestyle for a longer time? maybe. this slave is in the 4th year of honeymoon period with Master and prays it never ends!! quote: 2- from the reading i've done it seems that most people are lookng for a partner after they've figured out who/what they are (D/s, M/s etc..). i don't fall in that category. i'm in a wonderful, long term relationship, that has developed into M/s. but we're both just trying to figure out what works for us. can this work? why not? everyone started somewhere...and don't think for a minute that if you haven't read about it, it isn't possible. quote: 3-i read a lot about Dom mentors....are there any sub mentors? i need someone to talk through some of this stuff with. Master and i discuss most of what runs through my head but He just doesn't have the mindset or experience to understand where i'm coming from many times. depending on where you live, you might be able to find a real-time support group for newbies, there are internet groups for submissives...you can make use of this message board resource to search for topics that interest you that have been discussed or raise your own question and prepare for the variety of opinions, information, feedback, suggestions, personal anecdotes and the occasional flame or taseteless remark[:)]....you might go so far as to send CM mail to submissive folk here who post, usually if you read their profiles it will allude to if they are open to that sort of thing. Good Luck and Blessings!!!

subsa -> RE: questions??? (8/10/2006 3:01:50 PM)
thank you all for your words of encouragement. life is busy and i can't check the board as often as i'd like so it took me a few days to get back here. i must say again, this site is amazing in its composite depth of wisdom and experience. the more i read the more amazed i become.

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