One-sided Monogamy

One-sided Monogamy (Full Version)

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Vancouver_cinful -> One-sided Monogamy (8/7/2006 7:23:17 PM)
littlesarbonn said something I wanted to address in another thread, but I didn't want to hi-jack it so I thought I'd start a new one. He said: quote: I'm kind of strange about the whole monogamy thing. I demand monogamy of myself when I'm involved with a dominant woman, but she can do whatever makes her happy. Actually, not so strange. My ex had several playmates, and I was encouraged to have the same. Just didn't ever feel inclined or motivated to do so. I enjoyed seeing how happy the freedom to play with other women made him. I didn't feel the need to do so out of "what is good for the gander is good for the goose". For me, it was just one of the inequalities of our D/s relationship that made sense. What are other people's take on this idea?

formenteralady -> RE: One-sided Monogamy (8/7/2006 7:26:15 PM)
yeah I don't think that's so odd, I mean if you are in a happy contented relationship sometimes that's all you need. It's really about choices, and haveing the choice for me. :D

angelic -> RE: One-sided Monogamy (8/7/2006 7:27:39 PM)
i agree if the relationship is as it was laid out from the beginning and all parties are happy... i say enjoy and be happy..

Misstoyou -> RE: One-sided Monogamy (8/7/2006 7:37:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: angelic i agree if the relationship is as it was laid out from the beginning and all parties are happy... i say enjoy and be happy.. Sometimes it's better in theory than in practice. My two submissives want to be mine, are dedicated to making me happy, and so are intellectually accepting of the other (and the fact that I want them both.) But they both really are monogamous by nature, and emotionally both are having a hard time of it. I have numerous choices, and I still haven't decided how I'm going to deal with the situation.

diamonddreamlove -> RE: One-sided Monogamy (8/7/2006 7:40:17 PM)
My Dom allows me with permission to meet Others, i just have not asked for permission since for me there is no one else that can compare to Him. I know He is not planning to be monogomous which almost made me look else where but would rather share a wonderful Dom that makes me feel delicious than to have another that does not. If i were the one making the decision i would love for Him to be monogomous but since it is not my decision i have to decide what is best for me. And there is no doubt in my mind He is best for me.

angelic -> RE: One-sided Monogamy (8/7/2006 7:49:46 PM)
Ma'am i can understand how Yours' feel, because that is how i am. i would not, however, even consider a Master Who wanted others... it's just the way i am wired and i cannot change that in me.

MzMinx -> RE: One-sided Monogamy (8/7/2006 7:57:02 PM)
well said diamond and cinful smiles .... its about what is right for you.. what works for you and your partner/s ... I see nothing wrong with one person being fulfilled with a single deep comitment to one .. whilst that one has multiple, be they deep/long term or short term Its is about what fulfills you... wht brings you contenment and delight I have been in many different variations of polyamory ... one of which lasted 10 years ... and although my Mentor has left this realm.... His wife who was monogamous with him for 30 plus years .... is still a special friend of mine as are his children and grandchildren (i being namesake and fairygodmother to one of them) She never felt she missed out on anything .. even though he had many submissives through their marriage ... For her it was the right and correct thing to not only be monogamous with him.... but allow him the freedom to seek others smiles and between He and I ...I was given absolute freedom.... what I choose to do with that evolved over the years .. for a long time I didnt seek any others .... then it was short interactions smiles .. evolving as I did .... but it never effected the underlying dynamic or conection we shared

littlesarbonn -> RE: One-sided Monogamy (8/7/2006 8:13:41 PM)
I just wanted to say that I completely agree with the text that was quoted by the OP in this thread. [:)][8\|]

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: One-sided Monogamy (8/7/2006 8:19:21 PM)
Whatever works for you. If you accept and are fulfilled by a relationship in which you can go out and party with whoever but your partner can't, then go for it. If you accept and are fulfilled by a relationship in which they can go out and party with whoever but you can't, then go for it. In my relationship, all of us are open to doing pretty much whatever the heck you want with whoever the heck you want to do it with. I don't do this because of a need for equality, I do it simply because it's the relationship that works best for me. As is it, my Boston partner is married and has several regular women he dates and plays with, and neither of my live-in partners are seeing anyone else at the moment.

enigmabrat -> RE: One-sided Monogamy (8/7/2006 8:35:38 PM)
The fact that you could if you wanted to makes a difference.. the fact that you didnt was your choice and what made you happy

Vancouver_cinful -> RE: One-sided Monogamy (8/7/2006 8:48:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Misstoyou But they both really are monogamous by nature, and emotionally both are having a hard time of it. I have numerous choices, and I still haven't decided how I'm going to deal with the situation. These things are rarely uncomplicated. Nor is life always a smooth road. I imagine had my ex and I stayed together we would have moments when this situation would have had its issues. Hope things work out for you.

Vancouver_cinful -> RE: One-sided Monogamy (8/7/2006 8:50:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn I just wanted to say that I completely agree with the text that was quoted by the OP in this thread. [:)][8\|] LOL Somehow that doesn't come as a shock.

Vancouver_cinful -> RE: One-sided Monogamy (8/7/2006 8:52:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MzMinx I see nothing wrong with one person being fulfilled with a single deep comitment to one .. whilst that one has multiple, be they deep/long term or short term Its is about what fulfills you... wht brings you contenment and delight Exactly. No one has exactly the same needs. That doesn't automatically mean a relationship isn't compatible.

Vancouver_cinful -> RE: One-sided Monogamy (8/7/2006 8:54:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: enigmabrat The fact that you could if you wanted to makes a difference.. the fact that you didnt was your choice and what made you happy Actually, no, not really. Had he decided I was to belong to him, exclusively, it would have just been part of our D/s dynamic, and I'd have enjoyed it as a sign of being owned, his treasured property. Upholding the dynamic was what made me happy.

abytchgoddess4u -> RE: One-sided Monogamy (8/7/2006 10:15:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Vancouver_cinful For me, it was just one of the inequalities of our D/s relationship that made sense. What are other people's take on this idea? I agree with you. I've thought about this a lot lately, as I'd very much like to explore cuckolding in the future. The subs I date now are aware of my interest and wouldn't be thought of as potential for longer term if they weren't "theoretically" interested in the same...or at least so devoted that they are willing to subject themselves to my peccadilloes. I know myself well enough to say that I would have to have a very strong primary D/s relationship to feel safe to explore this area. I cannot be poly, as my emotions will not stretch that far...but, having it be about what I want physically and my slave's devotion to me, that I can and will do. However; what's mine is mine and I don't like sharing my toys. They'll have to accept that to be considered for long term as well.

TeeGO -> RE: One-sided Monogamy (8/8/2006 11:31:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Misstoyou quote: ORIGINAL: angelic i agree if the relationship is as it was laid out from the beginning and all parties are happy... i say enjoy and be happy.. Sometimes it's better in theory than in practice. My two submissives want to be mine, are dedicated to making me happy, and so are intellectually accepting of the other (and the fact that I want them both.) But they both really are monogamous by nature, and emotionally both are having a hard time of it. I have numerous choices, and I still haven't decided how I'm going to deal with the situation. Take one sub by the hair on the back of his head with your left hand, take the other by the hair on the back of his head with your right hand. Bang their heads together and tell them how lucky they are.[:D]

onestandingstill -> RE: One-sided Monogamy (8/8/2006 11:36:41 AM)
I think to have different needs than your partner is a very common thing. I think to allow your partner to be who they are most comfortable being is rare. I'm glad in the BDSM world we generally don't all assume everyone has the same needs and most are open enough to be up front about it. It's a good thing in my eyes as long as everyone's needs are being respected.

juliaoceania -> RE: One-sided Monogamy (8/8/2006 11:44:40 AM)
Ideally I suppose I think that this attitude is wonderful, for me it would not work. I decided I wanted mutual monogamy. It is a hard limit, but I respect other people's choices. There are risks with everything and if a person calculates this risk and decides to do this that is their consensual choice. My Dom has told me he isn't interested in poly or play with other women. It was one of the things that appealed to me, because I knew that once we entered into a dynamic it would be monogamous. There are too many risks sexually to expose oneself to. I was tested and he was tested before we were intimate. There are new STDs emerging that we cannot be tested for, so casual sex is out as far as I am concerned and that would be a deal breaker for me. I want to be with one person and be monogamous for the rest of my life and do everything I can to keep a smile on his face when he gets randy.

LaTigresse -> RE: One-sided Monogamy (8/8/2006 11:54:07 AM)
I am just never going to judge anyone for their life choices. However, for ME, I see honesty and comunication as being primary. I don't care if someone wants 30 partners as long as they are honest about it. Sort of goes along the line of 'whatever floats your boat". For me, I sincerely doubt I would want multiple sexual partners but I wouldn't rule it out. It would take a special group of people to make it work.

impishlilhellcat -> RE: One-sided Monogamy (8/8/2006 11:59:05 AM)
I've known people even been involved with a male Dom that believed in one sided monogamy. It's not something I wanted then or now. He stated that he had needs that needed to be fullfilled because we were long distance and since I couldn't be there for his every need that he would do what he needed to do to be fullfilled. It was a frustrating situation for me and while I'm not knocking anyone's personal choices for my own personal situation it's not something that I would ever agree too. I tried to be tolerant of his needs, but the situation did nothing but cause a rift between the two of us and it diminished my trust for him because of the way he started out about it. However, with that being said. Had he allowed me the choice of finding another partner for sex while we were in different states I never would have acted upon that offer, but would have felt more secure with the situation. With all that being said this is another one of those to each his own kinda situations if it works for you then go for it and if it doesn't well then stay away from being involved in a situation like that. [:)]

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