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Comparisson shopping .....or something - 12/17/2004 5:18:26 PM

Carolinasubbie

Posts: 8
Joined: 12/16/2004
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Geez. I met the perfect Dom two months ago. Unfortunately, distance and other issues prevented us from continuing our D/s relationship. Until I met him, I settled for the "On Your Knees B*tch" kind of dom. Now, I want someone who wants intellegence, not blind obedience. Because of him, I won't settle, but I hate the lonley feeling though. Hopefully I'm making sense to someone......

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RE: Comparisson shopping .....or something - 12/17/2004 5:53:57 PM

alwayzron

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Joined: 9/23/2004
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CS .....

You're making perfect sense. But I would caution you not to let your desire to have the "perfect" Dom and your current emotions blind you to reality. I have to assume you met him online, since you said its a long distance relationship. You also didn't state what the "other" issues were. How much do you really know about him? If the relationship is meant to be, then it will last the test of time and your separation will make your relationship grow stronger and sweeter. On the other hand, if your heart of heart tells you it will never last .... save yourself from the anguish of eventual heartbreak now. Good luck and let us know how things progress.

alwayz (rooting for true love), ron

(in reply to Carolinasubbie)

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RE: Comparisson shopping .....or something - 12/17/2004 5:54:32 PM

softysub

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Joined: 10/20/2004
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I am not sure of what you are saying regarding *because of him i wont settle*, but i sure know what is the feeling of loneliness. I know for one that i will never settle for second best, i can alway get out of D/s relationship if i am not happy.

I hope I make sense to you

softysub

(in reply to Carolinasubbie)

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RE: Comparisson shopping .....or something - 12/17/2004 6:09:52 PM

sweetpleaser

Posts: 689
Joined: 8/5/2004
From: Florida
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I understand what you mean Carolina. You have found the kind of Dom you want thanks to your recent relationship. That is all part of life's journey. Stick to your priorities and that is what you will find in a future Dom, no matter how lonely you are now. Do not settle for less and you will be rewarded wonderfully.

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It's not the men in my life that count, it's the life in my men.--Mae West

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RE: Comparisson shopping .....or something - 12/18/2004 4:53:25 AM

cynnacent1

Posts: 340
Joined: 6/25/2004
From: Massachusetts
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i do understand what it is you are experiencing in your search for who you seek. Been there, done that. i obviously don't know all of the details involving the Dom you met a couple of months ago, and can only suggest you hold that memory as a learning experience, perhaps allowing it to remind you that you CAN find one who will bring you happiness, who may ease the loneliness. They are out there, sometimes you just have to 'shop around' alot longer than hoped for. If you find yourself discouraged, reading the 'positive experiences' thread section of the forums may be helpful.

http://www.collarme.com/forum/Positive_Experiences/forumid_54/tt.htm

i was one of the rare, fortunate ones, who didn't have to search for long, & i found my Master here at collarme. There's a thread about the events and details of how we found each other, and then met, etc ect: http://www.collarme.com/forum/The_fates_were_with_us/m_31865/tm.htm

Don't settle for less than who it is you are visualizing, and hoping to find.

cynnacent1

¸,ø¤º°cynnacent°º¤ø,¸ (proudly owned by, and devoted to INSIDEYOURMIND)

< Message edited by cynnacent1 -- 12/18/2004 4:57:45 AM >

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RE: Comparisson shopping .....or something - 12/18/2004 5:53:32 AM

PerhapsitsFate

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Joined: 11/30/2004
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I TOTALLY understand!! It seems you and I are on the same road, though I can say I've been blessed to see that quality that I desire in several people, so I know that that one perfect person/Dom has to be out there for me. Sadly, for me it's either the D/s side is completely compatible, or the vanilla... but never the two shall meet it seems...LOL. Keep smiling and know it's going to happen!!
~fate~

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RE: Comparisson shopping .....or something - 12/18/2004 7:39:24 AM

subbiejenn

Posts: 631
Joined: 7/12/2004
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i understand completely....

i too meet a Dom who was perfect and showed me what i want and desire in a Dom. Distance also was our issue so now i only look closer to home for i can not relocate.

Don't settle ever for anything less then you desire... Good things come to those who wait and you will never be truly happy if you settle...

it is hard but there is the "perfect" someone out there for you...

As for me i am looking somewhat but not real hard right now and i do still have hopes that one day things will change for this other Dom and we can spend more time together :) The way i figure it if it were meant to be then it will be one day. I get very discouraged when i am actively seeking a Dom so i figure when the time is right i will meet Him.

good luck hun!
JMO
jenn

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RE: Comparisson shopping .....or something - 12/18/2004 8:57:23 AM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
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I've been with my current Dom for 6 years now. When things are right within both of our families we will be married. It is complicated.

Before choosing him. I had met what I had considered to be my perfect Dom. He was a software engineer from Vancouver, Cananda. For the record I live in So Cal. As we were getting to know one another a great many trips were taken on both of our sides. I met his parents, and he mine. We both absolutely adored the time we had together. It was hell on both of our careers. When visiting the other, we never seemed to be able to pry ourselves apart long enough to get to our meetings, work or what have you. There was an opening in So Cal. He was going to move down here. Start our official life together. Well, one disappointment after another. It never happened.
At the time I was speaking to him I had also been negotiating with others. I had not given him my submission. After a while he came to me and told me he could not move down here. It just was'nt working out and I should not wait any longer. Of course, I was feeling the exact way you are now.
It was something I knew was coming. The distance was just too great for the both of us. Our times together had been fabulous whether in LA or Canada.
As I said I had been negotiating with others. There was a Dom who lived just an hour from me. In California distance..even two hours is nothing. He was someone who I knew I liked but hadn't really given it a second thought because of the Canadian Dom. So I did.
The first year when we would argue. I would look back and think. Should I have made the move to Canada? I gave it a lot of thought.
Things changed the way they had. We cannot control destiny. We're 6 years later and I am not with my perfect Dom. I'm with the keeper dom. The more perfect Dom. If I looked back now, would I be with my Canadian Dom? I really don't know. He still remains a friend in my life. THat is all he will ever be. If we decide to have a formal wedding...the canadian Dom will make the trip to wish us luck.

Sometimes we just don't know why things happen. They just do. At the time I wished things had'nt happened the way they did. Today, I am happy they did.
Hang out with friends. Go to parties. It helps to cure the lonliness. Go on with your life and don't look back. Your next perfect Dom may be right around the corner. Don't miss him when you are sitting home feeling sorry for yourself.

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RE: Comparisson shopping .....or something - 12/19/2004 1:09:14 AM

inadazey

Posts: 69
Joined: 10/7/2004
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LMAO, just love the term comparison shopping! :D
I couldn't agree with you more... for me, I won't to settle for less in a D/s relationship than I would in a 'nilla one. I want the person I'm with to value the "real me:" my personality, my intelligence, my sense of humor.. just who I am as a *whole* person, not as a submissive.
As I said to my Master early on in our relationship, when I wanted him to feel comfortable talking about stuff with me, even if he's got stuff going on that makes him feel less "domly," we're both people first.

I never liked the blind obedience thing. Yes, if you're my Master, i'm going to obey you, but if I have questions, issues, or concerns, I want to be able to talk about them. His final answer is the final answer, but that doesn't mean we can't talk about why that's the final answer.

Maybe some submissives are fine with the blind obedience thing, but I'm not one of them, and you're not, either. I'm glad you discovered that. :)
And I've gotten to know and become friends with many doms over the course of time... believe me, based on my experience, there are LOTS out there who value the same things you do.
And I have to admit that I've always kind of wondered about the doms who require blind obedience, period. It makes me wonder what they're afraid of.....

I wish you all the best in your search... also based on my experience, when you figure out what you want, it makes it a LOT easier to find it.
Take care. :) ~daisy~

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RE: Comparisson shopping .....or something - 12/25/2004 5:38:26 PM

Carolinasubbie

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Joined: 12/16/2004
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I just wanted to take a moment to thank everyone that responded to my posting. :) Things are going better as I know that *one day* my Dom will come. Until then, I have the lessons that I have learned from my friend Ynwre. He is a very speical person and will always have a special place in my heart. :) I hope everyone has had a wonderful holiday and I know that there are good things to come in 2005!

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RE: Comparisson shopping .....or something - 12/28/2004 11:59:20 AM

cranialcarnage

Posts: 34
Joined: 9/14/2004
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I know exactly what you are going through here. I have what I want and need in a Dom firmly set in my mind, and so far, I have had no success. I, too, refuse to settle for anything less than what I need (what I want ties in directly to what I need, so the wanting thing is not a problem), and it makes for a very lonely existence. All I can say is try to keep a positive outlook on your journey, and feel free to email me personally if you want to talk.

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