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Shallow Sub - 12/18/2004 2:08:18 PM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline 		I'm going to attempt to broach a subject that might be pushing *incorrect*.......
We tear apart those looking for *leather barbies* knowing full well our own
physical *sore* spots that we'd rather not have a bright light shed on.
We would all like to say we are above making a judgment
call over how the package is wrapped. But deep down in that place that draws our
imagination in creating what we want lives that critical soul who judges to some
extent. With me, I can read and my interest can be sparked from words,
but I also admit to being shallow enough to know when I view a physical picture of a
Dom who's interested weather I could find enough eye candy as they say to
keep my interest peeked. I don't need or want Ken, but we all have something
that grabs our attention, something Physically appealing, possibly that chemical
spark you can get from across a crowded room. And if it's not there,
you cant make it appear, I tried that in the Vanilla world and a decade of marriage.
Even then I didn't admit I never found him attractive, so now
in entering this lifestyle I find I'm faced with that again. I know this is horribly shallow,
but nonetheless an issue I have found myself with.
Suggestions, as I put on my flame retardant suit?

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Shallow Sub - 12/18/2004 2:22:51 PM   
PerhapsitsFate


Posts: 42
Joined: 11/30/2004
Status: offline 		Personally i don't find you shallow at all, i find you honest. I've always thought that someone that said that looks don't matter at all is a complete liar, because there has to be a physical attraction if we are to be intimate with one another. Now, I should elaborate and say this... there are those out there looking for a complete slave, one that they might not even use in a sexual or intimate ways, for instance, a domestic slave... then perhaps in this situation, looks might not matter. I think that we all build up the picture of the ideal person in our mind, but in my experience, the people that have really knocked my socks off didn't even come close to that ideal person. For me it's always been the chemistry between us, and some of that is indeed based on a physical attraction, but that is not the first thing I'm interested in. The one thing I've always loved about meeting and getting to know someone online is if you take the time, you can see their heart and soul first, though it is also easier to lie here...LOL. Damned if you do, damned if ya don't.... but I say, be true to yourself Quivver... you'll be happiest that way!
~fate~

(in reply to Quivver)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Shallow Sub - 12/18/2004 2:41:28 PM   
inadazey


Posts: 69
Joined: 10/7/2004
Status: offline 		Suggestions? You know what you want and have decided not to settle for less... good for you!
Physical attraction is going to play a role in any relationship... I think for women as a whole, the mental aspect of it plays a much bigger role than it does for men, but that doesn't mean the physical doesn't matter. So we all might as well be honest enough to admit that! *L*
I think anyone for whom looks are the #1 priority in a relationship is a moron, because if you make that the foundation of your relationship, there's no way it's going to be fulfilling long-term (well, unless your ideal relationship consists mainly of sitting and looking at the other person, then looking around for a replacement when they get forehead creases :P).

But, yeah, we're all either attracted to someone or not. You can't change that, so I don't see why any of us should try to force it. You don't sound remotely shallow.. you're acknowledging that you want to be physically attracted to the person you're with. Of course you do.. who doesn't?!
Take care :) ~daisy~

_____________________________

Proudly and happily owned by MasterSpydog

(in reply to Quivver)
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RE: Shallow Sub - 12/18/2004 4:36:48 PM   
esclava


Posts: 42
Joined: 5/1/2004
Status: offline 		I think anyone that says looks dont matter is lying... flat out. Thats not to say that its the most important thing but there has to be some level of attraction.

_____________________________

I disregard the proportions, the measures, the tempo of the ordinary world. I refuse to live in the ordinary world as ordinary women. To enter ordinary relationships.

(in reply to inadazey)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Shallow Sub - 12/18/2004 5:35:03 PM   
alwayzron


Posts: 234
Joined: 9/23/2004
Status: offline 		Quivver ... what you're describing here is basic human nature. We all have our biases, our prejudices, our likes and dislikes .... and these are okay. It's when you act on them or treat others differently because of them that you become shallow. I don't have to like someone for who they are .... but I do have to give them the courtesy and respect that all humans deserve.

quote:

I think anyone that says looks dont matter is lying...

I disagree. Look at the couples around you. We tend to date, marry, etc those who are similar to us in appearance. So someone who feels they're unnattractive can honestly say that looks don't matter.

quote:

there has to be some level of attraction.

And beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Ever see the movie Shallow Hal? He saw beauty where others didn't.

(in reply to esclava)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Shallow Sub - 12/18/2004 6:58:18 PM   
harmony3709


Posts: 292
Joined: 11/15/2004
Status: offline 		Quivver, I don't think you're being shallow to admit that you are physically attracted to some people and not to others. I have dated such a huge variety of men with regard to physical appearance, that I certainly can't state exactly what I am attracted to and what I am not, but there was either something there or there was not, for whatever reason.

I consider it shallow when someone is only concerned about looks and that is the first and only thing on their agenda.

And I just plain feel sorry for those who have really strict limitations on physical appearance, just as I do for those who limit themselves in other ways. I just think they are really missing out on knowing some wonderful people.

harmony

(in reply to alwayzron)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Shallow Sub - 12/18/2004 8:02:13 PM   
rubytuesday


Posts: 180
Joined: 10/22/2004
Status: offline 		I agree with the general consensus - you arent shallow just honest - the beauty of us all being different though is that what is physically attractive to you and spins your wheels doesnt necessarily have that effect on some else - take movie stars for example - I find Nicolas Cage incredibly sexy and physically he does it for me but I have friends who think hes gross - different strokes for different folks :-)

I like to get to know someone first but if they dont attract me physically then there really isnt much hope of anything else - its called human nature..............

smiles
ruby

(in reply to Quivver)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Shallow Sub - 12/23/2004 12:19:00 AM   
ShadeDiva


Posts: 1005
Joined: 3/31/2004
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: esclava
I think anyone that says looks dont matter is lying... flat out.


You'd be wrong. <shrug>

Not everyone makes the shell the basis of their attraction to another human.

I'm not flaking those that do - but I definitely do NOT base my attraction to another person on their shell, if they are a good human and we are compatible that is enough for me.

I really don't care if folks think I'm lying or not either lol. I'm content in knowing who *I* am inside myself and being comfortable with that.

I do tend to think that those that say such as what I quoted from you say it mostly because they can't comprehend people not seeing attraction in the same way and terms as they do, or understanding and comprehending that we all don't base our preferences or what moves us on the same things or in the same ways.

Just because we might not be like you - doesn't mean we aren't being honest or lying even a little, after all. *smile* It only means that we are different. No more, no less.

~ShadeDiva

_____________________________

~ShadeDiva
My projects of love:
theFetishForums
HumanFauna
Kinked
DommeWorld

(in reply to esclava)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Shallow Sub - 12/23/2004 5:38:07 AM   
MiladyElaine


Posts: 1086
Joined: 10/10/2004
Status: offline 		I look at the whole package, BUT I do not like to waste My time on "getting to know someone" and when I finally do get to see them I'm disappointed! That is unproductive and hurtful for both parties.

_____________________________

A crazy quilt is warm but oddly put together.

Milady

(in reply to ShadeDiva)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Shallow Sub - 12/24/2004 1:05:51 AM   
sterlingsweet


Posts: 180
Joined: 8/10/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Quivver


quote:

I tried that in the Vanilla world and a decade of marriage.
Even then I didn't admit I never found him attractive, so now
in entering this lifestyle I find I'm faced with that again.


Hi Quiver,
I would just like to say, you wasted 10 years already with someone you weren't attracted to and it didn't work...Be proud you are finding what is important to you and what you want in your next relationship, Growth is something to be Proud of!

_____________________________

Who Let the Dommes Out?? (I'd like to Thank them).
~Wink

Peace Out...Sterlingsweet

I finally got my cuffs,
I hope to use them soon ~wink

(in reply to Quivver)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Shallow Sub - 12/24/2004 5:46:02 PM   
slavedesires


Posts: 669
Joined: 3/2/2004
Status: offline 		removed

< Message edited by slavedesires -- 12/26/2004 12:32:41 PM >

_____________________________

i speak only my personal opinion, sometimes O/ours.

"i am the keeper of fragile things and i have kept what is indisolvable."
....the greatest gift.....vulnerability

(in reply to Quivver)
Profile   Post #: 11
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