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Thoughts of A Dominant. - 8/9/2006 3:49:38 AM

MasDom

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Does any one think we become callouse when it comes to dealing with the relationship part in our life style?...

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RE: Thoughts of A Dominant. - 8/9/2006 4:08:10 AM

mstrjx

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The more you learn about the Lifestyle, the more you learn about the different sorts of people. The fact that we have different lingo for 'types' that from the outside seem similar sometimes makes it confusing.

Oh, yes, the question. If you have a top, and a compatible bottom, who are merely occasional play partners, then it might be quite true that there is not enough of a relationship to become callous to. As long as the compatibilities and trust prevail, then it doesn't become a problem.

However, for a D/s or M/s dynamic, where the relationship is much more highly critical, then if either of the partners become callous about the relationship it could become very problematic. One partner or the other doesn't hold up their end. Like any relationship, it (the relationship) breaks down. Time to see what is happening and either fix it or move on before it becomes unhealthy and/or something bad happens.

Jeff

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RE: Thoughts of A Dominant. - 8/9/2006 4:11:18 AM

twicehappy

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I think some may after a time. But those relationships probably do not last very long.

The relationships that last in the long haul are those that focus on the emotional aspects of WIITWD, the kink is really the icing on the cake of a M/s relationship not the main focus.

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RE: Thoughts of A Dominant. - 8/9/2006 4:26:15 AM

ExSteelAgain

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Many become far too serious about things and let common sense leave that portion of the brain involved in reasoning. Someone who sits around all day thinking of what plan he/she has to follow to keep the D/s bond working is missing the point. Be yourself, have fun, appreciate your partner’s friendship and let a natural D/s relationship develop. In the end, a real relationship based on your real selves is going to trump any contrived one.

The sub frenzy waivers after a while and the sub will seek the same thing every other person wants eventually even if she stays in the confines of D/s. A calculating, morose person who finds obscure detrimental meanings in everything tires the heck out of me and most people, I bet.

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RE: Thoughts of A Dominant. - 8/9/2006 5:17:30 AM

Padriag

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Who is we?

Think about it and I think you'll get my point.

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RE: Thoughts of A Dominant. - 8/9/2006 5:59:38 AM

Lordandmaster

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I become callous when I jerk off too much.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasDom

Does any one think we become callouse when it comes to dealing with the relationship part in our life style?...

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RE: Thoughts of A Dominant. - 8/9/2006 6:35:30 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Lots of doms use their dominance as a shield against emotions and to hide their insecurities.

It really doesn't work in the long term.

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RE: Thoughts of A Dominant. - 8/9/2006 6:52:46 AM

mstrjx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain

A calculating, morose person who finds obscure detrimental meanings in everything tires the heck out of me and most people, I bet.

Ouch. That smarts. I've been called a lot of things, but morose? I think I better go write something on the 'When is it time to call it quits' thread.

Jeff

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RE: Thoughts of A Dominant. - 8/9/2006 6:58:53 AM

hvnleyscent

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It's unfortunate, but yes, many do hide behind their Dominance to cover up their insecurities and what they feel they lack within themselves. They do become callous and cold, emotionally distant and otherwise keep a wall around their heart. Some Doms simply feel they don't have what they feel they can give (by way of worldy goods, etc), therefore, when a REAL, TPE, soulbound submissive does open her heart to Him, she ends up, in a short period of time, getting that callous, blocked off and cold heart. For mere players, not looking for falling in love, that may not be an issue for them. For the loving, giving kind of submissive that i am, it's heartbreaking to be treated so callously. If Doms would be "brutally" honest with their partners UP FRONT, it would save the heart from being hurt and a process afterwards that wrenches it. THESE ARE JUST MY PERSONAL OPINIONS OF WHICH I'VE LEARNED IN MY LIFE EXPERIENCES.

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RE: Thoughts of A Dominant. - 8/9/2006 7:07:05 AM

Homestead

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I'm never callous about a relationship. If I have doubts, I express them and get past it-so there won't be security issues.

But I also choose my ground, and tend to avoid playing in minefields. Emotions are a part of life-but people who fall prey to them with no control ability are not healthy for me to be around.

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RE: Thoughts of A Dominant. - 8/9/2006 8:00:41 AM

KnightofMists

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No... in fact... I have found I am becoming more empathic... maybe because that is a personal desire to do so and not because of anything inherent in the process.

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RE: Thoughts of A Dominant. - 8/9/2006 8:03:17 AM

Homestead

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

No... in fact... I have found I am becoming more empathic... maybe because that is a personal desire to do so and not because of anything inherent in the process.

Empathy is key to domination. You cannot control what you cannot know and feel.

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RE: Thoughts of A Dominant. - 8/9/2006 9:12:54 AM

ExSteelAgain

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain

A calculating, morose person who finds obscure detrimental meanings in everything tires the heck out of me and most people, I bet.

Ouch. That smarts. I've been called a lot of things, but morose? I think I better go write something on the 'When is it time to call it quits' thread.

Jeff

Well, thanks for noting the biting capacity of my words, but it certainly wasn't directed at your post. I didn't see that much you and I disagreed on.

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RE: Thoughts of A Dominant. - 8/9/2006 9:53:34 AM

Estring

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I think that two things could possibly cause this. The first is if you are playing a role instead of being a real person. And the second is if you happen to become involved with a human "flat tire". This is a person who will demand more and more air (time and attention) to the detriment of you and the relationship.

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RE: Thoughts of A Dominant. - 8/9/2006 11:11:39 AM

Lashra

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I think its possible for some yes. I know a M/s couple who got involved with a group and he felt he must fit in by their standards rather than his own and ruined his 10 year relationship by doing so. He became so controlling/isolating that he drove his slave away and now he is alone.
I personally do things my own way, I've been called a *weak* Dominant by other Domme's because I allow my sub room to make some of his own decisions and choices in our relationship. Personally I don't see it as a weakness but more of a strength as it has brought us closer together and we have free communication. I am concerned with my own happiness AND his, sometimes that requires negotiation as as I see it.

~Lashra

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RE: Thoughts of A Dominant. - 8/9/2006 11:27:05 AM

LotusSong

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

I think its possible for some yes. I know a M/s couple who got involved with a group and he felt he must fit in by their standards rather than his own and ruined his 10 year relationship by doing so. He became so controlling/isolating that he drove his slave away and now he is alone.
I personally do things my own way, I've been called a *weak* Dominant by other Domme's because I allow my sub room to make some of his own decisions and choices in our relationship. Personally I don't see it as a weakness but more of a strength as it has brought us closer together and we have free communication. I am concerned with my own happiness AND his, sometimes that requires negotiation as as I see it.

~Lashra

I'm sure that I am seen the same way. The proof is in the pudding.. :)

(and ah luvs da puddin'!)

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RE: Thoughts of A Dominant. - 8/9/2006 11:41:42 AM

amayos

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasDom

Does any one think we become callouse when it comes to dealing with the relationship part in our life style?

Where I am concerned, it depends upon the nature of the relationship.

"Callous" is synonymous with cold-hearted or insensitive. In some veins of human interrelation, that is precisely what is sought, and it doesn't make it any less of a relationship—rather just a different form. Sometimes it is the slow, gradual thaw of that cold heart that appeals. When speaking of traditional relationships, so many seem to work in the opposite direction.

< Message edited by amayos -- 8/9/2006 11:43:40 AM >

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RE: Thoughts of A Dominant. - 8/9/2006 12:26:21 PM

Estring

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

I think its possible for some yes. I know a M/s couple who got involved with a group and he felt he must fit in by their standards rather than his own and ruined his 10 year relationship by doing so. He became so controlling/isolating that he drove his slave away and now he is alone.
I personally do things my own way, I've been called a *weak* Dominant by other Domme's because I allow my sub room to make some of his own decisions and choices in our relationship. Personally I don't see it as a weakness but more of a strength as it has brought us closer together and we have free communication. I am concerned with my own happiness AND his, sometimes that requires negotiation as as I see it.

~Lashra

Lashra, I am always puzzled when letting a sub/slave be human is looked at as a weakness. Not feeling threatened by your sub/slave having a mind and opinions seems to be a strength to me.

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RE: Thoughts of A Dominant. - 8/9/2006 12:32:59 PM

raiken

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Estring

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

I think its possible for some yes. I know a M/s couple who got involved with a group and he felt he must fit in by their standards rather than his own and ruined his 10 year relationship by doing so. He became so controlling/isolating that he drove his slave away and now he is alone.
I personally do things my own way, I've been called a *weak* Dominant by other Domme's because I allow my sub room to make some of his own decisions and choices in our relationship. Personally I don't see it as a weakness but more of a strength as it has brought us closer together and we have free communication. I am concerned with my own happiness AND his, sometimes that requires negotiation as as I see it.

~Lashra

Lashra, I am always puzzled when letting a sub/slave be human is looked at as a weakness. Not feeling threatened by your sub/slave having a mind and opinions seems to be a strength to me.

There are those who believe and feel, that to let a sub/slave have any say in their personal life or affairs, or express any interest other than that of their Master's desires and interests is unacceptable. There are those that do not consider being a slave to a Master, as being in a relationship with that Master. While i understand this works for some folks, i think i would have difficulty if i were expected to live according to that mindset, it is like they consider a slave to be sub-human.

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RE: Thoughts of A Dominant. - 8/9/2006 12:42:30 PM

onestandingstill

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I think we all Male/ Female Top/ Bottom have moments of being callous. We all deal with things that can rub us so raw we cover them over to protect those things that bother us. I think that's a human kind trait & not just limited to or more pronounced in Dom's.
Suzanne

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