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JoanFrost -> RE: Should Children Witness Childbirth? (8/11/2006 3:19:18 PM)
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I gave birth two years ago to my second son, whose older brother was then three and BEGGED to be present for the birth. Being the granola types that we are, and because my mother, who is a pediatric RN with more than 35 years of experience, would be there with our son, we agreed.
Here's what happened:
The hospital allowed for young children to be present, as long as they were attended by an adult other than the laboring mother or father, so we were good there. We planned on an unmedicated birth, but things went a little differently than anticipated and I accepted labor augmentation with pitocin, which for anyone who doesn't know, makes things about a thousand times more intense than a natural labor (I labored 26 hours with the first one, so I have ample basis for comparison.).
I managed ok until about 15 minutes before baby came (which, of course, we didn't know at the time), at which point I was just--- done, and asked for the anesthesiologist. He came in and gave me a "walking epidural," basically a very low dose epidural that leaves the body mobile and sensate, but kind of takes the edge off the contractions. What it did for me was put me in a place that was more like the natural labor I'd had with my first child. Sorry for the long description here--- my point is, it was far more intense than I'd anticipated, and I made a LOT of noise. No screaming obscenities or shouting at my husband that it was all his fault, but from my room emanated several hours worth of very loud, long, moans and grunts. It's called "labor," for a reason after all, and I'm NOT known for being quiet (shocking, I know!).
Baby emerged and Daddy was asked to cut the cord, but spontaneously turned to our son and invited him to help. We didn't have the birth videoed or photographed, but the image of my son's tiny hand, wrapped in his father's larger one, together cutting our newborn's umbilicus will never leave my mind. We did not plan it that way, but it was the right thing for us and it worked out beautifully. Once the hospital staff finished with us and left us to get to know our newest family member, my mother asked of my son what his favorite part had been. His response? "All that singing Mommy did to bring my baby brother to us!" The adults in the room wept and laughed hysterically at that one, and my sons just smiled and looked a little confused. Singing indeed!
Do I think anyone should be "forced" to watch a birth? Uh, no. Might some teenagers benefit from witnessing one? Sure, but not so much a fully medicated American Standard version. Typical epidural anesthesia numbs mom from ribcage to toes, and eliminates, for any observers, the vast majority of drama from the event. Might pretty much ANYONE benefit from witnessing a birth? Yes! But if a child is to be present, s/he MUST be equipped emotionally/intellectually to deal with the process, and MUST have with him/her an attendant whose sole purpose is to coach the child. Lots of questions can come up, and mom and dad are a little busy and probably not able to really address them until well after the fact. I have to trust that parents best know their own children, and are thus the ONLY people qualified to determine whether or not their child can/should be present for a birth.
If the object is to grab the attention of the would-be sexually active teens, then an unmedicated birth is what should be shown. Truly though, I think by the time they're teens, it's probably too late for scare-tactics. Teach EARLY, be honest, frank, and understanding. Don't shame. Recognize sexuality as the normal and beautiful thing it is, but consensual sex as the ADULT thing that it is, and communicate these things clearly. THAT is what so many children miss that ultimately puts them at risk for becoming parents prematurely.
With warmest regards and cruellest intentions,
Joan
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