Mercnbeth
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross ...Or, to put it perhaps in an even better way, you've outgrown your "old self" and cannot in the future be separated from your "self that is now," but you still retain a large portion of what was your "old self."... while that might be the way that it appears to you, but again, that has not been this slave's experience or the ideas she was trying to express. "...you've outgrown your "old self..." no, more like specifically surrendered her "old" ideas of an individual self and became a possession of Master for Him to use and direct as He sees fit---"lost the sense of self", as it were---becoming His possession. "...and cannot in the future be separated from your "self that is now"..." this slave fully admitted here: quote:
this slave can guarantee that her current lack of "sense of self" wouldn't exist outside of service to Master. if released, this slave would have to adapt her perceptions, and this slave is sure that would be a long and arduous task. and was stating that she very well could, in the future, be separated from the "self that is now". it would happen the moment Master released her, if that is His will. she would have to adjust to that change, and would no longer refer to herself in the third person or as a "slave"...and choose to either regain an individual "sense of self" again, and move forward, or pine for "that which used to be" and suffer, clinging to one-sided relationship, or jump into the first relationship that presents itself, or jump off a bridge...etc., point being, she would have a "self" to make decisions for again, and would have to take charge of it. perish the thought. "...but you still retain a large portion of what was your "old self"..." quote:
...You have always considered yourself a slave, or at least have always reacted to others as if you were, to refer back to the recent "reacted to a dom" thread. There is still PM (pre-Merc) essence of you within you as there is now PM (post-Merc)... what was this slave's "old self", even in the context of what the OP was talking about, (because this slave really doesn't think we have hijacked it yet), has been "lost" in service to Master. this slave never considered herself a "slave" in the context she is now, until becoming Master's. she just saw herself as an intensely service-oriented individual, in and out of the bedroom~this relationship is the first intimate M/s relationship that was discussed as such with roles being clearly defined that this slave has ever participated in. the other relationships this slave refers to serving in the past, be they intimate, platonic, familial, financial, what have you, just found this slave gravitating to service, even if that service was to "act" as if Dominant, because it wasn't just a certain "je ne sais quois" about a certain Domly type that inspired this slave to serve~this slave's refers to herself as being trained as a slave since as far back as she can remember as hindsight, not as an awareness of it at the time. the growth and awareness that has taken place "post-Merc" has only happened because this slave surrendered her "pre-Merc" self, flaws and all, to Him.
< Message edited by Mercnbeth -- 8/10/2006 2:03:07 PM >
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