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RE: New Domme-Seeking Advice - 8/16/2006 3:04:22 PM

WhiteRadiance

Posts: 247
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

Hello Livia-

My suggestion is look at yourself and determine who you are and who you want to be. You will not find it in a book, or on a website. Anyone can read and learn a technique and become like everyone else. Be true to who you are. (I am not shunning knowledge, BTW..)

My advice is not to change your beliefs, morals, values, or character for anyone.

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Staci

The drop of rain makes a hole in a stone not by violence, but by often falling.

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RE: New Domme-Seeking Advice - 8/16/2006 4:04:36 PM

MistressDeAnnya

Posts: 37
Joined: 8/1/2005
Status: offline

Welcome QueenLivia!!

The advice you will get here will be helpful. Im glad you are asking. Never be afraid to ask when you have questions. Its not "undommely" its wise.

I know you will consider all advice given, learn from what you see others discuss, as well as from what you read and witness from alot of other places. All will assist as a guide to becoming the type Domme you want to be.

Id like to show you a great site, that is about Lifestyle Domination.
www.castlerealm.com
To me it has many rules to live by!

Do your research, experiment and of corse be stern in your beleifs.
My advice is: never use the term "Domme" to be rude and selfish as a person.

I also love a site called www.meninpain.com because it shows many scenes and you'll get hundreds of ideas on how some scening goes. You dont have to be that extreme but it does get the imagination flowing! :)

Best wishes,
Mistress DeAnnya

(in reply to QueenLivia)

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RE: New Domme-Seeking Advice - 8/17/2006 10:45:03 AM

improperbehavior

Posts: 2
Joined: 4/26/2006
Status: offline

I think if you have to ask you are not a domm....its in you..either you have it or you dont

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RE: New Domme-Seeking Advice - 8/17/2006 11:14:06 AM

slavekal

Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline

From the submissive male perspective, the best thing you can do is to be true to your desires. Equivocation is death. Search your desires and fantasies, and then let them be known. The worst thing you can do is to censor yourself. Believe that whatever you want, you can, and you SHOULD have. Demand what you want, what you really want, and it will happen.

(in reply to improperbehavior)

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RE: New Domme-Seeking Advice - 8/17/2006 11:41:19 AM

IndigoDadesi

Posts: 185
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: improperbehavior

I think if you have to ask you are not a domm....its in you..either you have it or you dont

I think thats a completely unfair statement. Besides, shes not asking whether or not she is a Domme, shes asking where she can get more info on being a Domme. You may not realize it but, at least for me, a lot of hard work and preparation goes into training, scening and maintaining a sub. Where do you think that info comes from? The Domme part of our brain that stores all the past knowledge of Dommes that came before us?

Anyway, Ive been reading "Come Hither" lately. I really like it. I didnt really like "The Mistress Manual" because it was very repetitive. Just remember that its ok if you need to work up to being a total bitch. I thought some of this stuff was a little silly at first too, but once I got into it I REALLY got into it. Even if it turns out your not the bitch Domme, thats ok too. Im sure there is a sub out there that is right for you. The key is to find a sub that will be happy with your style of Domme

< Message edited by IndigoDadesi -- 8/17/2006 11:50:24 AM >

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'"Where do we go when we die?" asks Billy. "I don't know. Where are we now?" is the gypsy's reply.'

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RE: New Domme-Seeking Advice - 8/17/2006 2:39:14 PM

cynthiamarie

Posts: 205
Joined: 3/11/2005
From: Bluefield, WV, USA
Status: offline

Some of us have a lot of deprogramming to do on ourselves as we grow into our Domme boots. Inflicting pain, marks, humiliation, and just plain giving ourselves permission to use another human being and be "selfish" doesn't come easy to everyone. Some of us have religious beliefs we have to make peace with as well, and yes...reading can help. Take for instance these message boards...

As for being born dominant or not, anyone can be dominant, but it takes learning and training (often self-training if we're in the middle of nowhere) before being able to consider ourselves responsible, skilled, lifestyle dominants. Someone may have been born with the gift to become a great artist, but they will still have to go through years of hard study and trial and error before becoming a master.

Reading what others have done doesn't have to program someone to be just like someone else. Neither would watching someone else's style...whether in person under a mentor or on some BDSM film. I was concerned about this, so avoided watching others until I had a feel of what was right for me, first through reading and then topping.

Then I watched a few BDSM flicks, and saw that they are mostly written by males for males and that the women dressed up in fetish wear are being service tops and not getting into it. But...it might do you some good...as you sit there wanting to toss popcorn on the screen and rewrite the script to suit your own needs better. Watching someone else do things first can be so liberating.

For me, BDSM is sometimes like a box of chocolates

You won't know if you like the taste of something until you've taken a bite. I thought I'd never get into face slapping, leash play, CBT...I spent dozens of hours reading safeties, and often consulting kinky nurse and doctor friends, for things others were enjoying and some things I put into my "doesn't turn me on" list...then, I tried them with the right people and woohoo, did it push my buttons.

I don't do rituals, as I haven't seen what others have done and don't feel the need for them yet.

At this stage of my growth, I'm more comfortable with splitting BDSM from D/s, as I don't want to feel ownership feelings for someone who is only bottoming for me. D/s is the way I love, and I would resent having someone kneel at my feet when they are not mine. Just my own preference, I may feel differently over time but I'm comfortable with it now.

Thanks to all who posted links. I am very interested in the men in pain one

One thing that hasn't helped much with books is the emotional and mental aspects of domination and submission. Scene ideas and ideologies are all spelled out, but what I'm looking for might have to be found in behavior mod and other vanilla books. I'll look into whatever books that others suggest.

(in reply to IndigoDadesi)

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RE: New Domme-Seeking Advice - 8/17/2006 2:53:01 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: improperbehavior

I think if you have to ask you are not a domm....its in you..either you have it or you dont

That is a crock of crap. Being a wicked dominant woman is far different that being an educated confident domina. It's not "add crop, instant dom/domme". It takes time and experience, a learning process for sure.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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Post #: 27

RE: New Domme-Seeking Advice - 8/17/2006 4:03:25 PM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

for some you will be too hard
for some you will be too soft
for some you will be too talkative
for some you wont talk enough

for some you will be too needy
for some you will be too aloof
for some you will be irrisitable
and some will simply go 'poof'

so dont try be pleasing to all
dont worry what they think or say
just imagine your life as grand as can be
and remember its all about play

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

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RE: New Domme-Seeking Advice - 8/17/2006 4:24:10 PM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: improperbehavior

I think if you have to ask you are not a domm....its in you..either you have it or you dont

And I think if you have 1 post and have to say something idiotic like this (and troll on the next message), you need a swift kick in the seat of the pants.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

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RE: New Domme-Seeking Advice - 8/18/2006 10:50:56 AM

PhDslave

Posts: 74
Joined: 9/24/2005
Status: offline

Learn and study (the Elise Sutton site is particularly good), but the Ladies who suggested just being yourself probably offered the best advice. There are plenty of guys (some of whom don't even know about the term Femdom) who would be thrilled to be of service to you and would grow to love you. You have a fantastic profile and if I were about a hundred years younger and about a hundred miles closer, I'd ask you to consider me. Pick a man who appreciates your qualities - both vanilla and kinky. As the Femdom relationship continues with your sub, you'll relax into your dominance (or at least that what I've heard). Good luck. You deserve the best.

(in reply to MisPandora)

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Post #: 30