Is It Just Me? (Full Version)

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Lashra -> Is It Just Me? (8/10/2006 5:36:23 AM)

Is it just me or the fact that I haven't had my coffee yet, that I'm so tired of hearing about Pro Domme's? What makes people think that most Domme's are in it for the money? I am in no way a Pro Domme, I'm just a regular Domme. I've done this since 1981 and I've never asked or taken a penny from any of my subs. Hell I even pay for my own toys and leather gear that I like to wear.

What makes people think that these men are FORCED to get involved with Pro Domme's and pay for services? Are Pro Dommes planting a virus on computers that forces it to snatch the male owners credit card so he has to pay for cyber services? Are they grabbing men off the streets and whipping them into handing over the Visa card? If so someone should call the cops!

Also the controversy about how women are money driven is  generalized and quite insulting to those of us who aren't. If one follows and agrees with that thinking then one could say: Women are money driven, Men are pussy driven. So one hand washes the other, so whats the big deal? Each is getting something that they want and as we know nothing in life is free.

Personally I work hard and make my own money, I don't need anyone else's like alot of the other Domme's in the world. We aren't all money grabbers.

Just venting..

~Lashra



Jasmyn -> RE: Is It Just Me? (8/10/2006 5:39:11 AM)

The inability to accept their own lack of control over how a woman uses her sex, or in this case certain women, and for some, women in general ... like I said in my other thread ... "it's my cunt, give it back" ...some people need to get over it...what is a 'whore' but a woman who isn't under a man's control ... demanding payment for pussy farks with their head...cause the alternative ...is rape ... and they all know it ... 



michaelGA2 -> RE: Is It Just Me? (8/10/2006 5:49:09 AM)

as far as i've seen on here, those who list themselves as "ProDomme" often place in their profiles that they "require tribute". this subject has often gotten me into deep trouble with many people on here, but i thought i'd still put my two cent's worth in anyway. not all Dommes are driven by material things and not all male subs are driven by sexual things. just a select few are so desperate that they believe the only way to find a Mistress is to pay for Them and "ProDomme's" are fully aware of this and use this to Their advantage. having not finding a Mistress thus far and not quite being that desperate, i will never pay for a Mistress as, in my opinion, that belittle them and it is disrespectful not to mention belittling to those who are seeking a sub for the emotional and physical aspects of the lifestyle. it is widely known of my advocacy against ProDommes and my feelings have upset many. i've rambled on enough, but maybe that might answer Your question in some small degree, Ma'am.



blckmlslv -> RE: Is It Just Me? (8/10/2006 5:49:14 AM)

Nothing wrong with venting. I agree: Dommes like anyone else should not be steryotyped. Although there is nothing wrong with being a Pro Domme, all Dommes should not assumed to be Pro. If you need a whipping post to help you vent, Mistress Lashara, please give me a call (smile)



Jasmyn -> RE: Is It Just Me? (8/10/2006 6:11:03 AM)

But Michael you don't know that any of this happens ... like you say it is just your opinion ... but opinions do need to come with some substance to be taken seriously and therefore pique the interest of an audience/reader ... all I get from your posts on this subject... from someone who does work in the industry ... is you might have strong convictions on it, but your lack of knowledge of how a great many professional relationships work ... and why ... lets your opinion down everytime ... it's not that you have the opinion, that probably raises the ire of those you have irked ... but that you adamantly refuse to accept there could be another way... what is your truth is not necessarily someone else's truth ... kudos for having an opinion and kudos for realising they may not always be welcomed by all.
 
Jasmyn



michaelGA2 -> RE: Is It Just Me? (8/10/2006 6:26:35 AM)

thanks...i still say that it's topping from the bottom and the "ProDomme" is really the submissive here since they require money before they will do anything and then it's what the sub wants. just another opinion here



MrrPete -> RE: Is It Just Me? (8/10/2006 6:37:02 AM)

Have you had your coffee yet?[:D]



LadyMorgynn -> RE: Is It Just Me? (8/10/2006 6:41:00 AM)

FACT: If there was not a demand for them, there would not BE so many pro Domme's. 

So there are pro Domme's on Collarme.  Who the hell cares???  I don't see why anyone not interested in a pro Domme can't just NOT contact them, instead of having to come over here on the forums and keep whining about the how many pro Dommes there are.  Like Lashra said, nobody is forcing anyone to connect with the pro's.  There are FAR more non-pro Domme's on here anyway, so what's the fuss about?



gooddogbenji -> RE: Is It Just Me? (8/10/2006 6:48:04 AM)

Is anyone else just  SO sick of hearing about Prodommes, that they need to start a new thread on the topic?

This thread is kinda like tiptoeing around an uncomfortable subject by announcing it on th radio.

Yours,


benji



Jasmyn -> RE: Is It Just Me? (8/10/2006 6:53:51 AM)

Kewl as... but so is any scene where limits and boundaries, needs and wants are discussed and agreed to before play takes place..
 
And yes there are scenes where the client does have a very specific wish list/script ... but there are also many scenes where there is not and you have to call upon all your mental and psychological reserves to give this person the session that leaves them breathless and in awe ... thats why I say, pro domination is an art, it is a craft ... if you are crap, you're clients will vote with their feet... unless you are the only one available for miles or the only opportunity a person gets where they can visit with a pro dom.. a uselss pro dom will not last ... a pro domina (to make a distinction, as in 'dominatrix') will be a step above, she will know what makes the male psyche and male sub tick, she'll draw it out, climb inside his head and make his thoughts, desires her own ... I love fetish, I love the theatrics, I love the games, I love the devotion, I love the leather, I love the experiences, I love the control, I love the ego stroke of having a sub on his knees, ever pore in his body vibing to your touch, his mind reeling from your words, from what it is you want, you're freaky arse needs ... a lot of men are jaded, want to be inspired..it may not be that they want nor need domination in their lives every day ... but the memory of a good domina will linger, and if you were to see her in the street, it would take every ounce of energy and willpower to not drop to your knees.  
 
Part of the problem for me, I feel kinda old school in some ways, and when I think of professional domination, it is from the position of ultimate power, the pro dom was in charge, regardless, turn up with a script and we laugh in your face...yes that's all very well and nice dear, but get on your knees and kiss my boots ...in my mind, their script, their needs, their wants, their limits are noted ...if she told you to turn up wearing a blue polka dot tie holding three carrots...best you did ... it wasn't seen as beeing 'buying a service' but the giving of money, gifts or time, was about respecting the Mistress ... she has the ultimate power, she could have easily have said no, you will never darken my door/door again for all the sex toys in China (which incidently I have done to a few)... money may be the driving force for some who work commercially, but it is not true of all ...



Lashra -> RE: Is It Just Me? (8/10/2006 6:58:43 AM)

Yep I sure did and my opinion has stayed the same[:)]

~Lashra



Lashra -> RE: Is It Just Me? (8/10/2006 7:01:30 AM)

Yep and as a user I have the right to do it. I want to vent, Im going to as long the Mods don't have a problem with it. Just like everyone else does, only Im not bitching about how women are money hungry mongrels looking to take every poor defenseless guy for every penny he has. Im taking a different spin on the subject, how not all of us Domme's ( and women in general) are greedy dollar suckers.

Have a good one.

~Lashra



Lashra -> RE: Is It Just Me? (8/10/2006 7:05:16 AM)

I agree with you michael, the Pro Domme isn't in control she's just doing what she gets paid to do and the sub is a customer who tells her what he wants/desires. He isn't being forced into it, its something he wants to do and she is just doing a job.

~Lashra



thetammyjo -> RE: Is It Just Me? (8/10/2006 7:05:48 AM)

I think the professional female dominants use the internet and other forms of media to promote themselves -- that is part of getting clients afterall. This makes them more visible to everyone than say you or I. Much of the fiction that is published also focuses on professional or "professional seeming" female dominants all done up in latex and leather and high heels, in short, an image that corresponds that that which professionals put out (they probably use it to feed off the porn images so it is a vicious cycle).

The more visible something is, the more it is seen as the "norm".

The sad part though is that while more average, non-professional dominant women might help with this view a lot of these women don't want to be in public. Or they might adopt a title and use a "pose" in their profiles as a way to "fit in" -- we, too, see these professional and porn images so it is not surprising they can be "hot" for us too (well, not me, but I'm strange like that).

So not only is the professional seen more because she must be to make a living but some non-pros adopt a similar way of acting, dressing and talking because they think it is appropriate.

In short, I think that is someone dislikes the standard image then they have two choices. Either ignore it and anyone who thinks that is every dominant OR stand up, be yourself and be very visible so you can demonstrate there is a difference.



LaTigresse -> RE: Is It Just Me? (8/10/2006 7:09:10 AM)

I personally don't care one way or another. It's not my life, it has no effect on my life. No one I know is having their wallet held hostage. It just seems it is another way for people's needs to be met. One likes to dominate and is willing to take money for it, another wants to be dominated and is willing to pay for it. Capitolism at its finest. Is it for me, no. Granted my life would be a bit easier if I had more money. It's just that for ME, no one else, just ME, the monetary transaction would ruin the magic of what domination is to ME. What it is to others, is no business of mine. I refuse to pass judgement on either the payee or the payer.



WhiteRadiance -> RE: Is It Just Me? (8/10/2006 7:30:21 AM)

Michael we all have heard your whining and know how you feel about pros. 
 
IMHO it is the TOPS- (not Dommes) who play casually and take orders from bottoms, and who do exactly what the bottom tells them to do- who are the actual subs. Yes, I have seen this at many parties. Go to one and "submit".
 
There is nothing submissive about getting paid for a service. 
Pros are not needy, greedy, deperate, or willing to do something for nothing.  It is a service, not charity.
 
 



quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelGA2

thanks...i still say that it's topping from the bottom and the "ProDomme" is really the submissive here since they require money before they will do anything and then it's what the sub wants. just another opinion here



LadyHugs -> RE: Is It Just Me? (8/10/2006 7:42:11 AM)

Dear Lashra, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
I do indeed understand the need to express frustration in regard to Pro Dominants. 
 
Yet, even within the Pro Dominant ranks, you have a salad bar variety of them.  Some do have ethics and standards, to which even they are unable to be seen due to those who just take from the lifestyle, as to make it a quick money revenue engine and twirl their minds around what is easy--money in exchange for kinky sex or model in fetish attire.  In my mind's eye, the ethical Pro-Dominant is just as rare as ethical Dominants who do not take a dime and really do care about others--especially those in her/his keeping.
 
Personally, I am wary when it comes to any sexual association with M/s, D/s and or BDSM.  One reason is due in part, as the double standards in the scene as far as male and female 'behavior.'  I noticed through the years, men are extremely critical of women in the scene yet, they create the very enviorment they bitch about.  When women have 'bucked' the system in the 1980-1999 period, some were labeled as 'difficult' and or 'dangerous' -- we all are familiar with 'group' politics and popularity circles, the A-List and the outcasts and the "in crowd."  If a woman wished to be looser than what was deemed proper--immediately, women were labeled a slut or whore.  Yet, when men were just as loose and or more, nothing was said.  And, to be honest--some women act as whores and behave like tramps so, nobody should be blamed for naming what behaviors are exhibited truthfully as they see it.  It needs to be said, that some women do play the "sex" card, some will play the 'race' card--so, what is the summary effect, is that it just makes it harder on those who don't play the 'cards.'
 
Facts of life, civilization, social circles and the like; there will be those who will take advantage of individuals and or circumstances.  What boils down to--can you look in the mirror and have pride in yourself, your ethics, standards, behavior and or attitude in this lifestyle.  Sometimes, its just necessary to pat your own back for just being "you." -- The power to not surrender to temptation of taking an easier road may not pay dollars but, pays in ways money can't buy.
 
Perhaps when the "Pro-dominants" have had enough within their own ranks, as to start changing the trend; maybe we'll see a difference.  In the meantime, those who don't identify as Pro dominants need to work equally, as to raise the standards of our own.  Being a Lady, is more than a title but, a state of behavior.  It is also a state of attitude. 
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs



rick19 -> RE: Is It Just Me? (8/10/2006 7:45:41 AM)

Pro-domination is harder than one thinks. She has to mentally prepare for the session, probably buy her own fetish clothes, etc, she also has to be willing to stomach her clients, and also has to live a double life. Most of them work at vanilla jobs during the day. Yes, the stereotypical money grubbers do exist, but it is unfair to put all pro dommes in a category, just because of a couple individuals.



cloudboy -> RE: Is It Just Me? (8/10/2006 8:07:42 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: gooddogbenji

Is anyone else just SO sick of hearing about Prodommes, that they need to start a new thread on the topic?

benji


The irony is palpable.

What would CM be if it did not in some small way remind us of Bill Murray in Groundhog day?

Maybe if we take enough bites at the apple, we'll get something right!!



Jasmyn -> RE: Is It Just Me? (8/10/2006 8:14:24 AM)

quote:

He isn't being forced into it, its something he wants to do and she is just doing a job.
 
Is it so hard for people to entertain the idea, some of us love what it is we do, as some people can in any career...    and yes it is a career choice ...and can be every bit rewarding and profitable as any other ... and I don't mean people should suddenly change their mind and embrace the way I say it is... but it would make these discussions so much more entertaining if people were to drop the stereotypes and accept, there are different strokes, for different folks and discuss them... like the guy who comes to see me for a regular 15 mins of caning,  he writes to me after these meets and tells me about how the session was for him, he goes into elabourate detail of the mechanics of the scene, the pain, the strokes, the canes used, etc, after scene, the tenderness, how the marks are/feel, etc ...he's been coming to see me for nearly four years, occasionally dropping under the radar, but popping up a few months later... he has only been to see one Mistress professional before seeing me...for a couple of sessions .. and thinks, in me, he has found his holy grail... and I'm glad I can be that person for him. 
 
He grew up in an era where caning was still in use at schools but he was too scared to do anything wrong...and laments this... his life long want/need since high school was to be caned ... he wanted to face his life long fear ...
 
Currently, his m.o is methodical analysing, looking at each experience as 'trying something out', suits me ...ie small cane, test it, review it, big cane test it, review it...I'm a patient woman, and it works for me...I get to test different strokes, intensities, rythyms, dialoges, and with someone who wants to experience very real pain...testing my own limits, at been able to do deliver that, effectively and safely ..which works for him, he can tell himself this is *just* a test ...it's not a *real caning*... so he was suprised, when the first time together, he actually got one...
 
When he started coming to see me, he was very much about, what do I get for my money, a common enough attitude, and it doesn't offend me ... I'm well aware of buyer beware ...as a consumer myself, I expect a product to be all that it says it is...and as a human being having a human interaction, I expect the person to be who they say or portray they are ... if you say something is, it must be so ... kind of thinking... I don't like liars, liars are disappointing ... and waste my time ...so yes, buyer/lover/friend beware... and Mistress too ... so over time a friendship has developed, he's become bit of a kindred soul, we understand each other, and respect that in each other we can find a common ground.  He's respectful and delightful, and the yummiest bit, is the way he quivers in his shoes if I get to close without a cane in my hand .. as I see him wondering/hoping/fretting what would happen if this mysterious chamealean (sp?) woman really did decide to take control ;)
 
I don't have time at the moment for the aftermath of that, and by that I mean, shell shocked, he will either run, drop under the radar only too pop up, not a couple of months, but many months later...sub drop..confused feelings   ...and I would fret about him... or he will be very needy and require a lot of my time . .. so for now I will leave him in his safe zone I can dedicated that time to him. 
 
Outside of his visits, we keep in touch via emails, the odd call, text mesgging, like any friends would ... the only difference being in public I respect his right to privacy as he respects mine ... I don't tell my closets friends who these men are, let alone point them out if we see them in town ... it's respecting people's personal boundaries and you can't get any more a sign of respect than that...
 
...and chocolates
 
 
 



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