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Engineering a Laugh... - 8/10/2006 12:25:31 PM

Mercnbeth

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Understanding Engineers - Take One - Two engineering students are crossing the campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The first engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

Understanding Engineers - Take Two- To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Understanding Engineers - Take Three- A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!" The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens-keeper. Let's have a word with him... "Hi George! Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind fire-fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight. The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?" Understanding Engineers - Take Four - What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers? Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets. Understanding Engineers - Take Five - The graduate with a Science degree asks "Why does it work?" The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?" Understanding Engineers - Take Six - Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections. The last one said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?" Understanding Engineers - Take Seven- An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both." "Both?" "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done."
Understanding Engineers - Take Eight- An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

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RE: Engineering a Laugh... - 8/10/2006 1:02:50 PM

MistressTexas

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Lol I've just sent that to every engineer I know.. very amusing.

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RE: Engineering a Laugh... - 8/10/2006 3:52:04 PM

Saratov

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I sent it to the folks I figured could understand it.

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RE: Engineering a Laugh... - 8/10/2006 4:06:13 PM

LotusSong

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Oh do I have someone to send THAT to!! Very good, thanks :)

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RE: Engineering a Laugh... - 8/10/2006 4:09:26 PM

ravn

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hysterical....absolutely hysterical, that was just sent out

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RE: Engineering a Laugh... - 8/10/2006 4:13:06 PM

gooddogbenji

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An engineer would find a more efficient way to send this thing out to as many people as I want to.

Yours,

benji

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RE: Engineering a Laugh... - 8/10/2006 10:37:49 PM

Craftsman

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Y'know, I read these from one end to the other, and these stories simply describe who we engineers are. I'm so glad that someone finally put together a list of the best attributes of the engineering ilk. Thanks, Mercnbeth --- though I still think this should be posted under "education" rather than "humor."

R/

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RE: Engineering a Laugh... - 8/10/2006 11:01:29 PM

Termyn8or

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Are you an engineer ? I don't mean your cash cow, you could be a bank teler or the President of Ford Motor Company, I mean are you an engineer ? (actually if you are indeed the President of Ford you probably are).

Nice post, there were a few I hadn't heard before. Keep it up.

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RE: Engineering a Laugh... - 8/16/2006 8:59:41 PM

Termyn8or

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A very young engineer takes his toy out to the salt flats with a Rabbi and a Priest. It is a musclecar with 752.147 HP. At 100.02 MPH he slams it into second, floors it and it goes into a spin, going around 66.129 times.

After realizing they were indeed still alive, the passengers piped up. The Rabbi siad "Oy vey", and the Priest said "Oh Jesus".

The engineer turned the car around to head back to town and said :"Nope, Pirellis".

And I do agree, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

T

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RE: Engineering a Laugh... - 8/17/2006 9:02:49 PM

Whiterabbit0117

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This one is over 30 years old, but my wife swears it is still true today.

Verily, I say unto ye,
marry not an engineer.
For an engineer is a strange being
and possessed of many evils.

Yea, he speaketh always in parables
which he calleth formulae.
He wieldeth a big stick
which he calleth a slide rule.
And he hath only one bible,
a handbook.

He thinketh only of strains and stresses,
and without end of thermodynamics.
He showeth always a serious aspect
and seemeth not to know how to smile.
He picketh his seat in a car by the springs thereof
and not by the damsels.

Neither does he know a waterfall
except by its horsepower,
Nor a sunset
except that he must turn on the light,
Nor a damsel
except by her weight.

Always he carrieth his books with him,
and he entertaineth his sweetheart with steam tables.
Verily, though his damsel expecteth chocolates when he calleth,
She openeth the package to discover samples of iron ore.

Yea, he holdeth her hand
but to measure the friction thereof,
and kisseth her
only to test the viscosity of her lips,
for in his eyes shineth a far away look
that is neither love nor longing,
but a vain attempt to recall formulae.

Even as a boy, he pulleth a girl's hair
but to test its elasticity.
But as a man,
he deviseth different devices.
For he counteth the vibrations of her heartstrings
And seeketh ever to pursue his scientific investigations.

Even his own heart flutterings
he counteth as a measure of fluctuation.
And his marriage is but a
simultaneous equation involving two unknowns.
And yielding diverse results.

Verily, I say unto ye,
do not marry an engineer.

< Message edited by Whiterabbit0117 -- 8/17/2006 9:05:01 PM >

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RE: Engineering a Laugh... - 8/19/2006 9:40:45 PM

ThatLilBrat

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I shared this with my mom and my 'retired civil engineer' father.

My Dad must have been insulted by all the laughing ....

Dad threatened to cut me out of his will.

Mom laughed so hard ... Dad threatened to sleep on the couch ... <rolls eyes> no harm, no foul ....

Mom said "Just more room in the bed for the dogs and me."

I'm going to do my sister a favor and send it to her and her husband ... another engineer. Maybe she will get the bed all to herself.

< Message edited by ThatLilBrat -- 8/19/2006 9:45:10 PM >

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