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Sirandlittle1 -> RE: Seeking advice.. from vanilla married to D/s married (8/13/2006 12:59:07 AM)
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I would think of entering D/s 24/7 cautiously.
Starting with bedroom only as you have done, then leaking into the house lol
Just slowly walking along the D/s continuum together, checking in with each other every step of the way, what is working, why it is working, for both of you. Learning from each other what buttons push what reactions.
If i asked my Sir, when i am being the best sub, he'd say its when im obeying his wishes. Cool. Easy to follow in theory.
But that's not exactly when i feel my most submissive. So he has to pay attention to what my buttons are.
I like the feeling of submission, but being obedient doesnt get 'me' there. If im not getting there, he has to help me fix that. I need my fix. Or i lose it.
The time we have spent together is relatively short, just coming up 2 yrs. But we have learned so much as weve gone along. Discarded quite a bit of the original fantasy too. We've come up with a lifestyle, that meets both our needs.
The communication factor is huge. The need for good communication between you both is vital.
Using that communication level of intensity, discuss why bedroom only, is no longer enough? why not? What need for you, doesnt it address? and ditto for him?
For me, i liked the bedroom only so much, that i wanted that sorta control in my life. Not just my bedroom. When i was submitting, was when i felt complete, natural, me. I adore the outside of the bedroom stuff. Having my clothes chosen, routines to follow, rituals to adhere to, my food chosen, my behaviour controlled, inventing fun nights in for us that dont include tv etc. where i can serve him.
In some ways, i found our needs did not match in certain areas. So we get creative to get around those. Or he'll indulge my need to serve, without really appreciating it, like ironing his shirts is a HUGE service for me to provide, and he's not really impressed by that. But i get to see him in the shirt 'i' ironed for him, so its all good. And he says thaks of course.
Other areas of my kinky side, have no place in a D/s traditional framework, with me being the submissive. So, for that, we say fuck D/s, this is good fun, and roll with it. The basic premise being, if its good, its in, if its not, stop.
Transitioning is difficult. But so worth while if you can make it.
Id say in 2 yrs, we've had 3 really tricky patches to overcome. I have our basic mutual respect, love and communication skills to thank for seeing us through those difficult spots successfully.
You have a added advantage of 9 years of knowledge of one another to assist you. Use that.
best wishes, i hope that you both enjoy this decision of you both
little1
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