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Collaring vs Wearing a Collar - 8/11/2006 10:49:57 AM   
AWittyDuo


Posts: 8
Joined: 7/27/2006
Status: offline 		Hi, ths is the girl part ofthe duo and I amsubservient to my Sir.  I'm still learning the terminology and such but I have a question. 

I understand that to be colloared is a very serious step in the community.  Something tantamount to marriage. I'm certainly *not* looking for that however, I do enjoy the humilitaing and dehumanizing aspects of having a caollar placed around my neck and then being led aroiund by it. 

What do you all see as the difference between the two and what is the best way for me communicate what I need clearly? 
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Collaring vs Wearing a Collar - 8/11/2006 10:51:36 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AWittyDuo
What do you all see as the difference between the two and what is the best way for me communicate what I need clearly? 

One is a symbol of a deep committed long term relationship and one is a fun toy that you use and enjoy to put you in a particular headspace.

You've communicated what you need here perfectly.  Just copy and paste it as necessary.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to AWittyDuo)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Collaring vs Wearing a Collar - 8/11/2006 11:26:23 AM   
amayos


Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AWittyDuo

Hi, ths is the girl part ofthe duo and I amsubservient to my Sir. I'm still learning the terminology and such but I have a question.

I understand that to be colloared is a very serious step in the community. Something tantamount to marriage. I'm certainly *not* looking for that however, I do enjoy the humilitaing and dehumanizing aspects of having a caollar placed around my neck and then being led aroiund by it.

What do you all see as the difference between the two and what is the best way for me communicate what I need clearly?



I personally do not view the collar as endowed with any ceremonial significance, though I do not see it as a toy, either. The collar I use is made of hinged steel, locked with an alan key. It is heavy. It has three areas where chain or rope can be linked or looped. It is a functional instrument in what I do, and nothing more. While I understand a slave or pet will come to associate a great deal of meaning to the collar, I prefer allowing this process to happen naturally of its own accord. This may be a particular quirk of mine, but I feel that making ceremonies out of some things sometimes slays what could have come quietly within.

(in reply to AWittyDuo)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Collaring vs Wearing a Collar - 8/11/2006 11:52:42 AM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
Use a collar as you wish, just as people use rings.
 
If you wish to use it as a symbol of commitment use it.
If its used only in Play... use it like that.
 
You have communicated your understanding well.
Peace and Rapture


_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to AWittyDuo)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Collaring vs Wearing a Collar - 8/11/2006 12:31:51 PM   
gandalf0297


Posts: 148
Joined: 8/6/2006
Status: offline 		*grin* what she said.
Gandlaf

(in reply to darkinshadows)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Collaring vs Wearing a Collar - 8/11/2006 12:46:50 PM   
gentlethistle


Posts: 186
Joined: 10/28/2005
Status: offline 		I have been required to wear a 'collar' (which is a necklace) at all times (well, except in the bath or the shower). I usually wear a leather collar and cuffs when we are alone together.  But there has been no formal 'collaring' ceremony or agreement.  It is what it is. I don't know particularly what it means.  There are times when these things have been a comfort to me and I have worn the leather collar at nights alone.  There are other times when it's felt inappropriate.

I assume that what the use of a collar means to you and another will equally depend upon yourselves.

Laura

(in reply to AWittyDuo)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Collaring vs Wearing a Collar - 8/11/2006 1:36:50 PM   
behindmirrors


Posts: 340
Joined: 8/5/2006
Status: offline 		These things are what you make of them, really- as has been said before, it can be a committment or it can be a play item that is useful, or something in between. That's a good thing to have a discussion about between the two of you and see what ends up. I had that talk with my Dominant only a few weeks ago, actually.

For us, a collar is a formal bond between Dominant and submissive, and it is seen as a great honor and something to be earned instead of given. At this point, he is training me in the ways he wants me so that I am fit to earn his collar. It is a point of great excitement to me. We will have an arrangement where I am to wear the collar itself whenever appropriate, but have a necklace that is entirely vanilla but has significance to us when I am out and about or it is not appropriate. We have discussed this at length and it works for us to add to a symbol like that to our relationship- it is symbolic and implies so much for us. For others, we understand it is not always this way, and we respect that as well. To each their own.

(in reply to gentlethistle)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Collaring vs Wearing a Collar - 8/11/2006 1:38:38 PM   
Cutiepie74019


Posts: 106
Joined: 7/25/2006
Status: offline 		theres a difference between being collared and wearing a collar simply express that you might wat to wear a collar in some situations but u do not want the collar to represent a commitment



_____________________________

"There are thorns everywhere, but along the path of vice, roses bloom above them."

Marquis DeSade

(in reply to gentlethistle)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Collaring vs Wearing a Collar - 8/11/2006 1:48:00 PM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline 		I agree with L.A.

(in reply to Cutiepie74019)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Collaring vs Wearing a Collar - 8/11/2006 4:28:25 PM   
JassWolf


Posts: 59
Joined: 4/10/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250

I agree with L.A.


So do I, as usual.

As to what it means, that is entirely up to you and your Sir. In our case, it is significant, meaningful and a central symbol of our relationship. As such, the physical object changes depending on what we're doing -- for playing: leather; for street: jewelry.

JW

_____________________________

The greater part of what my neighbors call good I believe in my soul to be bad, and if I repent of anything, it is very likely to be my good behavior. What demon possessed me that I behaved so well? -- Thoreau

(in reply to popeye1250)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Collaring vs Wearing a Collar - 8/11/2006 8:23:02 PM   
diamonddreamlove


Posts: 770
Joined: 5/19/2006
Status: offline 		I love to play in a collar.  I am not collared now but have discussed it with my Dom.  He believes in a collar being a lifelong committment and wants to make sure before either of U/us commits to it.  Wwe will take O/our time.  He in fact believes that i should experience other Doms so that my decision is based on understanding rather than just emotions.  When or if it happens it will mean the same for both of U/us in that it is a forever decision.  W/we plan a minimum of another year before we make that final decision.

_____________________________

"Many attempts to communicate are nullified by saying too much." Robert Greenleaf

(in reply to JassWolf)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Collaring vs Wearing a Collar - 8/11/2006 8:26:40 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		I have a play collar for my boy. We agree he isnt ready for a commitment collar yet, not at least until we live closer to one another. Wearing one for play is like wearing cuffs or a harness... its just for the enjoyment of the moment. Wearing a permanent commitment collar is like wearing your owner's ring. Personally, I liken it to marraige, whether an actual wedding happens or not.  But thats just my opinion.

DV

(in reply to diamonddreamlove)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Collaring vs Wearing a Collar - 8/11/2006 8:34:21 PM   
Homestead


Posts: 1005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AWittyDuo

Hi, ths is the girl part ofthe duo and I amsubservient to my Sir.  I'm still learning the terminology and such but I have a question. 

I understand that to be colloared is a very serious step in the community.  Something tantamount to marriage. I'm certainly *not* looking for that however, I do enjoy the humilitaing and dehumanizing aspects of having a caollar placed around my neck and then being led aroiund by it. 

What do you all see as the difference between the two and what is the best way for me communicate what I need clearly? 



If you are owned, a collar is only needed to puff up about it.

Just be happy you are accepted, and get on with your duties.

Equating it to marriage is romantic hogwash.

(in reply to AWittyDuo)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Collaring vs Wearing a Collar - 8/11/2006 10:07:28 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Homestead
If you are owned, a collar is only needed to puff up about it.

This is a bit generalistic. Puff up to whom?  The general public?  Are you referring to literally every oned person who wears one?  If so, I disagree.

quote:


Just be happy you are accepted, and get on with your duties.

Good advice, but could potentially stifle questions asked for the purpose of understanding.
quote:


Equating it to marriage is romantic hogwash.

I agree.  However I tend to understand the equation as a similarity in the seriousness with which the relationship is experienced.  My slavery to my Master, for example, is nothing like a marriage, but I view my commitment to him as seriously as I would view my commitment in a marriage.

(in reply to Homestead)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Collaring vs Wearing a Collar - 8/11/2006 10:21:29 PM   
Homestead


Posts: 1005
Status: offline 		The dynamic is a flowing medium to me. Communication should be automatic and transparent.

The commitment is simply fostering a continuation of having your needs met.

It irks me that people choose to attach so much idealism and romanticism to such simple things.

You do it because it makes you feel good about yourself.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Collaring vs Wearing a Collar - 8/11/2006 10:25:51 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		I mentioned commitment and seriousness, and nothing about romanticism.  I was trying to explain the comparison as I see it, which does not include romance at all.  Perhaps comparing a dog owner's commitment to the training and welfare of his beast, and the dog's loyalty to its owner in return  would be a better comparison.

(in reply to Homestead)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Collaring vs Wearing a Collar - 8/11/2006 10:32:05 PM   
Homestead


Posts: 1005
Status: offline 		people are not dogs.

loyalty only keeps being offered by acceptance. Commitment only comes from making use of each other in a predictable manner.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Collaring vs Wearing a Collar - 8/11/2006 10:36:46 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		I did not say people are dogs.  My analogies are becoming lost in translation so I will let it rest.

(in reply to Homestead)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Collaring vs Wearing a Collar - 8/11/2006 10:39:45 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		To some of us, that "romantic hogwash" as you say is how we choose to view it. TO ME, it is like a marriage, and may as well be.  If you dont choose to see it that way, thats fine.  I dont require anyone to have the same understand of the symbolism of the colar that I do excpet the boy thats wears mine.  And thats just what it is, itsa symbol of the devotion that is already there. When I believe the proper devotion is there, he will get the symbol saying so.
its how *I* do things. 

DV 

(in reply to Homestead)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Collaring vs Wearing a Collar - 8/11/2006 11:12:23 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

I mentioned commitment and seriousness, and nothing about romanticism.  I was trying to explain the comparison as I see it, which does not include romance at all.  Perhaps comparing a dog owner's commitment to the training and welfare of his beast, and the dog's loyalty to its owner in return  would be a better comparison.

I got ya the first time Owned and I agree.  But I've known your style a lot longer so maybe that made a difference.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 20
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