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SubmitAndBeLoved -> These helpful aids are actually for sale... (12/24/2004 6:03:36 PM)
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http://sites.odcsitemanager.com/folder463/index.cfm?fuseaction=detail&!id!&product=4
Home page for gizmo above: http://www.pmstracker.com/index.cfm
Humorous accounts as to why a guy might need one:
From http://www.pmstracker.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=browse&id=77752&pageid=33
The winning story from our "Worst PMS in the World" contest:
I made my husband help me clean out our garage one Sunday (a sure sign that PMS is on the horizon) and we found an old box full of his pictures from high school and college. The next day he left on a business trip. While he was gone I was having the worst PMS of my life. I found a picture of what I thought was his college girlfriend under some papers and other stuff he had pulled out of the box. Right away I knew he was having an affair and I remembered that he hadn’t said, “I love you,” when he left. I cried for about three hours, and then my PMS furor took over. I taped the picture to the front of the refrigerator so I would have to look at it every time I went to get something (which was often – PMS is synonymous with frozen Snickers for me). When my cheating husband called the next day to tell me his business trip was going to last longer than he thought, I could hear the deceit in his voice and I went into a full PMS tirade. I accused him of cheating on me and told him I wouldn’t be here when he came home. I said I could hear a woman’s voice in the background. He told me it was the TV in his hotel room and turned it off. The voice went away but I didn’t care. I had convinced myself he was cheating on me, and I HAD to be right. The next few days went by in a haze, like I was having an out of body experience. All I know is that I was hell-bent on getting even. I put an ad in the paper and sold his golf clubs (for $75, he later told me he had paid over $1200 for them), his mountain bike, and his big screen TV – all the things he did on weekends to avoid me while he was fantasizing about being with his mistress! I took the money and bought a twin bed with a hard mattress and a cheap 3-drawer dresser, and turned his home office into his bedroom so I wouldn’t have to sleep in the same bed with him while we went through our divorce. On the day he came home I had planned to be dressed in a slutty little black mini skirt I hadn’t worn for five years, and heels, ready to walk out the door as soon as he saw me. But while I was in the closet trying to get ready I broke down sobbing hysterically because I was bloated and had gained too much weight to wear the mini skirt and I thought, no wonder he’s cheating on me. Who would want a fat cow like me? I tore through all my other clothes trying to find something I could wear, creating a big heap on the floor, crying uncontrollably the whole time. I had already done my makeup so my mascara was streaming down my face in big black streaks. I heard the front door open and I was so mad at him for what he had done to me I couldn’t stand up. I collapsed onto a little seat we keep in the closet, wearing nothing but my skimpy black underwear and lacey bra. I could hear him moving around in the house, and then coming down the hallway. He called my name but I didn’t answer. When he came into the closet to take off his shoes, he saw me crumpled there in the chair almost naked with my face in my hands and he said, “Why do you have a picture of Mike’s (his best friend) old girlfriend taped to the ‘fridge?”
Here are some of the other hilarious stories we received during our "Worst PMS in the World" contest:
When I was 16 years old, I had a boyfriend that lived in a different neighborhood. One day I walked over there to see him, and he decided to get a little romantic. In a very short time, he had removed all but his underwear, while I was still dressed. He tried in vain to get me to loosen up, but I refused, and he got upset. The next day, I went over to his house and his mom told me he was taking a nap, and to go on up to his room. When I got there, I saw that he was sleeping in his boxers, and I took his sister's fake nail glue and superglued his penis to his right thigh. He stayed like this for 5 days, having to put one leg in the bathtub to pee, until I told him he could take care of it with nail polish remover. And to top it off, when he had removed it, he asked me.." Sooo, we're still okay, right?" That was my initiation into the world of horrible PMSing.
I was on the worst day of my period and totally PMSing. My boyfriend pissed me off earlier by being 2 hours late to pick me up. After he dropped me off at my house, I drove myself 15 miles back to his house and parked his car sideways in his garage so he couldn't get out. I then proceeded to fill his air vents with Rice Crispies and super glue his windshield wipers to his windshield. I filled his back seat with cotton balls and put defrosted hamburger underneath his seats. I then took his spare key from the hook in the garage, and locked his other set in his car. Then, in spray paint, I wrote, YOU'LL NEVER BE LATE AGAIN!
The worst PMS day of my life was when I was having the worst day of my life, my boss was bitching at me for something, my friends were becoming more and more annoying by the minute even my dog was on my bad side. To top off my day my boyfriend tells me he's leaving for a month to some place in Europe to "hang out" with his ex. That was it. I went to his house the next day, went into the garage got in his "baby" (stupid ass car), drove it around the block a few times then drove it though the woods making sure I hit every tree. Finally I went back, parked it in its spot and went home and had a great night’s sleep. A month later he calls me screaming that the damage cost was 26,000 dollars. I still can't believe I did that. Oh and he has a new girl.
My wife has horrible PMS and is moody all the way through but there was this one time that I made the biggest mistake in the world and decided to pick a fight with her on this glorious day. Well right after I remembered that I had to get in the trunk of my car to fix some speakers. Apparently I pissed her off so bad that she decided to push me in the trunk, shut it, and drive about five miles down the road hitting every speed bump and pothole she could find. And if that wasn’t enough, she had the guts to just pop the trunk and walk away; not even caring to see if I was ok. Needless to say I was all right and we ended up laughing it off but that, my friend, is a very disgruntled PMS sufferer; or am I the one that suffers. I guess you all can make that call.
We have a great relationship and we normally get along. She puts a new definition to PMSing. I was watching a Boxing match one day when Mrs. PMS walked over to me. Mrs. PMS smiled so I thought things were good. That’s a funny thought since she started to scream at the top of her lungs at me then turned to the TV to yell, like the boxers were going to hear her yelling. The whole thing started because she asked if I would run to the store to buy something for dinner and smokes. Mrs. PMS took a shower so I took off to the store. When I returned she was still in the shower. I put everything away when I got a call. She got out of the shower to ran into the bedroom. She was getting dressed to pick up the kids from school. Well that was when she started the yelling at me and the TV. Mrs. PMS thought I didn’t go to town to get what she wanted. I went to the bathroom for a moment. When I returned she had painted the 54” big screen TV, then I noticed she cut the power cord. I then took her to show her what I got for dinner and I gave her smokes to her. Mrs. PMS had a blank look. Needless to say that she took off after the kids. It took her all day to clean that paint. I replaced the cord. Now she doesn’t bother me at all when I watch boxing. We still have a good laugh about it till this day.
My girlfriend usually was very difficult to get along with during PMS episodes. One time she was particularly mad at me. The next morning I am walking down the hall at work and I suddenly feel something slipping down my right pant’s leg. I continue walking and causally place my hand on the object to hold it in place. I hold it in place and continue walking as if nothing strange is happening; nodding, smiling, and saying hello to people I pass. Suddenly something else quickly slides down my left leg. I look behind me and half of my underwear is sitting on the floor behind me. I turn and quickly walk off with my eyes staring up in the air as if I don’t see anything. I then hear someone behind me. I keep quickly walking and don’t look back as if I notice nothing. I get to the restroom and find that I am holding the other half of my underwear in my right pant’s leg. When I get home I investigate and find that my girlfriend had gone thru my underwear drawer with a seam ripper tool and cut all the stitches in all my underwear. And she didn’t see anything wrong with this... From then on, I always stress tested my underwear and pants every morning before putting them on.
Hi My name is Marcella and I thought this would be fun to just give a woman’s definition of what PMS stands for. Okay Guys get ready because this is it in a nutshell: PMS-Poor Me Syndrome, PMS-Pardon My Screaming, PMS-Putting up with Men’s Sh-t. Now ladies we all know men have their own form of PMS and here is what it is: PMS-Penis Minus Sex. Best medicine is laughter. If this is what women get for Eve eating that darn apple, all I know is I would have had a Luau or a Roman Feast....LOL ;-)
I have lived with my boyfriend for over a year now and we have a great relationship minus my EXTREME PMSing!!! So this past weekend I was resting from having worked until 2am the night before and I was complaining about the house being a mess (which it really wasn’t, of course) and he decided he would ’help out’ and do some laundry and some dishes. Then when I got up to see what he was doing I got mad because I said he wasn’t doing things right and that he was actually making a bigger mess!!! Luckily, we were both able to realize that I am PMSing and we had a good laugh. I don’t know how he stands me at those times when I can’t stand ANYTHING!!!
We bought a new car a few months ago and last week when my wife and I were driving we got a flat. Being that it was just about that time of month, she immediately called the car dealership complaining that they forgot to put the inner tube in the tire. Hearing this I tried to explain that tires don’t have inner tubes, and so it became my fault for telling them not to put one in. Later at home I think she realized things for what they are -- and now we don’t ever mention tires and inner tubes in the same sentence.
A colleauge and I purchased the PMS Tracker as a Christmas Gift for our boss. We realized he needed such an item when he consulted his "Phases of the Moon" chart before telling another colleague she’d have to move from one office to another. When he saw that it was going to be a full moon, he decided to wait a week before telling her. In another instance, he asked me what was wrong, I wasn’t my happy-go-lucky self. My response "Maybe I should give you a calendar so you know exactly when to leave me the hell alone." If we could afford it, we’d by him one PMS tracker for each woman that works in the building!
One night my wife was pmsing so bad I could not wait to go to bed to get up bright and early to go hunting. Well I got up and left and was in my tree stand about 8:30 and to my dismay here came my wife bitching all the way thru the woods. She looks up at me starts yelling at me because I left the toilet seat up and the kitchen light on and then she says to me good luck hunting today honey!!!!!!
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