soothing after punishment (Full Version)

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defiantbadgirl -> soothing after punishment (8/12/2006 11:08:02 AM)

I was wondering how many doms think a sub or slave should be soothed when crying after punishment.



LaTigresse -> RE: soothing after punishment (8/12/2006 11:09:58 AM)

absolutely



Emperor1956 -> RE: soothing after punishment (8/12/2006 11:55:41 AM)

I guess I'm missing the point of this question.  The answer, and what I'm about to say, seems so obvious.  When punishment is over, the relationship still exists of course.  So if she is in need of soothing, she's soothed.  Is there any question here?

E



Tikkiee -> RE: soothing after punishment (8/12/2006 11:59:57 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

I was wondering how many doms think a sub or slave should be soothed when crying after punishment.

Ok, sorry but I am going to go to the other side here. Putting myself in the shoes of a submissive or slave; IF I have done something so wrong that I deserved to be punished...I would not expect to be coddled afterwards. Seem to me as if it's defeating the purpose of punishment in the first place.



defiantbadgirl -> RE: soothing after punishment (8/12/2006 12:00:14 PM)

Sorry I wasn't more clear about the question. How many doms think the crying sub should be calmed right away so the sub feels cared for and how many think she should be ignored because she won't learn her lesson if she isn't?



mnottertail -> RE: soothing after punishment (8/12/2006 12:05:07 PM)

Actually, the final answer is always going to be yes.   But depending on circumstance, the time lag may vary widely.

To put it in the simplest of terms;

If you are two years old and shit your pants, you probably get cleaned up right away.........

If you are six, you are gonna sit in it for awhile.

Go to your room, and don't talk to me for two days is something that can be visualized by me.  


But, these things need closure.  So at some point there might be a romantic dinner, and all will be forgiven, and she will be held tightly and dearly. Also a communication, if you are listening.

Ron



juliaoceania -> RE: soothing after punishment (8/12/2006 12:25:42 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tikkiee

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

I was wondering how many doms think a sub or slave should be soothed when crying after punishment.

Ok, sorry but I am going to go to the other side here. Putting myself in the shoes of a submissive or slave; IF I have done something so wrong that I deserved to be punished...I would not expect to be coddled afterwards. Seem to me as if it's defeating the purpose of punishment in the first place.


My parents rarely punished me, actually they disciplined really, punishment wasn't really a part of my childhood. When I felt badly about something I did wrong and needed comforting it was ALWAYS there for me. I knew I was loved because of this, and it did not make me act out more to know I was loved even when I knew they were not happy with me, it made me try harder to please them.

I was at my Daddy's house a few days ago, I misplaced his keys. I was terribly unhappy I had caused him to have to drive his good car to work and he left hurridly and forgot to kiss me. I worried all day that he was unhappy with me, you see, his cell was in the other car, so he couldn't call me, and I couldn't tell him that I had found his keys minutes after he walked out the door. He came home and he told me "I worried all day that you would think me upset with you, I never have to punish you, you do that job all on your own".. He knows me well.

I do not get punished by my Daddy, just like my parents never punished me.. he may correct my behavior, but not in a punitive way... and he gets far more from me because of that. If I was crying and he didn't comfort me it would hurt me deeply... I think he would know that though... he seems to know so much about what makes me tick.



RavenMuse -> RE: soothing after punishment (8/12/2006 12:27:29 PM)

If you are going to administer a physical punishment, then once it stops, the incident 'should' be over. The girl needs reasuring that things are OK again, she is cared for, the incident that brought the punishment hasn't altered the relationship.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: soothing after punishment (8/12/2006 12:41:37 PM)

SOmetimes.  There is always a "post-punishment discussion" both after the punishment and a few days later to reinforce the punishment (for me punishment is a serious and long term ordeal, part of the reason I try and make sure it happens so rarely and do not choose people for whom punishment is just a typical every other week sort of thin)

But no, there are times where I will not soothe them- either to force them to soothe themselves, or because there is no need for it.



mnottertail -> RE: soothing after punishment (8/12/2006 12:49:35 PM)

I am hep to exactly that.........(what LA said)

If you are being punished on a consistant basis, one of you two is a sick fuck.

Everybody gets a mood on  'em, no doubt.

But life is consequential, therefore, comes to punishment, no slave deserves a thing, the difference is that there may be a relation existant.

If your life consists of punishment.....somebody needs some relief up in here.

Ron







Evanesce -> RE: soothing after punishment (8/12/2006 4:24:44 PM)

quote:

I was wondering how many doms think a sub or slave should be soothed when crying after punishment.


Depends on the crime, and the nature of the punishment.  For myself, if I'm crying after a punishment, I'll work it out in my own head, eventually.  I usually don't need Him to reassure me of anything while I'm doing that, unless the punishment was over something that was an emotional hot spot anyway.  In that case, I might need Him to just sit and hold me, but words are not necessary. 



simplygrl -> RE: soothing after punishment (8/13/2006 11:48:40 PM)

quote:

Ok, sorry but I am going to go to the other side here. Putting myself in the shoes of a submissive or slave; IF I have done something so wrong that I deserved to be punished...I would not expect to be coddled afterwards. Seem to me as if it's defeating the purpose of punishment in the first place.


In my (granted, limited) experience, I've learned the lesson long before the punishment is completed.  I'm VERY thankful for the way my Sir handles things--once it's over, it's over, and we can talk about it, cuddle, whatever.  It might be one of those "depends on the person" things, but I can't imagine it being any other way.  And thinking about it, now....I think that the lessons would be harder to learn without the quite/calm time after punishments.



Slipstreme -> RE: soothing after punishment (8/15/2006 5:21:36 PM)

I don't sooth directly after a punishment. My slave and I are sadomasochists. In our dynamic we need to separate play from punishment, if physical punishment is administered, which in our case means, whether or not, for her, if there is any aftercare. In my case, if I have just been beaten to an endorphin mass pulp, I prefer being left alone, but she needs aftercare. She needs someone there to soothe and hold her, and bring her down off the endorphin high, whatever high there is. In punishment, I have to remove myself from the picture, and become cold and heartless to administer it, because frankly, I want to soothe her after, but I know it would then defeat its purpose. So instead, she gets time to think about what it is she did. Then there is a conversation. I also talk to her about it before hand, to see where she went wrong, and in some cases, where I went wrong, whether or not she needs to be punished, and how. I will also apologize to her, if I can find fault on my end.
(ex: a discussion, where I ended up getting defensive and she got insistent and rude when she had to leave the discussion, to get ready for work. She only got a verbal reprimand, but I also made a note to apologize for my behaviour as well.)

My slave is long distance, but is moving in with me Sept 1st. We have visited for an extended stay, hence the blurb above about physical punishment.  



Sub03 -> RE: soothing after punishment (8/15/2006 6:47:14 PM)

I know its the ask a Master forum but im going to answer anyway, just cause I wanna. [:D]

When I have been punished by my Master I am always soothed afterwards. Depending on the crime the soothing may come after a longer punishment like the time I had really really upset my Master I had to go straight to bed, wasnt allowed to talk the rest of the night and He took my collar off and I wasnt allowed to put it back on till He said I could. I was absoulutely crushed and I definetly learned my lesson from it but after the punishment was over the next day and after I had begged forgiveness He soothed me and let me know that we were still ok. Other times He soothed me right after the punishment. But there has always been soothing and reassureance afterwards.



SirDarkside357 -> RE: soothing after punishment (8/15/2006 7:07:50 PM)

Soothing after punishment?  Why undo what is done?  Soothing after play, yes.  But punishment is just that, a wrong was done and payment made.  Now, once the punishment is over, and the crying has eased at least a little, communication is needed so the wrong will not be repeated.  Once all that is done, reafirm your feelings toward your slave and go forward.  This to me isn't soothing, but I guess it all depends on your definition.

Be Well,
Darkside



FrankAr -> RE: soothing after punishment (8/15/2006 10:18:08 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

I was wondering how many doms think a sub or slave should be soothed when crying after punishment.


Greetings badgirl,

In my relationship, the slave knows why she is being punished.  She knows the method, she knows the amount of strokes, she knows the reason.  Why soothe the slave after wards, she has learnt the lesson, and she will be guided by it.  The time lag between the punishment and the re-occurance, would show me if she had learnt her lesson, or completely forgot about the lesson she had been punished for earlier.

As for soothing her, I don't go too far in the punishment to make her cry.  I am in complete control of the punishment, and make her wince, but not cry.  While punishing her, I do tend to have her come down mentally after it, by having the strokes near the end become softer in force, and thus having her come down a small hill, than a cliff...if you understand that.

Be well and take care.

Master Frank Ar.



Slipstreme -> RE: soothing after punishment (8/15/2006 10:26:16 PM)

I have driven my slave to crying, and because of that, we are inextricably bound. For some reason, still unknown to me, it was that act that solidified us.



ghosttraks -> RE: soothing after punishment (8/16/2006 5:24:16 PM)

my past owner never soothed or petted me. i was punished and not told how to better behave.

he would whip me for fun, yes, i knew he was a sadist, but he was mentally cruel and lied and twisted this girl. he is  sick and sad.
i am just fine now.  i ran away.  

he still thinks he is cool.



SirDarkside357 -> RE: soothing after punishment (8/16/2006 5:48:26 PM)

Hummmmm, I'm considered by many a sadist, but I still get no enjoyment out of punishing my slave. After all punishment is the result in a wrong done, not for fun.  Now a good beating for fun... I do enjoy that, and so does my slave.  WEG

Be Well,
Darkside



DoctorDubious -> RE: soothing after punishment (8/16/2006 9:11:40 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

I was wondering how many doms think a sub or slave should be soothed when crying after punishment.



Hey defiantbadgirl ... and all.......

I'm generally skeptical about the should's of the world.

And... if the something (indeed anything)
always happens...
         if punishment ==> then soothing
... I fear for the authenticity of the interaction.

My sense is,
if I am in charge...
then my judgements about what's best to do
should be made in the spirit of the moment,

and not according to any rote set of rules,
not decided days, weeks, months in advance,

and especially not in response to a "should"...

DD



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