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Things to Ponder - 8/12/2006 5:58:58 PM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline

Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered
assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. . but it's only a "penny
for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were
buried in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would
be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up
like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in
binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see
you naked anyway.

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a
horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song
about him?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a
coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're
both dogs!

If Wiley E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why
didn't he just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same
tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but
call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at
you, but when you the take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out
window?

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

Post #: 1

RE: Things to Ponder - 8/13/2006 7:37:23 AM

Termyn8or

Posts: 18681
Joined: 11/12/2005
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That's Wile E. Coyote. (3128 9974 3012 1460, exp 10/65_

He had an ACME credit card, sort of the forerunner of a diner's club card.

The rest of it I am still working on. I'll have to get back to you .

LOL

T

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 2

RE: Things to Ponder - 8/13/2006 9:09:32 AM

pounddog

Posts: 65
Joined: 6/2/2006
Status: offline

This is going to have me in deep , deep , thought for a long , long time, now, Thanks alot LotusSong ,,

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 3

RE: Things to Ponder - 8/13/2006 9:17:09 AM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pounddog

This is going to have me in deep , deep , thought for a long , long time, now, Thanks alot LotusSong ,,

Ponderous pondering??

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to pounddog)

Post #: 4

RE: Things to Ponder - 8/13/2006 10:16:27 AM

Saratov

Posts: 1716
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline

Major Meditating.

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 5

RE: Things to Ponder - 8/13/2006 11:06:24 AM

WayWardSoul

Posts: 869
Joined: 6/13/2006
Status: offline

Why do you drive on a parkway, but park on a driveway?

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WWS

You look like two miles of bad road ~Foghorn Leghorn~

(in reply to Saratov)

Post #: 6

RE: Things to Ponder - 8/13/2006 7:57:51 PM

WhiteRadiance

Posts: 247
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

Thanks Lotus. I will be wondering about asteroids and hemmorhoids, morality and morons all night long! I'll never get to sleep.

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Staci

The drop of rain makes a hole in a stone not by violence, but by often falling.

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 7

RE: Things to Ponder - 8/13/2006 11:25:24 PM

nefertari

Posts: 425
Joined: 7/22/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. . but it's only a "penny
for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

Interest.

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 8

RE: Things to Ponder - 8/14/2006 1:17:15 AM

prdslave

Posts: 190
Joined: 7/1/2006
Status: offline

Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. . but it's only a "penny
for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

taxes :p

(in reply to nefertari)

Post #: 9

RE: Things to Ponder - 8/14/2006 6:31:13 AM

LadyEllen

Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline

Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. . but it's only a "penny
for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

Its the exchange rate between the pound and the dollar. £0-01 = $0-02

E

(in reply to prdslave)

Post #: 10

RE: Things to Ponder - 8/14/2006 6:37:12 AM

matcha3rose

Posts: 1
Joined: 8/14/2006
From: sydney
Status: offline

when i blow on my dogs face he licks me, but nothing makes him mad (accept other boy dogs trying to play with the girl dog he was already playing with), so it's all something of a mute point

(in reply to LadyEllen)

Post #: 11

RE: Things to Ponder - 8/14/2006 8:05:43 AM

HarryVanWinkle

Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline

If pro is the opposite of con, what's the opposite of progress?

(in reply to matcha3rose)

Post #: 12

RE: Things to Ponder - 8/14/2006 2:36:09 PM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline

"I always wondered if my other ever saw the irony in calling me a son of a bitch.... ""
(another Steven Wright musing)

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to HarryVanWinkle)

Post #: 13

RE: Things to Ponder - 8/14/2006 6:13:13 PM

ta2dqt

Posts: 375
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

I LOVE it!!!!! :)

Thanks for sharing!!! ;)

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"People are like fine wine, they get better with age!"

"Everything happens for a reason."

myspace.com/theoneandonlyta2dqt

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 14

RE: Things to Ponder - 8/14/2006 7:30:36 PM

LTRsubNW

Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline

Okay, I actually care about each and every one of these answers (plus, I have exactly 4 hours and 17 minutes to kill between flights) soooooo....

Can you cry under water?

No, but I also can't figure out why my VCR keeps flashing "Leningrad" every 7 minutes on the little itsy bitsy screen.

How important does a person have to be before they are considered
assassinated instead of just murdered?

12.

Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. . but it's only a "penny
for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

I could explain this but I'd have to divide by 7, then re-introduce the quantum theory, and that would at minimum, fuck with my head.

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were
buried in for eternity?

No, you're stuck with that stupid outfit you wore on Halloween, to that party you insisted you didn't need to go to...and then, you met that idiot you were sure you'd never see again...but there they were.

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

Because it can.

What disease did cured ham actually have?

Beastiality.

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would
be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Speak to my consultants about this.

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

(I may just have to penalize you for such incredibly large letters).

It has to do with pizza.

(Really).

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

No, it's called a "being", unless of course they didn't attend and then it's called an "I'll get back to you".

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in
binoculars to look at things on the ground?

(Wow...this is getting harrowing)

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

Did they really leave? Did you change? Did you really change?

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural

(Damn good question...and frankly, any sentence with those two words in them...is damn confusing).

(Don't be asking that kind of shit of a man...one of those words alone is enough to fuck with my head....two combined is simply not fair play).

Please don't ask me to do math. Especially as pertains to womens sizes. Man will discover planets with humanoids on them before any of us will ever understand what the fuck womens sizes mean.

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a
horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

(Here she goes again....does this NEVER LET UP???????)

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

I don't know...but right about now, I actually want to kill him.

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

Yes, but a good cigar is still gonna cost you at least 12 bucks.

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a
coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Because he doesn't understand the basics of N over 16 divided by 32 over the power of 12 (assuming the lattitude is stronger than the divisor), but never forgetting the fact that "e" over the elongator of 23, is never the equivocator of 9 over 17 to the 12th.

(Which frankly, most people get the first time).

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

Well, that's fairly simple; it's because of the way that most people interpret height.

If Wiley E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

(You assume he hadn't already eaten).

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

Babies (you expected something different?)

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

(OMFG!!!! I'm trapped in a samba...where will this end????)

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

I didn't, I faked it...God help me...I'm a sinner.

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

I actually have a hemisphereoid and frankly I'm quite pissed about it.

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you the take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out window?

No. But I have noticed that when I put less than a full box of laundry detergent in every cycle, I have fewer white spots.

(Now, I DAMN well better get points for finishing this whole MF out!!!!!)

< Message edited by LTRsubNW -- 8/14/2006 8:04:21 PM >

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 15

RE: Things to Ponder - 8/14/2006 7:32:44 PM

LTRsubNW

Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: WayWardSoul

Why do you drive on a parkway, but park on a driveway?

Fine...fuck with my head!

(This is far too intense for me)

< Message edited by LTRsubNW -- 8/14/2006 7:36:43 PM >

(in reply to WayWardSoul)

Post #: 16

RE: Things to Ponder - 8/14/2006 8:12:43 PM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline

Rats.. misted it in the edit It should read:

"I always wondered if my Mother ever saw the irony in calling me a son of a bitch.... ""
(another Steven Wright musing)

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 17

RE: Things to Ponder - 8/14/2006 9:16:23 PM

LTRsubNW

Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

Rats.. misted it in the edit It should read:

"I always wondered if my Mother ever saw the irony in calling me a son of a bitch.... ""
(another Steven Wright musing)

Sure, easy for you to say.

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 18

RE: Things to Ponder - 8/14/2006 9:57:33 PM

CreoleCook

Posts: 321
Joined: 10/9/2005
Status: offline

And now, from the mind of a Masterful Smartass.....

Can you cry under water?

Yes, but then you have to empty the mask...

How important does a person have to be before they are considered
assassinated instead of just murdered?

not important at all... it is determined by the amount of pay received to have said person eliminated.

Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. . but it's only a "penny
for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

Honestly, because the person who says, "a penny for your thoughts," really does NOT want to hear them.

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were
buried in for eternity?

Haven't you ever watched the movies? you get wings, and wear a white shift...

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

because round boxes will not stay on the seat of your car as easily as a square box will.

What disease did cured ham actually have?

Why... obesity, obviously. No one ever kills a skinny pig.

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would
be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Actually, you can thank NASA for the invention OF wheels on luggage. (as well as TANG, microwave ovens, and a few other things...)

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

not all babies wake up every two hours... look at kittens, or puppies, and piglets, and wolf pups, and baby whales...

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

no, its called a signing...

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

Because television was originally filmed live, not taped. when you are ON tv, you did not see yourself a week later.

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in
binoculars to look at things on the ground?

I don't... If I go up in a tall building, and use the binoculars, I try to spot Miir, the space station...

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

Because most doctors feel uncomfortable seeing anyone undress, except their Masters and Mistresses.

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural

because panties is plural. panty is singular.

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a
horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

I guess that my dad is not a decent human being.

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song
about him?

Because if his siter Jenny cracked corn, there would have been a national debate concerning feminine rights.

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

Actually, it normally does, if the funeral procession has to proceed upon an interstate, as to not block the flow of traffic.

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a
coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Because he is too busy trying to do the "honey do list" Mary Ann, ginger, and Mrs. Howell have compiled for him.

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

Better question: why does Goofy talk, and pluto bark?

If Wiley E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

Did you ever see one diner or restaurant in all of those cartoons? I sure as hell didn't.

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

Trust me, you really don't want to know.

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

without a lengthy discussion concerning how the term was coined by the christian faith, for all its glory and failings, I shall only answer with a definitive YES!!!

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Yes...

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

I did not have to... they were both written and sung by the same person, Hans Christian Anderson.

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

because asteroids can travel faster than your butt can.

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you the take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out window?

when's the last time you smelled your breath?

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 19

RE: Things to Ponder - 8/15/2006 6:35:34 AM

Saratov

Posts: 1716
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: WayWardSoul

Why do you drive on a parkway, but park on a driveway?

Both were designed and named by engineers... need I say more?

(in reply to WayWardSoul)

Post #: 20

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