sub for me?

sub for me? (Full Version)

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sweetabuse -> sub for me? (8/13/2006 6:45:44 PM)
I have been in a D/s relationship for 3 months. Now my Master wants to bring in a fem sub for me. I don't want to be Dom over anyone. I know and understand that my Master's decision is final. Is there any way to approach this Am I being disobedient by not wanting another person in our relationship. Any feedback would be more than welcome.

popeye1250 -> RE: sub for me? (8/13/2006 7:03:48 PM)
Ah, I'd say that he's bringing in the sub for HIM, not you.

porcelaine -> RE: sub for me? (8/13/2006 7:04:41 PM)
Have you inquired what his expectations are for the level of interaction between you and this person? Is it merely for play purposes or is he attempting to develop your dominant side? Is it possible that the other submissive is merely for him? While the dominant does have the final say I couldn't fathom functioning in a top role if I wasn't inclined to do so. There are certain things that you really cannot fake. porcelaine

NastyDaddy -> RE: sub for me? (8/13/2006 7:06:26 PM)
It would stand to reason your Master has final word yes, provided his final word did not violate your agreed upon limits, which you should have established prior to engaging in the relationship. If you engaged as a no limits sub/slave then this should not consitute a limit. Your profile says you are straight so I'm curious as to what was discussed and agreed upon regarding bisexuality or girl-girl play as your Master may wish?

juliaoceania -> RE: sub for me? (8/13/2006 7:25:52 PM)
Did you discuss this before you agreed to be collared by this person, I would think that this would be something that one would not fail to negotiate before they fully committed to a dynamic. If he never discussed it with you and just sprang it on you, I find that somewhat disturbing... I think this post is at least valuable in helping submissivs determine the limits they have before they sign them away... just some thoughts.

sweetabuse -> RE: sub for me? (8/13/2006 7:44:49 PM)
First of all, thanks to everyone that has replied. Now, to answer some of the questions. Yes, we sat down, discussed and set our limits. A third party was not an option for either of us. We both agreed we wanted a one on one 24/7 relationship. This idea was sprung on me. And it is for play purposes, not an addition to our family. And I have not been collared.

Littlepita -> RE: sub for me? (8/13/2006 7:51:29 PM)
He is violating your agreements that you have in place. Don't put up with that. He can't just go change the rules unless you let him. I wouldn't put up with it from my Dom at all. We might have "play" partners in the future. We have negotiated that this will be a decision we both make, and if one of us is at any point uncomfortable for whatever reason we call it off. The important thing always will be maintaining a healthy relationship where we are getting what we agreed upon from the beggining. If you don't want this then it's time to make some choices about what you do want.

juliaoceania -> RE: sub for me? (8/13/2006 7:55:10 PM)
Then you have to think about where you want things to go and if you want to engage in this for him. It is all your choice so do what is right for you. I wouldn't do it, but that is just me.

TemptingNviceSub -> RE: sub for me? (8/13/2006 7:59:27 PM)
I suspect he is attempting to make it more palatable by saying the sub is for you, when in essence this is probably not the case...if one on one was agreed then he is attempting to push your limit...the ball is in your court..if you do permit this, I am wondering what other limits agreed upon will be crossed...Tempting

juliaoceania -> RE: sub for me? (8/13/2006 8:09:07 PM)
Exactly Tempting! Some people get off on edge play and enjoy their limits tested, Im not one of them, and I would feel slightly betrayed if it was just foisted upon me without it being agreed to first as equals. Before I give up control over some aspect of my life, I am an equal while deciding if I want to, otherwise how can I consent to it? We negotiate every new thing we do, and if it should continue because I am not collared yet. Collaring is once we have worked out all those details and want to commit for life in a Ds sense, until then I give consent for every new thing he does to me before he does it. I then decide if it is something he can do any time he pleases. It just makes sense this way for us.

HarryVanWinkle -> RE: sub for me? (8/13/2006 8:46:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: popeye1250 Ah, I'd say that he's bringing in the sub for HIM, not you. What da' sailorman said.

SweetSarijane -> RE: sub for me? (8/13/2006 8:54:26 PM)
If you don't want it and are uncomfortable with it, speak up. You say one on one was the original agreement. Perhaps reminding him of that is in order. He's violating or attempting to violate the original agreement. It's up to you whether you go with it or say no. 3 months is not enough time to have a well established relationship that can handle bringing in a third either in my opinion even if both desire it. You are not obligated to follow along with a breech of agreement. If he's doing this, what other areas of agreement will he change or discard at his whim? And I agree with those who've said it sounds like it's for him not you that he wants to bring in a third.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: sub for me? (8/13/2006 9:30:57 PM)
A lot of doms try to sweeten the "surprise of a new chick" by making the original sub the "one in charge" to placate some of their worries and insecurities. It's a horrific situation all around, but sadly many subs fall for it in order to "be a good sub."

Lashra -> RE: sub for me? (8/13/2006 9:42:58 PM)
He is violating the agreement and therefore I would think trust would be an issue, at least if I were in your shoes it would be with me. If he can't keep his word then why bother with him? I would say this sub is for HIM not you, thats just an excuse to get/make you to accept it. You need to stand firm or you need to walk away. Don't compromise yourself for this so called Dom, because a true Dominant stands by their word and their sub. ~Lashra

SweetDommes -> RE: sub for me? (8/13/2006 10:14:46 PM)
First, even if it wasn't against the original agreement, it's too soon to be adding a new person - a relationship of only 3 months is not likely to be stable enough to survive the addition of a new person, even without serious reservations on either part of the original couple. Second, it is against the original agreement, so remind him of that, and if he still pushes, then leave - he can't keep his side of the bargin so you can trust him; you are no longer obligated to keep your side of the bargin.

eyesopened -> RE: sub for me? (8/14/2006 2:30:01 AM)
Like everyone said, the sub is for HIM and He thinks if He gives you some control over the sub, you will like it. i am exactly the same way, i couldn't top anyone with any degree of joy, it would be a chore not unlike cleaning the litterbox. i had the same thing happen to me in an uncollared relationship... i then asked permission to contact the sub which He granted. Guess what... the sub was NOT aware it was going to be a "poly" arrangement even though she knew i was His current sub. She was basically agreeing that a 3some would be tolerable but she wasn't into it. What a disaster that would have been had it happened! Sweetie, Doms are men, not superheros and sometimes they just think with the smaller head.

LL1aintbehavin -> RE: sub for me? (8/14/2006 3:08:19 AM)
sweetabuse. i agree with what has been said by everyone so far in their advice. 3 months into a realationship is too new, the two of you are still working things out, and a third would obviously complicate things. You state you are not collared. To me, that says that you are still in the negotiating stage and you are not obligated to just sit and take whatever decisions he makes as final. Once collared, and if you have stated no limits then that is a different story. Right now you still have a voice in what you want in the relationship and have a right to have your voice heard. i was wondering, if he is suggesting bringing in a third, if he has one that he has picked out already? Has he been in contact with other subs and working on a relationship with them, while working things out with you these past three months. For me, i would be upset if i was in serious negotiations with a Dominant and He was in negotiations with another sub at the same time if i was not aware of this. You are not a door mat and do have rights to be in a relationship that fulfills you, and it sounds like the idea of adding a third is not something that you want as was agreed on at the beginning of the relationship. This is just my opinion on the information given. i hope that this can be worked out. aintbehavin

littleone35 -> RE: sub for me? (8/14/2006 7:28:40 AM)
I say you should sit down and tell him this makes you uncomfortable and that he said this was to be a one on one relationship. When Master and i were in the negoitation stage i told him that if i was to be his i wanted to be his only sub and he agreed. i think you should tell this Master you don't want to Dom this sub you want to be the only sub in the relationship and see what he says. if this sub really is for you then maybe he will be ok with it, but if she is for him he will try to get you to accept it. Don't let him force you into anything you are not comfortable with. Matt's littleone

MSUBLACKGIRL -> RE: sub for me? (8/14/2006 7:36:34 AM)
Like everyone else said before me...Don't do it. He is behaving selfishly, and attempting to violate the terms of your previous agreement. If you let this slide, then it could have dastardly effects in the future.

PlayfulOne -> RE: sub for me? (8/14/2006 9:37:53 AM)
fast reply The problem is not with the "Dom", it is with you. The line in your profile sums up the problem in a nutshell, "Desperately wants to be collared". When you wonder how you got into a siutuation such as this and why it is happening just remember your own words. Lose the desperation, turn your brain back on and there will be no need to ask stupid questions because your entangled with morons. K

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