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Feeling hopeless. - 12/25/2004 6:30:16 PM

drwarren

Posts: 2
Joined: 12/4/2004
Status: offline

I am 44, almost 45. I have very little experiences with relationships. About 5 to 7 years I discovered BDSM, D/s, the Lifestyle, whatever you want to call it. It sounded like the place I needed to be. Ihave always been different, never quite fitting in anywhere. With all the different interests I began to see in this way of life, I thought it might be the place where I can find what I need. Now, I am not sure I fit in here either.

I am interested in many different things. Sci-fi (especially time travel), historic reenactment, costuming, RP gaming, sci-fi cons, .... anyone else on here like Dr. Who? My favorite Dr is the first one, William Hartnell. Crusty old devil with a good heart and a mind like a fox.
I have a job, I am responsible and pay my bills each month. I have a roof over my head and I share it with those in need (and I usually get burned!).
I am in need of spmeone who will seek my protection and be in my corner. Someone who will want to share my fantasies, my idiosyncracies, my interests, ... my life. I am not the best looking guy around, nor am I wealthy. But I do know how to cherish, respect, and appreciate anyone who will want to make me happy.
My big D/s thing is role play. I love to do it, and I am good at it. I am very slow and detailed. I am a theatre graduate. I know my way around acting even though I am a costumer primarily. I am not inclined to the whips and floggers. Tieing someone up does nothing for me unless it is part of the roleplay (I have always wondered about this- whether it's gaming or erotic, is Role Play 1 word or 2?). When it comes to sceneing, I mainly do medical scenes. If any one is interested, please email me for details. I do not consider myself to be overly harsh with people. I am patient, calm, and I like to help people learn. Now, when they stop learning and only want to be spoon fed information I lose interest and tend to get testy.
I am pretty eccentric and eclectic. When I am not at work I tend to dress Victorian style, even if I go out. I love that style. It has dignity.
I posted a 'rant' on the message boards concerning email courtesy. It irks my cord when people I write to read my email and dn't answer. A simple 'not interested' would be fine. At least I am not left hanging. I wonder if anyone has any courtesy anymore? I think it's an important courtesy to answer mail.
I would welcome anyone who wishes to read my profile to send me comments. I think it spells out who I am and what I am about, but I am always open to what others think.
We all have our 'vanilla' lives, and in mine I have to be submissive and bite my tongue and do my job. I hate it, but there ya are. I am not independantly wealthy yet. I need someone in my life who I can come home to and be the Master. Someone who is always there for me. Someone I can always be there for.
I have lived about half my life pretty much alone because of my kinky, eccentric, eclectic ways. I don't want to live the other half alone too.
Please let me know what you think.
Dr Warren

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RE: Feeling hopeless. - 12/26/2004 7:30:29 AM

ravageme

Posts: 2
Joined: 4/7/2004
Status: offline

My Dear Dr:

Never fear. There are so many people who are a bit unique like yourself. The greatest thing about what you wrote was not the actual information, but the fact that you are sure of your needs and are honest about them. So many people waste time passing judgement on others "kinks". Believe me, i know. I am a 49 yr old slave who was raised in the lifestyle. My father a Dom. It was very hard as a child trying to explain the protocol and rituals that took place in my home.

Your words were honest and sincere. And for that reason alone i am sure you will hear from others. THe only other thing i can say is to check out other websites for opportunities to find others. And check out your area for BDSM groups. My home town is very small but yet we have 2 BDSM groups here and a swingers club.

Good luck on your search and if you ever need someone to chat with, remember your "family of kinkers" here. patty (ravageme)

(in reply to drwarren)

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RE: Feeling hopeless. - 12/26/2004 8:21:52 AM

Pez

Posts: 1
Joined: 11/12/2004
Status: offline

Dr Warren -

I can feel for your plight as I think it's hard enough out there in the "real" or "vanilla" world you find yourself compatible with by itself. Then you put yourself into the D/s world and you've limited your options as far as potential mates. Nobody said it was easy out there.

I would have to say about the email protocol that it's a sticky situation. I realize many people do write long letters that they've spent a lot of time working on, but I would suggest in the future sending notes to people that are sincere, but not overly long winded. Just write a paragraph or two that could not be construed as a form letter, but something that doesn't take you two hours to write.

My attitude is if someone doesn't reply to my letter, they're not interested. I on occasion have been guilty of not answering someone's email, but my thoughts on that are if I'm not interested; no matter how you break it down, it's rejection. If I write back and say I'm not interested, I'm verbally rejecting someone. You'd be amazed how some people respond when you write back saying, "Thank you, but I'm not interested at this time."

I've gotten responses to the tune of, "oh, well I wasn't that interested anyways" or "well you're not so great yourself." I figure who needs this extra stress. Sometimes it's just easier to remain silent. Even though this is online (or your search for a mate is online) you have to look at it like you're in a bar. If you say something to a woman in a bar and she walks past you, ignoring you; perhaps it's rude, but do you grab her and try to get her attention. I would think the rational thing to do would be to ignore it. You also have to remember, a lot of women on here get a lot of emails (especially if you're attractive and have a picture posted). So my friend, you just have to deal with it.

Being single is a numbers game. You might have to go through a lot of people before you find the "right one" for you.

Anyways, that's just my two cents. I realize that two cents won't even buy you a cup of coffee.

Good luck,
Pez

(in reply to ravageme)

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RE: Feeling hopeless. - 12/26/2004 8:52:20 AM

alwayzron

Posts: 234
Joined: 9/23/2004
Status: offline

quote:

I have always been different

We're all a little different. The difference is, some of us belittle or ostracise others as a way of feeling better about our own oddities. "The Breakfast Club" was a great study on human behavior in social settings.

quote:

I am not the best looking guy around,

drw .... if this is how you feel, then your bigger issue is one of low self-esteem, which explains why you've had relationship problems in the past. Stop with the negative self-talk .... there are enough people willing to put us down without us adding to the numbers. Capeche?

quote:

anyone who will want to make me happy.

Next issue .... no one can make us happy ... nor can we make anyone else happy. Happiness comes from inside .... It's something we have to create for ourselves.

quote:

It irks my cord when people I write to read my email and dn't answer.

I replied to your post on this one. People are no more required to answer your e-mails than you are required to send them. Don't take it as an insult when someone doesn't answer. Like water rolling off a duck's back .... write them off and move along. Sometimes, no answer is an answer.

quote:

I have lived about half my life pretty much alone because of my kinky, eccentric, eclectic ways.

I think you live alone because you've built a defensive wall around you to keep you from being hurt by people who don't think you're 'that good looking', who don't answer your e-mails, or who don't make you happy. Please, please, please look into professional counseling. There are a great many cognitive-therapy specialists out there who can help you view your life in better terms. Best of luck.

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RE: Feeling hopeless. - 12/26/2004 10:48:48 PM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
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Dear Drwarren,
I like your post, and I like that you expose your feelings and insecurities (and I don't think there's anything wrong with having insecurities/vulnerabilities, everyone does). I like that you're able to be honest and courteous, and hope you come to meet women on here or other sites that are interested in similar things, because indeed you sound like you have much to offer a good counterpart including a kind soul.

Do take care of yourself and don't be discouraged by the fact that you don't always get a response (take it as she's not interested, and don't let it bother you beyond that), unless it's someone you Really like, than email at least once more (since you've nothing to lose by doing so).
I wish you lots of luck in your search, Ms M

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RE: Feeling hopeless. - 12/29/2004 8:43:16 PM

theroebabe

Posts: 3155
Joined: 7/25/2004
Status: offline

Hi and welcome to the forums at CM!

As you have discovered, here on the forums we love to discuss all aspects of life and the lifestyle!

Sorry it took so long to say hello was I was away and had no access to online! But, you should jump on in, the water is fine!

_____________________________

Roe

People always ask me why I do these things . . .
It's because I can!

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