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RE: Subs that demand? - 8/20/2006 12:32:11 PM   
Wolfie648


Posts: 600
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TNSilverDragon

I care about my subs a lot. I have a couple that are LD and seem to demand I be on my computer more time that I can be. I have a live in slave who has children that I help her with her. It is also the summer and I spend a great deal of time in the outdoors working on my farm. When I get on, I get whining about how time I spend with the subs or I get told that I spend too much time with my live in, who I love very much but she is not the reason I am not on computer. It is simple, I love the summertime and when winter gets here I am on the computer more often.This has been explained but I  do not know how to get it across to the subs. Frankly, this kind of stuff gets tiresome but I would love to find a happy medium. Any suggestions?


Would you like some cheese with that?

Do some research on alpha dogs and social climbers.

D (owner of j).

_____________________________

Possibly.

(in reply to TNSilverDragon)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Subs that demand? - 8/20/2006 12:39:42 PM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TNSilverDragon

This has been explained but I  do not know how to get it across to the subs. Frankly, this kind of stuff gets tiresome but I would love to find a happy medium. Any suggestions?


.  Tell them how often or when to sign on to look for you.  Maybe if you give them a specific time to 'meet' you , they would be able to go about their day peacefully instead of sitting on the edge of their seats waiting for you.  Be the dominant party, tell them how and when its going to be, stick to it and see to it that they adhere to it.  If they dont like it, make it clear that they have a choice to accept your terms or walk. Simple.  Good luck.



edited for a typo

< Message edited by marieToo -- 8/20/2006 12:41:01 PM >

(in reply to TNSilverDragon)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Subs that demand? - 8/20/2006 7:10:23 PM   
pattiann


Posts: 48
Joined: 7/2/2006
Status: offline 		.  Tell them how often or when to sign on to look for you.  Maybe if you give them a specific time to 'meet' you , they would be able to go about their day peacefully instead of sitting on the edge of their seats waiting for you.  Be the dominant party, tell them how and when its going to be, stick to it and see to it that they adhere to it.  If they dont like it, make it clear that they have a choice to accept your terms or walk. Simple.  Good luck.

I agree with marieToo:  Speaking as a new sub that has ONLY had an online relationship.  My dom was too busy with his vanilla life and didn't contact me for days.  I had been conditioned in the beginning to speak with him daily.  I felt abandoned and eventually the need I felt for him died.  Like a plant that wasn't given sunlight, whatever relationship we had, just withered.   We both wasted several months learning about each other.  (BTW - we are in the same city)  It would have been so easy for him to just pick up the phone, but he didn't.  I've moved on.


I



(in reply to marieToo)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Subs that demand? - 8/20/2006 7:15:04 PM   
Estring


Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Plant corn. It takes less time.

_____________________________

Boycott Whales!

(in reply to TNSilverDragon)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Subs that demand? - 8/20/2006 7:54:33 PM   
NastyDaddy


Posts: 957
Joined: 9/8/2004
Status: offline 		m u l t i - u s e r   c o n f e r e n c e


(in reply to TNSilverDragon)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Subs that demand? - 8/21/2006 12:53:23 AM   
Mavis


Posts: 828
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline 		One thing to consider when taking on a new relationship..  unless those new hours are only replacing 3 hours in front of the TV.. someone needs to bring up.. for both parties, What exactly.. activity will You (and) you be giving up, dropping off, etc, in order to accomodate the time needs of this relationship? 

When i started working with Master, that was clearly defined.  His offer was to drop chat, turn off His profile at another BDSM site He was active in, and reading news (and whatever else) online, freeing up 2+ hours per day.  my offer was to kill chat time, and loose some afternoon nap. It was clearly agreed that there would be NO case where the time would come out of the family slot or the work slot.  i was promised 4 hours per day, and it's up to me to make sure i have my schedule arranged to have that time too. 

It seems oh so anal, but a schedule that says "I have this club meet on these days, a doc appt on wednesday, work from 8-4, dinner form 6-8, tv time from 8-11"  told U/us clearly where the 2-4 hours would fit.  W/we even have plans for re-adding hours missed due to schedule...if there is a lack of "soft time"  somebody gives up making a club meeting that week.

i would encourage the poster to set up a sharable calendar / schedule like yahoo, and have His schedule detailed for a week, and then allow the subs to do the same, then He can choose which TV shows, walk doggie at the park, etc. vs sub He wants to ax from schedule for the week.  He can also see which activities can run concurrently..  doggie walk every day at 3 is also a great time for a phone call, if the schedules mesh.

Good luck!  This little exercise might also tell OP or His subs that there isn't enough droppable time to substitute good amount of relationship time.

(in reply to NastyDaddy)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Subs that demand? - 8/21/2006 1:50:19 AM   
TNSilverDragon


Posts: 3
Joined: 7/14/2006
Status: offline 		I appreciate each and every post on this thread. The problem has been resolved. Beginning with setting up a time every evening to talk to each person.  Plus, since both subs are LD but live within a decent driving range, one lives in Alabama and the other Mississippi, they are both coming up for two weeks in a month or so. They will get to see what it is like run a 1500 acre dairy farm. This was and is a new sitiuation, The posts helped lot. Thanks everyone.

(in reply to Mavis)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Subs that demand? - 8/21/2006 2:21:10 AM   
Dreamn8r


Posts: 21
Joined: 7/23/2006
Status: offline 		Unfortunately, as is the case with Dominants as well.. some are "posers", "gameplayers", and other assorted genres of fakes and people who are not truly into the lifestyle.  Some are untrainable, willfully disrespectful, and just looking for a way to break you (Not talking about the normal 'testing of limits' process).  After a reasonable amout of time, effort and patience, sometimes one must move on, and cut their losses

(in reply to TNSilverDragon)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Subs that demand? - 8/21/2006 2:22:52 AM   
Dreamn8r


Posts: 21
Joined: 7/23/2006
Status: offline 		Ooops, did not see the last post.  Glad you found your answer, Silver

(in reply to Dreamn8r)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Subs that demand? - 8/23/2006 7:58:24 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		Apparently you did not discuss in the beginning how much time each of them needs in order to feel cared for. Additionally, if you were spending an hour a day chatting in the winter, it is not fair to change the rules on them now and say that for the summer they must be content with a brief email every three days.

(in reply to masterhyyde)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Subs that demand? - 8/24/2006 7:16:37 PM   
Vancouver_cinful


Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx

Perhaps we are spread too thin.

Jeff


Can we say biting off more than we can chew? Poly is only a healthy option inasmuch as a person can meet their lover's needs. If they can't then they have to seriously consider that they took on too much.

This happens all the time, and which is why one of the first questions I ask a potential contact is how much free time do they have to devote to being a dominant. The man who says he is a very busy man with many responsibilities gets a polite No, thank you, from me.

Is a stable of subs really any less work than a stable of horses? Food for thought.


_____________________________

Cin

quote:


My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to mstrjx)
Profile   Post #: 31
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