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can 3 people work in a D/s relationship - 8/14/2006 7:31:25 AM

whtsubf4DOM

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Ok, I've had a recent discussion with a friend of mine who is close to embarking on a 24/7 D/s relationship with her sub. They have been talking about it for some time. Like the relationship I am considering, they too are wanting to do this thing under contract. In fact, their situation mirrors ours a lot.

BUT here's the deal....

My friend's sub is very bi and is not 100 percent certain that he may ultimately be gay (sounds crazy to me in some sense, but maybe he's trying to resist "crossing over.") Anyway, he recently just brought up the possibility of writing his guy friend (who he is also very submissive to) into the contract. The sub wants the Domme (my friend) to give him intense training on how to please a woman, because the sub has a performance problem and has lost many women in his life because of it. Like my man, the sub lives in an extreme world right now and is basically a whore who gives it out to gangs often to please his guy friend. As an example, he just spent two days giving it up at a gang bang arranged by his man and got only an hour of sleep during that time. That is nothing unusual and happens often.

I think my friend is completely crazy if she enters into a 24/7 D/s relationship with this sub. How can she possibly train him and guide him and all that when a third person is in the picture that obviously will be vying for a lot of the sub's time?And why would the sub want that anyway? The sub is insistent about being trained in the ways to please a woman, but he wants his man to have free rein on him sexually and he wants that written into the contract. I don't think there is any way in hell that situation would ever work. I think it would just cause a lot of heartache and grief and a good friendship would certainly dissolve. I'm really having problems wrapping my brain around this one, because I keep asking "what's the point?"

I personally think that any D/s relationship should be approached just like a marriage or potential marriage. There has to be total commitment on each side for it to work. Am I right?

It's really ironic because the sub is kinda switching roles. His ex-women all cheated on him and met with guys regularly and didn't try to sneak around. It left him heartbroken. I guess you could say there's always been a third person in all his relationships. But now, he is the one who wants something else on the side while his Domme tries to maintain a relationship. I just do not think that having a third person move in would work. And if the sub is not willing to let go of all that (or at least stop being so extreme), it's not gonna work anyway. It doesn't matter if the other guy moves in or not.

I personally think the reason he can't please a woman is all mental. I mean how on earth could you get excited about a regular relationship with a woman (much less D/s) if you're getting stuffed every night by other men and taking your sex life to extremes. You can't balance that for a guy who is such a thrill seeker...But that's neither here nor there.

What do you think? Can it work? Has anyone tried a D/s relationship like that? I'm trying to tell my friend she's stupid if she agrees to this, but I may be the one who is wrong. But I don't think so....

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RE: can 3 people work in a D/s relationship - 8/14/2006 7:44:45 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Can a relationship work within those conditions? Yes. In fact my life was very much alike to this situation for awhile.

However, considering how confusing this whole situation is (I couldn't follow all the threads), and how most of the people involved seem to have no prior experience in poly or much serious experience in committed relationships- I doubt THOSE people can make THIS relationship work with THOSE people.

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RE: can 3 people work in a D/s relationship - 8/14/2006 7:46:28 AM

MasterFireMaam

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So the question isn't "Can three work in a relationship?" (to which the answer is "yes"), but "Can three people work in THIS relationship?" To me, it sounds like the submissive has not confronted his own identity. Even if there wasn't the second person involved, your friend would have a hard time being in a relationship with such a person, in my opinion. However, if she's committed to making it work, she and the other dominant need to sit and negotiate before ANY contract is offered since they will, in essence, share ownership.

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RE: can 3 people work in a D/s relationship - 8/14/2006 7:46:38 AM

whtsubf4DOM

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Lucky, could you tell me a little more about how your relationship worked in that type of situation?

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RE: can 3 people work in a D/s relationship - 8/14/2006 8:26:41 AM

PlayfulOne

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Can 3 work? Absolutely, everything is dependent upon what the people involved want, expect, and bring to the table. You seem to have some idea that there can not be a committment between more than 2 people. What I find confusing (besides tryhing to read the thread) is you calling your friends "extreme" and not understanding how 3 could work. This seems to be in conflict with your profile which list "looking to join a poly group" and "I will service any dom". I find that statment more extreme than your friends situation.

K

< Message edited by PlayfulOne -- 8/14/2006 8:27:20 AM >

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RE: can 3 people work in a D/s relationship - 8/14/2006 9:38:01 AM

thetammyjo

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It doesn't sound like a good arrangment to me not because of the number of people but because there really isn't chemistry between two of them and, in fact, the first pairing is just being this journey of 24/7 Ds.

You should only be in relationships with people you have a good, strong connection with, not just to please one partner. The lack of feelings and the type of feelings will harm all the relationships.

In my experience, poly works best when each new person has time to adjust to the situation and the relationships. One pairing or new person at a time with months usually to settle in and grow secure with.

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RE: can 3 people work in a D/s relationship - 8/14/2006 10:17:16 AM

crouchingtigress

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quote:

I personally think that any D/s relationship should be approached just like a marriage or potential marriage. There has to be total commitment on each side for it to work. Am I right?

I think this is a limiting POV, and negates a good portion of the relationships in the lifestyle, but more importantly it limits you, because it sets up a judgment that veils you from being able to enjoy casual encounters and play in the lifestyle and/or if this is not for you, it veils you from not judging your friends who do.....just something to think about

I think that wrapping your head around "to each their own" would be helpful to you in trying to maintain a friendship with this person you obviously care about.

But as that you are asking if this specific thing can work, to that i say no, its a train wreck in the making.

However, i have found there is often nothing you can do as an outsider to derail fated train rides of the heart, all you can do is not judge, and be a friend when called upon to sort out the wreckage.

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RE: can 3 people work in a D/s relationship - 8/14/2006 10:22:24 AM

LotusSong

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quote:

ORIGINAL: whtsubf4DOM

My friend's sub is very bi and is not 100 percent certain that he may ultimately be gay (sounds crazy to me in some sense, but maybe he's trying to resist "crossing over.") Anyway, he recently just brought up the possibility of writing his guy friend (who he is also very submissive to) into the contract. The sub wants the Domme (my friend) to give him intense training on how to please a woman, because the sub has a performance problem and has lost many women in his life because of it. Like my man, the sub lives in an extreme world right now and is basically a whore who gives it out to gangs often to please his guy friend. As an example, he just spent two days giving it up at a gang bang arranged by his man and got only an hour of sleep during that time. That is nothing unusual and happens often.

It's really ironic because the sub is kinda switching roles. His ex-women all cheated on him and met with guys regularly and didn't try to sneak around. It left him heartbroken. I guess you could say there's always been a third person in all his relationships. But now, he is the one who wants something else on the side while his Domme tries to maintain a relationship. I just do not think that having a third person move in would work. And if the sub is not willing to let go of all that (or at least stop being so extreme), it's not gonna work anyway. It doesn't matter if the other guy moves in or not.

I personally think the reason he can't please a woman is all mental. I mean how on earth could you get excited about a regular relationship with a woman (much less D/s) if you're getting stuffed every night by other men and taking your sex life to extremes. You can't balance that for a guy who is such a thrill seeker...But that's neither here nor there.

What do you think? Can it work? Has anyone tried a D/s relationship like that? I'm trying to tell my friend she's stupid if she agrees to this, but I may be the one who is wrong. But I don't think so....

To prarphrase an old saying :

You can't turn a manwhore into a houseboy.

< Message edited by LotusSong -- 8/14/2006 10:23:39 AM >

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RE: can 3 people work in a D/s relationship - 8/14/2006 10:35:59 AM

zenofeller

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well, from the very girly roundabout way you go about things, the situation that arises in my mind is

a sub wants to serve a woman and a man
the woman wants the sub to serve just her
the man doesn't give a shit about the woman but would keep the sub

now this situation won't work. it's very common to try and deceive yourself about the situation adding frills. but inasmuch as i'm correct, and taking frills off the above is what remains, it won't work.

ironically, the problems are not with the sub. the problems are in the man-woman relationship. the sub just serves as a magnifying glass.

< Message edited by zenofeller -- 8/14/2006 10:36:25 AM >

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RE: can 3 people work in a D/s relationship - 8/14/2006 3:16:50 PM

SweetSarijane

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Yes 3 people can work in a D/s relationship, however what you describe doesn't sound to me like it would work at all....comes off like a train wreck waiting to happen.

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RE: can 3 people work in a D/s relationship - 8/14/2006 11:42:55 PM

Satyr6406

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I could be way out of line (I usually am) but, for the life of me, I can't see how one submissive could possibly serve two dominants, well (unless the dominants were a couple and had some kind of agreed-upon plan of "training")

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RE: can 3 people work in a D/s relationship - 8/15/2006 2:33:46 AM

MissDiandSirHugh

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Yes 3 together can indeed work well together as that is how things happen with us.
But from what we could understand of the set up that was described that would only end up in trouble with Hell thrown amoung it all for good measure.
To our way of thinking that all there will be is fights and arguments over who is to control the Sub leeding to him geting nothing but confusion and hurt both mentaly and phisicaly.

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RE: can 3 people work in a D/s relationship - 8/15/2006 6:13:27 AM

WhipTheHip

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Hi,

    I found the description very confusing. When I don't understand something
it is often the case other people don't understand it, either.   So some here
may be commenting on a situation that doesn't exist.

     You tell a third person account. I have a feeling we would hear three
different accounts if we asked each of those considering the relationship. I
think this is the business of the three people interested in the relationship
and no one else's. I wouldn't meddle in an affair that was not mine. We
are all different. I can't tell another person what will or will not work for them.
I don't think anyone can.

      If the three people agree to the relationship and it doesn't work,
each of them can end it any time.

     I apolgoize for not understanding most of the proposed situation.
Maybe others here understand it better, and therefore have more
insight.

Michael

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RE: can 3 people work in a D/s relationship - 8/15/2006 1:52:57 PM

Owned1

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Three can work in a relationship, however in this particular situation my greatest concern would be STD's. If this sub male is participating in such a high risk life how can you be sure even with testing he is disease free. After all we all know STDs are not just an inconvience these days they can disrupt your life greatly even to the point of ending it.

Just my thoughts

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