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RE: How do I deal with feeling lonely? - 8/18/2006 7:14:16 PM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline
Loneliness bites, and its one of the worst feelings in the world. If a beloved has recently left you, its quite easy to become a bewildered Woody Allen figure who wanders manhatten with exitential musings and self directed monologues.

In some odd way, I think lonliness is a way of bonding with the rest of the world. Your sensitivies are heightened, you are undistracted, you have much to give, you are wide open, and everything is out there, happening and ocurring --- despite your disconnectness to it all. It can be a kind of spiritual acid trip --- good and bad.

(in reply to babymark)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: How do I deal with feeling lonely? - 8/18/2006 7:56:12 PM   
SweetEscravo


Posts: 193
Joined: 12/17/2005
Status: offline 		It is so hard to be a single submissive after being in a D/s relationship.  My dom left me a few months ago, and for a long time it was difficult for me to see beyond that, but I eventually learned that although I might not be submissive to anyone at the time, I was still a submissive.  There are so many aspects of my submissive personality I have been able to tweak and work on now that I'm single.  Take this time to figure out exactly what you want, to meet others, both friends and other potential relationships, and hone your submissive skills.  Think of it this way- your submission will be greater and deeper for the next dom you meet.

(in reply to MasterNdorei)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: How do I deal with feeling lonely? - 8/20/2006 5:04:22 PM   
babymark


Posts: 13
Joined: 1/21/2006
Status: offline 		Thanks for all your posts, it's nice to hear reassurance from those who are willing to consider my thoughts, rather than just shrug it off like most I open myself up to in my life (feels that way anyway).

I think I'm getting there, but a part of me doesn't wanna learn to live with it, I just wanna find someone!

(not that i'm desperate or nufin! naa, course not!)

*hugs n snuggles* mark xx

(in reply to MasterNdorei)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: How do I deal with feeling lonely? - 8/20/2006 7:16:57 PM   
nefertari


Posts: 425
Joined: 7/22/2006
Status: offline 		I used to be miserable being alone.  There was a time I cried myself to sleep every night from lonliness.  And there was "one" that took me years to get over.  I still think of him from time to time, almost ten years later, but it's not like it used to be.  I've changed so much since then that I know it would never work...and that's a good thing because we were so wrong for each other.  Tell that to your heart, though.

I think we hold onto those memories because if we let go completely then we've given up all hope of that relationship every working again.  Even though we may not admit it sometimes we are secretly hoping that it will pick up again...even if you haven't seen that person in years.  But eventually you do move on for one reason or another. 

I really enjoy being alone now.  I think maybe too much.    There wasn't an ephiphany that led to it.  It just happened gradually...with time.  I know it's so cliche, but it's true. 

(in reply to babymark)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: How do I deal with feeling lonely? - 8/20/2006 11:30:54 PM   
Owned1


Posts: 847
Joined: 7/6/2005
From: Toronto, Ontario
Status: offline 		Take this time to redefine who you are, where you are going and how you can make yourself a better person.

You may not at this time have a Dominant in your life, but assess yourself and the things you could improve upon.  Then work towards improving yourself.  Keep in mind this is work you are doing for the next Dom you will have in your life.

Behave as if your Dom is watching over you and would be proud to see what you are doing.

I know it will not help with the lack of human touch but it will help move through this trying time.

All the best

Owned

_____________________________

~~in His Chains i am free~~

(in reply to nefertari)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: How do I deal with feeling lonely? - 8/21/2006 7:33:47 AM   
onestandingstill


Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		I understand.
I just ended a live in relationship with my only Dom. While I'm a decisive, strong, sturdy on my own two feet kind of person I feel I've been set adrift. I think when you are truly fully submissive to someone your life is wrapped around theirs so very heavily you lose your own identity as your prior self. It's not a bad thing, but you do tend to weed out those things you enjoy your Dom's not all that into. It's as it should be. The problem lies when everything down to how you bathe, what you eat, what you wear, how you speak, how you clean, and where you are is about doing it the way someone else wants you lose sight of your individuality and become part of the collective relationship.
When that ends and you have to do these things only for you again it's hard. One is you have to figure out who you are by yourself and what's important to only you instead of your Dom. You have to create new patterns for your own happiness as an individual self, and you have to get use to being alone. Some days you'll win and other days you'll feel the empty nest. In the end we all have to accept our lives are our own paths.
I too don't feel I am living at my ultimate potential as a single person. I too try to keep my life full of all the other things that are important to me.

Like others have said here, in time the relationship you seek will  come your way. Till then keep training, stay busy, value all your friends and family, and count the blessings you do have in your life.
Suzanne

(in reply to babymark)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: How do I deal with feeling lonely? - 8/21/2006 7:43:28 AM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: babymark

I guess what I'm asking is this, are the feelings that I'm having unique to sub/dom relationship, or is this magnatute of emotion normal for any relationship? See I dont know as it was my first sub/dom relationship, and I only had one vanilla partner before that for a short time only. It is affecting making new relationships as my thoughts of her get in the way of making new realtionships beyond friendship.

Lonely and all of the associated feelings happen regardless of whether you're in the lifestyle.  Think of how a person feels when they experience a death-related loss.  That has NOTHING to do with SM, yet they grieve for the loss of friendship, companionship, love, sex, etc.  The termination of a relationship, be it a marriage, a friendship, a sexual relationship or one founded on power, is a loss no matter how you angle it or what dynamic it was founded upon.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to babymark)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: How do I deal with feeling lonely? - 8/21/2006 8:02:41 AM   
foxglove716


Posts: 648
Joined: 7/4/2005
Status: offline 		we all feel your pain babymark.

Is lonliness unique to a bdsm situation? No, bdsm just amplifies it, as it does with every other emotion. I know it hurts so bad that you feel like the pain may kill you... it won't. You're strong enough to handle this. I know you're strong enough, because the trust and love we put into relationships is a reflection of how much we trust ourselves to get through the break up. But you have to feel the pain to get through it. You can't shut it off or distract yourself. I wish I could say that it will stop hurting soon, but that so often isn't the case. But it will at least get better. Good luck in your recovery

_____________________________

Illusion is the first of all pleasures. -Oscar Wilde

(in reply to babymark)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: How do I deal with feeling lonely? - 8/25/2006 6:10:53 PM   
maledave777


Posts: 67
Joined: 8/5/2006
Status: offline 		Dealing with being lonely is not easy.  We can always regret the past.  What could have been? What should have been?  Life can be difficult at times.  We can go foward into the future.  We can make new plans.

(in reply to babymark)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: How do I deal with feeling lonely? - 8/26/2006 2:18:50 PM   
BeastsBeauty


Posts: 8
Joined: 5/4/2006
Status: offline 		I had to respond to your comments MasterNdorei. I agree that we are NOT wired the same and some people just do not thrive alone. It has nothing to do with liking or disliking their own company.

This is a concept I continue to struggle with as my friends and family encourage me to stand on my own two feet. I know I have shyed away from submission and abandonment in then name of love, which is the thing I truly desire, out of the fear of this very thing you speak of happening. Some days are easier than others.

However, in the end just like my mama always said, "It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all."

All the best to you.

(in reply to MasterNdorei)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: How do I deal with feeling lonely? - 8/28/2006 2:10:18 PM   
liljoy


Posts: 577
Joined: 3/25/2004
Status: offline 		gosh the idea of going to a restaraunt alone freaks me out. There is an Indian place down the street that i would like to try out but i just can't bring myself to do it. i don't know why it such a hang up for me but the though just freaks me out
lil_joy
quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250

I live alone but I have a few friends and lots of neighbors here who are in the same boat so we socialise a bit.
One thing I do is leave the t.v. on when I go out so I don't return to a quiet house.
And I do have a pet, "Bubba" my big Tom Cat who's always here too.
And I have a lot of friends who are online.
I'm not afraid to go out alone either.
I go to restaurants, movies, shows, the beach by myself a lot or you can always enjoy others company at the pool here.
When I moved here from New Hampshire I knew the Realtors and that was it! But I started to get to know my neighbors and it evolved from there.
I know quite a few people now.

(in reply to popeye1250)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: How do I deal with feeling lonely? - 8/30/2006 10:27:03 AM   
seeksfemslave


Posts: 4011
Joined: 6/16/2006
Status: offline 		MasterN (post 20) has just about got it right in my opinion. If the original poster is of a basic personality type that finds being alone difficult then the sad fact is that you will never "get over" it.
The only solution is to try to establish another relationship as soon as possible.

The "other side of the coin" is also true, many are quite able to function without close companionship.
People who need intimacy and find a suitable partner are the luckiest in my view.

< Message edited by seeksfemslave -- 8/30/2006 10:30:59 AM >

(in reply to MasterNdorei)
Profile   Post #: 32
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