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Applying to a potential Mentor - 8/14/2006 1:00:30 PM   
Calandra


Posts: 725
Joined: 11/22/2004
Status: offline 		Good afternoon fellow kinksters.
I am a 40 yr old, fairly confident FemDomme with a happy successful poly family. I'm proud of my accomplishments in my lifetime, however I have always ALWAYS dreamed of polishing myself a bit so that I feel more confident and competent in more formal social settings. I'm not talking formal BDSM, I'm speaking of the gentler, more elevated arts where ettiquette is appreciated and employed by those in attendance regardless of their power identity.
 
The reason I am posting this thread is that I have recently become aquainted with a wonderful, elegant, well-spoken fellow Domme who inspires me. I spoke with her last evening and I asked if she would consider mentoring me. She has indicated that she would be happy to mentor me, but that she wishes to begin on the right foot.
 
She has asked me to create a formal application that discusses my history, my goals, maybe specific talents I wish to develop, etc. I'm not the kind of person who does anything halfway, and I wish to do this right.
 
Those of you who appreciate what I am trying to do... Do you have any suggestions about what information I might include, or maybe guidelines on how I might format this to the best advantage? This Lady is busy and I don't wish to waste her time. My instincts were to create something akin to a Resume, but I wanted to ask for feedback from those of you who might be willing to offer it.
 
To those who feel all this formal stuff isn't valuable, I can respect your feelings, but please don't turn this into a discussion on the merits of an application or of mentoring... Please feel free to offer suggestions about making a good application, but if you do not have anything positive to add, do it elsewhere?
 
Thank you in advance....
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Applying to a potential Mentor - 8/14/2006 1:08:10 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline
quote:

Do you have any suggestions about what information I might include, or maybe guidelines on how I might format this to the best advantage?

 
Try to be concise.
 
Answer all of her questions
 
And when it is possible use bullet points.
 
 
quote:

wanted to ask for feedback from those of you who might be willing to offer it.
 
I would be happy to read/edit it with you when you are done, sounds like fun.
 
 

_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to Calandra)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Applying to a potential Mentor - 8/14/2006 1:24:50 PM   
Calandra


Posts: 725
Joined: 11/22/2004
Status: offline 		I would be honored!
 
Actually, You, Lady Hugs, and a few others are exactly who I was hoping to receive guidance from. I read your posts and often say "I wish I could express myself that way!"
 
If you will, please explain what you mean by "bullet points?"
 

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Applying to a potential Mentor - 8/14/2006 1:39:58 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		As in outline format

Things I want to focus on:

    -  learning how to write an outline
    -  learning out to use bullet points
    -  using good judgement

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Calandra)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Applying to a potential Mentor - 8/14/2006 1:43:36 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		Mahalo for your kind compliment, Here is an example of bullet points using bullet points...hehehe...
 
  • bullet points are very short sentences that distill a thought or idea to its core essence

 
  • bullet points make ideas easier to read

 
  • bullet points make ideas easier to digest

 
  • bullet points shorten the time a person need to spend getting the heart of a point.

 
  • bullet points are often demarked with black dots to signify importance, but not order of importance.

 
  • bullet points  are sandwiched between the number and the paragraph buttons that the top of the CM message window.

 

_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to Calandra)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Applying to a potential Mentor - 8/14/2006 1:45:32 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		Since you are approaching her, it only seems wise to do as she wishes.

I personally think it would be wonderful if you asked her similar questions -- maybe not in writing but in discussion.

I have never been offended when those who asked me to mentor them or even just teach them a particular skill asked me questions. It only increased my admiration for them and helped me want to put in more time and energy to the relationship whether it was for a few hours of instruction (like teaching knife play or flogging) or for the months if not years of time as a mentor.

If you are going to do this formally, I'd personally get as much information up front as possible. Will there be a scheduled weekly, biweekly, monthly face-to-face meeting? If so, where and when? Will these have specific topics or be time to just talk about things that come up? Will the mentoring including going to events together like a munch, play party or club? What will your roles be when you go?

I suggest these questions because the fairly recent discussion about mentoring demonstrated to me that what that includes varies widely. Best to be sure what ground your footing is on when you begin.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Calandra)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Applying to a potential Mentor - 8/14/2006 3:26:59 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Calandra

Those of you who appreciate what I am trying to do... Do you have any suggestions about what information I might include, or maybe guidelines on how I might format this to the best advantage? This Lady is busy and I don't wish to waste her time. My instincts were to create something akin to a Resume, but I wanted to ask for feedback from those of you who might be willing to offer it.
 


I have a document of this nature in my possession and would be happy to share it's contents with you Ma'am. It is fashioned after a resume and includes the following:

Objective Statement
Earned Stations - D/s related positions you've held.
Qualifications - Explanation of the above titles listed along with a brief synopsis of professional and social skillsets.
Health and Limits - You can also include an up to date physical and appropriate blood tests as supplemental documents.
Memberships - D/s, social, or professional memberships that you may wish to highlight.
References - A simple statement that informs her that references will be furnished.

Note: You may opt to include a small notation under the qualifications section that mentions your willingness to provide a professional resume if detailed information is requested regarding your business experiences.

Of course this document will include your contact information too. I hope this outline has been helpful. Best of luck to you in your new endeavor.

Regards,

porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to Calandra)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Applying to a potential Mentor - 8/14/2006 4:04:51 PM   
Calandra


Posts: 725
Joined: 11/22/2004
Status: offline 		Very good points TheTammyJo... thank you

I have actually asked her what she wants me to include and she gave me broad suggestions, however I suspect that she is going to be looking at my effort in this initial assignment as an indicator of my motivation, commitment, etc. I am being assessed and I know it... I only hope that she finds me worthy of her time and attention.

I lost my grandmother at 14. Now she was a Grand Dame and I adored her... I'm 40 and still feel her loss every single day. My mother was a rebellious person and if my Grandma said to place a napkin in your lap, my mother would throw it on the floor just to spite her. Anytime I'd try to better myself, mom would criticize me and say I was "putting on airs". I've always wanted to learn some of the finer things, and the loss of Grandma at that age in my life has left me rudderless. I'm very excited at this opportunity and I may never get another one with someone who would inspire me the way this Lady has.

Thank you for your reply and I will work hard to make this an application that she will give serious consideration....

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Applying to a potential Mentor - 8/14/2006 5:49:22 PM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline 		From the the points she asked you to cover, my first impression is that she wants you to do some introspection.  She's asking you to think specifically about what it is you want to learn, where you want to grow the most.  I think she is wanting to see what directions you really want to go in with this.  Not just those things one might suggest off the top of their head or because they think saying certain things are appropriate; but rather those things that keep you awake at night, those things you have the most doubts and fears about, things you need to conquer, things you very much want to explore.

Rather than a resume' sounds like perhaps she's wanting an essay on those inner desires.  Just my take on it.  However, as Tammy said, its good to hammer out the details and specifics as well.  So perhaps a resume with an essay attached would cover all the "bases".

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to Calandra)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Applying to a potential Mentor - 8/14/2006 6:02:59 PM   
losttreasure


Posts: 875
Joined: 12/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Calandra

She has asked me to create a formal application that discusses my history, my goals, maybe specific talents I wish to develop, etc. I'm not the kind of person who does anything halfway, and I wish to do this right.
 


Calandra, I suspect that what your lady acquaintance will be assessing in your 'application' is the ability to communicate well, and a clear idea of what it is that you wish to accomplish.  While there is indeed etiquette that you can learn to facilitate ease in manoeuvring within a more formal social circle, it is graceful confidence in yourself that is essential.  Your application will provide her with an idea of whether your success will be easily attained, and what level of mentoring you will require.

By having you define your expectations in this endeavor, she is ensuring not only that you haven't created an unrealistic image of what it is that you would like her help with, but that there is an achievable goal within reach.

I would recommend a letter, carefully written to express your desires.  By all means, please avoid bullet points and any other purely business devices.  In the same manner, be careful not to present yourself with an air of pretentiousness.  This should be a direct and eloquent missive following a formal letter format, and utilizing appropriate grammar.  If possible, the letter should be hand-written on quality stationary.

~*~

August 14, 2006

My dear Madam (Mistress, Mrs., or Miss) Domme,

It is with genuine admiration for your graceful demeanor that I have requested your assistance in developing my social skills.  With this letter, I am presenting to you a brief biography of myself and a discussion of what it is that I desire to accomplish with your help.

At forty years of age, I consider myself to be a confident FemDomme with a happy successful poly family.  I'm proud of my accomplishments in my lifetime, however, I have always dreamed of polishing myself so that I feel assured and competent in more formal social settings.  Having lost my grandmother at age fourteen, and with little positive direction from my own mother, my upbringing in the social graces suffered.

It is my desire to learn...

I'm very excited at this opportunity and I hope that you will consider my application favorably.

Yours always sincerely,

Calandra's Full Proper Name

~*~

I hope this helps.  Best wishes!

 

(in reply to Calandra)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Applying to a potential Mentor - 8/14/2006 6:10:31 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		all good advice, too.  Don't forget first principles in your abstract, medical conditions, fears, limits, background, time and life constraints and so on, it is about making you better, after all. 


yes, grammer nazis; I know the list should have been set off by semicolons but I will be goddamned if I will go back and  punch them in.

Good Luck Calandra!!!!!


_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to Calandra)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Applying to a potential Mentor - 8/14/2006 6:13:52 PM   
losttreasure


Posts: 875
Joined: 12/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

yes, grammer nazis; I know the list should have been set off by semicolons but I will be goddamned if I will go back and  punch them in.

Good Luck Calandra!!!!!



That should be "God-damned", Ron. 

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Applying to a potential Mentor - 8/14/2006 6:31:01 PM   
mp072004


Posts: 381
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline 		I don't think a resume is the way to go. Resumes in the fields I know something about tend to talk a lot about history and qualifications for a position, and very little about what you want to do once you've got the position. Perhaps your field is different. It sounds to me like your prospective mentor would like a statement of direction. I doubt it's much for your own introspection--I imagine she wants you to tell her what you want to learn so she can determine whether she can teach it and if she can teach it, how she might teach it. I often enjoy teaching people, even when I'm teaching as a favor, but I am reluctant to teach on my own time when I don't know what the student wants to learn. I find it very difficult to instruct without knowing what is to be learned, and better teachers than I agree.

On the form of your letter, I imagine you might be more successful if you asked your friend rather than us. Nonetheless, if you wanted to learn from me, I would want you to tell me specific things you want to learn to do, why those things are important or significant, and why you think I could teach them to you. Bullet points may work, and may be your lady friend's preference, but I would prefer short, clear, well-organized paragraphs. If the stuff you would like to learn from me has something in common other than it being stuff you think I know, tell me that category and, if you have any knowledge of it already, tell me what you do know. Even if there isn't a unifying characteristic of your desired instruction, I would like you to tell me what you know of the subjects you want to learn. As you likely know, you should quantify, as purely subjective descriptions are not often useful in describing goals.

Good luck!

Monica

(in reply to Calandra)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Applying to a potential Mentor - 8/14/2006 6:42:11 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		LOL, that pre-supposes I have a christian bone in my body.....nothing christian will ever touch me.


LOLOLOLOL,
Ron


_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to losttreasure)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Applying to a potential Mentor - 8/14/2006 7:28:24 PM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		If we're going to get picky, the first (full) sentence is a run on

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Applying to a potential Mentor - 8/14/2006 7:37:41 PM   
losttreasure


Posts: 875
Joined: 12/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bandit25

If we're going to get picky, the first (full) sentence is a run on


*laughs*  Well... I didn't want to go too far and say anything about the lack of capitalization at the beginning of his paragraphs, either.

*whispering*  And we won't even mention the misuse of the semi-colon, 'k?

< Message edited by losttreasure -- 8/14/2006 7:44:46 PM >

(in reply to bandit25)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Applying to a potential Mentor - 8/14/2006 7:41:23 PM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		Oh, go ahead...Ron is very well acquainted with us Grammar Nazis!  LOL

(in reply to losttreasure)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Applying to a potential Mentor - 8/14/2006 8:15:57 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		LOL, you guys, everybody is a goddamn comedian out here.


Ron


_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to bandit25)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Applying to a potential Mentor - 8/15/2006 8:14:42 AM   
Tamerofwild1s


Posts: 1765
Joined: 12/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

Mahalo for your kind compliment, Here is an example of bullet points using bullet points...hehehe...
 
  • bullet points are very short sentences that distill a thought or idea to its core essence

 
  • bullet points make ideas easier to read

 
  • bullet points make ideas easier to digest

 
  • bullet points shorten the time a person need to spend getting the heart of a point.

 
  • bullet points are often demarked with black dots to signify importance, but not order of importance.

 
  • bullet points  are sandwiched between the number and the paragraph buttons that the top of the CM message window.


 


*holds up a 50 cal round* no silly women this is a bullet point .. you want her to use bullets . lol
 
Calandra .. bullets are good too ... but I might also take each section of her requests and write out full detailed answers . often using examples so as not to have any misconceptions in what your trying to express to her.
 
she is looking to see what knowledge you already have and where you want to go with your mentoring ... she needs a sense of where to begin with you ... I wish you well in your endeavors

< Message edited by Tamerofwild1s -- 8/15/2006 8:16:44 AM >

_____________________________

A building get torched. All that is left is ashes. I used to think that it is true about everything - family, friends, feelings - but now I know that sometimes if love proves real, and two people are meant to be together, nothing can keep them apart ~

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Applying to a potential Mentor - 8/15/2006 1:16:56 PM   
Calandra


Posts: 725
Joined: 11/22/2004
Status: offline 		losttreasure,

Thank you so much! I know the other points I've read so far have much merit, but something about a formal letter feels right... I appreciate your taking the time to help me with this question....

Sincerely,
Kathryn/Calandra

(in reply to losttreasure)
Profile   Post #: 20
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