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shivvy -> RE: A letter of Thanks (8/15/2006 12:17:33 AM)
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i am confused. i don't mean right now, but most of the time, i just feel so confused and don't know wot to do. in real life, i just have this urge to make people happy, even at the expense of myself. i can't help myself and i can't stop myself. i have often got into trouble (real trouble, not just a telling off) because of the way i am. other people tell me i have been used and abused and manipulated and stuff, but i just see it as that's just how it is.
when i first joined collarme, i had just been dumped by a vanilla bloke after seeing him for 13 months. i woz feeling well down (again) and i had previously had a D/s relationship, and being completely, 100% submissive just works for me, coz i am no longer confused. i know i am safe and secure, i know wot the rules are, where my boundries are and... well, it just works for me. but like everybody i spose, you kinda worry about wot other people might think, and how they might worry about you. i have a 6 year old daughter to consider, and her needs come before mine. and i still live at home with my mum and dad, so i have to consider them to. while i really really wanted another D/s relationship, i thought it woz gonna be hard, so i opted for another vanilla relationship. but my vanilla bf turned out to be a really, REALLY dominant kinda bloke and so i asked on here for advice and now, cut a short story a bit shorter, i now have the bestest Master eva![:D]
apart from a few people early on who just wrote demanding photos and stuff, and wrote some not very nice emails to me, i think everybody on collarme has been really, really lovely. for those who have got to know me, and got to know wot i used to be like and how i am now, know how much happier and sorted and calmer i am now. i would like to think i woz a betta person now. before, i could neva talk to nobody about stuff, so just mucked it up all on my own. now i can nuck stuff up with other people[:D] - j/k!
i have met some really grand people on here, and made some really lovely friends. i can talk about stuff, and i can discuss stuff and i can learn stuff from everybody.
so i to would like to say think you to everybody who has taken the time to talk to me, and a special thank you to those people who i have learned to luv on here and trust, and a HUGE thank you to those who look out for me and take care of me and who have my best interests at heart.
thank you.
luv,
shiv
xx
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