Remembering the one you truly cared about (Full Version)

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littlesarbonn -> Remembering the one you truly cared about (8/14/2006 8:11:08 PM)

I'm in the middle of preparing for a move across the country, and I was going through some old things, and I came across a box of letters, notebooks and other such stuff I hadn't seen in years. It was a box of practically the entire five year correspondence with the woman who once owned me. There were letters she wrote me during great times, horrible times, intimate times, goofy times, and all other sorts of times. There was the journal she had me write for her with every entry indicating my feelings at each moment of time that I was in her service. I was supposed to be packing, but I stopped dead in my tracks right there and spent probably half a day just reading over old stuff.

During that time, memories I had lost through time all came to light. Events I didn't even remember came to the forefront, and I remembered them almost as if for the first time. And even worse, I found myself missing her again. A lot. I had moved across the country pretty much to try to forget. After I was here, she wrote me a year or so after my move and said she wanted to send me my journals that I had written to her (not in a negative way...she was never that way). And then it all came back to me, almost like a mac truck running through my tricycle.

What do most people do when these types of moments hit them? I mean, it's been over eight or nine years, and it all came back to me like it was yesterday. Any thoughts?



DiurnalVampire -> RE: Remembering the one you truly cared about (8/14/2006 8:25:47 PM)

I get that way when I hear the song "Wind beneath my wings", 13 years ago my first boyfriend was killed in a car accident while out shopping for my valentines day gift. It was the only reason he was in the car that day, and it took me years to get over it. When his father sold the house they lived in, he found a box in Js room with my name on it. Thinking it was things I had given him and that I would like back (8 years after Js death) he caled me and asked to meet me and give it to me.
The box was the ring that J had bought for me on that trip.  It had been in the car and in the box of things returned to his family after the accident. How it wound up in Js room, we werent sure, but after 8 years, it all came back like a flood. What did I do? Cried my eyes our and thought about him every waking moment for about a week.
Then, just like before, it faded. I still catch my breath when I think about him, or when I hear that song.
But it goes away, a little faster every time.  I'll never forget the memory, but it wont haunt me forever. The love is still there, the guilt is gone.

DV



LTRsubNW -> RE: Remembering the one you truly cared about (8/14/2006 8:28:46 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

I'm in the middle of preparing for a move across the country, and I was going through some old things, and I came across a box of letters, notebooks and other such stuff I hadn't seen in years. It was a box of practically the entire five year correspondence with the woman who once owned me. There were letters she wrote me during great times, horrible times, intimate times, goofy times, and all other sorts of times. There was the journal she had me write for her with every entry indicating my feelings at each moment of time that I was in her service. I was supposed to be packing, but I stopped dead in my tracks right there and spent probably half a day just reading over old stuff.

During that time, memories I had lost through time all came to light. Events I didn't even remember came to the forefront, and I remembered them almost as if for the first time. And even worse, I found myself missing her again. A lot. I had moved across the country pretty much to try to forget. After I was here, she wrote me a year or so after my move and said she wanted to send me my journals that I had written to her (not in a negative way...she was never that way). And then it all came back to me, almost like a mac truck running through my tricycle.

What do most people do when these types of moments hit them? I mean, it's been over eight or nine years, and it all came back to me like it was yesterday. Any thoughts?



OMFG!!!!

It all comes crashing back!

(YIKES).

Don't even need to read that shit.  Yeah.  But they're good memories.

(Always).

Enjoy it Littlesarbon....those are the magic. (And yes, I did check that in my grammar editor).



SusanofO -> RE: Remembering the one you truly cared about (8/14/2006 9:49:53 PM)

Well, most of the time - I lay down on my bed and close my eyes and relish the memories, until I fall asleep. I try to remember mostly the good stuff (because there is always (for me anyway) "good" stuff along with the "tough to remember"). Usually, it ends up being a 20 minute "cat nap", but sometimes I've slept for hours after doing this and it's led to some interesting dreams. 

Then I can start thinking about what "time" really might be (even if nobody knows for sure), and how it seems pretty relative, and wonder about things like how people realize they are conscious beings, and stuff like that.

I can do this for hours. But - I always end up believing I will see the person again in the future, after I have passed on to another state of consciousness after I die (I really believe this. Which might not mean it is what is going to happen, but doesn't mean it won't, either - and it makes me feel better, so I think about that).

In the case of one person, about every few months I still drive past their old house - and they've been gone for 16 years now. Doing that can really bring back some memories, and if it was agonizingy painful, I'd stop. But it's not. 

I think there is absolutely nothing wrong with re-living parts of your life in your head that were particularly great (personally, I prefer to forget a lot of the bad stuff. it can still come back and haunt me, but I will make an effort to block it after a good cry or two. I don't need to dwell on that stuff - I already take anti-depressants, he. But I can get maudlin about it, sometimes, Then I have to just stop myself.

Sometimes, I deal with it by just getting in my car and driving aimlessly around for  
hours, listening to my favorite CDs and-or the car radio. I love doing that. It is not "productive" in particular - except that it seems to be a great catharsis for me - I have no idea why, but it really is helpful for me.

- Susan



juliaoceania -> RE: Remembering the one you truly cared about (8/14/2006 9:57:05 PM)

There is one person that I think about still after about almost 20 years have gone by, my "first love". I am now living in the city he used to live in when we were young. I had heard he moved to a different state and had many kids with a wife. I always wondered what happened to him, if I might run into him just to say "Howdy". The first cut is the deepest they  say, he was my first cut. I awoke every morning with tears for him, and he was on my mind many nights... and this went on for a couple of years.

I know if I saw him today that the changes the world has made on us would make us different people then we were in our late teens/early 20s. It just seems so long ago, and yet it doesn't. I think most of us think about that person that first took our heart. If it ever happens that we saw each other again I would be truly grateful that the fates had bestowed the gift of having seen him one last time and know that his life went fantastic. I would hope that he was still married,well off, and even maybe getting ready for some grandkids one day soon.... You know, those things that make life worthwhile.



nefertari -> RE: Remembering the one you truly cared about (8/14/2006 10:21:38 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

Well, most of the time - I lay down on my bed and close my eyes and relish the memories, until I fall asleep. I try to remember mostly the good stuff (because there is always (for me anyway) "good" stuff along with the "tough to remember"). Usually, it ends up being a 20 minute "cat nap", but sometimes I've slept for hours after doing this and it's led to some interesting dreams. 

Then I can start thinking about what "time" really might be (even if nobody knows for sure), and how it seems pretty relative, and wonder about things like how people realize they are conscious beings, and stuff like that.

I can do this for hours. But - I always end up believing I will see the person again in the future, after I have passed on to another state of consciousness after I die (I really believe this. Which might not mean it is what is going to happen, but doesn't mean it won't, either - and it makes me feel better, so I think about that).

In the case of one person, about every few months I still drive past their old house - and they've been gone for 16 years now. Doing that can really bring back some memories, and if it was agonizingy painful, I'd stop. But it's not. 

I think there is absolutely nothing wrong with re-living parts of your life in your head that were particularly great (personally, I prefer to forget a lot of the bad stuff. it can still come back and haunt me, but I will make an effort to block it after a good cry or two. I don't need to dwell on that stuff - I already take anti-depressants, he. But I can get maudlin about it, sometimes, Then I have to just stop myself.

Sometimes, I deal with it by just getting in my car and driving aimlessly around for  
hours, listening to my favorite CDs and-or the car radio. I love doing that. It is not "productive" in particular - except that it seems to be a great catharsis for me - I have no idea why, but it really is helpful for me.

- Susan


What SusanofO said.  Word for word.
and
I have a box full of letters, cards, notes, pictures of an ex from 9 years ago that I still can't make myself get rid of.  Every couple of years, I'll get them out (usually when I just happen across them) and look at them and all of the memories are fresh again.  My day becomes completely lost to the memories and emotions.  Each time I think that I should get rid of these after all these years.  But I haven't been able to do it yet.



subfever -> RE: Remembering the one you truly cared about (8/14/2006 11:04:06 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

What do most people do when these types of moments hit them? I mean, it's been over eight or nine years, and it all came back to me like it was yesterday. Any thoughts?



I don't know what most people do. However, a few years back during a similar relocation project, I found a shoebox full of intimate and expressively written letters and cards from a Goddess who I'd dated and lived with for 2 years. At that time, the letters were already 7-9 years old.

Anyway... I read one of her letters, easily flashed back in time, and started missing her. I quickly decided to throw the entire box away, motivated by the thought that I had already invested far too much time in my life living in the past.

I've never regretted my decision, and had entirely forgotten all about it until I read your post tonight.




porcelaine -> RE: Remembering the one you truly cared about (8/14/2006 11:24:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

What do most people do when these types of moments hit them? I mean, it's been over eight or nine years, and it all came back to me like it was yesterday. Any thoughts?



I allow the moment to happen. I may laugh, shed a tear, or even peruse the items that have fallen into my hands at that time. When I'm done I return them to their rightful place and carry on. I don't dwell, lament, or give it extra thought. I realize it was another time and place and merely a moment of nostalgia that I was experiencing.

porcelaine



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