.... with sprinkles

.... with sprinkles (Full Version)

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windy135 -> .... with sprinkles (8/15/2006 12:47:38 AM)
Feeling not so vanilla, but more of a swirl…. with sprinkles I’m such a newbie. I just wanted to share my experience and gain insight on others first timers. Tonight was the first time my a** was beat hard. It was with a belt and I wasn’t sure how I would react to it. I’m not much for a lot of pain. My reaction was this: I was so pissed off I cried and I don’t cry often. My Dom wanted me to look at him but I wouldn’t. I was the biggest brat. I felt like a little kid who was being punished and I was soooo mad at him. He got a little upset afterwards because he wanted me to smile and like it. He wanted to hold me right away afterwards but I wanted nothing to do with him for a while. I got pretty emotional and so did he (he’s so sweet). All in all it was an amazing night. What was it like for you?

MistressMaamNH -> RE: .... with sprinkles (8/15/2006 2:56:31 AM)
I wonder if you consider this a satisfying, and productive session. quote: My reaction was this: I was so pissed off I cried and I don't cry often. My Dom wanted me to look at him but I wouldn't. I was the biggest brat. I felt like a little kid who was being punished and I was soooo mad at him. He got a little upset afterwards because he wanted me to smile and like it. He wanted to hold me right away afterwards but I wanted nothingto do with him fro a while. From your post I get the sense that not only does pain and punishment hold little interest and enjoyment for you, but that it may even have triggered an old memory or two. Obviously, I could be completely off base with that assessment...but it does make Me curious, as I feel there is something to be learned in all situations. MMNH

sharainks -> RE: .... with sprinkles (8/15/2006 3:38:08 AM)
To me it doesn't sound like a good session. Being pissed off and not wanting him to touch you for awhile after tends to make me think that the whole thing wasn't your cup of tea. I'd have to wonder why he chose a higher intensity like this when you are very new. Gradual is usually more the ticket with new subs. Even then a lot of subs react in a "oh shite" "Hmmmm" "this isn't too bad" to "hey I kinda like this" sequence.

MissDeb -> RE: .... with sprinkles (8/15/2006 4:57:05 AM)
As I just advised another ... most newbies, especially those who are not into pain, must be brought along slowly ... often very slowly. Patience is a keyword of any good Dom/me who seeks the development of a wonderful submissive or even slave girl. xx

darkinshadows -> RE: .... with sprinkles (8/15/2006 5:10:49 AM)
He wanted you to look at Him... you didnt - one strike. He wanted you to enjoy it, and by the tone of you mail, you didnt't. Did you explain this to Him? Ask Him to stop? Communicate how it was all too much? If not Strike two. He wanted to hold you - probably to bring you down and to work through your upset. You didn't want to and refused. Strike three. When you surrender and submit during a scene, that is exactly what you do - whilst retaining responsibility for your actions. Do not want to sound like a party pooper here, but who is the dominant in your relationship? I understand that in your profile you identify as a switch. However during a scene the boundries and positions of each person participating should be clearly defined. And stuck to. If you were bottoming, it is the dominant who is in charge of the scene, not you. If you are not communicating with him correctly, that isn't his fault. It really doesn't sound as though you enjoyed the scene and in all honesty, you should have stopped and talked about. The dominant cannot be a mind reader and I see the whole situation as completely unfair to the dominant in question. You need to sit yourself down and find out what it is you want and where your limits lay. Your behaviour IMO was not one of a brat. Just someone who really wasn't in control of herself and abused the position she was in. So that sounds harsh... sue me. Peace and Rapture

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: .... with sprinkles (8/15/2006 6:26:29 AM)
The first time I got seriously hurt in a scene, I had pretty much the same reaction that you did. In fact I still tend to- I'm angry, I'm in pain, I don't want to be comforted by the person who just made me go through all that pain. Congrats on a new great experience for you and I hope you can build on it.

WhipTheHip -> RE: .... with sprinkles (8/15/2006 6:50:50 AM)
I hear this all the time. Some new sub meets a Dom, and in their first session he ties her up, and gagas her. Then he beats her with all his might, and lets her go in the morning thinking he has done his job well, and she goes to the police to press charges. The general idea is for a Dom or top to start very softly, and gently ratchet things up, asking for feedback all along. The Dom shouldn't expect someone new to bdsm to volunteer information. They try too be silent because they think that is what they are supposed to do. I think a lot of Doms and a lot of men get into trouble because they just don't understand how to proceed. They have their fantasy, and they hope their sub will enjoy their fantasy from the get go. While the truth is subs need a little finesse. I would never start with a belt anyway, but with a flogger. Different instruments produce different sensations. A top has to know how much sting each instrument is capable of producing, and needs to modify his strikes to match his sub. Flogging is a lot like sex. The first time out, you wouldn't start fucking her full force. You start off with a lot of foreplay, then start gently and slowly. When you see her responding, you slowly increase the tempo. Scenes like yours are not funny at all, they can often be traumatic and can permanently turn a sub off to bdsm. There is something darkly funny about what happened to you. Someday, the two of you may laugh about how your Dom beat your ass till you were mad, and how you let him do it because you thought that is the way things go. These are just beginner's errors. You both might want to go to a local club, and have an experienced couple show you how its done. Hopefully, your Dom will be willing to learn some technique. You should have no trouble finding a couple willing to help you. --Michael

KatyLied -> RE: .... with sprinkles (8/15/2006 6:52:37 AM)
quote: He wanted you to enjoy it, Sometimes it's necessary to rise to a higher level of submission. I do not like pain. There is nothing about it that I find enjoyable. But, I will submit to it as part of "fulfilling the control kink" that my Dom has. He knows this and it's all good. Once he did a caning thing that I truly enjoyed. He went about it in a specific, methodical way. When I'm having difficulty submitting to painful things, I try to think about how it will please him and how I will feel stronger (yes, really) when it is done and I can replay it. Perhaps you are maso lite -- there is nothing wrong with that!

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: .... with sprinkles (8/15/2006 6:55:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WhipTheHip These are just beginner's errors. You both might go to a local club, and have an experienced couple show you how its done. Hopefully, your Dom will be willing to learn some technique. --Michael While I don't deny that your scenario is true- miscommunication is rampant in the scene and subs often find that their rosy ideal of pain is actually viciously off the mark. The error here IMO is the dom not having the foresight to realize that when you take someone from the "fun pain" place you've enjoyed into the "OK that's REALLY painful" place, that you're likely to get different reactions. For me, I simply accept it as part of my service- scenes aren't all about getting me flying or in subspace or making me smile. Sometimes a scene is just another service- they want to hurt me and my body is available to be hurt. I don't like pain, I don't like being hurt. Afterwards, I am crying and pissed and vulnerable and just darn mad that the person who caused so much pain wants to now be NICE to me. And usually they force me to their side and let me calm down after awhile and the pain fades and I'm glad I served them as well as I did and let them get their sadistic fun. In the past when I would scene with a guy who used the "I can make you enjoy the pain" line on me, it was fun watching his surprise at my honest and very stark reactions. If a dom wants to be a sadist, he needs to understand what he's asking for.

onestandingstill -> RE: .... with sprinkles (8/15/2006 7:01:03 AM)
Hi There, I've heard 3 other people who were new say that being spanked the first time with some real impact in it pissed them off too. They all felt the urge to hit the Dom in retaliation. Two tired it again & found they liked it & one did not. In some places they term that reaction as the sub going primal. Even some sub's have been around for a while have had this feeling come over them. Like someone else mentioned here, your reaction is probably based on some prior experience in your life. You'll need to search your heart and find what that feeling triggered in you to make you react so strongly. I have also had a friend who's been a service/sexual sub for almost 15 years. She decided to try being spanked one day too. The night of her first impact play scene she was timid, shy, and an over all nervous wreck. Once she got into the scene she was fine and had a good time. After it ended she was very cold and almost shock like. She also didn't want much physical contact. Though she wanted to process it herself she did want others around so she spent the night at my home. The next day we talked and she was still OK, but when she saw her bruises it just flipped her out. Mind you they were light little tiny bruises, but to her it was huge. She couldn't understand why if she'd done nothing wrong was she punished. She also didn't understand how the Dom (her friend) could have done that without it being linked to abuse. I ask her if during the scene it felt like a punishment. She agreed she did not view it that way till she saw the bruises. Then she felt she failed as a sub if she didn't want to go beyond service & sexual things into pain play. I explained there's many a sub and slave that don't want to be involved in the S&M aspects of BDSM that are very happy in their path and very good at what they do. It's not about the specific actions that we need to enjoy, but rather the flow of energy between the two people. Not everyone reacts like they perceive they will. What you work through and decide to do from here depends on what you enjoy. I wish you luck in your self discovery period. Just remember you need to stay true to what you feel in your gut is right for you, take what others say with a grain of salt, and walk a path that's comforting to you. Suzanne

windy135 -> RE: .... with sprinkles (8/15/2006 7:33:44 AM)
:) Thanks everyone for your input. It should be known that communication was open. It wasn't our first time meeting we've been seeing each other for over a month. He did stop three times to make sure I was alright, I didn't want him to stop. The weird thing is that I kinda liked getting mad. I enjoyed being made to cry and to get that pissed off. Being submissive I'm a pretty passive person and I don't usually feel such rage. For my first experince this is how I felt. I wonder that if as time goes on my feelings would change? He told me afterward that he was a little sad because he thought I didn't enjoy it. Just like most of you, it was hard for me to explain that I did, but in my own way. LuckyAlbatross: I felt the same way! It's like your so pissed off so you don't want to be comforted right away. After I calmed down I melted in his arms like I did the first time we kissed.

mnottertail -> RE: .... with sprinkles (8/15/2006 7:36:34 AM)
Noah had a great post on here about imitation, the comparison and contrast.....I think this is a fundamental example of the concept. Ron

windy135 -> RE: .... with sprinkles (8/15/2006 8:31:51 AM)
Lol, ok. I just feel the need to clarify. My first post was short because I don't like to leave really long posts. And I wrote the post after I got home for being spanked. Yes I guess beating my a** is a bit harsh. I was spanked with a belt. I didn't bleed and I can sit today. For me a beating might be some peoples light play. The Dom that spanked me and I did take our time. First meeting was for drinks. Second was just a movie. Last night was the first time he pushed me and he asked if it would be ok if he did before hand. We had talked about it before and I told him I wasn't sure what my reaction would be. Afterward we talked about it some more and he told me, he was wrong for having expected a certain reaction from me. I just wanted to fill in the blanks from my first post I can see why many people replied the way they did and didn't think I enjoyed the play. I did enjoy it, I enjoyed my reaction, and I want it to happen again. All your replies have made me think and look at things in different angles so for that I thank everyone :) What a learning experience and that's what it's all about.

ownedgirlie -> RE: .... with sprinkles (8/15/2006 8:47:54 AM)
Some people experience different emotions during activities that feel strong to them. Some feel animalistic, some feel softer, some feel lustful, and so on. Often times buried feelings rise to the surface and are allowed to be freed from inside of us. It is possible this is what happened to you. When Master began taking me to a very deep place in subspace by pushing hard, I had some intersting reactions. I went through a period of becoming like a raging tiger - complete with growling and snarling. We would talk later, and I expressed there was so much anger there, and I didn't know where it came from, and I didn't like it. I realized the anger was not at him - it was internal anger that I needed to release. For me, going to those core places inside of me was a way of opening up the doors to my soul which I had kept locked up for so many years. It didn't take long for the anger to subside. He was always very careful of how deep he would take me, so I would not become overwhelmed by it. Maybe that's not exactly what you experienced, but you very well could have enjoyed your reaction because it released something in you that needed to come out. I would suggest to just pay attention to it,a nd keep talking to him about it. And enjoy :)

WhipTheHip -> RE: .... with sprinkles (8/15/2006 11:22:50 AM)
The Rime of the Ancient Mariner is my favorite poem. And those her ribs through which the Sun Did peer, as through a grate? And is that Woman all her crew? Is that a DEATH? and are there two? Is DEATH that woman's mate? Her lips were red, her looks were free, Her locks were yellow as gold : Her skin was white as leprosy, The Night-mare LIFE-IN-DEATH was she, Who thicks man's blood with cold. quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross While I don't deny that your scenario is true- miscommunication is rampant in the scene and subs often find that their rosy ideal of pain is actually viciously off the mark. That is why I insist on having everything to be done put down in writing, and talk it over so their can be no misunderstanding. It is natural for subs or bottoms to be willing accept any level of pain without actually knowing what they are accepting that is why I believe intensity should slowly build incrementally from session to session. If you start out at full volume, there is no place to go, aside from the fact that you will never see that sub or bottom again. I don't know how I would have started out had I not heard so many subs relate horror stories about bad scenes. > The error here IMO is the dom not having the foresight to realize that > when you take someone from the "fun pain" place you've enjoyed into > the "OK that's REALLY painful" place, that you're likely to get different > reactions. Hence, the need to go very slowly and ratchet things up slowly from session to session. I dislike playing with safe words, and have never had a complaint. I know most subs don't play without a safe word, and I, of course, respect their wishes. > For me, I simply accept it as part of my service- scenes aren't all > about getting me flying or in subspace or making me smile. I've read enough of your posts to know that you are my ideal kind of sub, and to know that I am probably someone you would least like to play with. > Sometimes a scene is just another service- they want to hurt > me and my body is available to be hurt. I don't like pain, I don't > like being hurt. I remember you saying this. I think as a sub you are exceptional. I would love to have a sub like you, but realize most subs are just willing to accept pleasurable pain. And I am not going to pressure someone into accepting something they don't really want. I can't be a sub, but I can be a bottom. I always fantasized having a bottom like you, whipping the shit out of you, then when you are pissed and angry letting you whip the shit of out me. I always feel guilty for getting enjoyment from floggging females. Some part of me feels it is only fair to allow the tables to be turned. I have a very keen sense of justice and fair play. So, though I don't like pain and have little tolerance for it, I feel I deserve to get what I enjoy dishing out. > Afterwards, I am crying and pissed and vulnerable > and just darn mad that the person who caused so > much pain This is the only type of female I would reverse roles with. I have zero interest in FemDoms. The thing is I know most females like you can't bring themselves to physically hurt anyone, and can't direct this anger outward. They fear what they would do. And they fear what kind of person it would make them. Finally, they fear directing their anger outward, because for so long they could only direct their anger inward. > And usually they force me to their side and let me > calm down after awhile and the pain fades and I'm glad I thank you for telling me this, because when I am pushed away, I fear trying to get close to the person who is angry, because I know they don't want me near them, and I don't want to pressure them to accept something they don't really want. > I served them as well as I did and let them get their > sadistic fun. I don't think they make many females like you. > In the past when I would scene with a guy who used > the "I can make you enjoy the pain" line on me, it > was fun watching his surprise at my honest and very > stark reactions. The thing is I can make a lot of females enjoy a certain kind of erotic pain. When I am doing them I am imagining I am causing them real pain, and I like them to pretend I am causing them real pain. But I would love to have a female that consented to being raped and enduring real pain. On the flip side, I wonder if there are any bottoms who fantasize getting revenge and turning the tables on a top who whipped them raw. I think one real scene as a bottom would cure me of this fantasy for life. But I always wanted to give one female a chance at revenge for using her body for my sadistic fun, and for using her body as a sex toy. I really feel a lot of guilt for my sexual cravings. Or I fantasize about playing the role of someone who traumatized a female sometime in her past, and allowing her to exact revenge on that person, by doing to me what she would want to do him. I am not dangerous because I am not controlled by my sexual cravings. Since I was a little kid, I have almost always followed a rather strict moral code, and acted in a most principled fashion. I have a lot of integrity, and a buring desire to do what is right, and to be compassionate. I have yet to meet a human who is as committed as I am to caring for others and comforting others. This is not to say they don't exist. It is just I have never met one, and I have looked hard. If I found one other person like myself, there is a very good chance the two of us would have a major impact on humanity. Perhaps this is an overblown statement, but I don't think so. And I have a lot of respect for the law. On the other hand, I realize there is part of me that is not very different from the kind of person most females fear and hate. I think to myself, if I was female, especially a female who had been hurt, I would want to make someone like me feel a lot of pain. If I was a female, it would feel good to be able to take that anger out. So, part of me is drawn to this scenerio, and part of me fears it for good reason. > If a dom wants to be a sadist, he needs to > understand what he's asking for. Yes, but I am a sadist who wants to be a Dom, but a sadist with a lot of guilt. I always thought a revenge movie should be made for females who had been hurt. Havng talked to many of them, I know what they would like to see. According to Paul MacLean people have three brains an archipallium, a paleomammalian brain, and a neopallium. --Michael In the movie "The Shadow," in a previous life, the Shadow had been a mass-murderer. In the television series, Xena had once been a mass murderer. In many television shows and movies, people often split into an evil one and a good one. Then you have Dr. Jeckell and Mr. Hyde. I think the general idea is people have good side and an evil side. And often the strength of the good side is matched to the strength of the evil side. I once knew a PhD code breaker. He said, people like you either become famous for doing good, or famous for doing bad. As a child I was given excpetional love, and exceptional moral teaching. Were this not the case, I could very easily have become almost any kind of criminal. And very, very easily become a sexual offender. For this reason, and others, I have a great deal of understanding for all human beings. There is no greatness in being a natural ascetic. Without temptation people are just who they are. You don't have to be moral, if you don't crave anything immoral. The most moral humans are those who crave things that are immoral, but conquer their evil desires and exercise self-discipline.

Mercnbeth -> RE: .... with sprinkles (8/15/2006 11:30:34 AM)
How about considering the obvious - you aren't a submissive? Many like the fantasy, some like the distraction, few like it exclusively, rare are those that can and want to live it. My apologies if someone already pointed this out.

WhipTheHip -> RE: .... with sprinkles (8/15/2006 12:33:34 PM)
The more dominant a male or female is, the more dominant I become. Females who are submissive to me, melt me. My primary sexual gratification comes from acting like a kidnapper and rapist. I can be gentle or rough. I get pleasure from sadistically inflicting sexual torture. I don't know if I could be a bottom for more than one scene. Thinking about being tortured is one thing, actually having it happen is another. I am not submissive at all. Even if I were to be a bottom, I would not be a submissive bottom. I managed a low-rent hotel for ten years. Some tough guys try see how far they can get by pushing others around. A lot of them talk big. Because I don't project an intimidating presence, my authority was always being challanged. I never backed down. New females at the hotel gained new respect for me when they saw me take on bikers, corrupt police, drug dealers, and all sorts of guys with tough acts. All those that tried butting heads with me lost, but the constant stress took a toll on me.. I don't back down. I don't submit. I can't be intimidated. At the hotel, I used to get death threats on a daily basis. I prefer to live a peaceful life without strife or conflict. I used my head to fight back, not my brawn. When it comes to foreign policly, I am a hawk. People like Saddam Hussein are just like the guys who tried to intimidate me. Am I submissive, not at all. Though sometimes I wish I was, as that would make things a lot simplier for me.

ExSteelAgain -> RE: .... with sprinkles (8/15/2006 1:43:04 PM)
I really have to wonder about him starting you by using a belt. Even spanking can be too much for a newbie if done too hard. I suspect most have their first experiences from being flogged. It is more controlled and gets a sub to space faster due to the large area that is struck. It can be easy until the sub starts to accept it and then turned up. Many techniques are possible as most of you know. I've gradually worked someone into hard caning, but it took many scenes with flogging first to build up to it.

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