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sarbonn -> RE: passion turned to love? (12/26/2004 3:26:52 PM)
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I've been there before (as a male sub to a female domme), but the analogy still fits. I guess you could say I have more in common with female submissives than I do with male doms or submissives (but that's another story, just an observation over the years as all of my friends tend to be submissive women).
I'm the kind of submissive who fits into the same category you just described. It starts out great, and then it turns very vanilla because my domme at the time doesn't feel right inflicting harm upon me, or hurting me in any way, but she wants me around. Now, in the beginning, this is kind of ego-boosting that she would want me on an almost equal basis, even though we're still in some kind of hybrid D/s relationship. But it has rarely worked long term because I need to be submissive, and I get the impression she needs to be dominant; we tend to move apart (which is why I have a huge number of femdom friends who I used to serve and still call me all the time but ONLY as friends).
Anyway, I've explored this A LOT. I've found the most success when I do what should come naturally, and that's talk to the dom/me and explain what is wrong. It's often the hardest thing in the world to do, and I used to not want to do it because I feared throwing a wrench into the relationship, but the wrench was already there. I found things could work out if you make it a serious point to indicate that you want what the relationship used to have, wanting to go back to where it used to be. Without direct communication on this, the other partner is NEVER going to know that there is a serious problem. The communication has to be blatant, too, not hinted at. People don't hear things when they think all is going okay, or is stable. You have to let them know, or it gets worse, and by the time you finally do say something, you've gone so far away from where you were before that you can't possibly get there again because the paths have emerged so far apart.
Anyway, I don't know if this helps, but I certainly recognized the problem. I wish I knew then what I learned after a number of these problems.
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