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Contracts - 8/15/2006 1:40:08 PM

TaskMasterAD

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I'm pretty new to this and would welcome some advice.

I've had one sub but she's gone off to have babies. I'm now seeing another woman who is a potential slave.She's had one failed marriage and a number of disappointing relationships besides. We've had a number of interesting sessions over the last few months and although she's completely new to this, she seems to be coming round to my way of thinking that she would benefit from such a relationship and we've already started talking about contracts.

For my first sub, I sort of made it up as I went along but the new one Margaret wants to put in all sorts of limitations whereas I of course want to give myself maximum freedom of action. Is there a list of possible contracts anywhere that I could get hold of to find something that might somehow satisfy both of us.

Also I'm not sure of the protocol. Is the contract signed after or before the Inspection and Collaring?

Thanks

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RE: Contracts - 8/15/2006 1:46:08 PM

mnottertail

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I think that you need a sit down 'come to jesus' a negotiation from win-win about the contract.
What the fuck is the sense of a contract that has been committed in which neither party finds a reason to fulfill every clause with gladness and well being?

Inspection of goods, it seems to me is after negotiation, but before signing....Trust But Verify....

Collaring is acceptance by both, one lays on the 'burden' and another accepts the 'burden' ............

Ron (many ways to do many things tho, I am one opinion)

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RE: Contracts - 8/15/2006 1:51:43 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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RE: Contracts - 8/15/2006 5:06:09 PM

Lashra

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You want alot of freedoms she wants limitations, seems you two need to come to a meeting of the minds before any collaring takes place. Take it slow and remember this it is a relationship, both people should be having needs met.

~Lashra

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“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

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RE: Contracts - 8/15/2006 5:13:40 PM

Archer

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The question always comes to my mind when I hear this question.

Why do you want to shortcut the process, when it is the process of negotiating the contract that is the real value of a contract?

The finished product is of little value other than spelling out what the agreement you hammered out is.

My advice simple don't shortcut the process, cause as with any shortcut, it reduces not enhances the end result.
What you fail to negotiate fully today will be the downfall of the relationship next month/ year.

In Leather

Archer

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RE: Contracts - 8/15/2006 5:20:52 PM

fyreredsub

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this one would not do anything without the contract in place before hand

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"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

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RE: Contracts - 8/15/2006 7:45:43 PM

SirDarkside357

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Every now and then you hit the nail on the head Ron....well said.

Be Well,
Darkside

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RE: Contracts - 8/15/2006 9:35:12 PM

Wolfie648

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TaskMasterAD

I'm pretty new to this and would welcome some advice.

I've had one sub but she's gone off to have babies. I'm now seeing another woman who is a potential slave.She's had one failed marriage and a number of disappointing relationships besides. We've had a number of interesting sessions over the last few months and although she's completely new to this, she seems to be coming round to my way of thinking that she would benefit from such a relationship and we've already started talking about contracts.

For my first sub, I sort of made it up as I went along but the new one Margaret wants to put in all sorts of limitations whereas I of course want to give myself maximum freedom of action. Is there a list of possible contracts anywhere that I could get hold of to find something that might somehow satisfy both of us.

Also I'm not sure of the protocol. Is the contract signed after or before the Inspection and Collaring?

Thanks

For me I say how things will be. When where and at my whim if I decide to change my mind. For me that makes me in control. How much control do you need?

D (owner of j).

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Possibly.

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RE: Contracts - 8/15/2006 10:26:13 PM

FrankAr

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Tal Task,

Maybe I am of the old ways, the handshake. I don't tend to go into contracts, I just live by the heart, and let my slave live with hers, so far it is working out. Here in aussie land, common law exists, and thus people in a defacto relationship are covered, with the law. So if she has to go to hospital, with me living with her, I can sign forms for her...to a point. With the living arrangements, well she is slave and I am the Master, she knows where she stands.

Be well and take care.

Master Frank Ar.

< Message edited by FrankAr -- 8/15/2006 10:27:12 PM >

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RE: Contracts - 8/16/2006 3:12:35 AM

RavenMuse

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Sorry if this comes across as harsh, not ment personaly, but more a reaction to the whole notion of 'contracts'.

What is being 'negotiated'? Why are you looking for outside assistance on what goes into it? Are you setting up a roleplaying game where you tell your 'slave' what you want then you both time-out to check the rulebook (Contract) to see if you are allowed to give such an order and how she is supposed to submit to it?

You have two people with diffrent needs, discuss them, understand them see if there is a middle ground of compatability and trust from which to start, then begin to build, let it grow, let it change. Don't straight jacket it by setting it all out in stone in a compleatly artificial way, especialy one that comes from OUTSIDE the two of you rather than being driven by your needs, her needs and the interplay of YOUR relationship.

As you can no doubt tell I am NOT a fan of contracts but if they must be used then for goodness sake base them on the realitys of the needs of the two people involved. Not 'off the shelf' from the roleplay shop!

YMMV

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This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

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RE: Contracts - 8/16/2006 4:00:32 AM

fyreredsub

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i was never in favor of 'contracts' it is not Gorean.imo.M/s is an absolute and control is control but if i was a sub and 'play' limits etc are at at stake in the D/s realm...(i would use them but who is to say that a person would agree to them,so really what good are they?)

i had a situation occur where it was insisted i use one but it wouldn't be developed before i relocated...nonsense i said...it'll be done before i come.
however.....this whole situation changed my mind as to their use.

if a Master feels a slave should have one...imo, it should be negotiated before the collar is begged for

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"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

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RE: Contracts - 8/16/2006 6:29:53 AM

mnottertail

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Dear fyreredsub,

It has been established that Gorean contracts exist and therefore are Gorean, in that forum, the books have been quoted.

Just because I use the word contract does not mean something signed in blood.

It is I will do this, you will do that. It is only a meeting and agreement of the minds, each putting some value in the pot, and each perhaps giving up something in deference to anothers need. They know what they did and how to do it again.

The contract may be as has been stated, whatever I want to do, you do.

Ron

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

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RE: Contracts - 8/16/2006 6:50:03 AM

Rule