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sarbonn -> RE: how to go about finding a mistress to train me (12/26/2004 7:56:16 PM)
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What used to work for me (I say this because if you look at my area in Collarme.com, practically every domme is looking for another woman for her submissive), is just be honest and upfront. I know it sounds almost like a cliche, but it really works. You can never be caught in a lie if you are honest right up front. You can usually find yourself pursuing what you actually wanted if the woman you converse with knows already where it is you hail from (as in philosophy). The other thing is to actually really, really explore why you are doing this in the first place. It's one thing to be seeking a play partner who ties you up and beats you until you get all excited and then you get relief (to put it bluntly). But if there's more to it than that, then find out what it is that makes you pursue it from that point on.
A lot of times you can analyze a lot of this before you actually start getting involved in first playing with someone. Don't be in such a hurry, unless physical sensation is all you are seeking.
For me, I waited a long time to actually get myself involved in a bdsm relationship (that didn't come hunting after me first...long stories). When I did, I went in knowing where I stood, and at that time, most of the women I contacted knew enough about me because at least for me, my contemplation was as out on the net as I was (it was a different world back then). But it helped. I knew what I was seeking and what I felt I could bring to a power exchange relationship before I stepped in the door for the first time. I did MASSIVE research on both what I was seeking and the person with whom I was going to be seeking it. I scared away one of the first dommes I went to see because I knew more about her than I think she did. When I remarked off hand what she had been studying at Berkeley and how it coincided with my own studies, I think she freaked right then and there. I learned an important lesson about going too far that day.
I don't know if this helps you, but I thought I would at least share something real from someone who did the huge hunt in my younger years, trying to find the right person. When I was right where you were, I was hoping to find ANYONE. And then I did. And then I kind of found EVERYONE. My only real advice I can give you, if you are a sincere submissive (if you're a player or after personal physical sensations, this won't help you one bit), is to really know what you are seeking before you start seeking it. Don't look for any woman that will say yes. Look for one that says yes to what it is you are seeking, mainly because it's something she wants to explore as well.
Make friends in the scene. There's a huge community almost everywhere. Be careful when you do, or the munches you attend could be at the local lock up once a month. That's rare, but know your surroundings before you start trying to jump into the group. There are lots of great people in the scene. Meet them. Show them you're real. I have a hard time with this myself because I'm the shyest person who ever lived. Well, there's another guy even more shy, but he won't come out to prove it, so we're not really completely sure on that one.
Be real. Look for someone real.
This may come as a grain of salt, but I spent YEARS counseling submissives (both males and females) who were just starting in the scene. Most people don't even know who I am these days, and that's fine. But I can tell you that you only get one real chance to make the correct impression. Most of the time, you won't make a good one no matter how hard you try because others have already paved the road with dirty asphalt. But be persistant and continue to be real, and you will find someone.
Just don't be in a hurry. That never works. Ever.
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