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losttreasure -> RE: I'm sure you've heard this one before... (8/16/2006 7:36:12 AM)
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I do sympathize with how you are feeling, utterly. I don't mean to encourage or discourage with my words, but perhaps provide some further insight. After all, how you feel in the end is all that really matters.
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ORIGINAL: utterlybutterfli
... I hesitate to call it a relationship - but I suppose thats what it is.
Yes, you have a relationship. If you think about it, the real question is, what type of relationship is it currently and what kind of relationship will it eventually become?
quote:
ORIGINAL: utterlybutterfli
My problem...Is that its still early days for us - but I have a nasty feeling that hes pursuing ontact with other subs.
Again, all that matters is what you feel. Whether he is or isn't, you obviously feel that he may be and by virtue of the word "nasty", you don't appear to like that feeling.
quote:
ORIGINAL: utterlybutterfli
...We've never discussed exclusivity (is that a word? - its 3,30 am here) but - hes mentioned his displeasure that my profile was still up as seeking (its down now) but his remains up. I can see he's on collarme quite regularly...
I'd like to point out that the issue here is not only exclusivity. It's about visible evidence indicating your opinion that the relationship has the possibility of becoming something more if it's given exclusive attention. You might not have had a lengthy discussion and come to a mutual understanding, but exclusivity has been brought up. By removing your profile, you've given him a clear sign that you wish to devote your attention to developing the relationship. Even though he brought it up, it doesn't appear that he is willing to give you the same assurances.
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ORIGINAL: utterlybutterfli
I also have had a couple of other 'red flags' that have happened - the first time we played he just stopped contact for a good 3-4 days , which I found a bit difficult to take - having spoken to him about this , he says he couldn;'t talk to me because his dad took ill that weekend, but he did use collarme that weekend, and I don't know if him texting me to say hello would have hurt.
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ORIGINAL: porcelaine
...While real life emergencies do happen from time to time, he was perfectly capable of making a quick call, sending an email, or text message to alert you about what had occurred. It is called common courtesy...
I'm going to agree with porcelaine on this point, but I'd also like to say that courtesy is in the eye of the beholder to some degree. He may not have the same values regarding what is courteous and what is not. The question is whether you consider his behavior acceptable, as he's not likely to change it. It would also be a good idea to remember that most people put their best foot forward when developing new relationships... if this is his best, you have to decide if you can live with how much courtesy he would show you on an everyday basis.
I also think there is a little more to it than just courtesy. It's a matter of attention and priorities... at least your perception of them. I suspect that you feel that regardless of how busy he is, if he has the time and ability to visit CollarMe, he has the time and ability to invest in your relationship by contacting you. By choosing not to, he's in effect demonstrating to you that he considers your relationship less important than whatever it is that he accomplishes by visiting CollarMe.
This may not be how he perceives things, but it doesn't invalidate how you feel. In the same respect, how you feel doesn't invalidate how he sees things.
Communication is the key, but it isn't a guarantee. Best wishes.
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