Using?

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crybaby -> Using? (8/15/2006 7:50:59 PM)
I really need help in seeing some points of view here so I hope I get some insightful feedback... As we all know, real life often interferes with out relationships and our ability to engage in them in ways we would like. Throw in 24/7 live-in, work, primary relationships, unmentionables, and absolute secracy, and boy is life really getting in the way. When weeks go by, months even, without any use besides domestic, I want to know, is it always the slave that should have to come forward and state their needs? Is there no expectation on the side of the Dominant that they should want to, or maybe even have the need themselves? Am I just too proud or do I really have a point? BTW, please don't think this has only been on one occassion...it happens quite frequently.

Lashra -> RE: Using? (8/15/2006 8:02:35 PM)
Months? Wow I have trouble getting past a 3 day mark. But then again it may have something to do with the length of your relationship. I've been with my sub for 2 1/2 years now and perhaps we are still in the "honeymoon" phase of our relationship. So that is why we play so often I believe, plus we are both sex crazed perverts so, that might be it too.[:D] I think you should speak up and voice your concerns/needs, you have every right too as you are a half of the relationship. Perhaps your Dominant is so involved with life atm that She/He just hasn't noticed how much time has slipped by. Unfortnately it does happen that way. I know that I won't hesitate to tell my boy hey it's time to play go get ready, or its time to give me a pedicure/manicure. I also have him setup on a calendar of daily things I expect him to do and some of those include cross dressing, chastity, jerking off in the bathroom but not cumming so he has to walk around with an erection, that kind of fun stuff. He told me he really enjoys that calendar and so do I, because it makes us both feel closer together even when we can't be together. You might want to suggest something like that to try. I don't know if I was any help, but I wish you the best. ~Lashra and slutjack

IndigoDadesi -> RE: Using? (8/15/2006 11:39:52 PM)
"Real life" as you put it should not interfere with your relationship it should BE your relationship. If you are unhappy with the amount of playtime in your relationship you need to have a sit down with your Dom/me, its possible that they dont even realise what you are feeling because they are caught up in the other aspects of their own life. Either way though, it is not fair to you or your Dom/me. After all, you could be having a good old stress relieving romp right now instead of posting on here.

porcelaine -> RE: Using? (8/15/2006 11:46:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: crybaby I really need help in seeing some points of view here so I hope I get some insightful feedback... As we all know, real life often interferes with out relationships and our ability to engage in them in ways we would like. Throw in 24/7 live-in, work, primary relationships, unmentionables, and absolute secracy, and boy is life really getting in the way. When weeks go by, months even, without any use besides domestic, I want to know, is it always the slave that should have to come forward and state their needs? Is there no expectation on the side of the Dominant that they should want to, or maybe even have the need themselves? Am I just too proud or do I really have a point? BTW, please don't think this has only been on one occassion...it happens quite frequently. I would ask why you've allowed things to progress this far without bringing it to the attention of the ones you're with? Whatever reasons you might be tempted to cite, remember one thing. The feeling that sits in the pit of your stomach, the nagging doubts and other fears this has undoubtedly raised could have all been eliminated or lessened if you'd only spoken to them. Do not confuse patience with silence, the two are very different. It is never a good idea to keep things bottled inside. They typically spill out at the wrong moments and the damage done far exceeds the supposed consequences an admission would have had. I would suggest that you be honest and tell them how you feel. While our feelings may not always be the most welcome news they are ours and we are entitled to express them openly. I wish you the best and hope you all can come to a mutually satisfying compromise. porcelaine

imadom4u -> RE: Using? (8/16/2006 8:23:35 AM)
I would deffinately agree with porcelaine! The only thing I would add is to go by his/her guidelines on how you bring up topics that concern you. I think it's great for a sub/slave to bring up topics of concern but in a respectful manner. And remember we Domme's/Dom's are not mind readers, even though a majority of sub/slave's wish we were. lol. _________________________________________________ (When hee-haw meets bdsm) Where oh where are you tonight, how could you leave me here all alone. I searched the world over and thought I found the true one. You met collarme and [:'(] you were gone.

thetammyjo -> RE: Using? (8/16/2006 10:52:22 AM)
There are lots of reasons why people don't feel like playing or like sex. The most common, in my opinion, is getting comfortable with the mundane schedule. Some folks try then to schedule play time and sex time but then it might feel like a "duty" and not a pleasure. This is what we do. Every night, Fox comes up and sits with me while I watch tv for an hour -- it might be something he loves (CSI, Criminal Minds, Stargate) it might be something he hates (Rockstar, Blade the Series, random switching channels that I do). But he is there, right next to me and that grounds us and gives us the opportunity to do something else. At least we are together and not just doing the mundane necessities of life at the moment. Ask your dom is you can set up a time to just be together without expectations of service or play. You might find that cuddling happens, that laughing happens, that other things then start to happen.

crybaby -> RE: Using? (8/17/2006 12:56:45 PM)
Not confusing patience for silence really hits home. We have had many talks and this has happened many times, so it's not as though I just let it progress, it's just the way things have always been and I always hang on hoping things will be different. However, I will say, I have a bad way of asking for things, actually I guess I hate asking, which I'm sure is an awful quality in a slave. I guess my point was more, should I have to ask to be used, shouldn't it also be desired from my Owners to use me. My point has always been, I don't have a desire is there is no desire from them. Of course I have desires, but I would then just rather fulfill them elsewhere with people who are also looking to do the same, rather than have to ask or beg. Maybe I just thought it was an understanding as to why I was ever here to begin with. I do also understand the whole mind reading thing, but I also feel as though being a submissive herself, that my Mistress probably knows exactly what I want and just isn't in the mood, as was also said. Thank you everyone. BTW, 2.5 years and still calling it honeymoon is awesome :), but it's only been a little longer for me.

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