Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Automatic attraction to the "right" person€


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> Automatic attraction to the "right" person€ Page: [1]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Automatic attraction to the "right" person€ - 8/15/2006 9:55:43 PM   
Notanaddict


Posts: 100
Joined: 12/18/2005
From: Sydney
Status: offline 		I am still pretty new to the lifestyle, but set out to learn every day..

A few things I know for sure, although I can occationally be the bottom in the bedroom, I am no where near a sub. But I have massive respect for those who can do it...
But it seems I am only getting attracted to dommey women... which is causing a problem, as  I get reallt bored if I'm the only one "taking it" in the bedroom... lately the few women I have hooked up with have ended up wrestling me to be on top...

So I guess my question is:

As a domme, or a sub, do u automaically get attracted to a sub or a domme, someone you "fit" with? Or have u experienced times where u've been extremelly attracted to someone, only to find that they are just as toppey as u (or subbey) and it just doesn't work, even without trying a PE relationship, just sex?

its starting to get very very frustrating!

_____________________________

Killing under the cloak of war is nothing more than murder.

albert einstein
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Automatic attraction to the "right" perso... - 8/15/2006 10:09:26 PM   
Owned1


Posts: 847
Joined: 7/6/2005
From: Toronto, Ontario
Status: offline 		I can only speak for me.  When I first ventured into the real world of BDSM I was instantly attracted to a man I saw at a fetish night.  At that time I was Domme.  Move forward a couple of years, some realization for me and another fetish night were I ran into the same Man, he was very Dominant, and at that time I was submissive.  I was equally attracted to him then and he was the Dom who introduced me to BDSM as a submissive.

Move forward a couple more years again at a fetish night across the room I had a spark (instant attraction) to yet another Man.  We met he at the time was submissive, as was I.  We became friends and he explored more looked into himself and realized he was not submissive rather Dom.  This of course is the very shortened version of the explorations in the life.  As a result He and i have been together now for 6 years in a 24/7 Ms relationship.

I believe we all explore and grow in our lives, whether it be in the BDSM world or just our everyday life.  We never stop growing and learning.

Perhaps this is one of the reasons you are attracted to ones who frustrate you in the end, you have not fully developed who you are and where you "fit".

Just my thoughts

Owned

_____________________________

~~in His Chains i am free~~

(in reply to Notanaddict)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Automatic attraction to the "right" perso... - 8/15/2006 11:31:42 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Notanaddict

As a domme, or a sub, do u automaically get attracted to a sub or a domme, someone you "fit" with? Or have u experienced times where u've been extremelly attracted to someone, only to find that they are just as toppey as u (or subbey) and it just doesn't work, even without trying a PE relationship, just sex?



Several years ago when I began exploring this path I was involved with a submissive woman. I was well aware of my dominant tendencies and had no problem expressing them. However, there was another aspect that went untouched and that was my submission. Subsequent relationships with women left this part of me quietly dormant. It would take many years for me to discover why this happened. It wasn't that I lacked the capacity to submit. I simply wasn't with people that could elicit that from me because my top was stronger than theirs.

Additional soul searching revealed that I don't bottom for women in any instance. Even in situations where the woman switches I still feel compelled to top her. This is a dynamic unique to women only. On the other hand, I have little interest in topping men and find greater satisfaction when submitting. I have met men who were not naturally dominant and I usually ended up topping in the long run. These pairings never lasted long because I wanted something different.

porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to Notanaddict)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Automatic attraction to the "right" perso... - 8/16/2006 12:31:24 AM   
Wolfie648


Posts: 600
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline 		hmmm 'judging' in my limited experience ;-) I'd say you are a brat. Nothin wrong with that. Just look  for those that like brats.

D (Owner of j).

_____________________________

Possibly.

(in reply to Owned1)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Automatic attraction to the "right" perso... - 8/16/2006 2:32:36 AM   
Sirandlittle1


Posts: 538
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline 		In a 'previous' chapter of my life, i was married to a fellow kinky vanilla. We dabbled with bdsm, both of us up for it, very keen in fact. Turned out we were right, we do both have needs of a bdsm nature, and were completely incompatable. Such is life.
We parted.
Good move!
little1

< Message edited by Sirandlittle1 -- 8/16/2006 2:33:12 AM >

(in reply to Wolfie648)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Automatic attraction to the "right" perso... - 8/16/2006 2:46:39 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		From personal experience over the last 25 years + one of the things that spark 'attraction' for me is that D/s dynamic. submission is one of the factors that push my buttons and draw me to a girl. Most of My girls have been drawn to me specificaly because of My Dominant personality. The calmness, confidence and control.

Have I occassionaly been attracted by someone on the same side of the dynamic, sure, there are many lovely Dommes out there, but it is met with a shrug and "Thats a shame" from Me because it simply wouldn't work. It is hard enough to make it work with someone who is a 'bit' submissive (Which usualy equates to sub in the bedroom, mostly vanilla outside of it).

I don't find it frustrating, it is simply who I am. You seem to need to find out who YOU are and come to terms with it.... or put up with being frustrated and no doubt frustrating those Dommes you are getting involved with.


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to Notanaddict)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Automatic attraction to the "right" perso... - 8/20/2006 12:05:23 PM   
masterhyyde


Posts: 57
Joined: 8/16/2006
From: Manhattan
Status: offline 		Could you try being a switch?

(in reply to Notanaddict)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Automatic attraction to the "right" perso... - 8/20/2006 12:10:13 PM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Notanaddict

I am still pretty new to the lifestyle, but set out to learn every day..

A few things I know for sure, although I can occationally be the bottom in the bedroom, I am no where near a sub. But I have massive respect for those who can do it...
But it seems I am only getting attracted to dommey women... which is causing a problem, as  I get reallt bored if I'm the only one "taking it" in the bedroom... lately the few women I have hooked up with have ended up wrestling me to be on top...

So I guess my question is:

As a domme, or a sub, do u automaically get attracted to a sub or a domme, someone you "fit" with? Or have u experienced times where u've been extremelly attracted to someone, only to find that they are just as toppey as u (or subbey) and it just doesn't work, even without trying a PE relationship, just sex?

its starting to get very very frustrating!


yeah, I sort of sense dominant people.  Some I avoid, others I gravitate to.  Its not just about D and S , there has to be chemistry on some other level, for me.    But I cant just do the sex thing just because a man is dominant and Im submissive.  Im not the casual sex type....the bottom/top stuff....It leaves me empty.

(in reply to Notanaddict)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Automatic attraction to the "right" perso... - 8/20/2006 12:13:19 PM   
masterhyyde


Posts: 57
Joined: 8/16/2006
From: Manhattan
Status: offline 		i realized i didn't actually answer the ?

i have a very dominant personality that seems to make it natural for me to be attracted to women who are  naturally submissive.

(in reply to masterhyyde)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Automatic attraction to the "right" perso... - 8/20/2006 12:13:36 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Unless you have a finely tuned gut feeling tried and tested over time, it would be rare indeed that your psyche will draw you to Mr Right. There are sone mighty exoperienced players out there who have perfected the art of beguiling those of lesser experience and painting a mental and emotional picture that they are what you have been yearning for and that you need to go no further.. these people and Master Class Con Artists... the best and safest way to slowley, slowley. baby steps with eyes and ears wide open..Jusy be ready to bolt for the hills if the deal starts to get on the nose..

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to masterhyyde)
Profile   Post #: 10
Page:   [1]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> Automatic attraction to the "right" person€ Page: [1]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.078