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Married Subs - 12/27/2004 2:50:01 AM

submise

Posts: 20
Joined: 12/27/2004
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Just wondering how some of the Dominant women here feel about taking on a married sub? Have you ever? Would you ever? Have any of you ever been sympathetic to the situation of an attached submissive who wasn't able to submit in his vanilla life?

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RE: Married Subs - 12/27/2004 5:55:46 AM

Jasmyn

Posts: 1234
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
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quote:

ORIGINAL: submise

Just wondering how some of the Dominant women here feel about taking on a married sub? Have you ever? Would you ever? Have any of you ever been sympathetic to the situation of an attached submissive who wasn't able to submit in his vanilla life?

I see no problem with it and will consider married male subs if they meet My criteria elsewhere. It is easy to make demands according to each individual situation and other than their time with Me and what takes place being restricted by their circumstances, they can be just as useful as any un-partnered slave. Then again I do not engage in sex domination other than employing sexually humiliating tools when farking with the male ego that may or may not need breaking down, so I am not bogged down in the morality of it all either. If I found Myself in a position with a married/partnered male slave where there intimacy of our situation, and I have, compromised My ethics and/or his I have choosen to end it or change it.

Jasmyn

(in reply to submise)

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RE: Married Subs - 12/27/2004 6:50:34 AM

GoddessJules

Posts: 549
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Jasmyn,

I concurr 150% I also have no problems with married men serving me because I do not have sex with subs/slaves. It matters not to me the marital status of someone washing my clothes/dishes/car or any other chore or errand. If the married person can adhere to the schedule we intially agreed on and can fulfill the expectations set in the beginning. . .then he may continue serving me.

As a side note: Since married boys *know* that most Dominas don't want to deal with them. . .they are usually VERY good about meeting my (agreed upon) expectations.

Jules

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(in reply to Jasmyn)

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RE: Married Subs - 12/27/2004 9:35:36 AM

MistressFire70

Posts: 378
Joined: 7/25/2004
From: North Carolina
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quote:

ORIGINAL: submise
Just wondering how some of the Dominant women here feel about taking on a married sub?

Like the others that have answered so far, I have and do accept service from and play with married submissives since this service and play isn't sexual. I do know Women who ONLY play with married men, even sexually, because they DON'T want the attachment issues and only want play partners.

quote:

Have any of you ever been sympathetic to the situation of an attached submissive who wasn't able to submit in his vanilla life?

It's not about feeling sympathetic. I'm not out to please every man who is dissatisfied with his station in life. It all depends on what he has to offer; if how he wants to serve meets my needs and desires. If he comes to me with service in mind and approaches with a submissive, polite attitude, I will at least talk to him, even if it's to say we're not a match.

Fire

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(in reply to submise)

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RE: Married Subs - 12/27/2004 9:42:55 AM

sarbonn

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Maybe I'm just strange (well, I know that already), but if I was married, the "sex" part would not be the barometer of whether or not I felt I was doing something wrong. That's why I would never do sessions if I was married; I just wouldn't feel right about it. It's probably why I also won't ever end up marrying a vanilla wife.

At one time, I ALMOST had the perfect relationship that was going to turn into marriage. My mistress at the time was married to another dominant male who had a female slave. They were going to hook me up with the female slave, so that we would be a couple serving a couple. It could have worked. Then their marriage fell apart, but that's another story.

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RE: Married Subs - 12/27/2004 5:28:58 PM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
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I, as well as most other who have answered here, do not have a problem with a part time live-out relationship with a married sub. There is no sex involved in your service to Me, and if you have a need to fulfill certain desires to serve a strong Woman, and I have needs for those services, it is a Win-Win situation.

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(in reply to submise)

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RE: Married Subs - 12/27/2004 6:13:05 PM

submise

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I would like to thank you all for your responses. I thought i would get a lot negative words about adultry and being faithful, etc.. Instead I received caring, positive, uplifting, intelligent, honest words. All of you have given me faith. You have given me a light at the end of the tunnel. I didn't think I should have to throw away years of marriage just so that I could release my submissivness to a Dominant lady. Thank You all once again

(in reply to submise)

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RE: Married Subs - 12/29/2004 12:49:12 PM

Jasmyn

Posts: 1234
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sarbonn
Maybe I'm just strange (well, I know that already), but if I was married, the "sex" part would not be the barometer of whether or not I felt I was doing something wrong.

Therein lies the issue...does submise or anyone think seeing a dominant woman for servitude is 'doing something wrong'?

Jasmyn

(in reply to sarbonn)

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RE: Married Subs - 12/29/2004 5:58:06 PM

submise

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Jasmyn

If and when I ever find a dominant woman for servitude, it would have to be in total secrecy. The reason goes without saying. So, would I feel as though I was "doing something wrong"? I would have to say yes. But my desire to serve is much stronger than my need of a clear conscience. My weakness is my justification and i'm proud of it. Is that wrong?

(in reply to Jasmyn)

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RE: Married Subs - 12/29/2004 7:57:39 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
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quote:

If and when I ever find a dominant woman for servitude, it would have to be in total secrecy. The reason goes without saying. So, would I feel as though I was "doing something wrong"? I would have to say yes. But my desire to serve is much stronger than my need of a clear conscience. My weakness is my justification and i'm proud of it. Is that wrong?

For 6 mo. i did exactly as you describe with a dom. He made a mistake and i got caught. For me it worked out and Hubby forgave me and is now my Dom, but not everyone is that lucky. I fully understand your needs but have to ask if you have discussed it with your wife. I wish i had talked to Hubby from the beginning instead of going through what i went through with all the deception. There are several threads on this, here are a few that might interest you:

married? married?

married men

vanilla partners

coming clean with husband

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proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to submise)

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RE: Married Subs - 12/30/2004 4:40:19 AM

UtahGoddess

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From: Utah
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quote:

ORIGINAL: submise

Have any of you ever been sympathetic to the situation of an attached submissive who wasn't able to submit in his vanilla life?

I have no problems seeing a boy on a professional basis who is already married. But I want to take a moment to address the issue of being "unable" to submit to your wife.

The reality is.....you can submit to your wife. You can rub her feet, pamper and adore her ..... treat her like a Queen....RIGHT NOW. You can...at this moment, decide to place her needs and wants above your own and act accordingly. She need not ever know about Domination, whips, bondage (or anything else) in order for you to surrender to her.

What statements such as yours usually mean is "I can't get her to dominate me the way I want her to."

The questions you have to ask yourself are:

1) Do you want to serve the woman you love?

2) Do you want to "act out" submissive fantasies with someone else?

3) Are you mostly interested in submitting for the physical gratification you get, or from the mental submission you GIVE?"

Ms Sandi

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"The Masochist desires to experience stronger sensations, but desires that it should be inflicted with Love. The Sadist desires to inflict stronger sensations, but desires that it should be felt as Love" Havelock Ellis The Project Gutenberg

(in reply to submise)

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RE: Married Subs - 12/30/2004 6:29:36 AM

submise

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No, I have never discussed my submissive needs with my spouse. Nor do I ever plan to. This is a part of my life I chose keep private and seperate.
Ms Sandi would be right. What I should have said was, I cant get her to dominate me the way I want her to.
I've already accepted the fact that I will never have a D/s relationship with my spouse. And I know that I'll be taking a risk of emotional attachment to a Mistress. As far as for my reasons for wanting to submit, i'm looking forward to both the physical gratifications and to be able to "act out submissive fantasies, and the mental submissions I will give. My only problem is finding a dominant woman to use me. There are so many submissives out there. Dominant women have so many (and single) subs to choose from. It's so frustrating.

(in reply to UtahGoddess)

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RE: Married Subs - 12/30/2004 4:39:44 PM

Sweeticing

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Just about all the subs I have meet are married. Only a few of there wives knew they were out with me. But I had no problems with it. I respect there situation. And do not get emmotional with the situation.So no one gets hurt. If I feel like he is getting too attached then its broke off. I often think of them as great practice for the ones I am more attached to. Also I would be good training for a sub that might want to just explore some fantasy before finding a femdom to collar them.Then my last point some married subs have a femdom they are married to that is wanting another femdom to take them for the day for punishment. < thats always fun> Just takes some communication and what you feel comfortable with

(in reply to submise)

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RE: Married Subs - 12/30/2004 5:18:47 PM

submise

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sweeticing

That is a great response. i hope i can find a femdom with a similar attitude and beliefs as you. That is very motivating. Thank you.

(in reply to Sweeticing)

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RE: Married Subs - 12/30/2004 10:12:19 PM

cowboy1958

Posts: 3
Joined: 6/4/2004
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just wanted to post a response to submise's question. i recently posted the same question (providing more details) under "Your opinion" and the replies were quite different. Especially from alwayzron, telling me what deep lying issues i had inside me. i wasn't asking for sex, just a chance to try a r/t experience, as i know and have known for a long time of my submissive side. anyway, just felt the need to express my opinion and wish submise the best of luck in their search, i know the frustration.

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RE: Married Subs - 12/30/2004 10:55:28 PM

proudsub

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From: Washington
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quote:

just wanted to post a response to submise's question. i recently posted the same question (providing more details) under "Your opinion" and the replies were quite different.

Sorry i left that one out:

your opinion

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proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

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RE: Married Subs - 12/31/2004 2:35:06 PM

strongnsubmissiv

Posts: 197
Joined: 9/8/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: UtahGoddess

The reality is.....you can submit to your wife. You can rub her feet, pamper and adore her ..... treat her like a Queen....RIGHT NOW. You can...at this moment, decide to place her needs and wants above your own and act accordingly. She need not ever know about Domination, whips, bondage (or anything else) in order for you to surrender to her.

What statements such as yours usually mean is "I can't get her to dominate me the way I want her to."

The questions you have to ask yourself are:

1) Do you want to serve the woman you love?

2) Do you want to "act out" submissive fantasies with someone else?

3) Are you mostly interested in submitting for the physical gratification you get, or from the mental submission you GIVE?"

It is true that anyone can submit to their wife and such an environment may prove very fulfilling for some.

I thought it was important to point out however that although many of us are gratified from giving mental submission, if the dynamic is too one sided, it can be very unfulfilling as well.

A submissive who needs something in return, and i'm not just talking about physical play or topping from the bottom, shouldn't be looked down upon as selfish or any less subservient. We're all human after all and any relationship that becomes too one sided is doomed.

To try to clarify where i'm coming from.... sure i can submit to anyone, even a vanilla woman that i could love very much. For it to be fulfilling for me however, she would have to desire me to be this way, as much as i enjoy serving her, something a vanilla woman isn't wired for. Sure a vanilla wife would love someone anticipating her needs and pampering her, who wouldn't? For it to be complete for me though, the dynamic would have to be two sided.

Clear as mud i know. :P I don't feel like any less of a genuine sub though, just because i expect yin for my yang.

sns

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*** Strong and submissive are not contradictions ***

(in reply to UtahGoddess)

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RE: Married Subs - 12/31/2004 3:44:28 PM

submise

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strongnsubmissiv

Very nicely put. I couldn't have said it better. Thank you.

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RE: Married Subs - 1/26/2005 4:17:17 PM

salty069

Posts: 1
Joined: 1/26/2005
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This is a great string. I've learned something about me while reading all the input. I'm not a serious, life committed sub. To me it's a a past time. A number of subs may not see this as a total way of life but as an escape. That is how I might see it. I have to be in-charge all day every day because of my profession. Additionally my spouse expects me to be in-charge the rest of the time. Being a sub and serving a fine, strong woman (yes, including worship...) would be a release for me. I don't want to get emotionally attached to a Dom, I'm attached to my spouse. I just see it as fun.

I seems many in here take D/s much more seriously than I would. I have a life. I seek an escape as a sub. How could one excape of they were in the same situation all the time. I hope that point of view is not offensive to any one, especially the Mistresses. It doesn't make You a piece of meat. It makes you a much admired part time partner. Almost madisional. I know the frustration the subs feel. Perhaps that, at least in part, is because the Mistress' point of view seems to be almost like a marriage and the sub's is more like dating. I would love to find a Mistress who just wanted a once-in-a-while sub to serve her.

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RE: Married Subs - 1/26/2005 4:35:35 PM

LdyAuburn

Posts: 179
Joined: 5/9/2004
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quote:

I seems many in here take D/s much more seriously than I would. I have a life. I seek an escape as a sub. How could one excape of they were in the same situation all the time.

Having d/s 'seriously' doesnt negate having a life. Perhaps a prodomme would suit you better as a part time basis.
Some enjoy d/s fulltime, you dont