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Fall Classes for Men - 8/16/2006 9:10:59 AM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline 		FALL CLASSES FOR MEN

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED BY Monday, August 28, 2006
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.

Classes begin Monday, September 4, 2006

Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays --- Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll --- Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and
Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub? --- Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor ---
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturday at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
After Dinner Dishes --- Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 6
Loss Of Identity --- Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM.

Class 7
Learning How To Find Things --- Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum.
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.
 
Class 8
Health Watch --- Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost --- Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesday at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday noon, 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live --- Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing.
Tuesday at 7:00 PM, location to be determined.

Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation E xercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours ! Beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy --- Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 14
The Stove/Oven --- What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesday at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.
Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to
the survivors.











_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Fall Classes for Men - 8/16/2006 11:34:11 AM   
slo18


Posts: 125
Status: offline 		oh my GAWD I love that!!!

_____________________________

if god and the adorer call, tell them my prophet shall call their prophet, for I am in meetings verily till the end of time.

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Fall Classes for Men - 8/16/2006 12:56:55 PM   
Termyn8or


Posts: 18681
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline 		I regret to inform you that I will not be attending your classes, which I am sure are quite informative, but I have solved most of these problems.

I will recuse myself from Class 1 because you don't put ice cubes in beer.

I don't need Class 2 since 1995 when the house was remodeled. There is a shelf next to the toilet with several rolls sitting on top. It is easily reachable and the army/navy size 72 roll bag sits directly to your right. Every three months the empty rolls are promptly removed, whether it's needed or not.

Could I enroll in Class 3 only ? A pissing contest sounds like fun.

I can skip Class 4 because there is no laundry hamper here.

I doubt I have the prerequisites for Class 5, just what are dishes ? Closest thing I have is a real metal fork. I don't want it to levitate anywhere. It is fine how it is, but sometimes when I am too forceful I get to eat the styrafoam thing containing my salad. If that qualifies as dishes, why on Earth would I want them to put themselves in the sink ?

Class 6 wouldn't do me much good, my remotes are hopelessly lost. Even the universals, bought to save the original remotes, have been lost. If I had any kids here I could just yell for them, they would be the remote. Problem solved.

Class 7 might help, if it weren't on Monday. By Monday when the debris from the party has been shoveled up, many guests need to buy new glasses or articles of clothing. Basically you can't find what is not there. We give up. The mastercard can handle it. I find it really shitty that an optician won't make a new pair of glasses based on a 7 year old prescription. I liked my vision that way, everybody looked better.

For me, Class 8 might not be right for me. I've found that leather items easily replace flowers.

I'll test out of Class 9, as I never get lost. If it appears so, I am simply exploring.

I'll take Class 10, but it won't be in my car.

I'd like to participate in the curricula of Class 11. We Men can then do a nice video to teach our Women to cook like Mom. And if you're talking about the picking up of dirty clothes, I do it all the time, on wash day.

If Class 12 is held at Lowe's, Home Depot or an auto parts store, I would gladly participate.

Class 13, well I guess that's a bad number for me. For years now, my family doesn't do special days. Any day can be special, and gifts are given in a totally impromptu way. So you give up the calendar, but if your Bday is in August, you got your gift in April when I got my income tax check. Also anytime I happen to see something you would like. If I happen to work alot of overtime, just change your Bday to my next payday. As for those special vacations, well holidays all come when I get laid off. I actually have someone (a family member) who would be willing to take my checks, cash them and pay the bills to keep my house going, so we can be gone for months. They will even fill out my forms to keep the checks coming. The vacation is over when I need to make a personal appearance at the unemployment office. Until then we are free.

I can also test out of Class 14. Originally Men and Women didn't have this problem. Women handled the stoving, or whatever they do there, while Men would handle the grilling, at the grill. But then someone invented winter, so I have learned quite a bit of stoving techniques. It was a simple decision to do so, living in Ohio I got sick of waiting until May for my food.

So I would be happy to come to some of these classes, but it is obvious that I am beyond some of them. I think I could be of help though, I could teach some of the other guys some of my advanced stoving techniques. I have discovered some really cool aspects of stoving, one is the broiler. In most homes this is an upside down grill. I love the thing, and am very adept at it's use. The main problem with this is that you need some spacers to get the meat close enough to the flame. After all, if it didn't catch fire at least once, it is not properly seared. I can stove on the top and the bottom at the same time (does that make me a switch ?), that is I can make the meat in the bottom and a side dish on the top as well, like burritos, meatballs, possibly some sausage links. Goes great with the steak.

You might consider this an extra credit thing, an extracurricular activity, but I would like to do a presentation on fire control, hopefully AFTER the stoving lesson. No matter how tempting it appears not to, you MUST use a pan when you stove on the topside. An addendum to the course will be how to disable smoke detectors. Who was ever stupid enough to put those things in a k, I know the word, it starts with a K and it's the room that you stove in, because the stove is there. There are other strange devices there, but my course will hopefully make the guys less afraid of them. Not that we ever touch them, oh no. Electrical safety is part of the course, if it wasn't hot or making noise when you walked into the stovingroom unplug it. Anything moving, humming or is hot, just stay away from it. Prerequisite for this course will be knowing what a refrigerator and sink are. There will be an entrance exam, but with hints.

For example, the refrigerator is where some like to keep beer, and if anyone sees you pee in the sink there is alot of yelling. Some guys need help in this area.

T

(in reply to slo18)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Fall Classes for Men - 8/16/2006 1:06:15 PM   
Saratov


Posts: 1716
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline 		Ya might want to do the fire control class before or, if needed, during the stoving class.   Are ya sure the room w/ the stove starts w/ a k?  Maybe it is just called the stoving room.

(in reply to Termyn8or)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Fall Classes for Men - 8/16/2006 2:40:43 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline 		Dear T,

(crossing off the Creative Writing course)

We would like to incorporate your stoving/grilling course with our Pagan studies.  There is sometimes a need for burnt offerings to the Goddess.

Sincerely,
Lotus

< Message edited by LotusSong -- 8/16/2006 2:59:34 PM >

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to Termyn8or)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Fall Classes for Men - 8/16/2006 2:48:05 PM   
cuddleheart50


Posts: 9718
Joined: 2/20/2006
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost --- Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesday at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

I loved this one!!!...but then again, I loved them all, they are soooooooooooooooo true

_____________________________

Dance like no one is watching,
Sing like no one is listening.
Love like you've never been hurt
and live like it's heaven on Earth.


(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Fall Classes for Men - 8/16/2006 2:53:04 PM   
MistressWolfen


Posts: 578
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline 		This is funny, thanks Lotus. I work in education and would love to send it to the registrars office if you do not mind me using it?

_____________________________

Quoth the raven

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Fall Classes for Men - 8/16/2006 2:59:17 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline 		Go ahead.. it's just an email that is going around. I didn't write it..but by this point it's probably public domain.

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to MistressWolfen)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Fall Classes for Men - 8/18/2006 4:50:02 PM   
ThatLilBrat


Posts: 149
Joined: 2/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressWolfen

.......  I work in education and would love to send it to the registrars office if you do not mind me using it?



Get the camera out ... I want to see that Kodac moment.

_____________________________

Remember the three R's:
Respect for self;
Respect for others; and
Responsibility for ALL your actions and accept the consquences of your decisions

(in reply to MistressWolfen)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Fall Classes for Men - 8/20/2006 7:21:45 AM   
LTRsubNW


Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline 		This is ridiculous:

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor ---
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturday at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

(Everyone knows there are no differences between these two)

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Fall Classes for Men - 8/20/2006 8:05:42 AM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LTRsubNW

This is ridiculous:

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor ---
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturday at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

(Everyone knows there are no differences between these two)


NW,

My Slave finds that he gets a very sharp jabbing pain between his legs when he drops dirty clothes on the floor.  (smiling innocently)   :)

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to LTRsubNW)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Fall Classes for Men - 8/21/2006 5:22:58 PM   
LTRsubNW


Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

quote:

ORIGINAL: LTRsubNW

This is ridiculous:

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor ---
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturday at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

(Everyone knows there are no differences between these two)


NW,

My Slave finds that he gets a very sharp jabbing pain between his legs when he drops dirty clothes on the floor.  (smiling innocently)   :)


Ya know...I don't feel the love here.

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Fall Classes for Men - 8/21/2006 5:56:13 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor ---
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.


I think we can also use a Fundamental Differences Between the Sink and Dishwasher class (as in: reach over just a little bit more and finish the job, thank you).  Also with pictures and explanatory graphics.


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Fall Classes for Men - 8/21/2006 6:02:29 PM   
gooddogbenji


Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline 		I'd attend, but the only way men could be taught these things is if the teacher were women.  And we all know what should happen to female teachers - http://www.collarchat.com/m_547967/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm

Yours,


benji

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Fall Classes for Men - 8/21/2006 6:04:01 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LTRsubNW

[Ya know...I don't feel the love here.



Ah.. but I smile when I do it :)

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to LTRsubNW)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Fall Classes for Men - 8/21/2006 6:22:38 PM   
LTRsubNW


Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline 		(Oooops)

< Message edited by LTRsubNW -- 8/21/2006 6:25:04 PM >

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 16
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