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RE: Sex and play - 8/16/2006 11:02:53 PM   
Lorelei115


Posts: 1933
Joined: 8/16/2006
From: Sin City
Status: offline 		It depends on the partner. I never "assume" sex is part of play, but I enjoy it if it has been negotiated that way beforehand.

(in reply to Emperor1956)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Sex and play - 8/17/2006 6:19:49 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cr0ckdile

How many of you implicitly accept sex as a part of play (I'm strictly referring to short-term partners) and expect it when you decide to hook up with someone for a play scene?



I don't engage in casual sex or play. The only exception would be if my owner requested this of me. Otherwise I'm typically off limits. I have no expectations when we play. While my input could be solicited should he decide, in the end I accept what is offered and take comfort in his desire to use me. Sex is always an added bonus, but not a required facet of the experience

porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to cr0ckdile)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Sex and play - 8/17/2006 6:26:38 PM   
SCORPIOXXX


Posts: 223
Joined: 11/6/2004
Status: offline 		IN REPLY TO ALL

I cheerfully recognize the reptilian part of my brain and wholeheartedly give into it: sex and play absolutely go together, for either casual or long term/permanent relationships!!! I cannot understand people who can separate the two -- but to each their own... Still, to deny that sexuality is separate from BDSM is kinda lke cutting your nuts off to spite your dick, or your clit to spite your tits, ha ha

(in reply to cr0ckdile)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Sex and play - 8/18/2006 5:39:15 AM   
zumala


Posts: 1121
Joined: 6/16/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Emperor1956

What confuses Me is all the folks above who say "play, but no sex, but yes the play is very sexual..."  etc.  This is the old (post-Clinton) definition quandry...what's sex?   Is any penetration of anyone by anything sex?  Is fellatio sex  (I sure think it is...I've been told by several 25-and-unders that its not quite sex).  When I engage in D/s "play" there is a lot of very sensual stroking, touching, kissing...even if nothing gets penetrated or elevated (except, we hope, endorphin levels and maybe conciousness).  I can't believe that all this "play but no sex" is two fully clothed people hurling epithets at eachother across a room.  So when you say "B/D/S/M but no sex" (or the many variants) what DO you mean?*


This is my initial off the cuff response and I may revise it later, but I would say that my definition of sex is pretty much anything that I COULD get a disease from - oral, anal, vaginal.
 
Oh, look... I thought of something right after I hit OK.  Heh.  I have doubts that I'd give a hand job, either.  I grew up with "Your private parts are private for a reason!" and "Your body is for your husband."  So I'm not even that comfortable with nudity with anyone around but pup.  As far as I'm concerned, our marriage gave me "ownership" of a sort over his penis, and him "ownership" over my private bits.  I don't necessarily WANT to see or touch anyone else's.

 
zuma

< Message edited by zumala -- 8/18/2006 5:42:50 AM >

(in reply to Emperor1956)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Sex and play - 8/18/2006 5:47:16 AM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		I assume they mean no penetration of a vagina or anus (or possibly a mouth, but that varies) by a penis.  That wouldn't be my definition, but it's the one I see most people implicitly apply.

"Sex" is such a vague and confusing word that people really need to make sure they're talking about the same thing before they start disagreeing with each other over it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Emperor1956

So when you say "B/D/S/M but no sex" (or the many variants) what DO you mean?

(in reply to Emperor1956)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Sex and play - 8/18/2006 5:49:28 AM   
gingersnap


Posts: 16
Joined: 8/17/2006
Status: offline 		I never assume a play time will also include sex.  I also don't play with someone that I would not have sex with.  Before rope, clamps, paddles..etc etc etc are used on me, I have to have a connection to that person.

So casual play is out as is casual sex.

(but a hard spanking is always welcomed !  kidding, well maybe not kidding)

gin

_____________________________

I don't wanna grow up.........

(in reply to cr0ckdile)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Sex and play - 8/18/2006 11:13:00 AM   
Chloelicious


Posts: 1078
Joined: 8/10/2006
From: belgium, Brussels, Forest
Status: offline 		I totally agree with scorpioxxxxx,

it s real hard to separate sex and play but as another person said, it does nt mean necessarly penetration .

_____________________________

If the Evil spirit arm the Tiger with Claws, Brahman provided wings for the Dove...... Guns and roses

If global warming continue, we will have SOLAR bears !!!
( unknown)

If love is blind......I guess I will buy myself a cane (guns and roses

(in reply to SCORPIOXXX)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Sex and play - 8/18/2006 11:40:30 AM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cr0ckdile

How many of you implicitly accept sex as a part of play (I'm strictly referring to short-term partners) and expect it when you decide to hook up with someone for a play scene?

Maybe it's highfalutinly romantic of me, but I'd rather keep the two separate, and only make love to someone I am in love with.

Thoughts?  Opinions?  Concerns?


I tend to fall more into the school of thought that Sadism and Masochism play is sexual play.  After all, the play is being done to elicit feelings of a certain nature in either the giver, the receiver, or both.  S/M is defined as sexual pleasure being derived from either infliction of pain or the giving of it.  Now, bondage and discipline do not have any such "aura" associated with them...but there again, corporal punishment can be considered to be disciplinary in nature and it is inflicting pain so that would fall into the S/M camp, depending on which side of the punishment you are on and....so on and so on.  You can separate it out whichever way works for you but I know myself that when I engage in play, I get sexual feelings from it.  They may be light or they may be heavy but they are there.  About the only thing that doesn't do it for me sexually...even though I like it and in a bigger context in combination with other factors, it does...is bondage.  Personally, I find it difficult to deny that sexual desire exists for me within the framework of play.  Do I act on it?  Not always.  But recognition of it also makes me more cautious about deciding when to play and about communicating my feelings about it to a potential play partner.

Finally...I can make love to someone without being in love with them.  That being said, the most casual encounters I have had in my vanilla life were a one-night stand wayyyyyyyy back in the dark ages (I was 21) and, in D/s, my bad weekend encounter with a nutzo (which I've posted about before).  My other encounters in which play were involved also involved sex of some sort and they have been with people I've known and liked for awhile.  I've loved (still love) several of them without being in love with them.

(in reply to cr0ckdile)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Sex and play - 8/18/2006 12:17:49 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cr0ckdile

How many of you implicitly accept sex as a part of play (I'm strictly referring to short-term partners) and expect it when you decide to hook up with someone for a play scene?

Maybe it's highfalutinly romantic of me, but I'd rather keep the two separate, and only make love to someone I am in love with.

Thoughts?  Opinions?  Concerns?



what if the "play" did not include actual penetration, or anything else that resembled "sex" by vanilla standards...but at least one of the two orgasm from the nature of the play...does that make it "sex"?

(in reply to cr0ckdile)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Sex and play - 8/18/2006 12:21:41 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
what if the "play" did not include actual penetration, or anything else that resembled "sex" by vanilla standards...but at least one of the two orgasm from the nature of the play...does that make it "sex"?


For me sex/sexual contact can occur with no physical touching.

For the orgasm, I think if an orgasm occurs, then something sexual has occurred, but you don't need an orgasm for something to be considered sex or sexual.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Sex and play - 8/18/2006 12:46:25 PM   
Flame73


Posts: 49
Joined: 7/6/2004
Status: offline 		Well I can't say there's a definitive rule regarding sex & play in My world. I have had some awesome scenes that had no sexual touching what so ever. I've also had some scenes where it's been sexually motivated from the first moment. I actually prefer My sex with a coat of kink, but I've had some pretty nilla sex that was good enough to repeat again and again.
I usually try and avoid going into any scene with too many expectations above the very basic ones. I've never expected, required, or requested that sex be brought into a situation where it hadn't already been implied there was some desire from the other party.
I do, however, agree there has to be a certain sexually based attraction to someone to bring about the thought of scening with them. Lust is a great motivator. I've always been one to push the envelope, I want as much as I can get, for as long as I can get it.
I have never engaged in sexual play with anyone I did not have a familiarity with and emotional tie to, though I think this is more an aspect of the female psyche than a personal preference.
 
~S~

_____________________________

"It's all a a question of mind over matter, if I don't mind then you don't matter."

"It is far more comfortable to exist in Madness, than to hold teniously to sanity riddled with doubts."

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Sex and play - 8/18/2006 1:36:08 PM   
cr0ckdile


Posts: 63
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline 		CreativeDominant,

I agree, D/s play is very sexual, but I was referring to intercourse and was wondering if most people include that in their "scenes."

(in reply to Flame73)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Sex and play - 8/19/2006 7:26:45 AM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cr0ckdile

CreativeDominant,

I agree, D/s play is very sexual, but I was referring to intercourse and was wondering if most people include that in their "scenes."


O.K., but you understand that intercourse is in itself just one more sexual act...just one more way of including sex in a scene, which is what helped to lead to some confusion.

To answer that question, I can say that while almost scene of mine has been sexual in one way or another, there have been fewer that involved intercourse of either the penile-vaginal sort or the penile-anal sort.

(in reply to cr0ckdile)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Sex and play - 8/19/2006 7:59:38 AM   
ScooterTrash


Posts: 1407
Joined: 1/24/2005
From: Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cr0ckdile

How many of you implicitly accept sex as a part of play (I'm strictly referring to short-term partners) 

I don't do short term partners...so I guess I don't have an opinion.

_____________________________

Formal symbolic representation of qualitative entities is doomed to its rightful place of minor significance in a world where flowers and beautiful women abound.
-Albert Einstein

(in reply to cr0ckdile)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Sex and play - 8/19/2006 11:20:20 AM   
WhipTheHip


Posts: 1004
Joined: 7/31/2006
Status: offline 		In another thread, someone claimed that people not looking for
a 24/7 relationship, who are just looking to be topped by any
top, are just looking for a fuck buddy.  When I replied they
are not necessarily looking for sex, the response if they are
not looking for a 24/7 relationship, they are just looking for a
fuckbuddy.  What a bunch of hooey!  I wonder how many
Pro Dommes consider themselves fuck buddies or
prostitutes.  I tried to tell them that just because two players
have a bdsm scene and are not interested in a personal
relationship with each other does not make them fuck buddies. 
Then when made a statement about masochist, they
substituted the word "sub" for "masochist: as if the
words "masochist" and "sub" are interchangable, and
whatever is true for masochists must also be true
for subs.

(in reply to Emperor1956)
Profile   Post #: 35
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