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Evanesce -> RE: Starting a Lifestyle Group (8/17/2006 9:52:55 AM)
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I co-founded a group in November, 2002. It was the result of the frustration of a number of people wanting to get active within the local community and give something back, while the "leader" of the only group in town balked at every idea we came up with. While membership was restricted to only those people who came to meetings or coffee gatherings, the group was established as a full democracy, with me as "Speaker," which meant I was the public voice of the group, and when people had questions, they came to me. I set up the meeting agenda, did the PR work, wrote minutes of our meetings, and generally kept everyone informed.
Six months after our first meeting, we held a successful charity event and donated our proceeds to Indiana Still Cares. Following that event, the group grew to 80 members, we held two demos over the next year, and had started work on a third, when things took a downward turn. I'd been taking a lot of flack from a number of people, including a couple group members, and some serious harassment from a guy in Arizona over a claim made by one of our presenters at our second demo, which took emails back and forth between myself, the owner of a lifestyle bed and breakfast where our biweekly meetings were held, and the head of APEX to straighten out, and I resigned after a year and a half of being Speaker. The individual I nominated to take my place was elected almost unanimously a month later.
That's when things went downhill. Over the next year, the group did nothing at all. We'd started having a monthly munch, along with our meetings and coffee dates, a few months before I resigned, and when a year had passed for the munch, the host stepped down as well. That resulted in a bit of a spat amongst some members before we finally decided on a new place for the munch and a new host (we were tired of Mexican food). Three months after we moved to the new munch venue, we were asked not to return, due to the bad behavior of a handful of dominants, which went unchecked by the "Speaker" at the time.
That Speaker's year of service was up, and a new Speaker was elected. Things got even worse. As a result of the bad behavior, the membership demanded that we draw up "standards of etiquette," outlining expectations and consequences. Five people, myself and the new Speaker included, were instructed to write up these standards for presentation to the group. Knowing this was going to cause nothing but grief, and that we were going to be in for one heck of a brawl as a result, we did as the majority demanded, and the standards were passed.
The shit hit the fan. That's all I can say. And the people who'd demanded that we institute these new rules suddenly decided they didn't want to deal with all the "negativity" that their demands created. As I, and the more outspoken of the group wanting to get rid of the new rules, tried to hammer out a compromise and make this thing work, he was hammered by people telling him if he didn't like it, he could leave; while I was bombarded with the whining bitchiness of people complaining about all the "negativity."
During this shitstorm, several people left the group (the most outspoken of the group which demanded we write up the rules), and our Speaker allowed his girl to start up another group, and surreptitiously promote it. They did everything in their power to hide it from me, but I found out in December, 2005... just five months after the Speaker's election... when events that were supposed to have been planned for our group suddenly weren't happening any more, because they were being done with this "new" group. By this time, our attendance had gone from at least 20 at every meeting, to just a handful. That handful decided our Speaker's actively promoting this other group was unacceptable, and they handed control of the group back to me. I was elected President of ALM.
So now I've got my group back, and we're doing things again. We've restructured our meetings and coffees, and people are coming back. Instead of "business meetings," we now have monthly, topic-driven business/discussion meetings in our home, followed by pot luck dinner and a play party. Attendance is increasing again, and we're back on the path the group was supposed to have been on from the beginning.
I've come to the conclusion that the average life expectancy of a real-life lifestyle group is about 3 years. By the end of 3 years, the newness wears off, people get complacent and bored, and someone comes along who thinks they have a bigger and better way of doing things, so people rush to this new group, thinking it will be better than the one before. Only it's usually not much different than the predecessor. The groups that last are those whose leaders have a clear vision and are willing to work to make the group successful. The groups that last are also those that work hard to remain free of politics, favoritism and drama. Drama is the fastest destroyer of any lifestyle group.
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