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RE: A sort of random question. - 8/16/2006 7:30:51 PM

smilezz

Posts: 2156
Joined: 6/18/2004
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I never really knew what being submissive was, let along being "a" submissive. I had always been the one in charge, i had always been the one in control, i had always been the one making all the decisions. I entered into the realm of BD/SM and there was no doubt in my mind i was a Dominant woman who thrived on the control and the power that it enveloped me. I was dead wrong.

I met a Man one night that caught my eye. We talked for hours...days...weeks. I knew He was Dominant, there was nothing between us other than good long talks of life. He became bold one night. Without going into every detail....He brought me to my knees and i shivered and begged to stay there. I had no idea who i was or what i was at that point. This Man opened up my eyes to my true self.
While i still have very Dominant traits, there is not doubt that after 20 years i know exactly who i am.

I now reside at the feet of the most amazing Man i have ever encountered. Thank You Master for making a girl Your own.

~smilezz~

< Message edited by smilezz -- 8/16/2006 8:06:02 PM >

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(in reply to behindmirrors)

Post #: 21

RE: A sort of random question. - 8/16/2006 7:47:27 PM

Jay179

Posts: 5
Joined: 12/8/2004
Status: offline

I have always been the dominate one in most relationships from the very start. Even as a child ( the oldest of 6 children) I took my authority seriously and reveled in it. The military taught me to discipline not only myself, but to lead and control others. I thoroughly enjoy a leadership role with a woman and anything short of that just won't do. Guess I have always been, currently are and will alwayd be a dominate individual.

(in reply to celticsub)

Post #: 22

RE: A sort of random question. - 8/16/2006 8:02:43 PM

stockingluvr54

Posts: 673
Joined: 6/22/2006
Status: offline

Wow...this is a pretty good topic...I'll be watching it closely! You couldn't have timed it any better. Been thinking of pulling my profile even tho I really really thought I had honestly figured which direction I leaned? Of course I base all my opinions on RT experience in general and have almost no RT experience in this culture? So basically I've based my profile on fantasies? Fantasies which I may or may not take to if I'd actually experienced them in RT? Had a prominent member in here suggest maybe I lean towards switch because I like to give an occaisional spanking? Been in a tailspin these last couple of days trying to figure shit out....to no avail I might ad. Starting to think the mind is my worst enemy..... Sorry for the rant but I will be watching this thread with much interest and maybe some of the replies will help me understand more....Thanks!

(in reply to behindmirrors)

Post #: 23

RE: A sort of random question. - 8/16/2006 8:12:33 PM

addisonclarkgirl

Posts: 346
Joined: 7/16/2006
Status: offline

Susan, i'm also an INFJ. i've wondered in the past few months about the Myers Briggs and BDSM, and if subs tend to be of one personality and Doms another. Just a thought.

_____________________________

I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set her free...Michelangelo

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Princess_of_Naughty_Pics

(in reply to celticsub)

Post #: 24

RE: A sort of random question. - 8/16/2006 9:06:45 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

I am an ENFJ.. here is a thread that lists people's scores for you to review for your own curiousity (if you are interested that is)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_339171/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#342036

On Edit, Sinergy and I have the same Myers Briggs score.

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 8/16/2006 9:07:34 PM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to addisonclarkgirl)

Post #: 25

RE: A sort of random question. - 8/16/2006 9:10:15 PM

midtownATLdom

Posts: 7
Joined: 7/21/2006
Status: offline

Interesting comment bringing up MBTI there Susan; I wonder if anyone has done any mapping between the personality types and Dom/sub tendancies. A survey here might be interesting to see how it falls out.

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 26

RE: A sort of random question. - 8/17/2006 12:41:12 AM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
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addisonclarkgirl: I think you may be right about INFJ's being submissives, mostly maybe.

Weird trivia, possibly related: The INFJ's only make up 1/4 of 1% of the population. They are not even included at all in the Myers-Briggs book I have called "Type Talk at Work" in any organization chart. Acc. to the M-B, we simply don't exist at all in corporate America. Apparently, we should all be poets, or move to France and become painters, or something.

Actually, we are supposed to make good counselors and psychologists, too.
But the corporate world has no use for us, really. But, at least we are female INFJ's.

Male INFJ's are basically screwed in the occupations area - about the only occupations open to male INFJ's acc. to this book, are either becoming, like, a priest or a counselor, like Dr. Phil. That's about it. Male INFJ's are the kinds of kids who get beat up a lot on the school playground.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/17/2006 1:20:49 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to addisonclarkgirl)

Post #: 27

RE: A sort of random question. - 8/17/2006 2:41:40 AM

Kedikat

Posts: 680
Joined: 4/20/2006
Status: offline

A sort of random answer.
Poplar.

(in reply to behindmirrors)

Post #: 28

RE: A sort of random question. - 8/17/2006 5:00:49 PM

porcelaine

Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: behindmirrors

How did you determine if you were dominant or submissive? Was it a "natural" role you fell into, was there some sort of epiphany, or did you just notice trends in your interactions with others and figure out what that meant to you one day? How did you end up in "the lifestyle"? Do you act your D/s "type" in interactions outside of your D/s relationship (For example, are you dominant in your work life and submissive in your private life, or vice versa)? If yes or no, what kind of feeling do you have about it?

I have a naturally dominant personality and always find myself in positions of leadership in my daily interactions and responsibilities. However, I find great fulfillment relinquishing control to someone that is able to execute in a manner that doesn't conflict with who I am internally. I believe both aspects are appealing because they allow me to express myself and bring value to the one I serve and guide.

I do not consider myself naturally submissive nor am I subservient in any capacity. For me it is merely a manner of connecting with someone that stimulates this aspect of my personality. I have come to discover that the dominants and submissives that I'm most attracted to are those that have specific qualities that I possess while in those roles. My exploration of this lifestyle was intentional. I did not have an epiphany, but did realize both paths were appealing early on. The most eye opening experience was discovering the beauty and liberation that slavery brings.

porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to behindmirrors)

Post #: 29

RE: A sort of random question. - 8/17/2006 5:29:21 PM

NYMaster101

Posts: 107
Joined: 7/11/2005
Status: offline

I've always been a dominant. Form my earliest memories, I've had an intrest in BDSM. When I was 5 the only reason I watched Supreman was in the hope Lois would get tied up by the bas guys.

(in reply to behindmirrors)

Post #: 30

RE: A sort of random question. - 8/17/2006 5:50:09 PM

Littlepita

Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: behindmirrors
How did you determine if you were dominant or submissive?

I have always been submissive by nature. I had to live a lot of years as the dominant one and I failed miserably at it time and time again. I would like to play at being a switch for sex, but in living my daily life I need a dominant in my life to feel fulfilled.

quote:

Was it a "natural" role you fell into, was there some sort of epiphany, or did you just notice trends in your interactions with others and figure out what that meant to you one day?

My parents used to complain to me that I was too much of a follower. That whatever someone told me I did or believed. I have always been a people pleaser. It wasn't until getting a computer over 3 years ago reading about BDSM online that I realized the depths of what I was.

quote:

How did you end up in "the lifestyle"?

I ended up in the lifestyle when I met my Joe when I was looking for an editor. We started talking and found out our mutual interest in the lifestyle. We fell in love and I agreed to submit to him. We are now blissfully happy and growing stronger everyday.

quote:

Do you act your D/s "type" in interactions outside of your D/s relationship (For example, are you dominant in your work life and submissive in your private life, or vice versa)? If yes or no, what kind of feeling do you have about it?

I am very capable of acting dominant when I need to. I plan to go to school and own my own business someday. I have no doubts that I will be sucessful at it. It's at home and in my personal life that I so need to be a submissive. It makes me happy and complete.

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 31

RE: A sort of random question. - 8/17/2006 6:06:07 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

How did you determine if you were dominant or submissive? Was it a "natural" role you fell into, was there some sort of epiphany, or did you just notice trends in your interactions with others and figure out what that meant to you one day? How did you end up in "the lifestyle"? Do you act your D/s "type" in interactions outside of your D/s relationship (For example, are you dominant in your work life and submissive in your private life, or vice versa)? If yes or no, what kind of feeling do you have about it?

In order:
I didnt actually determine I was Dominant. It just sort of always was. Even when I was to yuong to know what it meant, I was the one who was always in charge of things with groups of friends, people naturally deferred to me and I made most of the edcisions and gave others their directions and jobs. As to how I ended up in the lifestyle, my next door neighbor was a Domme, and she had a few of her pets over doing some chores when she got caled across campus. She asked me to babysit them, and they were instructed to serve me to say thankyou for keeping them honest when they finished. It ws love at first service. I was active with the little group she was part of there, a big poly mess of people all figuring out who they were while they went to school.
As to if I act my type, completely and always. People at work, including the management who are above me, defer to me. I dont ask for it, it just happens. Sometimes I do wish I was a little better at pretending not to be dominant. My mother is a very dominant personality as well, and while I am living at home with my family, she and I butt heads often becasue I cant just follow directions blindy when she barks them. However, it has never bothered me that everynoe else was comfortable asking me to lead, at work or in personal relationships. The only thing I dont like is that the majority of my sub friends cannot grasp the concept of separating friendship and service and often beg me to dominate them. I do hate that.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to behindmirrors)

Post #: 32

RE: A sort of random question. - 8/17/2006 6:37:26 PM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

For me, it's pretty simple. I'm not comfortable being in charge in a relationship with a woman. Other than that, I usually take charge of most other situations mainly because I have natural leadership skills that were honed by military service after West Point. I can walk into a situation, size it up, and then take over almost without thinking about it.

But that doesn't work in a relationship. I feel really good being wanted, desired and needed. I like doing things for the woman in my life (when there is one). For me, there's a HUGE difference between leadership and bossing someone around. I've often avoided the women who are just bossy, if they don't have a streak of leadership within them. But I am so naturally submissive to a woman when she has a true nature of leadership, self-confidence and clear thinking.

(in reply to behindmirrors)

Post #: 33

RE: A sort of random question. - 8/18/2006 9:19:58 PM

addisonclarkgirl

Posts: 346
Joined: 7/16/2006
Status: offline

i think i've always had a submissive nature. i'm a giver, a pleaser, someone who doesn't like conflict so goes along with the rest (to an extent). However, when i was a little girl, i was more of a leader. i spoke my mind and didn't care so much what people thought. In highschool, however, there was a moment when i did this, and there was really no right or wrong, just a difference of opinions, but i lost quite a few of my friends. After that, i think i began to be more of a follower, to let people lead me where they wanted to go, because i was afraid of the rejection.

Also, my family dynamics played a HUGE role in my submissivenss. my mom and my two sisters are very dominant people. They are agressive go-getters...leaders. my dad is more laid back, quite a lot like i am. He and i have always been the ones to give in, to go along with what my mom and sisters were doing. my mom, especially, wishes i was more dominant, and can't understand why i am this way. Also, i always wanted to please my parents. i was seldom a problem growing up, rarely getting into trouble.

As i've gotten older, i have claimed my being as one of a sub. It was just a natural progression. Regarding the pain side of things, on some level, i feel like i need to be punished. i know this is a psychological thing that shouldn't really be that way, but it is there. i do enjoy it though, for the feeling of pain itself, and not just for the fulfillment of being punished for whatever crimes i've created in my mind.

_____________________________

I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set her free...Michelangelo

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Princess_of_Naughty_Pics

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 34

RE: A sort of random question. - 8/18/2006 9:41:08 PM

akisha

Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline

I've always had a very alpha dominant personality everywhere but in a relationship. I classify myself as a submissive at home but not out in public or at work.

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Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

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(in reply to addisonclarkgirl)

Post #: 35

RE: A sort of random question. - 8/20/2006 7:53:32 PM

classykindasassy

Posts: 291
Joined: 12/13/2005
Status: offline

my whole life has been about having things go my way - just ask my mom - as a kid i was a real pain in the ass trying to make things go my way.

BUT - the first time someone got a hold of my ass in a sexual context and slapped me, spanked me hard, held me down, and left marks, I was hooked. Then, dominated further - tied up, flogged, and "done" till i could not restrain the rolling orgasms...and seeing the pleasure he took in having me lose control...

i was hooked. I took it from there finding out more about what it was to submit. I began to use the metaphor of submission in my spiritual life and it deepened my relationship with The Creator, and enabled me to have peace and deep satisfaction, rather than be a controlling bitch that had to have everything go my way. My willingness to submit became a gift I gave to the right one.

_____________________________

"The less I seek my source for some definitive, the closer I am to fine." -The Indigo Girls

(in reply to akisha)

Post #: 36

RE: A sort of random question. - 8/20/2006 8:46:08 PM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline

I classify myself as kinky. I've been interested in kink since discovering bondage as a child.

When I finally made my transition full-time into becoming a kinkster, I discovered that my skills, imagination, intelligence and the rest made it easy for me to be dominant.

Yet, I believe that I could transcend labels and roles, and become anything I wanted to be. I just need to be around the kink.

I'll just be the antithesis of whomever I end up with. And be very good at it.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to classykindasassy)

Post #: 37

RE: A sort of random question. - 8/20/2006 9:36:41 PM

bignipples2share

Posts: 611
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

It was as natural as breathing for me to be Dominant. I like control, I like giving the orders and having them followed. I do not take orders and I am not submissive. I've tried bottoming and I will do it on MY terms, when I want to and with me calling the shots.

~Lashra

< stands up on chair and applauds >
Since I can remember, I ran around dominating the neighborhood. The grownups even called me dominate. I was always the leader in everything we did. They played my game or they weren't allowed to play with me, or anyone I played with. Talk about control, I threw it around like I owned my world, even if it was only my neighborhood and a small portion of the surrounding areas and I wasn't even allowed to cross the street by myself yet LOL. The first two men known to me tried to beat it out of me, and still I rebelled at them trying to have any type of upper hand. (Think Little Shirley Temple, stomping her feet and scolding a grown-up, when she's mad). Maybe this is why I grew quieter, more reserved. I'm not as much an exhibitionist as when I was little either (not talking the wearing or lack of clothing), but I still demanded the final say, then and now.

~Big

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 38

RE: A sort of random question. - 8/20/2006 10:01:39 PM

ExSteelAgain

Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline

Over the years I was attracted to submissive women in the BDSM sense as much as they were attracted to me, it appears. AOL, chatrooms and online groups put my D/s awareness on a whole new level that I think is an ethereal art in many ways now. Plus, the internet gave me a ready supply of submissive women to talk with, learn with and meet until I could find a special one.

I celebrated in the pleasure of the incessant rhythm, the swinging flogger, and when I found myself flogging her, watching her skin turn red, feeling its heat, with the pure moans and begging being my exploding fireworks, my music to my passion, my desire, this life I had found, I became the most joyful man alive.

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to bignipples2share)

Post #: 39

RE: A sort of random question. - 8/21/2006 1:23:23 AM

prdslave

Posts: 190
Joined: 7/1/2006
Status: offline

AoHell started in the early 90s

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 40

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