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ProtagonistLily -> RE: strap on questions (1/17/2005 1:56:08 PM)
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quote:
Most Dommes I've known could care less if the sub enjoys it or not .... it's not about what the sub enjoys (typically). And now that I've answered a question directed to the Ladies ... I'll quietly go sit in the corner and shut up.
Upfront, your milage may very on what I have to say....
Ok, I wasn't going to say anything on this thread but generalizations just get my dander up.
I, for One, DO care if a sub enjoys something or not. For me, to be playing with a submissive who has no reaction, or isn't enjoying the play on some level, doesn't give anything back to me. I might as well flog my closet door if that's the case....would be more convenient and less maintenence, that's for sure.
I am a real, living, breathing, working, socializing woman. I happen to be a Dominant woman in the sexuality department. However, I am not a sterotypical Domme in the sense that I have no interest in a submissive's feelings or wants/desires. I start with their kink lists, I look them over, and what I'm looking for is not matching kinks...I'm looking for comfort levels. "Where can I push them?" "What could I, down the line, introduce into our play that this person might not be comfortable with now?" etc.
To assume that a Dominant Woman (or Man) isn't interested in anything the submissive has to say or offer, is not what I am about. I'm not denying that there are those out there that are comfortable in this, but to generalize us all into a catagory irritates me to no end.
I met a very suitable submissive yesterday in person. He approached me on another site, we exchanged mail and phone calls for 2 weeks, and I was ready to meet him yesterday. He's been what I would consider "bedroom kinky" for the most part. I have been in the scene for a long time. In a perfect world I suppose I would have leashed him right there in Starbucks and said "You are mine bitch, lick my boots", but regardless of the reaction to the vanilla patrons, it's not my style. Do I really want to be saddled with someone who, in the first couple meetings seems suitable, but may otherwise not be? Not this Domme.
He comes to the table, so to speak, with Kinks I haven't had much experience with, and a few of them are things that up until now, I had really sort of written off as not for me. However, our kinks are only a fraction of what I'm looking for. He was out of town for work last week, and contacted me every day. It was not a stipulation of any agreement, he simply did it. To me, that shows qualities that I am looking for. Someone who understands that he has to woo me, that he has to make the effort to display himself as attractive to me, and attractiveness for me is only marginally based on physical appearance.
I look at our kink 'mismatches' for a lack of a better term, as useful to me from a growth perspective. It pushes my comfort zone. I am not All Knowing, All Powerful, All experienced. I'm not new to BDSM, however, that which this lifestyle has to offer I consider a buffet. And sometimes, some of the dishes are really good, although they may not appeal to me on a visceral level. Having someone come up and offer me a taste of something, and my being willing to sample it, is really the only way I'll ever grow for myself.
So, maybe I'm not "Most Dommes", and that's perfectly ok with me. You may be asking yourself, "Ok, so what's Lily get out of this if it's all about what they like." Well, it's certainly not all about what they like. But you have to start someplace. And I've found that it's much easier to start with something a submissive (especially one who's only been 'bedroom kinky') likes and be creative, expand on it, bring other things into it. By being creative, you can open worlds up you didn't even know existed....
Lily
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