Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: How does a Dominant decide to be (or not) a Daddy Dom?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: How does a Dominant decide to be (or not) a Daddy Dom? Page: <<   < prev  1 2 3 [4] 5   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: How does a Dominant decide to be (or not) a Daddy Dom? - 8/19/2006 6:05:30 PM   
velvetears


Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline 		Glad it was helpful :-)

_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to popeye1250)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: How does a Dominant decide to be (or not) a Daddy Dom? - 8/19/2006 6:27:38 PM   
NastyDaddy


Posts: 957
Joined: 9/8/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Satyr6406

I hate to engage in pseudo-psycho-analysis but, the quote: "The child is father of the man" is not all that far off and it is VERY applicable (in my humble opinion) as to what "makes" a babygirl what she is.
 


In keeping with the spirit of your post Michael, wouldn't that correlation read "The child is the mother of the woman" with regard to it's applicability towards Daddy's girls?

And of course Wordsworth's quote is much better understood in the full context:

MY HEART LEAPS UP WHEN I BEHOLD - By William Wordsworth (1770-1850)

My heart leaps up when I behold
A rainbow in the sky:
So was it when my life began;
So is it now I am a man;
So be it when I shall grow old,
Or let me die!
The Child is father of the Man;
I could wish my days to be
Bound each to each by natural piety.

 
 
 




 

(in reply to Satyr6406)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: How does a Dominant decide to be (or not) a Daddy Dom? - 8/19/2006 6:41:58 PM   
indigo302


Posts: 127
Joined: 4/28/2004
From: Delaware
Status: offline 		Popeye -

You seem to be settling into it quite well!  *grins*

(in reply to popeye1250)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: How does a Dominant decide to be (or not) a Daddy Dom? - 8/19/2006 7:48:00 PM   
gingersnap


Posts: 16
Joined: 8/17/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250

Gingersnap, He had better have good reflexes when His little girl jumps into His lap!
Hmmm, this Daddy Dom thing sounds like it could be a lot of fun if only on a part-time basis even!

"What a Good Little Girl! Come over here and sit in Daddy's lap!"


yes, excellant reflexes even!!

A part time Daddy?  Oh my goodness!!  What would the lil girl do the rest of the time? 

gin

_____________________________

I don't wanna grow up.........

(in reply to popeye1250)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: How does a Dominant decide to be (or not) a Daddy Dom? - 8/19/2006 7:49:28 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gingersnap
A part time Daddy?  Oh my goodness!!  What would the lil girl do the rest of the time? 

gin

Be a good lil woman :)

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to gingersnap)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: How does a Dominant decide to be (or not) a Daddy Dom? - 8/19/2006 7:55:11 PM   
gingersnap


Posts: 16
Joined: 8/17/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: gingersnap
A part time Daddy?  Oh my goodness!!  What would the lil girl do the rest of the time? 

gin

Be a good lil woman :)


True, but much more fun being the lil girl.  :)

_____________________________

I don't wanna grow up.........

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: How does a Dominant decide to be (or not) a Daddy Dom? - 8/19/2006 8:06:57 PM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline 		Why wouldn't she be in the Exec. Vice President's office of a local company making the $200k per year?
Or be working as a Nurse?

(in reply to gingersnap)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: How does a Dominant decide to be (or not) a Daddy Dom? - 8/19/2006 11:49:08 PM   
Noah


Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: indigo302

To me, that's exactly what a Daddy Dom is, Popeye.  He nurtures, protects, and guides his "little girl".  To me, one doesn't need to engage in ageplay to be a Daddy Dom, just as one doesn't need to engage in age play to be someone's "little girl".  Heck, she doesn't even need to be little (but that's a different topic well beaten in other threads).

indigo


BDSM often (all to often in my view) involves black leather and purple posturing. That hardly means it is about those things. Still I think the uninitiated can readily get the impression that "it's all that whips and chains stuff," and little or nothing more.

I'd hate to see a general notion of the Daddy-Daughter dynamic calcify into the lovey-dovey-fluffy-bunny thing described over and over again here. I mean I'm all for two people getting into it that way if they want to but ...

I can attest that not all Daddy Doms are so uniformly lovey-dovey-fluffy-bunny as those weighing in here seem to be.

There are all kinds of ways that one can act in an actual parental role or in an actual filial role. Are all actual Daddies really as maternal as all this emphasis on nurturing would suggest? I don't think so.

Are all actual daughters in life just gaga-eyed adorers of he-who-spawned them? No again.

The daughter/Daddy dynamic in life can differ widely from that adoring/nurturing model in a number of directions. Let's allow room for that in the fantasy role too. After all we are talking about a fantasy role here in any case where the dom and sub are not actually engaged in an unmentionable relationship.

The closest thing to an exception would be case where the use of the word Daddy is just interchaneable with "Sir" or "Honey" or any other term of endearment or respect, which would not be an instance of D/d dynamics at all in my view. Just a nickname.

So a certain D/d relationship might go strongly and solely into the nurture and protect thing but in that case, beyond the possible use of the words "Daddy" and "daughter" I don't see anything special about it as a dynamic since any dom, top or master can nurture and protect, if that is his thing, without throwing the D words around.

Then again just the use of those terms might serve as a sort of quasi-magical invocation, pressing certain buttons in the psyches of the partners and even if nothing more than this "glow"is present to distinguish the relationships as D/d, that's enough for me to recognize it as such if the people involved do.

In other cases a D/d relationship might involve a large or small measure of the above in addition to some other things modeled upon phenomena recognized in actual filial relationships.

In still other cases that whole cootchie-coo doll-baby thing might be absent, just as it is in some actual relationships between Ds and ds, while entirely other aspects of actual D/d relationships are explored.

One aspect I seldom see mentioned is the existential nature of the Daddy/daughter model. A master buys a slave, or breaks her to saddle himself or what-have-you. A dom and sub can come together in ways nicely analogous to the ways vanilla couples come together, lots of different ways. But an actual filial relationship arises in a very special way, ulike all of those. It arise in a way that is uniquely constitutive of the persons involved.

She doesn't have to "have a slave heart"--whatever that means--to be a daughter. She just has to--and she really does have to as she has no choice in it--she just has to be the person she is. More simply put: she just is and always was and always will be. Full stop. There is a given-ness to the D/d relationship which isn't found just anywhere. This can be explored in role-taking.

Now some people may never reflect on this, may carry on wonderful D/d relationships based on nothing but that nurture and protect business and that's fine. Other people might explore this existential aspect of the roles, or entirely other aspects instead.

But please, while we celebrate the "nurture and protect" model for the good thing that it is let's not fall into a carelessly seeing this as synonymous with the D/d dynamic overall which is actually a many-splendored thing.

(in reply to indigo302)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: How does a Dominant decide to be (or not) a Daddy Dom? - 8/20/2006 12:39:09 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Good point, Noah, especially, I think, the part about the D/ds relationship being an always thing vs. something that is strived for or has to be "learned"(if that is what you menat). It sounds comforting.

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to Noah)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: How does a Dominant decide to be (or not) a Daddy Dom? - 8/20/2006 1:07:34 AM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline 		Noah, good post!
LOL@ "Fluffy Bunny."
I just think that the Daddy Dom area would be a fun thing to explore.
I guess, from what the others in this thread have said that I'm already halfway there.
It would be kind of nice for a sub/slave to call me "Daddy" and all that that would entail.

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: How does a Dominant decide to be (or not) a Daddy Dom? - 8/20/2006 3:12:08 AM   
princessrn


Posts: 57
Joined: 7/23/2006
Status: offline 		i too have learnt by reading what a Daddy Dom is ... but some confusment is on my part as all the Doms i met seemed to have a touch of what Y/you call " Daddy Doms" "Mommy Dommes" maybe i bring that need out and its shown in the way im protected by Dom/mes just on a general basis
 
SCORPIOXXX i found what You wrote to be most educating still unsure on "age play scenes "
 
but brilliant question susan made my mind open and shout hello im awake
 
princessrn

(in reply to indigo302)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: How does a Dominant decide to be (or not) a Daddy Dom? - 8/20/2006 6:31:10 AM   
NastyDaddy


Posts: 957
Joined: 9/8/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Noah

...One aspect I seldom see mentioned is the existential nature of the Daddy/daughter model. A master buys a slave, or breaks her to saddle himself or what-have-you. A dom and sub can come together in ways nicely analogous to the ways vanilla couples come together, lots of different ways. But an actual filial relationship arises in a very special way, ulike all of those. It arise in a way that is uniquely constitutive of the persons involved.



Thoughtful and well spoken commentary which seemed to wind up with a collective reasoning that one should not judge a book by its cover, that within the book may lie many-splendored things. This logic is universal is it not, and not associated merely with ''fluffy bunny'' and/or ''goo-goo ga-ga'' D/d roles as you referred to them.

You seem to have linked D/d to D/s alone and used the example of a Master buying a slave to break her... or what-have you. I don't buy into the logic that D/d is limited to D/s pairings and does not or cannot entail M/s pairings. The success of any BDSM relationship, or pairing is limited only to the interactions of the pairing. Trying to establish formal doctrine and dress codes for any relationship is unimaginative at best, as interations in life are not merely all tailored scripted events...

One thing I've noticed is there seem to be fewer sadists and masochists within the realm of D/d on a whole. SM seems to be afforded ample opportunity of fluttering between M/s and D/s, not being linked specifically to either, while often SM enthusiasts seem prone to push or guide D/d away from what they may consider to be their home turf, whether it be M/s or D/s.

Regarding filial relationship development, how can you propose that babygirls are created by a/the relationship... when many people naturaly identify in the role and seek their counterpart... sans any actual training or relationship conditioning, molding, breaking, etc. Who made who? 

Daddy does not "make" a babygirl... he forms her from the potable clay she consists of... he shapes, molds and forms her under an umbrella of nurturing and protection. Her filial development is usually not of his doing... it comes from within the babygirl, not the Daddy who merely creates a nurturing and protective environment for her filial stage of development/predisposition to thrive and flourish. 

At any rate, in most cases nothing will be described exactly the same by any ten different people/observers. What may be relative to some may be insignificant to others.

What works best for the participants is their success... as opposed to what others outside the relationship think is best for them.



(in reply to Noah)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: How does a Dominant decide to be (or not) a Daddy Dom? - 8/20/2006 6:38:53 AM   
SoquilisGirl


Posts: 67
Joined: 5/26/2006
Status: offline 		Hi Noah,
I'm not clear on what you mean by the paragraph quoted below. (Maybe it's too early in the morning and my brain is not engaged yet.) ;)

Would you please expound a bit?

Thanks!
Soquili's Girl

quote:

ORIGINAL: Noah

She doesn't have to "have a slave heart"--whatever that means--to be a daughter. She just has to--and she really does have to as she has no choice in it--she just has to be the person she is. More simply put: she just is and always was and always will be. Full stop. There is a given-ness to the D/d relationship which isn't found just anywhere. This can be explored in role-taking.


(in reply to Noah)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: How does a Dominant decide to be (or not) a Daddy Dom? - 8/20/2006 12:27:36 PM   
Wolfie648


Posts: 600
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

I am not looking for one, but for some reason today, I started thinking about just how male Dominants decide "what kind" of Dominant they are...and what kind they are not.


I let other people decide for me ;-) "Hey you who am I today?" "Ok thanks man good to know."

quote:

Is this a conscious choice, and how is it made?


Definitely unconscious. I'm a very good driver.

quote:

Does it just sort of evolve for people, I wonder?


Evolution is dead.

quote:

If you're a male Dominant (female Dommes, and submissives and slaves, feel free to weigh in here too) - how did you decide to be (or not) - a "Daddy Dom"?


see above.

quote:

What is your idea of a Daddy Dom? [/quote

Downloading my reality into yours....


quote:

Do you consider this an arbitrary label?


Definately. Call me Daddy call me a saco fo potatoes. Don't matter.

quote:

Are there things you think they do, or some part of the dynamic that you don't want to do, if you're not a Daddy Dom?


But if I want to do it and don't do it but I've thought about doing and then didn't. Did I do it because the thought existed but the action didn't? I don't know it's all so confusing.

quote:

Do you think people who are not currently Daddy Doms can ever become good Daddy Doms? (provided they want to do that, of course).


Absolutely not. That's ridiculous. Changing and evolution on the short and long time scale are dead dead dead. Dead I tell you. Dead and gone. Shhhh don't tell anyone.

quote:

I am just wondering about this today, I guess. Not sure why.


Leprechauns. That's all I have to say about that.

D (owner of j).




_____________________________

Possibly.

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: How does a Dominant decide to be (or not) a Daddy Dom? - 8/20/2006 12:52:51 PM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Satyr6406

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

I am not looking for one, but for some reason today, I started thinking about just how male Dominants decide "what kind" of Dominant they are...and what kind they are not.

Is this a conscious choice, and how is it made?
Does it just sort of evolve for people, I wonder?

If you're a male Dominant (female Dommes, and submissives and slaves, feel free to weigh in here too) - how did you decide to be (or not) - a "Daddy Dom"?

What is your idea of a Daddy Dom?
Do you consider this an arbitrary label?

Are there things you think they do, or some part of the dynamic that you don't want to do, if you're not a Daddy Dom?

Do you think people who are not currently Daddy Doms can ever become good Daddy Doms? (provided they want to do that, of course).

I am just wondering about this today, I guess. Not sure why.
Thanks for any replies.

- Susan


This is going to sound weird ...

I didn't decide. I was told. I knew this young lady who kept insisting that I was dominant. I understood but, in relationship to the lifestyle, I was repulsed.
 
My only contact with "dominants and submissives" left me with a bad taste in my mouth.
 
I felt that most dominants were misogynists and submissives were bereft of self-esteem. I avoided any kind of "organized lifestyle" things and went on about my business.
 
She informed me that just because I was a "kinder, gentler 'dominant' (Whadduhyawantfromme? King George I was president)", didn't mean that I wasn't dominant. It meant that I wasn't so much into objectification and the like (She also informed me that I'd been meeting the wrong people).
 
Later on, when I got on-line, I noticed a chat room with the name "Daddy Doms/Babygirls" and I remember being REALLY repulsed because I thought it was about pedophilia (and I'm not even particularly tuned in to "age play").
 
A "babygirl" gave me a couple of text files that explain this facet of the lifestyle and they explain it much better than I can. As I read the one about being a "Daddy Dom", I realized that for the second time in my life, someone knew more about me than I did.
 
Anyone that would like these files is welcome to ask. I won't post their content, here for the sake of not confusing things and possibly being seen as a plagarist.
 
 
 
Peace and comfort,
 
 
 
 
Michael


I would be interested in reading them, if you wouldnt mind emailing them to me.  My mail feature here doesnt usually work, but on the off chance, I would appreciate the attempt.  On my other name the mail is more likely to go through. "collar quest". 

Thank you.  :)

(in reply to Satyr6406)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: How does a Dominant decide to be (or not) a Daddy Dom? - 8/20/2006 1:37:30 PM   
DaddyNjilli


Posts: 2
Joined: 5/13/2006
Status: offline 		Susan:
I never set out to become a Daddy Dom; as others have mentioned, it usually just evolves; I found that I was different than other Doms in that I paid less and less attention to the pain and sadism, and more and more to the nurturing and protective side of My nature- and found that girls would spontaneously call Me Daddy, which thrilled Me deeply; and like others, jilli and I do not have interest in incest , but see it as a natural extension of the age-old Patriarchal tradition. It just seems natural and insinctive for Me to take care of the bills, make the major  decisions, while jilli lovingly tends to the home. Not everyone's cup of tea I suppose, but it works for us.

Sincerely
Daddy of Daddynjilli.

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: How does a Dominant decide to be (or not) a Daddy Dom? - 8/20/2006 1:58:50 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Thanks, Wolife648. Your answer has cleared things up for me, hehe!


I appreciate very much everyone's responses, this has been a very enlightening thread for me to read.

- Susan



< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/20/2006 1:59:57 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to Wolfie648)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: How does a Dominant decide to be (or not) a Daddy Dom? - 8/20/2006 4:19:27 PM   
LeMis


Posts: 9255
Joined: 9/24/2005
From: Florida
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO


I appreciate very much everyone's responses, this has been a very enlightening thread for me to read.

- Susan




Susan,

Thank YOU for posting on this very interesting subject and providing a thread for all these very enlightening & informative responses to be posted on.

Thank you again and thanks to everyone who posted here as well.

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: How does a Dominant decide to be (or not) a Daddy Dom? - 8/20/2006 4:40:16 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Riskspect


Gestalt therapy and Transactional Analysis (TA) teach us that we communicate through one of three egos, our Child, Adult or Parent.  Over the years I’ve thought a lot about Gestalt and transactional analysis and how D/s relates.
 
In a D/s relationship both the Dom and the sub can and often do act from their Adult ego.  In this case we have two adults, fulfilling needs and transacting with each other in a straight forward manner.  This is how Gestalt and TA want us to interact and how we should interact.
 
However, in many cases, the Dom functions form his Adult ego while the sub does so from her Child.  Is this in conflict with what Gestalt and TA teach us?  Not necessarily.  Gestalt wants us to be aware of our ego when we transact.  We are not taught that we can never transact from our Child or Parent.  Therefore, one can draw the conclusion that to roll play as Parent to Child is fine.  But, can you maintain an actual relationship this way? 
Both Gestalt and TA teach us that to maintain a healthy relationship you need to do it Adult to Adult.  Why?  Because the Adult ego is where we deal with fact, both intellectually and emotionally.  Our Child and Adult egos often ignore fact and intellect, relying more on immediate gratification and emotion.
 
So, the question of Daddy Dom is defined by the nature of the relationship.  A Daddy Dom and daughter sub will probably work fine for roll playing.  But not for a long term relationship.
 
Am I a daddy Dom?  I can be for roll playing, but not for a relationship.


Parents are always parents even after their children are grown.

I am an adult always within our dynamic, but there has been this vulnerability that a person always feels toward a parent, a trust. It has nothing to do with childhood, although the sense of being vulnerable is always there.

I have wondered if the feelings coming up inside of this dynamic are healing on a level because I lost my own father when I was 13. I often wonder if some transference is going on within this relationship. I do not think it is unhealthy if it is. I do not expect him to fix me or be my therapist, but this relationship does feel healing to me. I believe it is because I feel free to express affection and give him attention and never be put off or feel rejected by him. I only experienced this sort of feeling from my father. It is an openness of being accepted for who I am and being looked at for the good in me.

Now you can call it role play, it doesn't feel that way to me, and you can think it plays into childhood, well most relationships do... but not in a good way.

You have different needs, but there are many of these relationships out there that do last a long time.

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 8/20/2006 4:42:16 PM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Riskspect)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: How does a Dominant decide to be (or not) a Daddy Dom? - 8/20/2006 4:56:04 PM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline 		DaddyNJ, well said.
Also I think that a girl's best role model in her life is naturally her father and as she moves along in life she has a need to replace that "Daddy" with another "Daddy" in her life.
Someone who , like you said makes decisions, gives her guidance, punishes her when neccessary and otherwise oversees her life.
I can see why many women would like that kind of arrangement in their lives as it's a very "safe" and "comfortable" type of life.

Julia, I liked your post too as it looked at the dynamic from another angle.
Yes, a woman would just feel more comfortable with a powerfull man around to protect His little girl.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 80
Page:   <<   < prev  1 2 3 [4] 5   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: How does a Dominant decide to be (or not) a Daddy Dom? Page: <<   < prev  1 2 3 [4] 5   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109