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LeatherBentOne -> RE: Cutting people off (8/18/2006 2:28:30 PM)
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Im very proud that my sub has many friends and gets along well with her family, a very well-rounded person is usually a healthy one. In all honesty, Im aware that not one person can fullfill all the needs of another. If I have my sub's best interests at heart, why would I want to limit her interactions with others if she enjoys other people? I wouldn't, unless I had low self-esteem and was insecure. In fact, I often encourage her to spend time with other people and take joy in her happiness. Nor does she need to give me a blow-by-blow account of what she did outside of my presence.
I agree that isolation is often the first clue that a relationship can go awry and become abusive. Also, if there is a person or people in my sub's life that causes her grief or harm, I'd speak to my sub and ask her take on on the situation. She may not view it the same as I do. After all, she's way far from stupid.
If the relationship seemed harmful to her, the skill to maintain one's boundaries is something that stays with a sub for the rest of their lives. But before that can happen, a dominant must be secure enough to allow a sub to become independent in that respect, rather than feeling threatened when she thinks for herself.
Also, I dont restrict my sub from having online interactions or phone conversations with others from her past. After all, we all have a past. If I didnt trust my sub, I wouldnt be with her because I refuse to be mastered by jealousy. I'd rather be respected and loved for being the best person and Domme that I can be, than try to control my sub's interactions with others. If she should go astray, there's nothing I can do to control that but I can do everything in my power not to encourage her.
Insecurity brings with it a feeling of desparation which can in turn sometimes lead to abuse and violence. Be safe and consider isolation the first of many red flags that can follow.
LeatherBentOne
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