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RE: Cutting people off - 8/18/2006 6:42:46 AM

MrDiscipline44

Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
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Two reasons I can think of:

1. Insecurity

2. Not enough trust in the relationship.

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RE: Cutting people off - 8/18/2006 6:44:46 AM

gingersnap

Posts: 16
Joined: 8/17/2006
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**Raises my hand**

I second this ^^^^^^^^

gin

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RE: Cutting people off - 8/18/2006 6:48:06 AM

BrokenDoll

Posts: 106
Joined: 8/15/2006
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thank you.. most have simply reinforsed what I felt... I just wanted to see if there was a good logical reason, I know I cant see all sides of the coin, and face it im a curiouse creature!!!

curiacity killed the cat.... but the cant came back the very next day!

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RE: Cutting people off - 8/18/2006 7:07:09 AM

onestandingstill

Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
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Three words come to mind
Emotional Abuse
Insecurity

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RE: Cutting people off - 8/18/2006 7:22:02 AM

BrokenDoll

Posts: 106
Joined: 8/15/2006
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ok please I need a defanition of abuse in a BDSM context...

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RE: Cutting people off - 8/18/2006 7:31:05 AM

MrDiscipline44

Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
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Abuse is a highly over used term in BDSM. It's used mostly by those that are too narrowminded to see that other maybe happy in a situation that they themselves would not be happy to be in. An example would be vanillias that see all BDSM relationships as abusive.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to BrokenDoll)

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Post #: 26

RE: Cutting people off - 8/18/2006 7:42:04 AM

BrokenDoll

Posts: 106
Joined: 8/15/2006
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Yes Sir. I had a longer post typed out but it seemed a bit confuseing even to myself who had just typed it so i cut it down.... i was saying how most of my friends would see a Dom bending me over and spanking me with a belt to be abusive but I wouldnt... So maybe how can i ask this. Can there be abuse in BDSM and how do you identafie it if there is no defanition.

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Please take care of your toys treat them with Love and respect, For broken toys are no fun at all!

-doll-

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RE: Cutting people off - 8/18/2006 7:52:20 AM

MrDiscipline44

Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
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Yes, there can be abuse in BDSM. Only you can say what would be abuse to you but you should also know that you can't apply what is abuse to you, to someone else. For me, it will fall into a non-consensual category. If it's something that was never discussed and agreed upon, but one partner decides to do it anyway.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

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RE: Cutting people off - 8/18/2006 7:54:08 AM

BrokenDoll

Posts: 106
Joined: 8/15/2006
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OK thank you Sir that does make sence.

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Please take care of your toys treat them with Love and respect, For broken toys are no fun at all!

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RE: Cutting people off - 8/18/2006 8:00:36 AM

Daddysredhead

Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sleazybutterfly

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

sleazy this is so off topic but every time i see your new pic i want to drop a house on you...*grin*

Lol.. I am waiting for a new one to get approved.. I must say though, that I am getting a bit attached to this one.

Sorry for the off topic folks.

I like this one the best so far, and I agree with CT. *giggles* It's just a fun pic.

Carry on...

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RE: Cutting people off - 8/18/2006 8:48:03 AM

cloudboy

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
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Don't cede your friends and support network to anyone. Possessiveness starts out sexy and ends up ...... (you know the rest.)

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RE: Cutting people off - 8/18/2006 2:28:30 PM

LeatherBentOne

Posts: 469
Joined: 9/27/2005
Status: offline

Im very proud that my sub has many friends and gets along well with her family, a very well-rounded person is usually a healthy one. In all honesty, Im aware that not one person can fullfill all the needs of another. If I have my sub's best interests at heart, why would I want to limit her interactions with others if she enjoys other people? I wouldn't, unless I had low self-esteem and was insecure. In fact, I often encourage her to spend time with other people and take joy in her happiness. Nor does she need to give me a blow-by-blow account of what she did outside of my presence.

I agree that isolation is often the first clue that a relationship can go awry and become abusive. Also, if there is a person or people in my sub's life that causes her grief or harm, I'd speak to my sub and ask her take on on the situation. She may not view it the same as I do. After all, she's way far from stupid.

If the relationship seemed harmful to her, the skill to maintain one's boundaries is something that stays with a sub for the rest of their lives. But before that can happen, a dominant must be secure enough to allow a sub to become independent in that respect, rather than feeling threatened when she thinks for herself.

Also, I dont restrict my sub from having online interactions or phone conversations with others from her past. After all, we all have a past. If I didnt trust my sub, I wouldnt be with her because I refuse to be mastered by jealousy. I'd rather be respected and loved for being the best person and Domme that I can be, than try to control my sub's interactions with others. If she should go astray, there's nothing I can do to control that but I can do everything in my power not to encourage her.

Insecurity brings with it a feeling of desparation which can in turn sometimes lead to abuse and violence. Be safe and consider isolation the first of many red flags that can follow.

LeatherBentOne

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RE: Cutting people off - 8/18/2006 3:56:38 PM

popeye1250

Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
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I've cut all contact with some members of my own family because they're BUMS and they owe me a lot of money and they of course don't want to actually have to pay me.

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RE: Cutting people off - 8/18/2006 10:02:41 PM

WhipTheHip

Posts: 1004
Joined: 7/31/2006
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Why do cults do it? Why do totalitarian states do it? They want
to exercise control over your mind. They don't want you to have
access to sanity, to objectivity, to reason, to anyone who might
point to the little man behind the curtain or to anyone that might
point out the Emperior has no clothes.

Everyone in this world needs as many friends as possible.
Anyone who wants to cut you off from your friends is not
doing you any favorrs, unless your friends are drug addicts.

It seems to me that a lot of Doms want to exercise
complete control over the mind's of their subs. If they
can isolate their sub, feed their sub all kinds of BS,
they can get her to believe anything. If you have
no one but your Dom, and you become totally
dependant on him, he can use and abuse you
without you realizing it. He can convince you
black is white, good is bad, and insanity is sane.

I would fear any Dom who wanted to cut you off
from your friends. If you go missing, you want
people to know and to care.

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