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Top Mode During Intercourse - 8/17/2006 10:48:58 PM

StacyCat

Posts: 112
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

How does one stay in "top" or "dominant" mode during intercourse and/or orgasm? Coming from a switch or vanilly perspective, orgasms usually mean giving up my control and giving into my desires to let go. How does one create or maintain a headspace for the act, either my headspace from the top or my submissive's headspace?

Post #: 1

RE: Top Mode During Intercourse - 8/17/2006 10:52:45 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

Ive never really had to think about staying "in" when I came. I scratch and bite when I do, so it really isnt a problem. The problem I ahve found however, is keeping my pet in his subspace after he has been allowed to orgasm. For wahtever reason, he tends to forget his place a bit when I allow him that pleasure. The first training, remind himhis place by denying it to him. He cant stay sub, he cant orgasm.

Hope that helps.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to StacyCat)

Post #: 2

RE: Top Mode During Intercourse - 8/17/2006 11:09:27 PM

WhiplashGirlChld

Posts: 78
Joined: 6/18/2006
Status: offline

I prefer not to label any one specific act or circumstance as inherently dominant or inherently submissive in its nature. I am dominant if I am watching my sub hang up my clothes. I am dominant when I cook dinner. I am dominant when my sub kneels at my feet. I am dominant when I am enjoying anal sex. The "act" is not what makes me dominant, so maintaining my dominance is like maintaining being carbon based. It is not that I can never submit when the circumstance is right - heck, I pay my taxes like everyone else. I am still dominant.

< Message edited by WhiplashGirlChld -- 8/17/2006 11:10:39 PM >

_____________________________

The Owl looked up to the stars above,
And sang to a small guitar,
"O lovely Pussy, O Pussy, my love,
What a beautiful Pussy you are,
You are,
You are!
What a beautiful Pussy you are!" - Lear

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 3

RE: Top Mode During Intercourse - 8/18/2006 12:54:20 AM

UtopianRanger

Posts: 3251
Status: offline

quote:

Top Mode During Intercourse

Oh....I like the ''Top mode'' during this time....

- R ; }

_____________________________

"If you are going to win any battle, you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do... the body is never tired if the mind is not tired."

-General George S. Patton

(in reply to StacyCat)

Post #: 4

RE: Top Mode During Intercourse - 8/18/2006 2:36:06 AM

Wolfie648

Posts: 600
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: StacyCat

How does one stay in "top" or "dominant" mode during intercourse and/or orgasm? Coming from a switch or vanilly perspective, orgasms usually mean giving up my control and giving into my desires to let go. How does one create or maintain a headspace for the act, either my headspace from the top or my submissive's headspace?

mmmm no disrespect intended by posting on the ask a mistress (M for those who are sensitive).

As a mistress you are getting what you want. If you need to let go to get what you want what's the problem? Someone has served you to the point where you get what you want. No problem. As I see it. Just make sure they keep serving you the way you need...

D (owner of j).

_____________________________

Possibly.

(in reply to StacyCat)

Post #: 5

RE: Top Mode During Intercourse - 8/18/2006 7:23:18 AM

mp072004

Posts: 381
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline

A bit of vocabulary. "Top" denotes the person who actively gives sensation, and you need to receive sensation to orgasm. It is quite possible for you not to "top," give sensation, while remaining "dominant", meaning doing what you want. It may, however, be hard for you to be the primary sensation-giver and also get to orgasm.

However, you can certainly be dominant while getting off, indeed, you're probably accustomed to behaving somewhat dominantly as you get near orgasm. If you request certain behaviors of your partner, and your partner obeys, you're still being dominant. If you want to do certain sexual activities, or do sex in a particular way, do it! Penetration seems to be the one people have a problem with with a female dominant--if you want to be vigorously or roughly penetrated, then you're being dominant by requesting vigorous penetration and succeeding in dominance by getting it.

In general, you may find that a d/s agreement will prompt you to ask for what you want more readily, and allow you to worry less about whether your partner is getting off. It seems like you may even enjoy sex more in a dominant role. How else would one explain the mass of men who lead lives of blowjob domination?

Monica

(in reply to StacyCat)

Post #: 6

RE: Top Mode During Intercourse - 8/18/2006 7:31:06 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

I see it as I'm getting what I want. I tell him faster or harder do it in this position. I reach around I grab his hair, I claw him, I bite him and tell him what a nasty little slut that he is for wanting my pussy so badly. It's fun!

and I'm in control. If I wasn't he'd do it his way at his speed yanking on my hair and biting me telling me what a dirty slut I am.

~Lashra and slutjack

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to mp072004)

Post #: 7

RE: Top Mode During Intercourse - 8/18/2006 8:35:35 AM

Oumae

Posts: 911
Joined: 1/4/2005
Status: offline

It could be argued that one loses control when having an orgasm, some even hand it over. It could also be argued that orgasms are quite selfish moments when it is all about the pleasure one is feeling. To me it is like many other things, it is all about the mindset. I am quite demanding and don't feel at all like I am giving control up.

Oumae

_____________________________

Is cuma le fear na mbrog ca leagann se a chos.
( The man with the boots does not mind where he places his foot)

(in reply to StacyCat)

Post #: 8

RE: Top Mode During Intercourse - 8/18/2006 8:52:12 AM

cloudboy

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline

Isn't the whole point of sex the loss of self to the moment?

(in reply to StacyCat)

Post #: 9

RE: Top Mode During Intercourse - 8/18/2006 9:31:30 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Instead of letting go to the other person, feel yourself letting go to yourself and your own thoughts.

You might find it leaves even more room for your partner to mingle with you.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to cloudboy)

Post #: 10

RE: Top Mode During Intercourse - 8/18/2006 10:15:47 AM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: StacyCat

How does one stay in "top" or "dominant" mode during intercourse and/or orgasm? Coming from a switch or vanilly perspective, orgasms usually mean giving up my control and giving into my desires to let go. How does one create or maintain a headspace for the act, either my headspace from the top or my submissive's headspace?

I'm in control, I'm calling the shots. Even flat on my back and he's driving with instructions to 'fuck me like an animal', I'm still in top mode and there is no question about that. It's a matter of your own mental makeup.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to StacyCat)

Post #: 11

RE: Top Mode During Intercourse - 8/18/2006 10:38:07 AM

Misstoyou

Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline

I'm sorry, I don't get the issue. Sex is just one aspect of service. My submissive is doing something to make me happy, doing lots of different things to make me happy, makes me happy over and over and over again until I collapse in happiness.

That's just part of the job description. The fact that my submissive can make me happy, in any area, certainly doesn't make me less dominant. It makes him a good submissive.

_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"

(in reply to StacyCat)

Post #: 12

RE: Top Mode During Intercourse - 8/19/2006 8:52:23 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

I have to feel safe and relaxed for me to orgasm -- my slave and husband both know that. It takes work on their part to help me feel this way. So beyond my natural tendancy to grab, bit, pinch, and scratch, we talk -- we use words that make it clear I am the one being cared for and served, the one with the power to make it happen slower or faster.

That is all I honestly need.

Some folks do things like only have sex in certain positions or make the submissive wear a collar or a cock ring or tie one part of their body down.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to StacyCat)

Post #: 13

RE: Top Mode During Intercourse - 8/21/2006 3:42:56 AM

dublinsub

Posts: 15
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Instead of letting go to the other person, feel yourself letting go to yourself and your own thoughts.

Precisely! The Lady is letting go to herself, not to her sub.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 14

RE: Top Mode During Intercourse - 8/21/2006 5:10:07 AM

NoviceDominant

Posts: 16
Joined: 6/10/2006
From: NYC Area
Status: offline

The way I see it, I do what pleases me. Believe me, no sub during doggy style would even think of pulling my hair and/or spanking my ass shouting "Who's your Daddy?"

(in reply to dublinsub)

Post #: 15

RE: Top Mode During Intercourse - 8/21/2006 6:49:22 AM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: StacyCat

How does one stay in "top" or "dominant" mode during intercourse and/or orgasm? Coming from a switch or vanilly perspective, orgasms usually mean giving up my control and giving into my desires to let go. How does one create or maintain a headspace for the act, either my headspace from the top or my submissive's headspace?

Now that I go back and re-read your question, I see that you're asking as a switch, and that in YOUR mind, an orgasm means that you're letting go or losing control. That's something that's going to take reprogramming on YOUR part to rid yourself of that concept and to think of it as your receiving pleasure on your terms.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to StacyCat)

Post #: 16

RE: Top Mode During Intercourse - 8/21/2006 7:40:56 AM

MzTlaz

Posts: 140
Joined: 8/8/2006
Status: offline

I think it's important to be able to let yourself go as a top....I have encountered tops who have concentrated so much on staying in complete control it's now dificult for them to be able to release.....and who wants that to happen?

(in reply to MisPandora)

Post #: 17

RE: Top Mode During Intercourse - 8/21/2006 7:51:01 AM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MzTlaz

I think it's important to be able to let yourself go as a top....I have encountered tops who have concentrated so much on staying in complete control it's now dificult for them to be able to release.....and who wants that to happen?

My point was that she as a SWITCH (and I'm really pointed/driven by the picture/posture) and perhaps is equating receiving release as her submission or loss of control. If that's the programming, it might be helpful for her to embrace that she's getting off on her terms. If you read carefully, I never said that she needs to banish completely the thoughts of losing control or giving it up.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to MzTlaz)

Post #: 18

RE: Top Mode During Intercourse - 8/21/2006 8:16:37 AM

Jasmyn

Posts: 1234
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline

Get into the headspace before you cum and you might find you can sail through it no problems ... you're having an orgasm as a dominant...that's who you are in this moment ... that person between your legs is a submissive... your gender, his gender, her gender is largely irrellevant ... don't let him kiss you flesh without permission, put him in a humbler or a bind his cock and balls and pull back between the legs while he kneels, attach to something, allowing him only enough of a reach to barely touch you with his tongue.. if he's enjoys been a little slut boy pussy licker...grab him behind his head and grind his face into your flesh and tell him what a good little slut boy pussy licker he is ...tease him, taunt him ... make his own orgasm insignificant, maybe sending him off to masturbate beforehand... take charge, do and treat him however you want ... (with reason) ...have fun with it ... tell him how lucky he is to be worshipping your pussy like this...or position yourself in front of him, with or without a blindfold on him, and masturbate or get comfortable, settle in for the long haul, grab a coffee or a glass of wine, a magazine or two, something to nibble on, listen to cds, or watch a chick flick... this orgasm is about you ... it's not about losing control ...it's about taking what you want and how you want it...another one of my favourites is to spend a day with them bound to a bed and/or various other apperatus, saran wrapped from head to toe, hooded and blindfolded, the only part of their body left exposed his penis ...and making use of it throught the day... allowing him two orgasms or none, depending on how I am feeling ... but sometimes the most simplistic of approaches can be the best ... put him in a collar and leash and let your imagination take over ..and remember sometimes it's not all about the orgasm ... just putting him through the motions and watching his reactions, how his body moves, how he reacts to my dominance, my touch, my attitude, my demeanor...pulling him in close with the leash telling him how much he is turning me on only to push his head back down between my legs...taking him into another place, another land... whatever I tell him is happening becomes his truth...that gets me off more higher than an orgasm...

_____________________________

quote:

"To learn the art of submission a slave must first give up the desires that drew him to submission in the first place." Mistress Jasmyn Jan 2005.

Visit My Website

(in reply to MzTlaz)

Post #: 19

RE: Top Mode During Intercourse - 8/21/2006 11:16:31 AM

Oumae

Posts: 911
Joined: 1/4/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dublinsub

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Instead of letting go to the other person, feel yourself letting go to yourself and your own thoughts.

Precisely! The Lady is letting go to herself, not to her sub.

Welcome to the boards dublinsub, good to see an Irish sub posting.

Oumae

_____________________________

Is cuma le fear na mbrog ca leagann se a chos.
( The man with the boots does not mind where he places his foot)

(in reply to dublinsub)

Post #: 20

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