what have i done and how do i fix it?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

what have i done and how do i fix it?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> what have i done and how do i fix it?

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

what have i done and how do i fix it? - 8/18/2006 7:41:17 AM

girl101

Posts: 7
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

i am under consideration with a very loving, caring, and PATIENT Dom who has worked with me for a very long time. i do not understand all his training techinques but have learned as well not to question them. One of my problems is i read emails that others send to me and usually can deal, but i recently was swayed by a mans thoughts on how the Dom i am under consideration does things and that i am being played. Well , it got me to thinking negative and in haste wrote Sir an email and questioned Him on things and said things i should not have. Instead of unsending, i hit delete and couldnt return it back to myself. So i explained myself to Sir, i am very and always very honest. He is so angry at me. i have apologized over and over. He has forgiven me, He is determining my punishment. He is so short with me. It is like mental torture. There is nothing at this point that i know to say or do. i have no way of talking to Him except thru here/computer. Any suggestions, please?

Post #: 1

RE: what have i done and how do i fix it? - 8/18/2006 7:48:06 AM

darkinshadows

Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline

Patience is one of the worst things to deal with.

What you need to do is sit down and decide where your red flags are firstly. - With the dominant who trains you or the one setting your thoughts against another. Somewhere there will be a red flag... look deep into yourself. Once you have discovered where you stand, then you can concentrate on either taking the punishment or not and walking away. Either way, its just a case of patience... you made a mistake somewhere and only time can fix that.

I know that isnt very comforting - but concentrate on where your feelings and priorities lay.

Peace and Rapture

_____________________________

.dark.

...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to girl101)

Post #: 2

RE: what have i done and how do i fix it? - 8/18/2006 7:48:40 AM

LadyJulieAnn

Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline

It seems to me that is you may already have some misgivings about how your Master deals with things and how he treats you. I don't know anything about how he is training you, but not being able to ask questions is not something I would ever do with my sub. It sounds like this is all online. Does that match with what you want out of a relationship? How does he make you feel when you are communicating with him?

be well,
Julie

(in reply to girl101)

Post #: 3

RE: what have i done and how do i fix it? - 8/18/2006 7:54:21 AM

girl101

Posts: 7
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

i have accomplished so much since being under His guidance. It is the fact i read into someone else's email and was swayed by their words. Sir and i have good communication online. i have learned not to question His training techinques. i am learning patience, have been from day one. Patience is hard, but worth it. i have no issue with receiving the punishment. Just getting past His silence is the worst. i do not think there is more i can do. He has forgiven me.

i guess i am more whining about His silence.

(in reply to LadyJulieAnn)

Post #: 4

RE: what have i done and how do i fix it? - 8/18/2006 7:56:07 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Make a choice- either blindly continue to obey forever after, or end it now.

Likely you've gotten yourself involved with a guy who's a total dork and is just pushing you around so that he doesn't have to be accountable for himself.

However, he may be the dom of your dreams. So decide for yourself whether you will be fulfilled in a relationship with someone you are never allowed to question or not.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to girl101)

Post #: 5

RE: what have i done and how do i fix it? - 8/18/2006 7:56:39 AM

girl101

Posts: 7
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

we have met as well.

(in reply to girl101)

Post #: 6

RE: what have i done and how do i fix it? - 8/18/2006 8:04:45 AM

BrokenDoll

Posts: 106
Joined: 8/15/2006
Status: offline

If he has forgiven you then why is he ignoreing you?? that doesnt make sence to me.

_____________________________

Please take care of your toys treat them with Love and respect, For broken toys are no fun at all!

-doll-

(in reply to girl101)

Post #: 7

RE: what have i done and how do i fix it? - 8/18/2006 8:06:19 AM

girl101

Posts: 7
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

not to sound stupid,,,but this is the first thread i have posted...how do you take it off when i have gotten some of the answers i seek, please?

(in reply to BrokenDoll)

Post #: 8

RE: what have i done and how do i fix it? - 8/18/2006 8:07:11 AM

sublizzie

Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: girl101
Just getting past His silence is the worst. i do not think there is more i can do. He has forgiven me.

i guess i am more whining about His silence.

Silence is in itself a punishment for most of us. But it does seem a reasonable one here if you think about it. If you were listening to another dom, then maybe you don't want to hear what your Dom is saying. (Not saying it's true but think about the underlying message his silence may be sending you.) Having patience with the silence, taking the quiet time to truly think through what you want (as has been suggested by previous posts), and persevering if this is what you want will all prove that you are serious about your submission.

I hate silence myself, but I've learned to use the silence as a tool to help me get centered and grow.

(in reply to girl101)

Post #: 9

RE: what have i done and how do i fix it? - 8/18/2006 8:12:32 AM

catize

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline

quote:

i am under consideration with a very loving, caring, and PATIENT Dom

quote:

He is so short with me.

Which is it?

quote:

He has forgiven me, He is determining my punishment

quote:

His silence is the worst. He has forgiven me.

He's forgiven you yet is silent and contemplating your punishment? Isn't that putting the proverbial cart before the horse?

I'd say maybe you need to take a look at your own words to see how conflicted you are.

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to girl101)

Post #: 10

RE: what have i done and how do i fix it? - 8/18/2006 8:19:34 AM

girl101

Posts: 7
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

how do i take the thread down, please.

(in reply to catize)

Post #: 11

RE: what have i done and how do i fix it? - 8/18/2006 8:20:48 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

First of all, it is my belief that when things like this happen they are beyond our control now, and we must let it be. In other words I always feel like I will let the "chips fall where they may" and that everything happens for a reason.

This other dom's words could not have influenced you whatsoever if you had not been inclined to listen. He could not create a doubt where there was a certainty. Perhaps on some level you wondered about things in your relationship, and the other dom just echoed the doubts within you giving you the courage to question. I do not talk privately with other dominant about my relationship because that is between Daddy and me, partially because it leads to echoing doubts which I am best served by talking to him about.

I would wonder why I could not question my Dominant, especially one I was not fully collared to. This is the time for you to discover if this is the type of person you want to make a deep commitment to. I do not think you are being irrational or overly demanding to wonder why he cannot be questioned. I think this may be ok for some submissives, that is their choice to be in that sort of dynamic, but to be angry with a submissive that you do not own for questioning you, the relationship, limits, and responsibilities seems indicative of someone with a temper. If he is angry because you were talking to another dom that is another matter, but if he was angry because you questioned him, well I just think that would be over the top for me. Since you have said he wouldn't let you question certain things, I am wondering.

What would I do? Well what I would do is probably not what you would do, so I do not know if it is productive to even post it. I would email him and tell him that you need permission to speak freely and to talk to him about the things that are troubling you. If he wasn't interested in that, I would think perhaps I dodged a bullet in not being fully collared by this individual if he cannot talk to me as an adult before he fully collars me and as an equal before he does so, how can I fully consent to giving him ownership. In the future I wouldn't talk to other doms about my problems with my Sir if I were you, I would talk to him, and if I couldn't talk to him, i would not serve him... but that is just me, and my needs in submission are probably different from yours...

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to girl101)

Post #: 12

RE: what have i done and how do i fix it? - 8/18/2006 8:31:42 AM

NastyDaddy

Posts: 957
Joined: 9/8/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Likely you've gotten yourself involved with a guy who's a total dork and is just pushing you around so that he doesn't have to be accountable for himself.

Which guy LA.... the original patient training dominant, or the new uninvited critical stranger guy?

This is atypical of what was posted within the last week or so about subs/slaves online behavior.

This scenario sounds more like she fucked up (as she states), than more outsiders help needed to judge the 'quality' or 'worthiness' of the original Dom she was under consideration and training by...

The errant online activities equate to nothing more than 'meddling' as was warned about in previous discussions.

Now it's amazing to see the original Dom potentially portrayed as a total dork and it sounds like girl101 knows way better herself.

Based on her experiences, I'm of the opinion girl101 will not put too much stock in many more third party opinions, and it's 'probably' very apparent to her now why she never should have done so at the behest of a third party pet rock!

You leave yourself with four choices girl101:

1. Resume your original relationship with the Dom you backstabbed... take your lumps you caused...
2. Assume a new relationship with the new 'more knowledgeable' Dom (if he will even have someone so gullible)...
3. Dispose of your old screenname and start over with hard lessons learned, next time don't let others help you fuck up!
4. Walk away from the lifestyle and pursue a vanilla life where backstabbing is more prevalent.

One big thing you need to do BEFORE implementing your choice... pursue some self improvement against gullibility.

If you do not learn from your mistakes, guess who will soon be repeating them.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 13

RE: what have i done and how do i fix it? - 8/18/2006 8:32:15 AM

MrDiscipline44

Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: girl101

how do i take the thread down, please.

You can't. You can ask a moderator to take it down for you but usually once a thread is started, it's up until people stop posting to it.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to girl101)

Post #: 14

RE: what have i done and how do i fix it? - 8/18/2006 8:33:26 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

It is very easy in a fairly new relationship to have doubts and to question. For me, trust comes about very slowly and cautiously. I questioned my Master a lot in the beginining. A LOT.

The key is, how I questioned him, and I suspect in your case, you did what I occasionally did. If you fling accusations across the bow, and then question - "Why would you do such n such?" Yep, you can count on the fact he is not happy about it. Particularly if you become swayed by outside forces and opinions. My Master is the best Master in the world for me but guess what? If I had listened to and heeded the advice of others - those who knew me and those who didn't - I would not have stayed with him and my life would be much different now. The reason in my case is because my Master is not the "romantic" type Master that many seek and think is necessary. He is direct, to the point, no-nonsense, and rather stoic. He would have turned off most of my friends. But what works for them was not something that I needed for me.

So it's really a matter of trust. In my case, I learned when I became skittish or alarmed by what I was hearing from others, bringing my concerns to him calmly and rationally was always the best option. He would address them, and I would feel calm again. But at some point I had to decide where my trust was going to lie.

One can be forgiven and still punished. My Master and I live a couple of hours from each other, so when I screw up, punishment is not always "instant," depending on what punishment he chooses to administer for the particular infraction. There has been a time or two where we have talked it out, and he has said we will need to move on and put it past us, but that I am still owed a punishment over it. Has your dom actually said he forgives you? He is short with you, but that is because you disappointed him, and likely he is considering what to do about that. Likely he is always doing some self-analysis of how he can gain your trust and prevent you from negative influences. Some have responded as though he is ignoring you, but if he is ignoring you, I have missed that part of your posts.

You have apologized. If you trust him and want to be his, then wait patiently for him to determine what comes next. Good luck; I know it is not an enjoyable place to be. When he calms, perhaps you both can talk about it more.

(in reply to girl101)

Post #: 15

RE: what have i done and how do i fix it? - 8/18/2006 8:33:35 AM

BrokenDoll

Posts: 106
Joined: 8/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: girl101

how do i take the thread down, please.

There is no way to take it down

_____________________________

Please take care of your toys treat them with Love and respect, For broken toys are no fun at all!

-doll-

(in reply to girl101)

Post #: 16

RE: what have i done and how do i fix it? - 8/18/2006 8:39:55 AM

girl101

Posts: 7
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

Thanks for everyone's help...i can go from here, just was seeking a thought from other subs.

(in reply to BrokenDoll)

Post #: 17

RE: what have i done and how do i fix it? - 8/18/2006 8:42:13 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

Often times threads keep going even when the Originator is "done." That's what happens in public discussion. You will see that often times, a discussion will take on a life of its own, and there might even be "sub-discussions" between posters within a thread. Such is the life of a message board. :)

(in reply to girl101)

Post #: 18

RE: what have i done and how do i fix it? - 8/18/2006 8:42:42 AM

darkinshadows

Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline

If you want to have the thread removed, try contacting ModOne or one of the others and making a request to either have it removed or locked. Doesn't mean they will, but you could try and ask.

Peace and Rapture

_____________________________

.dark.

...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to girl101)

Post #: 19

RE: what have i done and how do i fix it? - 8/18/2006 8:45:29 AM

amlonging

Posts: 153
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sublizzie

quote:

ORIGINAL: girl101
Just getting past His silence is the worst. i do not think there is more i can do. He has forgiven me.

i guess i am more whining about His silence.

Silence is in itself a punishment for most of us. But it does seem a reasonable one here if you think about it. If you were listening to another dom, then maybe you don't want to hear what your Dom is saying. (Not saying it's true but think about the underlying message his silence may be sending you.) Having patience with the silence, taking the quiet time to truly think through what you want (as has been suggested by previous posts), and persevering if this is what you want will all prove that you are serious about your submission.

I hate silence myself, but I've learned to use the silence as a tool to help me get centered and grow.

The above is all VERY true... and your persistant whining and adding to this thread only says you are impatient and want to still listen to others.
You cant have your cake and eat it too.
Stop confirming and accept. ACCEPTANCE WITH JOY !!

(in reply to sublizzie)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> what have i done and how do i fix it?

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094