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Just Something To Share - 8/18/2006 6:01:14 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline 		First of all I would like to state for the record that I am not posting this for any kudos or pats on the back.

Today is kind of a special day for me. August 18, 2000, I quit drinking. I have been sober now for six years. I was a terrible alcoholic and toward the end of my drinking I was downing close to a half gallon of vodka a day. I had blackouts and all sorts of really nasty shit happening to me physically. I was well over 300 pounds and generally my life was a festering pile of shit.

My little guy's birthday is August 17th and I was in such a state of ruin that I couldn't afford anything but my booze... I just didn't care anymore. I called my little guy and wished him a happy birthday, that was all I could do. Late that night six years ago, I sat in front of my computer with a bottle of vodka, an AA pamphlet and a loaded .38 pistol. I was too scared to live and I was too scared to die. That is a bad place to be.

I had a friend in California named John AKA the Old Timer. He was a great guy. He had been talking to me about my drinking prior to that day and just as I was sitting there trying to decide whether to get sober or die by my own hand, John IM'ed me and asked me how I was doing. I told him. He called me from California and talked with me for over four hours on his dime. It was at that time that I decided that I was going to quit drinking. It hasn't been a picnic since then, in fact it has been very tough due to circumstances and other things, but I have managed to remain sober since that day.

I posted this for a reason and it really isn't to pat myself on the back. It is to give my gratitude to my friend John who died of cancer about two years ago. John never took any credit for what he did for me... he always told me that he had nothing to do with it, I had all the work to do... but whether he realized it or not he saved my life. Yes, I did the work to change my life but John stood by me and believed in me when there were a scant few that did have any faith in me at all.

I post this to remember my dear friend.

I miss you John.


_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.
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RE: Just Something To Share - 8/18/2006 6:04:13 PM   
cuddleheart50


Posts: 9718
Joined: 2/20/2006
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		Thanks Gauge for sharing that...and I'm sure your friend John would be very proud of you.

_____________________________

Dance like no one is watching,
Sing like no one is listening.
Love like you've never been hurt
and live like it's heaven on Earth.


(in reply to Gauge)
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RE: Just Something To Share - 8/18/2006 6:06:57 PM   
SavageFaerie


Posts: 4377
Joined: 12/3/2004
From: NYC
Status: offline 		I think that is one of the most heartfelt honors a person could do to memorialize someone that just took the time to have a care.

Heres to John


That took alot of guts btw. I see 12 steps do after all work
That is good to know.

I hope your life is blessed many times over

Your friend I am sure is in the right place with God.

And personally I think you are too

_____________________________

Disclaimer:If its the wrong word or misspelled I blame on my fingers and brains refusing to interact.

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RE: Just Something To Share - 8/18/2006 6:08:44 PM   
BrokenDoll


Posts: 106
Joined: 8/15/2006
Status: offline 		WOW.... your post Sir braught tears to my eyes... That is an amazeing acomplishment and i would like to congradulate you on how far you must have come fomr were you were Congradulations you deserve more then a pat on the back you deaserve a big old hug.

*gives big hug*



_____________________________

Please take care of your toys treat them with Love and respect, For broken toys are no fun at all!

-doll-

(in reply to cuddleheart50)
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RE: Just Something To Share - 8/18/2006 6:11:49 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		Gauge, both you and your friend John have my respect. I have no idea what happens after we die, but I hope he is somewhere peaceful, and able to see what you said about him.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

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RE: Just Something To Share - 8/18/2006 6:19:39 PM   
DesertRat


Posts: 2774
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: NM/USA
Status: offline 		Thank you, Gauge. I really needed to hear that. I'm sorry for your loss but glad for all that you've gained.

(you've got mail)

Bob



_____________________________

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro--Hunter S. Thompson
It's crackers to slip a rozzer the dropsy in snide!--Chief Dead St. Knockout, 1933, Liverpool
Damn the crops. I'll only find peace at the end of a rope.--Winston Van Loo, 1911

(in reply to Gauge)
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RE: Just Something To Share - 8/18/2006 6:23:42 PM   
captiveplatypus


Posts: 382
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline 		That is wonderful and I know you were not asking or wanting it but I am giving you kudos anyway.  I quit heroin 6 years ago and remember all to well what it is like battling an addiction, trying to survive after you've fucked your life up so bad all you want to do is kill yourself (which I did manage to accomplish for several minutes, what a wake up call).  After I stopped and got my life back on track my friends and family would always say "I'm so proud of you."  I would simply reply "there's nothing to be proud of, I'm just living my life like any other responsible adult should, that is nothing to be proud of."

It is a struggle and a fight, though, not one everyone has to go through.  It took many people to step up and slap some sense into me before I got my life straight again, I am grateful to each and every one of them.  You should be grateful for yourself, as well.  Most die.  You and I were strong enough to find our way back out of that hell hole again, somehow.

(before anyone gives me "you should have known better"  crap, I showed physical addiction to morphine at the age of seven during my surgeries, all administered by doctors.  In my teen years my so called "best friend" and her boyfriend told me to close my eyes and hold out my hand and I would get a "surprise."  Some surprise.  They re-awoke a monster that had been sleeping for 10 years.)

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RE: Just Something To Share - 8/18/2006 6:33:02 PM   
MissTlTTYMilk


Posts: 142
Joined: 6/17/2006
Status: offline 		My heartfelt wishes to you Gauge and Captiveplatypus for your continued sobriety.  i lost a friend to an addiction, and i am so glad to learn of people who had the strength to overcome and endure this struggle. It is truly a blessing that you are around to share laughs and sorrow as life has it. ....so even though you havent asked ...kudos and peace to both of you.......

Edited to add.......thanks for all the Angels that touch our lives--like John

< Message edited by MissTlTTYMilk -- 8/18/2006 6:36:04 PM >

_____________________________

"I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong. "
"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts. "
--Bertrand Russell

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RE: Just Something To Share - 8/18/2006 6:43:40 PM   
beenwhipped


Posts: 191
Joined: 5/14/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: captiveplatypus

(before anyone gives me "you should have known better"  crap

i cannot speak for everyone, but that is one thing i will not do. i have my own addictions i have manged to kick, though they are not anything compared to you guys, and i have one more that i want to. i understand addictions and how hard they are to kick. nothing but congrats to you guys,

Gauge, i know you didnt post for the congrats but you do get it from me. you had a wonderful friend that did save your life, but you do have to remember that after that night, it was 99% you. he does deserve thanks, but you do deserve congrats.

(in reply to captiveplatypus)
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RE: Just Something To Share - 8/18/2006 6:45:23 PM   
girl4you2


Posts: 1622
Joined: 8/4/2005
Status: offline 		a very touching story in remembrance of your friend; i'm sure he'd be happy to be hearing it. perhaps in some way he does; i'd suspect in any case that he did know how much you felt he had changed your life, as well as how much you yourself did to effect that change. i'm sure he's sorely missed. those that touch us deeply always are.

_____________________________

maireann croí éadrom i bhfad. is maith an scáthán súil charad. is leor nod don eolach.
got shoes?

(in reply to Gauge)
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RE: Just Something To Share - 8/18/2006 6:46:30 PM   
girl4you2


Posts: 1622
Joined: 8/4/2005
Status: offline 		ps--happy belated birthday to the "little guy" and happy anniversary to you.

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maireann croí éadrom i bhfad. is maith an scáthán súil charad. is leor nod don eolach.
got shoes?

(in reply to girl4you2)
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RE: Just Something To Share - 8/18/2006 6:46:59 PM   
MistressOfGa


Posts: 2929
Status: offline 		Gauge,
Wow, thank you for sharing such a wonderful story. You are my new hero <s>
<Hugs>

_____________________________





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RE: Just Something To Share - 8/18/2006 6:57:27 PM   
SavageFaerie


Posts: 4377
Joined: 12/3/2004
From: NYC
Status: offline 		addiction is a tough road to get out of.

My 1st ex was addicted to speed
My 2nd was a drunk with a gun
Well I have over hashed the 3rd.

My daughter got off the drugs but still drinks to much
My son was addicted to speed..dirty speed it damaged his brain but he is clean 2 years and has been at one job and moved up with the genius that he is.  Before that his longest job was 1 month.
My soon to be ex brother in law....speed and the biggest of all drunks I know.

Me..my addiction is sex (which I have now abstained from casual sex), smoking and the internet.  I have control of the 1st.   But the other two...well I try

I have had to intervien many times with my family.  All while being damanged myself.

But gauge.....those two boys of yours....which I have talked with at least one, I know stand by their dad.  They only want you to be happy. This I know.  Say hi to the kids for me will ya, then give them a hug.

That alone is a reason to stand proud.


_____________________________

Disclaimer:If its the wrong word or misspelled I blame on my fingers and brains refusing to interact.

(in reply to girl4you2)
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RE: Just Something To Share - 8/18/2006 7:08:36 PM   
Evanesce


Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline 		OK, I'm sitting here crying now.  Wish my father had had a "John" to help him.
 
You're a lucky man, Gauge, to have had a friend who cared that much for you, and you're doing his memory proud.

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich


(in reply to SavageFaerie)
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RE: Just Something To Share - 8/18/2006 8:12:55 PM   
BrokenDoll


Posts: 106
Joined: 8/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Evanesce

OK, I'm sitting here crying now.  Wish my father had had a "John" to help him.
 
You're a lucky man, Gauge, to have had a friend who cared that much for you, and you're doing his memory proud.


there is nothing more true then this (whats in red)

_____________________________

Please take care of your toys treat them with Love and respect, For broken toys are no fun at all!

-doll-

(in reply to Evanesce)
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RE: Just Something To Share - 8/18/2006 11:41:27 PM   
shivvy


Posts: 746
Joined: 3/25/2006
From: Ireland, living in Kent, England.
Status: offline 		hello Gauge Sir,
 
W/we've not spoken before i don't think, but i just wanted to say i think that is a lovely story, and congratulations, and to say i think you remaining sober for so long is a grand testiment you your old friend, and i am sure he is prolly up there now looking down on you, and you are making him really really proud..
 
i also think it took a lot of guts to say that on here. You have my respect Sir.
 
shiv
-x-

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(¯`v´¯)
`*.¸.*´
¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•.εΐз¸¸.·*´¯`v´¯`*·.¸¸ـ εΐз ~*luv shivvy*~ ـ εΐз

xxx
Owned and collared by SavageFaerie and Master P

(in reply to Gauge)
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RE: Just Something To Share - 8/18/2006 11:47:08 PM   
Owned1


Posts: 847
Joined: 7/6/2005
From: Toronto, Ontario
Status: offline 		Congrats and a huge hug.  You show strength and internal fortitude.  To be able to control ones own demons is something if you can do you can do anything.

I am not a spiritual person in todays way of thinking, however I do believe when we go our spirits remain.  Butterflies are those of our spirit guides who come back to say hello, watch for those butterflies and say hi to your friend, I am sure he is around you especially when you need him.

Again big congrats to you and keep up the hard but rewarding work.  I am sure you child appreciates it as well though he may not ever realize what he almost lost.

Owned

_____________________________

~~in His Chains i am free~~

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RE: Just Something To Share - 8/18/2006 11:53:17 PM   
nefertari


Posts: 425
Joined: 7/22/2006
Status: offline 		Thank you for sharing with us Gauge.  Your story was beautiful and inspiring.  Warm wishes going your way.  And for all of those not blessed enough to have their very own John.

(in reply to Gauge)
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RE: Just Something To Share - 8/19/2006 2:44:18 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		Cudos John
And a nod of respect for My old friend Steve, for not dis-similar reasons.

We are lucky that there are such fine people still in this screwed up world.


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to Gauge)
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RE: Just Something To Share - 8/19/2006 6:28:08 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Gauge, you have had my respect for a long time now. You just showed why I respect you and those like you. I too had a "John", he found me one night years ago reliving the horrors of war, with a loaded .44 magnum on my mouth and just counting down to blowing my head off. he gave me a book called "The Knight With Rusty Armour". A small book and he bade me read it first.. I did and I am still here....

Thank you mate for this thread..


< Message edited by IronBear -- 8/19/2006 6:29:14 AM >

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

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