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Some people's children - 12/29/2004 8:23:27 AM

RealityFix

Posts: 156
Joined: 8/12/2004
Status: offline

I got an interesting email today.

Firstly, let me preface that I DARED to post in my profile that I seek a HWP sub, with no children living at home.

Now, most people would consider this just honestly stating what you seek-and I'm in shape myself and like a partner who is attractive and healthy. I also don't enjoy having to write people back with rejection letters-I figured this was just kinder.

So just after my last update,I get this note that this sub (who I had previously turned down) Considers me "shallow and conceited and that no sub will want me". (and yes, she happens to be fat,and has a kid)

And then blocks me,of course.

Hell hath no fury eh?

Can you tell me why it is that people think they have a right to slam others for having personal prefferences in partners?

Is it sour grapes,or what?

< Message edited by RealityFix -- 12/29/2004 8:24:37 AM >

Post #: 1

RE: Some people's children - 12/29/2004 8:27:01 AM

GoddessJules

Posts: 549
Status: offline

It is probably because if you exclude a group from your preference, the insecure ones in that group think that you are directly addressing/attacking them.

I'd say that it is their problem and not yours. Why would someone want to press the issue with a person who is NOT attracted to them??? I guess that is a special kind of masochism.

J

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(in reply to RealityFix)

Post #: 2

RE: Some people's children - 12/29/2004 8:38:22 AM

LadyShoshin

Posts: 492
Joined: 7/19/2004
From: Burlington, Ontario
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RealityFix

I got an interesting email today.

Firstly, let me preface that I DARED to post in my profile that I seek a HWP sub, with no children living at home.

Now, most people would consider this just honestly stating what you seek-and I'm in shape myself and like a partner who is attractive and healthy. I also don't enjoy having to write people back with rejection letters-I figured this was just kinder.

So just after my last update,I get this note that this sub (who I had previously turned down) Considers me "shallow and conceited and that no sub will want me". (and yes, she happens to be fat,and has a kid)

And then blocks me,of course.

Hell hath no fury eh?

Can you tell me why it is that people think they have a right to slam others for having personal prefferences in partners?

Is it sour grapes,or what?

I am a BBW without kids and see no slight or shallowness in your preferences. Now if you hadn't been upfront and wrote a rejection based on HWP & children, then I would take offense.

We all have preferences, I dare say the lady (who may have recieved one too many rejection letters) also has her preferences.

I wouldn't worry about her reaction, she may have had a bad day and came across your profile and taken it personally when that was not how it was meant.

Vive la difference!

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(in reply to RealityFix)

Post #: 3

RE: Some people's children - 12/29/2004 9:00:03 AM

MistressFire70

Posts: 378
Joined: 7/25/2004
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

First, a question: what does HWP mean? The only thing I can thing of is horny, white and petite. LOL

If you're profile JUST listed that you wanted some eye candy, I'd be inclined to tell you to wake up to reality if you're really looking for a relationship. But, it doesn't; it's thought out and intelligent. So, no one can fault you for having preferences. That you state these is just being honest and that should be respected.

The thing about humans is this: a lot of us have low self-esteem. And, if we don't, we still have "that voice" in our heads which can create self doubt. In those with low self-steem, that voice is as loud as a scream and so if someone rejects them, they take it as a personal affront to their very existance. Rejection can hurt everyone, even us Doms. It's a common reaction, especially by insecure people with low self-esteem, to lash out with hurt to answer perceived hurt. People with negative body images are certainly on the low self-asteem list. These people have three choices: reject the body image being imposed on them or change their bodies or both. I vote for both, but we won't go into why here.

I know that you feel bad that her feelings are hurt. Any caring person would be. But, like any other issue, we must help ourselves and cannot do for someone what they should do for themselves. If we do, they're really not being helped, they are being rescued, which only teaches them to be more and more dependent. There's a different in submitting because you cling and submittied because you choose. Strong subs are the true treasure.

In the end, you cannot help these people change; they must help themselves. You cannot lead these people to change; they are not yet fit to be led. You cannot exhault these people to create change; they won't believe you. You cannot insult these people to create change; they insult themselves.

So, the moral of the story is: as long as you're not focusing on one attribute (such as big tits or a big cock), you're not being shallow, just honest. If physical fitness or whatever is an important part of a PACKAGE, then those who do not fit this just aren't a good match for you.

Fire

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(in reply to RealityFix)

Post #: 4

RE: Some people's children - 12/29/2004 9:01:49 AM

GoddessJules

Posts: 549
Status: offline

I think HWP means hight-weight-proportionate.

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Post #: 5

RE: Some people's children - 12/29/2004 9:57:05 AM

RealityFix

Posts: 156
Joined: 8/12/2004
Status: offline

Yes, it means height wieght proportionate.

And I do look at the whole package,what's inside does matter more. But at the same time, I have had bbw subs in the past, and it just wan't very arousing to me-I learned my lesson, and I just don't go there these days.

I really don't want to hurt people in non consensual ways, and I do my best to be honest, and try to avoid that. And I realize it narrows things way down for me,but you can't help how you relate on instinctive levels.

It's astounding-do a search in the categories with no weight prefferences, in the search engine and see what it brings up. Then set it at 160 and under,and it's like almost no one is there anymore!

I used to be overweight I was almost 300 pounds I KNOW how hard it is to get rid of-I'm still at 20 over ideal wieght, and struggling to drop that last bit. I do it for health reasons,not to be "shallow". I'd like to feel good, and live out the full span of my life.

And I think folks are correct,I sure didn't have great self esteem when I was obese.

But even then, I realized that MY problem didn't mean anyone was ATTACKING me if they mentioned it-more that they were concerned.

Because seriously not getting this under control can lead to enormous health risks, and shave decades off of your life. So is it so WRONG to want someone you don't have to be in a constant state of worry over around you?

(in reply to GoddessJules)

Post #: 6

RE: Some people's children - 12/29/2004 10:03:52 AM

subchris04

Posts: 17
Joined: 12/12/2004
Status: offline

I think it is better to be honest in what you are looking for in your profile. I would rather know if the person and I had similar intrests.

I am not looking for a Dom because I am already owned but I see so many profiles that don't say what the person wants. Everyone is different and everyones intrests are different. One may waste time writing to another if there is no compatability.

I don't see anything wrong with stating that what you want. When people email me, I always go to their profile before I respond to see what they are looking for. For me I am just looking for friends. I have met many nice people here.

There are always going to be people that are insecure or think that you have to know the person before you judge them. But it isn't about that. The most unattractive person on the site may be the nicest person, but physical chemistry is important also. Children are also a big factor. Alot of people don't want to get involved with one with a child. Even in the vanillia world children make a relationship harsher.

slave chris

(in reply to GoddessJules)

Post #: 7

RE: Some people's children - 12/29/2004 11:52:29 AM

rubytuesday

Posts: 180
Joined: 10/22/2004
Status: offline

I think maybe the sub that wrote must have had nothing much better to do with her time - I have to say being a BBW with 3 little kids I didnt find anything wrong with what you wanted - I have my own preferences when looking for someone as we all do - honesty is always an excellent trait and thats what it appears to me your profile showed.

Best of luck with your search and dont let others hang ups become yours *smile*

ruby

(in reply to RealityFix)

Post #: 8

RE: Some people's children - 12/29/2004 12:27:28 PM

Jasmyn

Posts: 1234
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RealityFix

write people back with rejection letters-I figured this was just kinder.

So just after my last update,I get this note that this sub (who I had previously turned down) Considers me "shallow and conceited and that no sub will want me". (and yes, she happens to be fat,and has a kid)

And then blocks me,of course.

Hell hath no fury eh?

Can you tell me why it is that people think they have a right to slam others for having personal prefferences in partners?

Is it sour grapes,or what?

I agree it is fine to have preferences etc...but I find you're thread in bad taste. I can't help but think you were less than honest with the woman in the first instance about having no interest in her and you're updated profile perhaps gave her the *real* reason she was rejected? Just a thought.

Jasmyn

(in reply to RealityFix)

Post #: 9

RE: Some people's children - 12/29/2004 1:22:20 PM

RealityFix

Posts: 156
Joined: 8/12/2004
Status: offline

Actually, the hwp kid thing was a small part of it.

The real reason was some very spiteful entries in her journal,and that fact that she's too far away. The entries were a big red flag to me about an unstable ,hateful personality.

I don't let people like that get close to me-ever. It's asking for a lot of needless drama and hassles you just do NOT need.

Something her follow up letter proved only too well. Drama, drama, spite. Hard limit.

She could have looked like freaking Mariah Carey, and I'd still have said no to her, with a crappy attitude like that.

I actually did the update to PREVENT problems,not create more.

You get what you put up with.................

(in reply to Jasmyn)

Post #: 10

RE: Some people's children - 12/29/2004 2:12:50 PM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

Dear Reality,
As has already been said, it is not your problem that she felt the need to further show her insecurity (besides what you mention are in her journals) by writing to you and trying to make you feel badly because you know what works for you.
I don't find that your profile is especially shallow; I mean we all have our set points; I love a man of intellect and depth from whom I can learn something, but no matter how much of those qualities he possesses, I'm not going to be seen in public with him if he is 4' tall/has 1 eye, yah know what I mean, wink?
I think your choice of who you are attracted to is yours to own and live with, and don't think you should have to apologize for that. Her writing hateful email is her own big issue, with which only she can deal; if she feels horrible about her size, there are gyms and less food to be had; I'd be the last person to put down someone because of his/her size, but I cannot stand people who cannot accept/love themselves as they are, but expect everyone else to.
JMO... The Amazon Queen from RI

(in reply to RealityFix)

Post #: 11

RE: Some people's children - 12/29/2004 3:39:05 PM

cynnacent1

Posts: 340
Joined: 6/25/2004
From: Massachusetts
Status: offline

State that you are interested in:

A) Tall ... & the short may be offended.
B) Blondes ... & the redheads/brunettes may feel slighted.
C) Married ... & singles find it wrong.
D) C or D size ... & the A's & B's take offence.

Etc ... Etc ... Etc.

It all comes down to the simple fact, "You can't please everyone".
No matter what we do, there will always be someone out there who will feel slighted in some way.

When the original content of my profile as a new member here was still in place prior to being collared by INSIDEYOURMIND, i was seeking 'an intelligent, older, experienced gentleman'. Daymned if i didn't get at least a dozen replies in the first few hours from younger/ and or inexperienced men here who tried thier best to convince me to consider them too. And yes, i also received replies from those who appeared to be just a teeny bit 'less than intelligent'. *coughs* Some replies were from woman too, who insisted i should give it a go ... even though my profile stressed that i was seeking a man.

It's simply not possible to make *everyone* happy.

¸,ø¤º°cynnacent°º¤ø,¸ (proudly owned by, and devoted to INSIDEYOURMIND)

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(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

Post #: 12

RE: Some people's children - 12/29/2004 6:30:01 PM

ShadeDiva

Posts: 1005
Joined: 3/31/2004
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline

Make yourself happy and then those you choose to surround yourself with happy when it is not a negative thing.

Let the rest find their own way I say.

~ShadeDiva

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(in reply to cynnacent1)

Post #: 13

RE: Some people's children - 12/29/2004 6:56:40 PM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

hmmm I thought HWP meant Harley With Pecs---how ignorant of Me--darn and I was going to apply--drat

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Post #: 14

RE: Some people's children - 12/29/2004 8:04:24 PM

harmony3709

Posts: 292
Joined: 11/15/2004
Status: offline

I agree that there are those who will be offended by preferences no matter what you state, as cynnacent stated so well.

I do though feel there are some specific physical attritubes or lifestyle choices that are basically more of a sore spot with people in general than others. Weight happens to be one of those and all you have to do is watch an occasional movie, TV show, commercial, read a magazine or glance at a print ad, etc., to understand why. The same can be said over time of certain colors of skin, members of certain religions, people with certain types of accents., and so on. Let's face it, the general population (and the media) have a way of picking on some people or certain attributes to the extreme. Some of those will be able to laugh at themselves, some will be able to ignore it, and some will, unfortunately, take it to heart.

I happen to be a natural blonde with large breasts and let me assure you that from the time I was about 15, I have faced over and over the assumption that I am a total idiot. As I refer to it, the BH/BB/TB theory. (Blonde Hair/Big Boobs/Tiny Brain) So for me, when I am subjected to someone who believes in that stereotype, it is definitely going to hit a nerve.

I really don't care about the occasional dumb blonde joke, but when you reach about 1,000 -- yes, your patience has been stretched rather thin. I may or may not react, (and typically don't) but I assure you, on the inside, there is definitely a different reaction. (Actually I find it more enjoyable to watch those making that assumption make a fool of themselves, lol.)

So those who may seem to overreact in the eyes of some, keep in mind that it's possible you may have touched on a nerve. Your preferences may not be shallow and be stated in a way that is tactful and honest, but unfortunately there are going to be those who don't want to hear it no matter how it's stated.

harmony

(in reply to MHOO314)

Post #: 15

RE: Some people's children - 12/29/2004 9:43:06 PM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: harmony3709
I do though feel there are some specific physical attritubes or lifestyle choices that are basically more of a sore spot with people in general than others. Weight happens to be one of those and all you have to do is watch an occasional movie, TV show, commercial, read a magazine or glance at a print ad, etc., to understand why. The same can be said over time of certain colors of skin, members of certain religions, people with certain types of accents., and so on. Let's face it, the general population (and the media) have a way of picking on some people or certain attributes to the extreme. Some of those will be able to laugh at themselves, some will be able to ignore it, and some will, unfortunately, take it to heart.
So those who may seem to overreact in the eyes of some, keep in mind that it's possible you may have touched on a nerve. Your preferences may not be shallow and be stated in a way that is tactful and honest, but unfortunately there are going to be those who don't want to hear it no matter how it's stated.

harmony

As a lady who is "different" and considers herself relatively socially aware, I know all too well of what you speak, in terms of being bombarded with "you're not lovable, because____(insert BS message)";
I have things I am sensitive about, but am aware of them, so that my response is gauged to be appropriate to the situation (not an over the top "I've heard this for the last time, so you will pay for everyone who's annoyed me up until now").
In my opinion, since Realityfix did not initiate contact with her (as I understand), and since he clearly states that he is not interested in a big bodacious babe with children, than no big bodacious babes with children should respond; and if one does, it should perhaps simply be to say "you don't know what you're missing", not a nasty rant. He doesn't have a responsibility to try to be sensitive and nice to everyone...
Belive it or not, I much prefer to know if someone has a prejudice than trying to guess any day. M

< Message edited by BlkTallFullfig -- 12/29/2004 9:52:23 PM >

(in reply to harmony3709)

Post #: 16

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