Clique-y? Are Kinksters really clique-y??

Clique-y? Are Kinksters really clique-y?? (Full Version)

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Vancouver_cinful -> Clique-y? Are Kinksters really clique-y?? (8/19/2006 1:32:48 PM)
Okay, a rant of sorts, but maybe more a clarification. I've heard the word clique-y thrown around a lot lately, while trying to encourage some people to come out to a munch to better their search results... The bottom line is this: Being kinky, or gay, or into quilt-making, sci-fi conventions, or dog shows, or whatever is not automatically going to mean that you will have anything in common with other people into these things. What people often mis-label as cliques are just groups of people who tend to stay together because they have more in common that just their kink. Even in kink there are subsets of people, like Goreans, Female Supremacists, Spiritual Masochists, etc. They may have nothing in common with you, and so why would you, or they, expect to form a friendship? I often find when people complain about finding a group clique-ish what they mean is "I went to munch once, and no beautiful woman in head to toe leather offered to take me home and play with me...Those people were so clique-y!" Maybe this is just my own impression, but I do sick of hearing this word. It seems so high school to me.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Clique-y? Are Kinksters really clique-y?? (8/19/2006 1:34:09 PM)
While everything you said is true...the scene is amazingly clique-ish. There are cliques that form in all the online communities and in all the offline communities.

purelea2003 -> RE: Clique-y? Are Kinksters really clique-y?? (8/19/2006 1:48:24 PM)
I've had it mentioned to Me that the boards here are "clique-y" with only certain people posting & getting response. I think that has more to do with the time a person is willing to spend becoming acquainted. It's the same in real time. If a person wants to have friends - they need to show themselves friendly. For My part - I'm not all that friendly so I don't care either way. [;)]

Vancouver_cinful -> RE: Clique-y? Are Kinksters really clique-y?? (8/19/2006 1:49:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross While everything you said is true...the scene is amazingly clique-ish. There are cliques that form in all the online communities and in all the offline communities. So, are these so-called cliques obligated to make friends with everyone who professes a shared kink? Where is it written that you must, by virtue of being kinky, like and befriend every kinkster you meet? I agree we should draw that line at being rude and nasty, or unwelcoming at a public event, but at the same time, I'm not obligated to be anything more than polite to someone who I have no interest in be-friending. To do so would be to encourage them into thinking I am interested in pursuing a deeper friendship. My time and energy is better spent developing beneficially mutual relationships with people I sincerely like.

juliaoceania -> RE: Clique-y? Are Kinksters really clique-y?? (8/19/2006 1:49:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross .the scene is amazingly clique-ish. There are cliques that form in all the online communities and in all the offline communities. Well color me offended, when do I get asked into a clique! All these cliq-sters are starting to give me a complex... geesh! Truly, it is a lot easier not to go down that road and remain uncliqued. It just seems like a lot of energy to belong to cliques, which is why I may interact with them for a common purpose, but I like being on the sidelines and out of the loop.

Vancouver_cinful -> RE: Clique-y? Are Kinksters really clique-y?? (8/19/2006 1:53:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: purelea2003 I've had it mentioned to Me that the boards here are "clique-y" with only certain people posting & getting response. I think that has more to do with the time a person is willing to spend becoming acquainted. It's the same in real time. If a person wants to have friends - they need to show themselves friendly. For My part - I'm not all that friendly so I don't care either way. [;)] Exactly!! While I felt very welcome at the first munch I went to, it took many subsequent munches, and an effort on my part to make actual friends. I considered that healthy. I distrust people who pounce on the new meat, I learned that during my years in the gay community, I guess. In retrospect, two of the people who most jumped to be my friend in my early days are two people I avoid whenever possible now. They showed themselves to be opportunistic. Big surprise there.

Vancouver_cinful -> RE: Clique-y? Are Kinksters really clique-y?? (8/19/2006 1:55:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania Truly, it is a lot easier not to go down that road and remain uncliqued. It just seems like a lot of energy to belong to cliques, which is why I may interact with them for a common purpose, but I like being on the sidelines and out of the loop. You and me both. I hate drama.

juliaoceania -> RE: Clique-y? Are Kinksters really clique-y?? (8/19/2006 1:56:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Vancouver_cinful quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania Truly, it is a lot easier not to go down that road and remain uncliqued. It just seems like a lot of energy to belong to cliques, which is why I may interact with them for a common purpose, but I like being on the sidelines and out of the loop. You and me both. I hate drama. Oh I love dramas, just the kind I can rent on DVD[:D]

ExSteelAgain -> RE: Clique-y? Are Kinksters really clique-y?? (8/19/2006 1:56:42 PM)
It sounds like a public service promo..."Clique it or....

Vancouver_cinful -> RE: Clique-y? Are Kinksters really clique-y?? (8/19/2006 2:07:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania Oh I love dramas, just the kind I can rent on DVD[:D] Ooooo, me too, Julia, let's form a Drama Clique!! (Oh wait, didn't I belong to that one in high school?)

Vancouver_cinful -> RE: Clique-y? Are Kinksters really clique-y?? (8/19/2006 2:08:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain It sounds like a public service promo..."Clique it or.... .....you'll end up playing with it by yourself?

juliaoceania -> RE: Clique-y? Are Kinksters really clique-y?? (8/19/2006 2:10:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Vancouver_cinful quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania Oh I love dramas, just the kind I can rent on DVD[:D] Ooooo, me too, Julia, let's form a Drama Clique!! (Oh wait, didn't I belong to that one in high school?) For me it was called the Girl's Basketball team...lol

Vancouver_cinful -> RE: Clique-y? Are Kinksters really clique-y?? (8/19/2006 2:20:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania For me it was called the Girl's Basketball team...lol Oh no, the jocks hated the drama kids. They were always coming to the school productions, and heckling us. LOL Guess we were too hot and sexy for them. [8D]

JHLuvsfeet -> RE: Clique-y? Are Kinksters really clique-y?? (8/19/2006 2:34:41 PM)
Cliques are the same as chat brats with super high post counts, right? Hey, I am trying to build my post count... : )

porcelaine -> RE: Clique-y? Are Kinksters really clique-y?? (8/19/2006 2:38:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Vancouver_cinful I often find when people complain about finding a group clique-ish what they mean is "I went to munch once, and no beautiful woman in head to toe leather offered to take me home and play with me...Those people were so clique-y!" Maybe this is just my own impression, but I do sick of hearing this word. It seems so high school to me. Some people are simply desperate for acceptance. It is found in every community or supposedly unique culture. You are correct, it is very dated and you would imagine that most adults would be comfortable in their own skin and able to form friendships without the expectation that people will swarm around them simply because they've identified themselves as kinky or whatever the going trend is. Today's clique was yesterday's discernment. My how times have changed. porcelaine

juliaoceania -> RE: Clique-y? Are Kinksters really clique-y?? (8/19/2006 2:49:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JHLuvsfeet Cliques are the same as chat brats with super high post counts, right? Hey, I am trying to build my post count... : ) Guilty! I have been shamed over my large amount of posts in the past, you are not the first to point this out to me... BTW Cin, when we throw the Pirate Party who is invited and who gets to serve again? Only the coolest people should be allowed to walk the plank or beat someone with a cat-o-nines...(I hope everyone knows I am just kidding, most of you are cool in my book, except the computer geeks, stoners, and those who get straight As..oh damn, Im not cool after all and can't serve..geesh)

Vancouver_cinful -> RE: Clique-y? Are Kinksters really clique-y?? (8/19/2006 2:52:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JHLuvsfeet Cliques are the same as chat brats with super high post counts, right? Hey, I am trying to build my post count... : ) Hmmm, I can only aspire to be a chat brat, I guess. I do try, I do try...I think I'm slowed down by all the editing I do. I'm not about to let the typo or grammar fairies get the better of me! (Hey, thanks for helping me up my count by 1, and welcome* to the forums!)*

Vancouver_cinful -> RE: Clique-y? Are Kinksters really clique-y?? (8/19/2006 2:59:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: porcelaine you would imagine that most adults would be comfortable in their own skin and able to form friendships without the expectation that people will swarm around them simply because they've identified themselves as kinky or whatever the going trend is. Well said! [sm=applause.gif] I don't deny that there are groups of people who think they are the royalty of the local kink scene. These were the same ones who ran their high schools by winning popularity contests. The thing is, these are exactly the people I have no interest in being accepted by. I make it a point to be courteous, since they are hard to avoid and do tend to show up at all of the local events, but I'd rather keep an arm's distance from their egos and their dramas. Some people don't grow up.

Vancouver_cinful -> RE: Clique-y? Are Kinksters really clique-y?? (8/19/2006 3:02:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania BTW Cin, when we throw the Pirate Party who is invited and who gets to serve again? Only the coolest people should be allowed to walk the plank or beat someone with a cat-o-nines Well hell, girl, you know it's all about who has the coolest pirate clothes! Geeesh, where are your priorities? <-- still longs to be a strumpet

juliaoceania -> RE: Clique-y? Are Kinksters really clique-y?? (8/19/2006 3:09:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Vancouver_cinful quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania BTW Cin, when we throw the Pirate Party who is invited and who gets to serve again? Only the coolest people should be allowed to walk the plank or beat someone with a cat-o-nines Well hell, girl, you know it's all about who has the coolest pirate clothes! Geeesh, where are your priorities? <-- still longs to be a strumpet Oh you ARE a strumpet cin... they are the coolest of sluts too[:D]

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