want to serve but am not rich.. what am i to do (Full Version)

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floridasub -> want to serve but am not rich.. what am i to do (12/29/2004 6:11:34 PM)

Hello [:)]


i am a student so i am not rich however recently i was approached to serve a wonderful Lady however after initially talking with Her i was talking with Her slave and he brought up the subject of what can i bring to Her. i am not rich as i have said but i think that i can offer a lot just not much monetarilly. i know that eventually after school i will have a nice living and may then be able to lavish my Goddess with the gifts i wish i could give now but i am unable to do so now. i am wrong? Because as soon as i said i could not really contribute much to the household i was dismissed directly without even talking with the Mistress. Thank You for taking the time to read this and i look forward to reading any and all responses.




MHOO314 -> RE: want to serve but am not rich.. what am i to do (12/29/2004 6:28:46 PM)

floridasub, as I see it, I have very little use for Dommes who need support or constant gifts from their subs, ( that will start a groundswell)---and if you were talking to a slave and thought you were in a monag environ instead of a poly, I'd be saying buh bye, buh bye, buh bye now--but I am a different Domme--Victorian, buy Me flowers to please Me, turn over your money management as a TPE--but support Me?? PUHLEEZ neva--



floridasub -> Thank You Mistress Hathor (12/29/2004 7:04:54 PM)

Thank You Mistress Hathor for the reply. i have only seen professional Mistresses in the past and this was the first non-professional experience that i tried to start. i will be more upfront i guess in the beginning that i will give my heart and soul but i do not have much monetarilly to give at this time. i do in fact bring a rose or other small gift always when seeing or serving a Mistress be that a pro or not. That is just something a wonderful Mistress in San Francisco instilled in me to alway just bring a rose or something as a sign of devotion.



ShadeDiva -> RE: want to serve but am not rich.. what am i to do (12/29/2004 7:11:31 PM)

These are a few basic typical things that came to my mind to tell you after I read your post:

#1. serving is NOT defined as paying someone or buying them things.

#2. serving IS defined as being OF service to someone - whether that is expressed through slavery, submission, bottoming, cleaning, burning cds, doing tedious things, cleaning their house, running errands, reading their writings and being their editor, etc. every dominant will have their own ideas about what serving them means and what things a submissive's service to them will be comprised of.

#3. You CANNOT *purchase* servitude or slavehood. It is not something that comes with a price tag.

#4. Compatiblity and knowing the dominant has a clue about what BDSM is pretty damn important. I'll say this right now - and I'll stand by it 100% - if you run across a dominant that says unless you pay you are NOT a submissive/slave or that in order to be a GOOD slave/submissive you must pay or buy them something, they have NO actual clue at ALL what BDSM is about on any tangible level. IMO, no dominant worth their salt would ever make such a ridiculious statement and be serious when delivering it.

#5. Knowledge is power, and being forewarned is being forearmed. You cannot logically give informed consent unless you inform youself and you are actually making an informed decision. So it's imperative that if you really yearn to serve someone and explore this, to learn as much as you can. These boards are an EXCELLENT beginning.

#6. If they approach YOU first and then follow that with a demand or expectation for money or gifts - my personal advice? Run. Don't reply and seek elsewhere. I view that as being solicitation myself however.

#7. Keep asking questions. Forever. lol

#8. Don't rush things or allow your eagerness to explore BDSM or serving someone to rule your decision-making process. If a dominant is worth a speck of anything, they will be fine with waiting, and not pressure you, or try to rush you. If they are really deeply interested in you - they will be patient and willing to wait it out, as long as it takes, so that there is no chance that you aren't making a solid choice in your own good time. People that pressure or rush you are trying to get you offbalance, and get you to move quickly enough that you don't have time to think it through and that usually means they feel that if you DID think it through there is something about them that would normally give you pause. Rushing someone is a means to throw them off guard and scatter their thinking process. Don't fall for it.

#9. IMO, ANY dominant that approaches you that is a complete stranger asking you to serve them without knowing a single thing about you as a person or a submissive is usually someone to be wary of. Compatablity and trust are a HUGE cornerstones, if not the entire foundation of BDSM relationships, and this is NOT something a person can determine in a few IMs, let alone a single IM. Again, no dominant worth their salt in my opinion would EVER approach a complete stranger and then ask them to serve and even remotely be serious about it - there is something else going on - some other agenda rather than merely seeking a submissive is at play there - if they are going around doing that.

#10. USE YOUR BRAIN. Always always always use your brain. Listen to your gut. If it sounds fishy, look into it, don't make excuses for it, or ignore it. If they are legit, they will expect that to some extent, and won't be offended by it, it does signal that higher thinking is going on in your skull as far as I am concerned. If they aren't legit they will seek to dance around it or distract you. Honesty is important as well as communication and if they can't or won't give you a straight answer, seek elsewhere.

JMO, FWIIW ... your mileage may vary.

~ShadeDiva



floridasub -> Thank You Ms. ShadeDiva (12/29/2004 10:19:04 PM)

Ms. ShadeDiva [:)]

Thank You so much for the wonderful advice. i agree with every point and will keep all of these points and more in consideration from now on when and if i am pursuing another relationship with my Goddess.



MizSuz -> RE: want to serve but am not rich.. what am i to do (12/30/2004 5:47:56 AM)

Perhaps you took a question regarding "What can you bring" to mean money. Granted often that's what the other person is inquiring about, but not always.

I'm interested in what someone thinks they can bring to the table. If you say "nothing" then I take that to mean that you don't even recognize your value (and that doesn't necessarily have anything to do with money).

If someone would organize, catalog and create covers for the contents of my media cabinet I'd be tickled to death. It's a HUGE job, boring and onerous to say the least, and it's something I have neither the time nor the inclination to do myself. It is something I would LOVE to have done, though. I've often responded with that task to the question of "Mistress, may I serve you" and "If you ever have anything you need done please let me know." I've had a number of people say they would be happy to do it and have yet to see a single person even remember their offer, much less start it.

A willingness to do such things, without expectation of returns for play, would probably get the person who accomplished it a LOT of play in the long term because I would see a couple of things. 1. They are serious about SERVING instead of PLAYING; 2. They follow through with their commitments; 3. They don't take their offer lightly.

Those are things that would stand out for me and would motivate me to be INTERESTED in playing with them. Those are things that someone has to bring to the table that aren't about money but still of great value. But someone doing it because they expected to get play out of the deal would leave me cold and probably not even interested in letting them do it. They'd start and never finish and I'd rather it was the mess it is now; at least I have a good idea of where everything in that cabinet is.






PrincessRainbow -> RE: want to serve but am not rich.. what am i to do (12/30/2004 7:05:14 AM)

florida,
you ARE rich! All submissives are rich in their own special way. Dont let anyone take that from you. you have talents, in them lies your richness. Coming from a financial Domme, yes, most of my boys pay a tribute, or buy gifts. Its not something I would expect to have on a constant basis, for the most part it's them living out their fetish as well.
In a lot of senses I have to agree with everything thats been posted here. Dont get me wrong, I have a couple financial slaves...thats their fetish. Always remember that the biggest gift you could offer any Domme is your servitude....nothing can possibly top that. I dont expect my boys to support me, never that, never would I count on anyone but myself to pay my bills. Bringing something to please your Mistress...well hell...you could be bringing your sweet lil subbie self and a housecleaning...nothing wrong with that!
As far as being dismissed without being able to talk to the Mistress in question, well thats her loss as well as the mistake of her boy.



BeachMystress -> RE: want to serve but am not rich.. what am i to do (12/30/2004 1:15:51 PM)


Personally, I'd not play with a student sub unless they have their own place. I do not ever have subs to my place. Students can rarely afford the cost of a hotel and I object to someone taking time out from studies to get a job to pay for hotel costs. School comes first. Is this fair.. *shrugs* It is the way it is.

Now, as to buying a Dominant gifts, I don't think it should ever be required. That being said.. woe to the sub who doesn't produce a birthday gift. If I am not special enough to him for him to want to honor the day of my birth then I'm not special enough to play with



ShadeDiva -> RE: want to serve but am not rich.. what am i to do (12/30/2004 8:08:30 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: BeachMystress
Now, as to buying a Dominant gifts, I don't think it should ever be required. That being said.. woe to the sub who doesn't produce a birthday gift. If I am not special enough to him for him to want to honor the day of my birth then I'm not special enough to play with


Yeah but they wouldn't have to purchase that either. I'm not saying that you *were* saying they needed to purchase your b-day gift - just speaking in general, just to further illustrate the myriad of ways one could pay homage to someone's birthday in this thread.

They could easily make a gift, or do something as a gift - like say clean out the garage LOL, or something you've been waiting to have done but never got atround to doing.

Or cooking your dinner, or a billion other things.

~ShadeDiva



floridasub -> thank You to all of You (12/30/2004 10:24:12 PM)

Thank You to all of You for the wonderful answers to my question.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MizSuz

Perhaps you took a question regarding "What can you bring" to mean money.



MizSuz :) Unfortunately that is what was meant only. i told them that i am a gourmet Chef, a professional bartender, a professional server and also am good at general cleaning etc... so i was not coming into a relationship empty handed. i also said that i would be glad to learn and do whatever else might be needed of me. if i could have i would gladly give what ever i can monetarilly or physically. That was not enough and so i was dismissed. :(

quote:

ORIGINAL: BeachMystress


Personally, I'd not play with a student sub unless they have their own place.


Beach Mystress :) i am not a typical student. i am actually going back to school for the third time and am 38 years old. i have a fairly good job, and a nice place to live. And to tell the truth i would have gladly helped out when and if i could for Her expenses. It was just the fact that because i said i could not really help i was dismissed that i was confused and therefore made this first post.

quote:

ORIGINAL: BeachMystress



Now, as to buying a Dominant gifts, I don't think it should ever be required. That being said.. woe to the sub who doesn't produce a birthday gift. If I am not special enough to him for him to want to honor the day of my birth then I'm not special enough to play with


i would never not honor the day of birth of my Goddess. i would on many occasions bring small gifts like flowers or candy or other little trinkets and on Her Birthday i would happilly spend to buy Her a gift that is befitting Her.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShadeDiva
They could easily make a gift, or do something as a gift - like say clean out the garage LOL, or something you've been waiting to have done but never got atround to doing.

Or cooking your dinner, or a billion other things.

~ShadeDiva


ShadeDiva :) i would do those things anytime for Her. That is something i would gladly do to make Her day and life better and less stressful. i would do as i said before anything that would brighten Her day be it Her B'day or just a normal Tuesday.

Thank You once again for the wonderful responses :)



floridasub -> Thank You Princess Rainbow (12/30/2004 10:29:06 PM)

Thank You PrincessRainbow for the lovely comments. i always thought that i was rich, and i know that i will enrich the life of my Goddess. That would be the sole purpose of my life once i am lucky enough to be serving Her. i am so happy from reading Yours and all of the other wonderful responses from the other Goddesses here and all of them have given me hope that i did nothing wrong and that i will find the right Mistress.:)



nubuck -> RE: want to serve but am not rich.. what am i to do (12/31/2004 12:09:24 AM)

let's give thanks that the mind is not something that can be bought....lol.let's be able to express ourselves.does it take a few dollars in one's pocket to be submissive....i sure hope not...........let's keep human feelings true



floridasub -> wonderful words (12/31/2004 1:32:41 AM)

wonderful words nubuck[:)]



sarbonn -> RE: wonderful words (12/31/2004 7:57:54 AM)

I've always felt that if a woman was going to choose or not choose me based on my monetary value, I'd rather she not choose me. I've always known I'd eventually be very wealthy, but it disgusts me when money is seen as a prelude to relationship parameters.

Here, just the other day, there was a woman advertising as a dominant for the lifestyle that was exactly what I've always wanted to achieve. I felt it was just too good to be true. So I contacted her, and her response was "send me $50 to my paypal account and we can continue this conversation."

I am so sick of tying money to anything and everything but essential needs.



MistressCheeky -> RE: wonderful words (1/1/2005 3:23:23 PM)

I might remind people that there are slaves/submissives out there that WANT to pay, want to give gifts, want to be used that way. It's not my style but its THEIR kink.

There are also many women and men that take full advantage of gifts and cash for no other reason then being a greedy person. Those are the ones to look out for.

Don't be so fast to Judge, it may perhaps be a kink to them and not to you.

MC



sting516 -> RE: wonderful words (1/1/2005 5:59:16 PM)

Mistress Cheeky...it is rare that the type of Domme we'd be talking about is one who just is happy to accept gifts...the ones that get my goat are the ones who look at subs as little more than flesh and blood cash machines...give the Domme profiles a look some time and you'll see how many are just in this for the money...

it's frustrating to see that so many bastardize what can be a wonderful way of life by using 'Dominance' as a form of begging...i have no respect for such dommes (note that this time domme wasn't capitalized).

Just my two cents.


sting



ShadeDiva -> RE: wonderful words (1/1/2005 7:10:39 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: sarbonn
I felt it was just too good to be true. So I contacted her, and her response was "send me $50 to my paypal account and we can continue this conversation."


You could always report her to paypal and cut and paste your conversation to them so that they know she is going against their terms of service.

It is against their rules of use to collect tributes or to be used for any adult transaction, and yeah they do NOT like money dommes. Too many of them got passwords from guys as *tests of their trust* only to drain the account dry, or demand payment for nothing which resulted in hundreds of fraud reports.

They don't approve nor like money dommes at all.

They make that very clear and it's well known - so if they are asking for things to be made through paypal, they are doing it knowing it is against the rules. Which means they ought to have to pay the consequences for illegally using and abusing a payment processing service.

IMO, anyway.

~ShadeDiva



BeachMystress -> RE: want to serve but am not rich.. what am i to do (1/2/2005 4:59:07 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShadeDiva


They could easily make a gift, or do something as a gift - like say clean out the garage LOL, or something you've been waiting to have done but never got atround to doing.

Or cooking your dinner, or a billion other things.

~ShadeDiva

*grins* Oh yes.. subbie made gifts are my favorite kind. It says a lot more when they bother to figure out how and manage to do it. Chores are ok, but not quite the same.. dinner being cooked is AWESOME .



Solaise -> RE: want to serve but am not rich.. what am i to do (1/2/2005 10:51:01 AM)

Gifts do not need to be materially driven. Subs have given me poetry, and art that they have done that was inspired by something that happened between us. Very often I am given letters, and I find great value in all of these things. Because what the sub is telling me is that our time together meant something. I don't expect it. I don't think you need to be rolling in bucks to be a good or great sub. I do think that being a student, your attention SHOULD be primarily on completion of your studies. Someone else mentioned this. But it's not lack of wealth that would concern me as much as where you are right now in your life.




LadyBadger -> RE: want to serve but am not rich.. what am i to do (1/2/2005 11:38:39 AM)

grasshopper,

chop wood, carry water... [:)]




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