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Vanilla Sex Toy Party experience - 8/20/2006 11:15:33 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		Last night I attended a "vanilla" sex toy party. It was really quite an odd experience that left me wondering if the "vanilla" world is really as sexually clueless as the small sampling at the party. Now the group was about 20 women in size and their ages ranged from 27 to mid 50's. The presenter was not new and had been doing these parties for 8 years. I was a bit perplexed by the myths, misinformation and naivety.

Some examples:

When demonstrating the G-spot vibrators, the demonstrator did correctly tell the women approximately where theirs could be found. But then she went on to caution them that sometimes when you stimulate that area it makes you urinate. Only 2 women in the group stated that they had ever heard of a G-spot....and none had ever experienced a G-spot orgasm.

When demonstrating the oils and lotions that "heat up" or "tingle" the demonstrator cautioned the women to be sure that none of it got into their vaginas or anuses because the sensations were "much too strong". She also said that women should only apply these products themselves and never let their partners do it as men have no control and would either use too much or put it in inappropriate areas.

When demonstrating any of the vibrating bullet toys the demonstrator cautioned the women to never use them anally because the cords could break and they might get lost.

I jokingly asked her if any of the vibes came with A/C adapters...she was horrifed and told me and the others to NEVER use any type of electrical toy as they may have a short in them and if the electricity touched their clits their clits might never work again.

She encouraged the women to purchase sensitizing products to "speed up" the orgasm in their men....and told them to use the products on their men but don't let them know what the products are designed to do. She suggested they should tell their man it was a product designed to enhance their arousal.

When it came to anal sex, she told the women to purchase the "numbing cream" because anal sex hurts. She also told them that they could never have anal sex without a condom....even if they had been with the same man for 20 years, because if any of the man's sperm got in their rectum it could cause a major infection.

None of the women present seemed comfortable with the topic of anal sex.

She told the women if they have never had an orgasm all they needed to do was hold one of the bullet toys on their clits and it WILL happen. She also said that in order to orgasm a woman MUST have clitoral stimulation.

She was really pushing a "sex swing" that to be honest, didn't look sturdy enough to adequately hold a cat, never mind a hot and enthusiastic pussy.

In watching the women examining the toys, I also noticed that many of them were blushing and giggling and seemed rather uncomfortable with the topic at hand.

Now I have been to a number of these types of parties and I have noticed that when the group is primarily "vanilla" that similar misconceptions and myths seem to be more abundant.

Anyone else had similar experiences at sex toy parties?



< Message edited by mistoferin -- 8/20/2006 11:28:09 AM >

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RE: Vanilla Sex Toy Party experience - 8/20/2006 11:23:32 AM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline 		OMG, YES!!!!  Although I will admit that the woman who gave the few unmentionable #2 used for her parties was much better informed.  What I've always found extremely funny was the look of horror on some of the faces in the crowd as items were explained.  How some wouldnt even touch some of the things that were passed around!  And how freaked out they'd get when I would sneak up behind someone with a toy in hand...  he hee heeee..... 
Oh yea, and the play clothes stink too!

sigh
Q

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RE: Vanilla Sex Toy Party experience - 8/20/2006 11:29:08 AM   
captiveplatypus


Posts: 382
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline 		I went to one of these with a bunch of ladies from work once.  The woman who hosted the party was very informative and an obvious freak, she insisted we all try easing our men into trying out anal beads as they might experience a stronger orgasm, and really pushed the women to consider experimenting as well, really push those boundaries at least once "just to find out and see.".  Some of the ladies I worked with were very conservative on a daily basis, and there was giggles and blushing, but we all had a blast and it was a good time for us.  I guess I/we lucked out. :)

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RE: Vanilla Sex Toy Party experience - 8/20/2006 11:30:02 AM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline 		I think sometimes deonstrations like that give out overly cautious information for liability reasons.

For example, the stuff about the warming cream. Some people (myself included) are VERY sensitive to it, and it can cause pretty icky chemcial burns on mucus membrains. I'm willing to give the benifit of the doubt in cases like that and say they're just trying to cover their butts.

The rest of it? Well, I'm not so forgiving. I -will- say that I like the trend that such parties illustrate. While they are far from wonderful, I think it demonstrates at least the begining of a willingness of women to explore their own sexuality in a way that -isn't- so closeted.


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RE: Vanilla Sex Toy Party experience - 8/20/2006 11:30:16 AM   
captiveplatypus


Posts: 382
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: captiveplatypus

I went to one of these with a bunch of ladies from work once.  The woman who hosted the party was very informative and an obvious freak, she insisted we all try easing our men into trying out anal beads as they might experience a stronger orgasm (even taught us a sneaky way to sneak it on our men during oral :p), and really pushed the women to consider experimenting as well, really push those boundaries at least once "just to find out and see.".  Some of the ladies I worked with were very conservative on a daily basis, and there was giggles and blushing, but we all had a blast and it was a good time for us.  I guess I/we lucked out. :)


Edit:  crap I meant to hit edit and hit quote instead. *sighs*

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RE: Vanilla Sex Toy Party experience - 8/20/2006 11:34:08 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Great story.  It's hard to believe that women remain so uninformed about their bodies.  And even worse than a clueless woman is giving bad information and these women are believing it. 

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RE: Vanilla Sex Toy Party experience - 8/20/2006 11:41:41 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I have been to lingerie parties for vanilla, I was much younger and most of the women there were fairly open about sex... no toys though.

I would not be able to keep my mouth shut through so much bullshit being spewed as objective reality...Did you manage to be able to keep yourself from contradicting her? (this is also why I am not popular at most parties...he he)

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RE: Vanilla Sex Toy Party experience - 8/20/2006 11:48:50 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Nobody has ever invited me to a sex toy party. Of course, I live in a fairly conservative part of the country, but still....I feel left out somehow. They sound kind of interesting. But - Tuesday night, an acquaintance of mine is having a "Spa party" at her house, where they will sell things like face masks, and nail poilish. That's a poor substitute, but will have to do for now I guess.

- Susan    

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/20/2006 11:49:38 AM >

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RE: Vanilla Sex Toy Party experience - 8/20/2006 11:59:49 AM   
Wolfie648


Posts: 600
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

Anyone else had similar experiences at sex toy parties?



Misinformation happens in all walks of life. Fix it if you are so inclined.

D (owner of j).

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Possibly.

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RE: Vanilla Sex Toy Party experience - 8/20/2006 12:17:00 PM   
Slipstreme


Posts: 817
Joined: 1/1/2006
Status: offline
quote:

When it came to anal sex, she told the women to purchase the "numbing cream" because anal sex hurts. She also told them that they could never have anal sex without a condom....even if they had been with the same man for 20 years, because if any of the man's sperm got in their rectum it could cause a major infection.


My gay friend's response to this: Can I hunt them down and kill them for their incompetance? I'm gay. I know more about anal sex than any of them.

quote:

She also said that in order to orgasm a woman MUST have clitoral stimulation.


What a load of BS. They should see me flogged.

quote:

I jokingly asked her if any of the vibes came with A/C adapters...she was horrifed and told me and the others to NEVER use any type of electrical toy as they may have a short in them and if the electricity touched their clits their clits might never work again


I <3 electricity.


< Message edited by Slipstreme -- 8/20/2006 12:19:04 PM >

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RE: Vanilla Sex Toy Party experience - 8/20/2006 12:19:54 PM   
Littlepita


Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin


I jokingly asked her if any of the vibes came with A/C adapters...she was horrifed and told me and the others to NEVER use any type of electrical toy as they may have a short in them and if the electricity touched their clits their clits might never work again.


That is hilarous! I have a mental image of a woman being taken to the hospital because she broke her clit. I have used electrical toys for a REALLY long time and not one short has occured. But, I do love livin' on the edge.

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RE: Vanilla Sex Toy Party experience - 8/20/2006 12:34:23 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Well her notions about not using eggs anally is a good point- you shouldn't insert things into your anus unless they have a clear flared base that will prevent the object from fully going in- and the little wire on most plugs isn't something I would trust.

Otherwise- wow.  I guess I can say I'm glad that sex toy parties are becoming more popular because it means women are TRYING to take control of their sexuality and learn how to make themselves happier. 

The thing is though, people in the scene are just the same, at least when they come into the scene.

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RE: Vanilla Sex Toy Party experience - 8/20/2006 12:39:44 PM   
wendyLDG


Posts: 11
Joined: 9/1/2005
Status: offline 		i have been to these parties and in fact worked for a certain company once but we never gave out crap information like that.  most of our ladies enjoyed trying the toys.however i will never forget the look on my poor deceased Mums face when i took her to one and i set a big black vibrator going on the table.  But she soon joined in the fun even if she couldn't envisage using one herself.
i too would have corrected the demonstrator and told her she was talking b******t
no longer wendy_LDG but sarah 503-552-089

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RE: Vanilla Sex Toy Party experience - 8/20/2006 12:44:17 PM   
WhiplashGirlChld


Posts: 78
Joined: 6/18/2006
Status: offline 		I went to one many years ago, run by a pretty sex-positive local store, but the demonstrator was a bit timid and some of the toys were pretty much junk.  That said, in general, there has been a huge imrpovement in the quality of available toys on the market.

I am entirely in favor of urging caution with warming lubes and such.  I personally find them entirely useless from beginning to end.  However, one can never underestimate the power of suggestion when it comes to arousal.  Simply being TOLD something is going to be arousing, almost makes it so.  Heck, there's nothing inherently arousing about a lot of our personal kinks - what is arousing is how we regard them.

Anal Eze and all such related products should be banned from the market.  They are evil, evil, evil.

I recall the woman at my "fuckerware" party explaining the purpose of whatever junk brand of lube they were pushing (lube technology has also grown by leaps and bounds since) and explaining that she liked it if her boyfriend really wanted to have sex and she wasn't quite "ready".  I distinctly recall one of the women there asking "what do you mean by not ready?"  I was still quite young at the time, and even I knew what female arousal should look and feel like.

Yeah, people will be squeamish.  If we didn't regard some of this stuff as a little "dirty" or "taboo" - then it probably wouldn't carry enough emotional charge to get us off.

I frankly think these party demonstrators should have a 1 day Dr. Betty Dotson course, and a 1 day Tristan Taoromino course, with perhaps a half-day with Susie Bright, and a half-day with just about any Planned Parenthood Peer-educator.  You can sometimes tell these are women who don't masturbate, and/or have never spent much thoughtful time considering what really gets them off - maybe haven't gotten off much at all.

That said, I think these parties are ok if they open people up to the idea that sex should be fun, pleasurable, and it's ok to talk about.

< Message edited by WhiplashGirlChld -- 8/20/2006 12:49:39 PM >

_____________________________

The Owl looked up to the stars above,
And sang to a small guitar,
"O lovely Pussy, O Pussy, my love,
What a beautiful Pussy you are,
You are,
You are!
What a beautiful Pussy you are!" - Lear

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RE: Vanilla Sex Toy Party experience - 8/20/2006 12:54:46 PM   
Vancouver_cinful


Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I would not be able to keep my mouth shut through so much bullshit being spewed as objective reality...Did you manage to be able to keep yourself from contradicting her? (this is also why I am not popular at most parties...he he)


Oh gawd, that was me at the last sex toy party I went to. I just couldn't let the misinformation lie, I was so appalled. Next thing I know I was fielding questions for her and all the other women. Good thing I'm not shy about these things. LOL

At the end the hostess said, "I've learned more tonight than I have in all the parties I've hosted combined. I should take you with me on every job!"

I swear if I had a vehicle I would've quit my day job and gone to work as a sex expert, hey, it's a calling...LOL

It's staggering how much misinformation is still out there. Even the so-called experts are way behind what we all know from experimentation and talking among ourselves. And the yearly trade shows we have here for sex products are not much better. They advertise that the show is all about products for romantic marital adventures. 

Interesting enough, the women far outnumber the men at the trade shows, and we still rarely hear of a co-ed toy party which makes more sense to me than women-only. I think, in vanilla circles, the women are forced to drag their men kicking and screaming into anything that hints at learning about sex.
 
 

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RE: Vanilla Sex Toy Party experience - 8/20/2006 12:57:39 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
Well her notions about not using eggs anally is a good point- you shouldn't insert things into your anus unless they have a clear flared base that will prevent the object from fully going in- and the little wire on most plugs isn't something I would trust.


I thought that what was most funny is that the product she happened to be demonstrating at the time she said this was a string of vibrating anal beads.

I agree with those here that the parties are good in that they encourage women to become more comfortable with their own bodies and their sexuality. I was just very disappointed by the misinformation and surprised by the overall "squeamish" attitudes. I didn't spend much time trying to correct the demonstrator as I didn't want to be offensive to her. After the party we all sat out on the deck for a few hours and there were a good number of opportunities to talk in a bit more detail, and I did get to point out a few errors in the presentation. That in itself though made me feel a bit odd. Some of the women asked how I got to know so much about sex....and they were looking at me like I must be some kind of uber slut or something...lol.

The funniest product offered was a "Submissive Lovers Kit". The name of the product was "Vanilla Bondage" and came in a cardboard tub that looked like a Ben and Jerry's ice cream container. When the demonstrator was showing that product I laughed at the name and said that was rather an oxymoron. She just looked puzzled.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

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RE: Vanilla Sex Toy Party experience - 8/20/2006 12:59:04 PM   
Vancouver_cinful


Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Well her notions about not using eggs anally is a good point- you shouldn't insert things into your anus unless they have a clear flared base that will prevent the object from fully going in- and the little wire on most plugs isn't something I would trust.



Absolutely, although you can get around this problem by putting the egg in a condom and keeping hold of the condom ends at all times. It's also recommended that when it comes time to remove the egg, the person should push the egg out, as opposed to their partner tugging it out.

In general though, LA, is right, there are vibrating butt plugs available that are much less hassle.

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quote:


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RE: Vanilla Sex Toy Party experience - 8/20/2006 1:01:23 PM   
WhipTheHip


Posts: 1004
Joined: 7/31/2006
Status: offline 		> I'm willing to give the benifit of the doubt in cases like that
> and say they're just trying to cover their butts.
 
I thought you had just said she was just trying to
prevent those at the party from covering their butts.



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RE: Vanilla Sex Toy Party experience - 8/20/2006 1:01:58 PM   
WhiplashGirlChld


Posts: 78
Joined: 6/18/2006
Status: offline
quote:

Interesting enough, the women far outnumber the men at the trade shows, and we still rarely hear of a co-ed toy party which makes more sense to me than women-only. I think, in vanilla circles, the women are forced to drag their men kicking and screaming into anything that hints at learning about sex.
  I can appreciate the women-only parties only in the sense that many will feel as if they can be more open and more comfortable.  Often too, men have a damn fine sense of what makes them get-off.  Women, I have found, NEED more education.  If these parties help in that way, I am all for it.

Incidentally, I find thefollowing sites to be fantastic:

www.goodvibrations.com
www.freddyandeddy.com
www.firegirls.com   <<<<< great sex positive how-tos for Men here.

_____________________________

The Owl looked up to the stars above,
And sang to a small guitar,
"O lovely Pussy, O Pussy, my love,
What a beautiful Pussy you are,
You are,
You are!
What a beautiful Pussy you are!" - Lear

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RE: Vanilla Sex Toy Party experience - 8/20/2006 1:52:24 PM   
beenwhipped


Posts: 191
Joined: 5/14/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashGirlChld

I frankly think these party demonstrators should have a 1 day Dr. Betty Dotson course, and a 1 day Tristan Taoromino course, with perhaps a half-day with Susie Bright, and a half-day with just about any Planned Parenthood Peer-educator. 
give them a day with Midori too. talk about an education for a vanilla...

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