RE: Femdoms should not have to work for a living

RE: Femdoms should not have to work for a living (Full Version)

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cloudboy -> RE: Femdoms should not have to work for a living (8/21/2006 7:44:01 AM)
quote: Fantasies are nice but reality and self sufficiency are even better. At the end of the day we must all be able to take pride in the things we've done that are accomplished with or without a partner at our side. I do not define myself as a slave alone. I wear many hats and have benefitted from the lessons and skills gained through the workforce. I believe I'm a much better asset to the one I serve because of these experiences, not in spite of them. Well put. Self determination and self sufficiency wear well for top or bottom, and there can be degrees of it as well. My wife has the power job in our marriage, but and I take care of the homefront (mostly) and I also operate a business from the home. When my wife comes home she doesn't have to worry about anything, run excessive errands, clean house, etc... and I, having a less stressful set of responsibilities get to take the edge off her day and help her relax. In general, it helps any relationship for the roles to be complimentary instead of competive. Although I would never argue against the liberation of women, I have seen some downside to this among my friends who end up in a spot I would call Man-Hell. Man-Hell is a situation where the man works and the woman stays at home taking care of the home but resenting it. So, after a full day at work, he comes home to a wife that wants him to grocery shop, cook, and take over the child rearing responsibilities. For this man, he gets the 1950s household set of responsibilities as the breadwinner and he gets the modern responsibilities of domestic maintainence and child rearing. To me this is a classic example of non complimentary roles. To wrap up, the spirit of Aakasha's post is the avoidance of competitive or tension producing roles in the home. I would argue that such harmonies are important to any relationship and not just D/S ones.

MstrssPassion -> RE: Femdoms should not have to work for a living (8/21/2006 7:47:11 AM)
I agree... but let's see just how far all of this charity work would go toward keeping a roof over your head & food on the table when the paycheck heads down the road. I also volunteer a great deal of my time toward the community. On top of managing our careers & our family home, my partner & I host a support group twice a month. We take phone calls from people in regards to the group & often we are at speaking engagements all over the state.

juliaoceania -> RE: Femdoms should not have to work for a living (8/21/2006 7:51:41 AM)
I just wanted to make an observation.... Doms often want submissives not to work and be responsibility-free in order to feel more in control over them (and for other reasons I am sure). Dommes seem to want subs to work at least out of the home from what I read... In both scenarios the men are working whether they be sub or dom... Perhaps it is somewhat of a gender issue? I see that some dommes expect the sub to care for them and make their lives easy. I have heard doms want to do this for their subs. It is all rather interesting and hard to generalize. I still see many many expect both to work. It would be interesting to ask doms the same contrasting question.

LaTigresse -> RE: Femdoms should not have to work for a living (8/21/2006 8:00:24 AM)
I cannot imagine too many dominant male ego's going for A) a woman with more money than they B) a woman supporting them. I may be wrong though. For me, money is not tied into self value or how I value anyone else.I have friends and family from all over the financial spectrum. Money is just a necessary evil.

mnottertail -> RE: Femdoms should not have to work for a living (8/21/2006 8:02:39 AM)
Am I the exception to prove the rule? Money is not what it is all about after all, but to be wealthy is not an undesirable thing, I think. Seriously, Ron

LaTigresse -> RE: Femdoms should not have to work for a living (8/21/2006 8:08:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mnottertail Am I the exception to prove the rule? Money is not what it is all about after all, but to be wealthy is not an undesirable thing, I think. Seriously, Ron Ron my dear you can be an exception anytime your heart desires. I agree, to be wealthy would be fabulous. My new farm( in my dreams) for althernative farming would be a thing of beauty and the building I am trying to buy would be restored properly. The cafe in it would be special. All would provide needed jobs. The causes near and dear to my heart would have more money and one more person to devote more time to their needs. Unfortunately I was not born to wealth, have not won the lottery and spent too many years devoted to working my ass off to buy food and pay rent and the utility bills rather than persue a higher education. I haven't invented anything spectacular either. Sooooooo, I guess I am stuck at the ugly burgundy (who the hell ever thought burgundy was a cool colour???) desk.

Jasmyn -> RE: Femdoms should not have to work for a living (8/21/2006 8:34:47 AM)
I wasn't talking this community, but societies in general ...

Jasmyn -> RE: Femdoms should not have to work for a living (8/21/2006 8:36:17 AM)
Money makes the world go round ... but why is a person villified if they like it? When this mystery is solved can you let me know

Jasmyn -> RE: Femdoms should not have to work for a living (8/21/2006 8:37:52 AM)
lol @ burgandy desk ... break out and paint it with pretty flowers [:)]

mnottertail -> RE: Femdoms should not have to work for a living (8/21/2006 8:39:13 AM)
we have so much in common.........that is about where I lay in the world..... but from the outside, one would call you a reasonably even-tempered, reserved, normal lesbian. I on the other hand, would be a filthy-mouthed, obnoxious, raconteuring, testosterone laced heterosexual chauvenistic pig. Obviously, great minds do think alike, in the end our motives the same, but our methods divergent. There is only One.............(Myrddn Emrys...Merlin the Magician)

porcelaine -> RE: Femdoms should not have to work for a living (8/21/2006 8:42:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania Perhaps it is somewhat of a gender issue? I see that some dommes expect the sub to care for them and make their lives easy. I have heard doms want to do this for their subs. It is all rather interesting and hard to generalize. I still see many many expect both to work. It would be interesting to ask doms the same contrasting question. Sometimes the above is true, on other occasions it isn't. I'm very career oriented and pursuing a path that will lead to entrepreneurship. However, I continue to meet men that simply prefer to have someone at home. At times it is baffling because this is not my character, yet I can understand their philosophy to a point. But alas I consider the ramifications of such and know wholeheartedly that it wouldn't be something I would give serious consideration to unless definite financial provisions were made to insure self sufficiency should the relationship dissolve. If the person is serious they would have no problem establishing a fund to provide for the object of their affection. Attempting to secure these things later on can be next to impossible if not dicey. Some enjoy the risk and the prospect of the unknown, I prefer to keep my pretty cheeks covered. porcelaine

LaTigresse -> RE: Femdoms should not have to work for a living (8/21/2006 8:47:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Jasmyn Money makes the world go round ... but why is a person villified if they like it? When this mystery is solved can you let me know I think its jealousy. Those that don't have it are jealous of those that do so they say that those of us that either would LOVE to have it and admit it, OR those that have it and admit loving it are eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeviiiiiiiiiilllllllllll. Most the ones that have it and love it I guess. Admitting you would love to have it is something most people can relate to for one reason or another. For me it would just be freedom. Freedom from pretending to be something I am not. Freedom to spend my time on things of value.

Jasmyn -> RE: Femdoms should not have to work for a living (8/21/2006 8:53:37 AM)
lol @ cheeks covered ... absolutely as a dom I will make sure they are provided for and as a life partner I would expect the same of them ... like you I have entreprenuerial aspirations and am currently pursuing one endeavour with a couple more in the pipeline ... while I liked the idea of been the at home lady of leisure, it would do my head in if I wasn't contributing elsewhere somehow ... my preferences are to be working for myself or doing volunteer work ... having little or no interest or desire to be working for someone else .. but I'm not above doing that if or when a situation dictates ...

RavenMuse -> RE: Femdoms should not have to work for a living (8/21/2006 8:54:10 AM)
I would question wether #1 was indeed a dominant. Such situations are usualy refered to as "A kept woman" and for good reason. To be so reliant on Her meal ticket that should he suddenly disapear She would be incapable of functioning and managing Her home places Her not in control of Her own life. If his behaviour became such as to normaly warrant dismissal, would She be able to do so, or be so reliant on him keeping the wolves from the door that She would be forced to relent, be silent, put up with the behaviour? Similarly I would not wish to place a submissive in such a position. If things went wrong, if I had to dismiss her, how would she function if she where so totaly reliant on Me? Now some might like that, a sword of Damoclese to 'ensure' compliance and obedience, but personaly I prefer those to come from her submission, not through her need to have a roof over her head. I most certainly would never place Myself in the position of being a 'kept' Man! regardless of how the rest of the Dynamic appeared to be. YMMV

gooddogbenji -> RE: Femdoms should not have to work for a living (8/21/2006 9:00:41 AM)
My own personal thing is as follows: Any relationship I will ever be in will have nothing to do with either of us controlling the other person's money, for numerous reasons. I also feel that, despite lovey-dovey proclamations of eternal, undying love, chances are high the relationship will not last forever, and therefore, the person who did not work for 10 years, or even 2 years, is at a significant disadvantage finding a job again. I also do not think I could ever date/be together with someone who was entirely dependant on me for my money, or someone who was happy sitting at home "eating bonbons," or someone who did not have a career they were passionate about. As one of my bosses once said, "People don't have careers primarily to make money, they have them to validate their existance." Yours, benji

juliaoceania -> RE: Femdoms should not have to work for a living (8/21/2006 9:01:33 AM)
I do not think it is always jealousy, although at times I am sure it can be. I have enough, if it was my sole goal in life to marry well, or to make a mint on my own, I could have done that by now. I put my priorities elsewhere. I see nothing intrinsically wrong with having money or with spoiling oneself, but I have seen how money can bring out the worst in people, whether in an inheritance dispute or a divorce. I also have noted that it is a sensitive and emotional issue for people. I would rather not make it an emotional or sensitive part of my existence. I have a soft spot for those who have less, that is for sure, they often have to work the hardest. They have the least social insurance when they get sick or injured or have a failed marriage too.

Jasmyn -> RE: Femdoms should not have to work for a living (8/21/2006 9:02:15 AM)
quote: Freedom from pretending to be something I am not. Freedom to spend my time on things of value. That is the ultimate in freedom ... value defined by ourselves ... and being ballsy enough to pursue it .. I don't rate money high on my list of must have but I do recognise the value others place in my having it ... like the landlord and the finance company and the utlity providers ...

Jasmyn -> RE: Femdoms should not have to work for a living (8/21/2006 9:07:21 AM)
quote: As one of my bosses once said, "People don't have careers primarily to make money, they have them to validate their existance." It can only validate someone if they hold having a career to be of importance. Some people are just happy to be career-free ... stepping to their own beat I place more value in how a person is than what they do for a career ... validation can come from many things ..

LaTigresse -> RE: Femdoms should not have to work for a living (8/21/2006 9:14:09 AM)
benji that is a smart way to approach it I think. In regards to the whole undying love thing and the reality of that. If I use myself for an example. I am 44 and as my life is right now sitting pretty okay for that middleclass existance. However, if someone in my exact situation financially were to quit their job and begin to rely entirely on someone else financially then get dumped 10-15 years later. OMG!!! What about retirement, difficulty in getting a new job, health insurance......soooo many realities we don't like to think about, let along talk about. I could see helping someone via education, get a sound business off the ground wether it be a loan with low interest or even if the person wanted to gift part of it. But for anyone to become entirely financially dependant on another is frightening and very short sited. I did everything I could to avoid welfare when I was 25 with two kids to support I cannot imagine being at that point at age 55 or 65...... As for the passionate career part......well I think my exisitance remains pretty much unvalidated so far. I think I figured out what I want to be when I grow up too far after I grew up.[:D]

mistoferin -> RE: Femdoms should not have to work for a living (8/21/2006 9:27:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RavenMuse I would question wether #1 was indeed a dominant. Such situations are usualy refered to as "A kept woman" and for good reason. To be so reliant on Her meal ticket that should he suddenly disapear She would be incapable of functioning and managing Her home places Her not in control of Her own life. If his behaviour became such as to normaly warrant dismissal, would She be able to do so, or be so reliant on him keeping the wolves from the door that She would be forced to relent, be silent, put up with the behaviour? Similarly I would not wish to place a submissive in such a position. If things went wrong, if I had to dismiss her, how would she function if she where so totaly reliant on Me? Now some might like that, a sword of Damoclese to 'ensure' compliance and obedience, but personaly I prefer those to come from her submission, not through her need to have a roof over her head. I most certainly would never place Myself in the position of being a 'kept' Man! regardless of how the rest of the Dynamic appeared to be. YMMV I would like to point out that even in situations where both parties work, when a breakup occurs it can still be devastating. Generally people live up to the income level they are at. When there are two incomes coming in, the couple usually lives at that two income level. When that income is reduced to one...hardship often ensues. I had that experience in my relationship with my ex Master. We both worked hard and earned equally well. We enjoyed the benefits of that hard work. When we decided to part, we had to learn to function on just one income. While one might say that one person is cheaper to feed than one, often times two CAN live more cheaply together than seperately. Two under the same roof equals two contributing to just one mortgage payment, one utility bill..... On a personal level, as a submissive, I can not imagine being with a Dominant who thought they could lounge at home while I went and earned the money. I would have to stick my submissive foot right up his Dominant ass as I kicked him off of the couch and out the front door. Nor can I imagine being with a Dominant who would think that I would be fulfilled doing the lounging.

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