RE: Are stay-at-home submissives a problem? (Full Version)

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EvilGeoff -> RE: Are stay-at-home submissives a problem? (8/21/2006 8:21:08 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO
So, how do Dominants males (and Dommes) feel about their submissives staying at home and simply taking care of the home and them?


Hi Susan,

In _my_ world, if the Dominant/Owner is in the financial position to have a "stay-at-home-submissive/slave", and it works for them, rock on!

If, on the other hand, being a "stay-at-home" raises issues about self-esteem, creates finacial hardship, creates other problems for the family, then by all means, permit the sub to work outside the home.

What anybody else thinks (including me *grin* ) about the parties involved and how they work their relationship is irrelevent.

YIK,
- Geoff



popeye1250 -> RE: Are stay-at-home submissives a problem? (8/21/2006 8:24:30 PM)

Julia, you're right in all that, it really is a tremendous benefit to be married for a sub comming  from a LTR.
You can't beat the benefits especially if you're on a govt. pension.
And yes, of course you want to protect and provide for your sub and her welfare.



DiurnalVampire -> RE: Are stay-at-home submissives a problem? (8/21/2006 8:27:06 PM)

Before we beat the topic to death...
If it works for smomeone , great.  I prefer the cushion of an unnecesary second income to spoil ourselves with. If we are lucky enough to have that, then I am goingto enjoy it being there.
If I decide he shuld just stay home and care for things, then thats what will be.  but honestly there isnt enough to be done in a home when there is only the 2 of us to warrant giving up that second income to stay home and attend to.

DV



popeye1250 -> RE: Are stay-at-home submissives a problem? (8/21/2006 8:33:25 PM)

Vampire, you have a good point there. If that's the case then that sub probably should be working.
But if a sub if financially comfortable working outside the home is optional.



AAkasha -> RE: Are stay-at-home submissives a problem? (8/21/2006 9:10:25 PM)

I think it takes a certain type of man to be a stay-at-home-submissive -- both one that will be functional for the relationship and also will not be negatively impacted by not having a career path.

I'm married to my stay-at-home-submissive, so he's insured and taken care of.  The only reason it works for us is that he is domestic, productive, has a lot of initiative and handles every aspect of the house.  He is busy every minute of the day. We do not plan to have kids.

He spends a large chunk of time doing volunteer work for an organization we both support. I think that's also pretty important for someone who does not have a 'job' per se -- to have a structured environment with goals and objectives, peers and a purpose. 

Back in my single days I had a few unemployed boyfriends that I "supported" while we dated.  Totally different story. I never in a million years would have considered them appropriate for a stay at home role.  It requires a skillset and a lot of self discipline.  I wouldn't trade it for the world, though. 

We could be swimming in money being Dual-Income-No-Kids, but we're both much happier living this way.  I won't lie, though, there are times when I am having an especially tough career hurdle and I go through a fit of resentment that *I* am the one dealing with the work drama and he is "sitting at home" -- but it takes me about 15 minutes to snap out of that, because no salary would be enough for me to do laundry, errands, cook and dishes. 

Akasha



sweetnessforsir -> RE: Are stay-at-home submissives a problem? (8/21/2006 10:58:48 PM)

Right now, i am a stay-at-home sub.  But, that may change.  If this household needs my income, then i am more than happy to contribute.  My cleaning, organization, and cooking skills are currently at a premium.

It really comes down to what is needed.  If i need to work, then i will.  If i need to stay home and work, then i will.  He decides where the need is.  After all, i would really love to see a built-in swimming pool in the back yard  . . . .

It is not that stay-at-home subs are a problem so much as it is clear communication about what is wanted/needed for each situatation.  i take my Master's guidance . . . i may want it, but He may not need it.

s.



prdslave -> RE: Are stay-at-home submissives a problem? (8/21/2006 11:06:16 PM)

Id not want to be a stay at home anything. i stayed at home for almost 6 years as a housewife. That was enough for me. I enjoy being out with people, and i thrive on intelligent conversation, even inane conversation. Plus the fact that I have responsiblities that I need to meet for the next 13 years. I dont expect anyone to take over them for me either.



SweetDommes -> RE: Are stay-at-home submissives a problem? (8/21/2006 11:08:26 PM)

At our house, everyone needs to have an income (part time, full time, independantly weathy [;)] ) - that way, everyone has their own money, and we have enough to survive on. 

Should we ever be in a financial position that we don't all have to work, Holly becomes the "stay at home" first, due to health issues. 

Beyond that, we feel that everyone needs to have outside interests, so if they do happen to be independantly wealthy, we will probably encourage them to volunteer somewhere.



porcelaine -> RE: Are stay-at-home submissives a problem? (8/23/2006 11:44:04 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

So, how do Dominants males (and Dommes) feel about their submissives staying at home and simply taking care of the home and them?



I'm not completely opposed to staying at home if the finances allow it and it is clearly my decision and not forced upon me. I would need certain arrangements in place to protect myself should things go awry. I'd also want some guarantee that my day wouldn't be devoted to domestic duties. My mind needs a lot of stimulation and I would become bored fairly fast. While I can happily be a Martha Stewart of sorts, I would not have an issue having someone for hire for the more menial details. As with all things it depends on the situation and the parties involved. Someone who is financially prudent and responsible would have an easier time convincing me of this than the dominant that was not.

porcelaine



MiladyAngelique -> RE: Are stay-at-home submissives a problem? (8/24/2006 2:09:52 AM)

As a Domme, I would rather my slave/sub work outside the home, and help with bills. If there was a way he could work from home I would not be opposed to that, and when I have children if their father would like to stay home for the first while that would be fine... better him then me. [:D] That and if I stay home for anymore then three days I am climbing the walls, and I hate housework lol



Wolfie648 -> RE: Are stay-at-home submissives a problem? (8/24/2006 2:59:54 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

This thread was inspired by a couple of threads I've read here the past few days.

What is the opinion of Doms (and Dommes) re: Stay-at-home submissives?


I'm sure it's different for everyone.

Dom/mes are a fussy bunch. For example, some like to have their sub/slave/boi/boy/bitch/yada yada yada to order for them at a restaurant. Some tell their yadas what they will be having. Some tell their yadas what they will be having and make the yada order for them as well as themsleves. What works for the dom/me(s) works for the yadas or the yada(s) shouldn't be there.

But then that's just me ;-)

D (owner of j).



KatyLied -> RE: Are stay-at-home submissives a problem? (2/12/2007 6:23:21 AM)

oops, I responded earlier and forgot!



MysticFireTopaz -> RE: Are stay-at-home submissives a problem? (2/12/2007 6:32:10 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO
So, how do Dominants males (and Dommes) feel about their submissives staying at home and simply taking care of the home and them?
- Susan


I expect my submissive to contribute to the household financially.  Normally, this means that they would need to work outside the home.  However, I have met a few submissives who retired early and could contribute to the household without needing to work.  That would be fine with me, also.  What would not work for me is a  submissive or slave who expected to be supported financially.  That's not going to happen.
 
Lady Topaz



BlkTallFullfig -> RE: Are stay-at-home submissives a problem? (2/12/2007 6:42:49 AM)

Absolutely not a problem for me, except for practical financial considerations...  I would consider self as having hit the jackpot, if my slave could make a reasonable financial contribution and not have to go out and put in 40hours before putting in another 40 at home.    M



thetammyjo -> RE: Are stay-at-home submissives a problem? (2/12/2007 7:14:24 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

This thread was inspired by a couple of threads I've read here the past few days.

What is the opinion of Doms (and Dommes) re: Stay-at-home submissives?

Personally, I would be able to contribute financially to any household I'd become a member of in the future, so if I chose to stay at home (if in a LTR of course), or if my Dominant wanted me to stay at home, I don't see why it should be a problem - But - even if I wasn't able to - do some Doms equate this with being a "parasite"? My husband and I didn't see eye-to-eye on many things, but he never cared if I worked outside the home or not. Maybe he'd have felt differently if we'd needed the income, but I don't know.

So, how do Dominants males (and Dommes) feel about their submissives staying at home and simply taking care of the home and them?

- Susan


Two issues come into play for me when I answer this question.

First, the financial issue. If money was not a problem and we could afford for one of us to stay home, the choice would likely come down to either Fox or Tom. I want and need to teach and interact academically too much to stay home every week day. What is more likely to happen is that we would decide based on who was making the least money or who disliked that outside job most.

Second, it the personal issue. My mother "stayed at home" but the truth was that she wasn't home all the time. She had her church and other charity work, she babysat for neighbor kids, she raised a garden and provided us with a nice supply of food, and she had her writing. In other words, she didn't just stay and take care of the home. That is the minimum of what I'd expect from a slave.

I'd expect my slave to stay interesting to me intellectually and entertainingly. I'd need them to be taking classes to learn to do things around the home better. If I had a slave who "took care of the home and us" I'd expect to never have to call a plumber or a carpenter or a lawncare worker. I'd expect the entire house, inside and outside, to be taken care of. I'd also want them to read regularly, learn about interesting cultural or entertainment events and be able to plan out activities or parties for us.

That slave's job would be to take care of it all so that the free members of the household or the income earning slaves would not be bothered by those chores. In other words, I don't equate being a stay-at-home slave to be the same as a stay-at-home spouse or parent.



RumpusParable -> RE: Are stay-at-home submissives a problem? (2/12/2007 7:54:13 AM)

As long as you can pay your own way, I'd be fine with you not having a job.

However, due to my personality and living arrangments a stay-at-home sub would not be pleasing.  I work and study largely at home and there is no way I could stand looking at or being around another person that many hours a day, day after day. 

I'm one of those people that Needs alone time.  I don't care who you are or how much I may love you, I just don't want to see you that much. 

(The times where I'm working and studying outside the home do not help this, those hours I'm out dealing with others doesn't get me the time alone I need; it makes it more essential that I get it when I'm at home again.)

ETA:

On the subject of "for others", I'm much of the mindset that TammyJo expressed. 



Lashra -> RE: Are stay-at-home submissives a problem? (2/12/2007 8:07:49 AM)

I feel this way about it. If the couple can comfortably afford for the submissive to stay home and that is what makes them both happy, then why not? However if finances are going to be a problem then the submissive needs to work or the Dom needs to find a way to bring in more income.

Unfortnately I've seen a couple of cases of non working slaves which because of the Dom's pride, wouldnt allow them to work and they ended up going through bankruptcy. That to me is a no win situation for anyone.

~Lashra



aurora31 -> RE: Are stay-at-home submissives a problem? (2/12/2007 9:00:01 AM)

I am a stay at home domestic slave. I would love to be able to work out side of the home and feel productive again but for right now it is not meant to be. I have not been able to find work since my cancer surgery in Sept. I was very lucky when I met Sir and he asked me to come live with him. He knows all my health issues and that my life expectancy is not the greatest, that I may have to start chemo and could be extremely ill and unable to care for his home but he still wanted me here. I am so very very blessed in that and will be forever grateful. And I once again feel productive, both Sir and his alpha work long hours and I am now able to provide them a service by taking care of their home...having a hot meal waiting for them. It also frees up there time when not at work and we all benefit from that.

auroa



mixielicous -> RE: Are stay-at-home submissives a problem? (2/12/2007 9:06:15 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
real men do hard labor outside the house.


oh no! i am a real man!! [years as a landscaper but now i am official horticulturalist and i get to do gardens now lol]



stockingluvr54 -> RE: Are stay-at-home submissives a problem? (2/12/2007 9:20:14 AM)

Personally I'd preffer she stay at home and work with me. This could drive someone nuts tho (being around me 24/7) so if she is one of those that needs some "time away" and desires to work outside the home that would be ok also...



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