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I want to tell him! - 8/21/2006 2:29:42 PM

illusionpassed

Posts: 1
Joined: 8/21/2006
Status: offline

Hello everyone,

While I am not new to the lifestyle. I am however in a new relationship. We've known each other for about two months now, and have scened once. We live in different states, and are trying out the relationship before deciding anything.

My question is this... It's always hard for me to ask him something. I enjoy a bit of pain and pleasure... But for me to ask him to spank my ass while he... well you know... It's too much for me. I've never had this problem before.

How do I go about asking him? With out it being embaressing on my part, or crude? No, he isn't into begging, or dirty talk either... So that's out.

Post #: 1

RE: I want to tell him! - 8/21/2006 2:42:47 PM

Owned1

Posts: 847
Joined: 7/6/2005
From: Toronto, Ontario
Status: offline

I think the fact you are new in the relationship plays a huge part. Once you are comfortable with someone and all the rules are laid out you will be more comfortable asking for anything.

This is the exact reason it is always best to take time, get to know someone and spend time in person is the best way to move forward.

Once you know someone better there is more trust then you can be comfortable in giving more and more of yourself. This is when you are more able to request certain things. Understanding of course the decision is up to the Dom as to whether he/she will take the requests and run with them.

Owned

_____________________________

~~in His Chains i am free~~

(in reply to illusionpassed)

Post #: 2

RE: I want to tell him! - 8/21/2006 2:44:29 PM

gandalf0297

Posts: 148
Joined: 8/6/2006
Status: offline

Well fact of the matter is your going to have to let him know how you feel.Or your going to go nuts! you could flat out tell him.Or send him a note. Or ? E-mail cards work well here is a link for you
http://www.submissiveloving.com/postcards.html
Good luck!
Gandalf

(in reply to Owned1)

Post #: 3

RE: I want to tell him! - 8/21/2006 2:50:07 PM

Slipstreme

Posts: 817
Joined: 1/1/2006
Status: offline

I honestly would just work up the courage to ask him. I would much more prefer if my slave or sub asked for a beating, rather than misbehave to get one. If the pent up desire for a spanking goes unchecked, in some people it might lead to bratty behavior. If not, at least bad feelings and a desire that won't go away. I know this feeling very well as there was a time I tried to push masochism out of my life recently, because I didn't see it as appropriate Dominant behavior, and for a while thought I should choose one side or the other.

One day, you should be able to feel comfortable enough with him to bring up anything, and honestly, there is nothing embarassing about telling him how much you would enjoy a spanking. It is just ultimately his decision whether or not to give you one.

_____________________________

Living the Dichotomy

Painslut? How about "Endorphin Junkie"?

For information about "the furry thing" please check out my profile journal entry for: 1/17/2006

Alpha of a leather family of four. Master to the slave z.

(in reply to gandalf0297)

Post #: 4

RE: I want to tell him! - 8/21/2006 2:50:29 PM

BrokenDoll

Posts: 106
Joined: 8/15/2006
Status: offline

I dont know but did you think maybe that there may be some issues in the relationship if you cant talk to him about this aspecialy if you have never had the problem befor.... This is just a thought.

_____________________________

Please take care of your toys treat them with Love and respect, For broken toys are no fun at all!

-doll-

(in reply to Owned1)

Post #: 5

RE: I want to tell him! - 8/21/2006 2:51:50 PM

Slipstreme

Posts: 817
Joined: 1/1/2006
Status: offline

quote:

I dont know but did you think maybe that there may be some issues in the relationship if you cant talk to him about this aspecialy if you have never had the problem befor.... This is just a thought

She is also out of state, and have only been with him two months. So it could just be that because the relationship is so new, she doesn't feel comfortable enough to reveal all of herself to him.

_____________________________

Living the Dichotomy

Painslut? How about "Endorphin Junkie"?

For information about "the furry thing" please check out my profile journal entry for: 1/17/2006

Alpha of a leather family of four. Master to the slave z.

(in reply to BrokenDoll)

Post #: 6

RE: I want to tell him! - 8/21/2006 3:07:54 PM

BrokenDoll

Posts: 106
Joined: 8/15/2006
Status: offline

Yes I know Im just going on what she says and she says she has never had that trouble befor thats what gives me the feeling it might be something in the relationship itself that isnt right.. I dont know I dont have all the info it was just an idea no disrespect or nastyness ment

_____________________________

Please take care of your toys treat them with Love and respect, For broken toys are no fun at all!

-doll-

(in reply to Slipstreme)

Post #: 7

RE: I want to tell him! - 8/21/2006 4:54:28 PM

MistressOfGa

Posts: 2929
Status: offline

quote:

But for me to ask him to spank my ass while he... well you know...

I would first start by asking your question here, without making us guess what you mean. If you are worried about using a full sentence in how you ask the question here, how are you going to ask him directly to his face?

quote:

I honestly would just work up the courage to ask him. I would much more prefer if my slave or sub asked for a beating, rather than misbehave to get one.

I agree with this. It may be alittle embarrassing for you, but honesty is always the best option. Just say it. You are both into kink, it isn't like he is vanilla and you are trying to get him to do something that may be uncomfortable for him to do, and if it is, you may have a bigger problem than just asking him to spank your ass while he fucks it (Assuming that is what the "well..you know..." meant).
Good luck, and welcome to the boards <s>

_____________________________

(in reply to BrokenDoll)

Post #: 8

RE: I want to tell him! - 8/21/2006 5:21:03 PM

Slipstreme

Posts: 817
Joined: 1/1/2006
Status: offline

Oh I see. I missed that part.

_____________________________

Living the Dichotomy

Painslut? How about "Endorphin Junkie"?

For information about "the furry thing" please check out my profile journal entry for: 1/17/2006

Alpha of a leather family of four. Master to the slave z.

(in reply to BrokenDoll)

Post #: 9

RE: I want to tell him! - 8/21/2006 5:25:10 PM

Tamerofwild1s

Posts: 1765
Joined: 12/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: illusionpassed

... But for me to ask him to spank my ass while he... well you know... It's too much for me.

fucks you in the ass ..... licks your pussy ... takes thetrash out ... maybe you want to be spanked while he pee's .... what exactly is it your having issues with kiddo

_____________________________

A building get torched. All that is left is ashes. I used to think that it is true about everything - family, friends, feelings - but now I know that sometimes if love proves real, and two people are meant to be together, nothing can keep them apart ~

(in reply to illusionpassed)

Post #: 10

RE: I want to tell him! - 8/21/2006 5:54:24 PM

NastyDaddy

Posts: 957
Joined: 9/8/2004
Status: offline

I want to tell him!

Then tell him... not everybody but him.

(in reply to illusionpassed)

Post #: 11

RE: I want to tell him! - 8/21/2006 6:04:47 PM

Owned1

Posts: 847
Joined: 7/6/2005
From: Toronto, Ontario
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NastyDaddy

I want to tell him!

Then tell him... not everybody but him.

LOL simple and easy, now why did I not think of that?

Owned

_____________________________

~~in His Chains i am free~~

(in reply to NastyDaddy)

Post #: 12

RE: I want to tell him! - 8/21/2006 6:43:58 PM

ragazza

Posts: 7
Joined: 8/18/2006
Status: offline

Tell him. Sit him down and tell him. Easy enough to do and the only thing to do. New relationships above all need that communication. Never expect him to read your mind.

ragazza

(in reply to illusionpassed)

Post #: 13

RE: I want to tell him! - 8/21/2006 6:55:22 PM

leatherorlace

Posts: 215
Joined: 2/21/2005
Status: offline

I'm wondering just how kinky he really is, or if he's affected with more than a dose of vanilla that surfaces after he's away from the 'puter monitor.
Do he have any experience as a dominant? Does he want you to spank him? Tell us more please after you've pondered his hesitancy.
Gentry
You are both into kink, it isn't like he is vanilla and you are trying to get him to do something that may be uncomfortable for him to do, and if it is, you may have a bigger problem than just asking him to spank your ass while he fucks it (Assuming that is what the "well..you know..." meant).

(in reply to MistressOfGa)

Post #: 14

RE: I want to tell him! - 8/21/2006 7:00:26 PM

diamonddreamlove

Posts: 770
Joined: 5/19/2006
Status: offline

If it is going to work out you have to ask for what you need and stop expecting Him to read your mind.

_____________________________

"Many attempts to communicate are nullified by saying too much." Robert Greenleaf

(in reply to Owned1)

Post #: 15

RE: I want to tell him! - 8/21/2006 7:02:28 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

Or then again, he might be waiting for you to ask for something so that he can find out what your interests are. Working through a long distance relationship and trying to feel someone out is nearly impossible without both parties being open and honest and telling one another what they would like and not like. Trust me on this one, my boy and I ahve already gone through this. Just ask, but dont wait until you are midscene to bring it up. Have a conversation about likes and dislikes. Maybe ask him if he has considered spanking you... whenever. Making my boy ask ffor things never worked out, he is to shy. However, leading him into conversations where I can find out what he is into and incorporate that into our scenes has worked wonders.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to leatherorlace)

Post #: 16

RE: I want to tell him! - 8/21/2006 7:05:32 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

I am putting this on bella raggazza's post for two reasons,

One: because this it the answer, what she said........

Two: because I am gonna check out her profile right after.

I am a fellow Minnehoovian...you got that scandinavian nice thing going on with the lutheran sunday school shit to talk it out on........

When he is in the middle of it........start by saying, oh--baby...I like it a 'little' rough............

then, after it is over and you are doing the smoke thing (whatever......)

say, next time will you spank me some? I really want to try it out.......I am just saying.......(you know how we say that right?)

If he doesn't puke on his shoes right there, you are home free.........if he does, lose him like last nights newspaper.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to ragazza)

Post #: 17

RE: I want to tell him! - 8/22/2006 8:50:29 AM

foxglove716

Posts: 648
Joined: 7/4/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: illusionpassed

Hello everyone,

While I am not new to the lifestyle. I am however in a new relationship. We've known each other for about two months now, and have scened once. We live in different states, and are trying out the relationship before deciding anything.

My question is this... It's always hard for me to ask him something. I enjoy a bit of pain and pleasure... But for me to ask him to spank my ass while he... well you know... It's too much for me. I've never had this problem before.

How do I go about asking him? With out it being embaressing on my part, or crude? No, he isn't into begging, or dirty talk either... So that's out.

Okay, you've already scened once but you're still shy about asking? MistressofGA brings up a great point, if you cant ask yourself that question, you're not going to be able to ask anyone else. But you're in the right place, this website should help you get comfy with your kink. Take solice in knowing that there are people out there doing a heck of a lot weirder things than you do!

I can be shy sometimes too, and what I would do is bring up your last scene, and say something positive, like "remember that time last month when you tied me to the hedboard and used a rollingpin on my tits? That was hot!"

_____________________________

Illusion is the first of all pleasures. -Oscar Wilde

(in reply to illusionpassed)

Post #: 18

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